Fine babe dey call me!


Two friends were walking home. A lady happened to be blowing a kiss to one of them from the window of a storey building. Their conversation went as follows:

Ahmed: Omo, e be like say na me that babe dey blow kiss

Uche: Guy leave that one jare. No mind am.
(Then the lady signaled to him to come)

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The Loan



An Igbo man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loans officer. He tells the loans officer that he is going to Nigeria on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The loans officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Igbo man hands over the keys and documents of his new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything is in order.

The loans officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s manager and its officers all had a good laugh at the Igbo man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

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My wife and I were having a serious quarrel when I said to her, “Pack your things and …..” At that point her phone rang so I had to stop for her to receive the call. It was her dad.

The phone was on speaker so I could hear what he was saying. After the usual pleasantries between father and daughter, he said, “My daughter, I have transferred N6,000,000 into your account. Give your husband N4,000,000 out of it. You can have the balance. I am sending a brand new Toyota Landcruiser SUV to you and your husband for family use.”

After the goodbyes the call ended, and she turned to me immediately, “You said I should pack my things and do what…….. ?”

I answered, “I SAID, PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME TO WASH. I will iron them when we have light.”

Making a baby…


The Saxenas were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Saxena kissed his wife goodbye and said,!

‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’

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Figure of Speech


TEACHER: I returned from work, opened my door and saw 50 million naira on my bed. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?”

SEGUN: I will bite your toes until you faint. I will then come out from your shoes and take all the money!

TEACHER: Fool! You can’t literally be inside my shoes. It’s a figure of speech.

SEGUN: You can’t literally open your door and see 50 million naira on your bed in this Buhari economic recession. Who will keep it there? That’s a figure of impossible speech.

Opposition Blues


At a wedding ceremony last Saturday, the celebrant asked if there was anyone who knew of any reason the intending couple should not be joined in matrimony.

Hell broke loose when a woman at the back with a child started walking towards the celebrant in front. The church was dead quiet. The bride fainted!

The celebrant asked the woman if she had anything to say and she answered: “We don’t hear you at the back!!!”