IS YOUR SPOUSE HIDING AN AFFAIR?
Know the Red Flags.
By Megan Bailey
Being in love is beautiful. A strong marriage means you can share your joys, fears, problems, and aspirations with someone else. What happens, though, if the person you trust the most turns out to be a cheat? The person, who you thought was yours, is slowly drifting away from you to become somebody else’s. This leaves you depressed and ruins your regular life.
It’s a heartbreaking reality for so many marriages in the world. If you are suspecting your spouse has started a relationship outside of your marriage, it’s time to take a hard look at your relationship. Here are the red flags you need to be aware of if you think your spouse is hiding an affair.
They are secretive about their phone use.
In modern society, it’s easier than ever to use technology to start a secret relationship. If they guard their phone and computer like their lives depend on it, that can be a sign there is something more going on. Look for these signs: do they now have a password on their device where they didn’t before? Do they delete texts or clear their browser history suddenly? Do they take their phone with them everywhere, even into the bathroom? Will they not let you touch their phone at all? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it could mean there’s evidence on there they do not want you to see.
Your friends or family think something is off.
Our friends and family are always looking out for our best interests, so they tend to scrutinize the people we are with. They can notice the differences in your spouse’s behaviors you might have missed. If one or more of your crew begins to ask if everything is alright between you two, stop and think why they keep asking. It could mean something is amiss.
Your spouse accuses you of cheating.
If there is already friction between the two of you, the guilty party might have suspicions of what you are doing on the side, too. It is common for cheaters to think that since they can get away with it, then their spouse could too. This is also a way for them to deal with their guilt. They try to turn the tables. Once you get over the initial shock of being accused, it might be worth looking a little more closely at what they are up to.
Your spouse has become conscious of their looks.
Under normal circumstances, it would feel great to have your spouse want to look nicer for you each day. However, for some cheaters, it’s because they are trying to look better for someone else. Has your spouse started buying new clothes or spent more time at the gym? Are they suddenly preoccupied with their appearance outside of the house, but still a slum at home? It could be a sign they have got someone new to impress.
You feel an emotional distance.
When you first got married, you felt the connection with your spouse was stronger than ever and you could talk about anything. Now, you barely communicate at all and you feel they are pulling away from you. While this could be a sign of many different marital problems, it’s also a sign of cheating. Your partner may have started engaging in an emotional affair where they are investing in dialog with someone else. Your marriage takes the backseat. It’s also possible that they feel guilty about the affair, so to lessen that pain they want to cut down on any feelings they have with you.
They stop spending time with you.
In addition to being emotionally distant, your spouse may have become physically distant too. They will suddenly give you millions of reasons why they have to be away for so long and have rapid schedule changes. When they are home, they will spend time in other rooms and avoid the activities you are doing. As the cheating increases, the distance will too.
Your spouse has become overly affectionate.
This one may come as a surprise, but as a cheater feels guilt, they try to rectify the situation by being overly affectionate towards you. If your spouse never used to buy you flowers randomly or hold your hand often in public, it might be a sign they are “making up” for their transgressions. It is possible they are also doing this to lessen any suspicions you might have. But be aware they could still be doing something wrong.
There are unexplained expenses on your bank statement.
One important sign of infidelity is a change in a spouse’s spending habits. This could mean odd charges on your partner’s credit card, having less money than you should in your bank account, or strange withdrawals from retirement and investment accounts. If your partner tries to explain these away but it sounds untrue, it likely is. Infidelity can have some hidden costs, including gifts, trips, dinners, or hotel rooms. If you don’t see any direct charges, large cash withdrawals could be evidence enough too.
These signs don’t definitively mean that your spouse is cheating, and there are many more not listed that could mean they are cheating. It’s important to listen to your gut instincts and find evidence for your suspicions if you know something is different or off about your marriage. While it can be scary to confront them, sometimes it’s necessary in order to get the truth.