Don’t Let Bitterness Ruin your Marriage

DON’T LET BITTERNESS RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE

Sheqoz


Marriages break because of bitterness

Marriage is Work in Progress:

Marital problems are real and the bitterness usually justified. If you’ve been hurt by your partner,  it is advisable to confront the problem calmly. Do not harbor the pain inward or compare yourself with other married couples because each marriage is unique in its own way.

I once spoke to a lady who wished to be in her neighbor’s position because they seemed to be in a happy marriage. The fact is, people don’t announce their issues to the outside world. They keep their domestic problems behind closed doors. Smiles and public hands-holding can hide much.

No relationship is a complete smooth sail because nobody is perfect. Surprisingly the reason most marriages don’t heal is not only the problem at hand but also the prideful bitterness the wronged partner guards in their heart. Almost all breakups and divorces happen because of the hurting partner.

Bitterness Cuts the Host:

Bitterness is a blade meant to hurt someone else but it eventually cuts the hand that conceals it. When it finds a place in a relationship, it destroys the foundation one step at a time. It stores itself in the soul, slowly poisoning the one who carries it.

When you harbor resentment, love becomes numb and hardens the heart. Unfortunately, at this point most people walk out. I have learned from talking to married couples that it is common for a wife or husband to say or do something disapproved by the other.

These things are bound to happen. But in some cases, a spouse forms a repetitive pattern regardless of being confronted. To the wronged partner, each hurtful action takes residence in the heart. It reaches a point when there’s no more room left – the beginning of bitterness manifestation and damage beyond repair.

Communicate your Feelings:

If you are in such a position, the truth is, bitterness doesn’t give your spouse a chance to seek forgiveness or even change. As a matter of fact, they may not even know to what level they’ve offended you. Your bitterness comes from the hurts you suppressed without communicating.

Women are especially guilty here, I used to do it and know many women who still do. We tend to hold things inside expecting our husbands to read between the lines. Imagine taking a bottle and filling it up with pressure. It will eventually explode. Right?

In the same way, the outburst in your heart can result in a broken marriage. Your husband on the other hand may have no idea what’s going on. He may not even see it coming. I think women need to open up a little bit more. Communicate your feelings, don’t show them; your husband cannot read your mind.

We all know that men love to fix things. Your husband will do what’s necessary to make things work. I will write a different article about us women and how we push our husbands away.


Bitterness spreads like wild-fire

Bitterness Spreads Fast:

Perhaps your spouse is aware of your unhappiness but continues in the same patterns. It happens especially if he/she is trying to stir something up. The situation here is totally different and it calls for stronger measures like counseling. There are great online courses that you can use if you’re willing to save your marriage. You can sign up for one here

However, this does not negate your responsibility to remove bitterness from your heart. You still need to at least be kind enough to set yourself free from stress-related health issues. Bitterness will give your future health a bitter struggle. Nothing is worth your own health. Take care of yourself, things can get better if dealt with correctly.

I like to compare bitterness with wildfire. Deadly wildfires like the one we had ranging in California can begin with something as simple as a flat tire or tossed cigarette butt. That spark, combined with tinder-dry forests and howling winds, can be all that’s needed for a catastrophic wildfire to start.

Bitterness grows in the same way. One little bit of bitterness can spread throughout your heart and finally take over your whole body. It  starts to manifest itself in your attitude, demeanor, and finally your health.

In addition, the spread will affect your children and family. Your criticism will make everyone critical. When you reach this point, it is not possible for you to make any sound decisions. There are too many voices. The only way to start working towards reconciliation is to let go of all bitterness.

A Positive Attitude is Attractive:

Find some undistracted time to discuss the issue with your spouse. If you find it hard to talk to him/her alone, find a close friend mentor. We all have one. Remember to speak in love, rationally and gently. Talk about all your hurts without being critical.

Finally, when all is said and done, work on yourself, not your spouse. He/she is the only one who can change themselves. You do not have the power to do so. The only part you can play, if you want to see some permanent changes, is to pray. The greatest inspiration that can trigger change with your spouse is your attitude. You might end up in the best marriage ever.

I’ve seen damaged relationships fully restored and the couple’s live happily thereafter. Most problems occur due to lack of knowledge. It is okay to seek help especially if you are stuck in a hurtful cycle of marital problems.

Please take time and sign up for free relationship help here

How to Make Him Miss You and Call You More

HOW TO MAKE HIM MISS YOU AND CALL YOU MORE

Team Lovepanky

Ever wondered how to make him miss you more often, or make him call you more? Here are all the tips and sneaky tricks you’d need to make your man miss you more, and desire you all the time.

Knowing how to make him miss you or make him call you more is a tricky pursuit.

You can’t really whine and tell him that you miss him, and wish he’d call you more often.

But could there be a way to make him miss you more, just like that?

How to make him miss you

How many times have we sat by the phone wondering what the man in our life is up to, and when is he ever going to call us again!

Now I’m not saying men don’t think about their girlfriends.

But I am indeed saying that the novelty of a new relationship wears off faster for a man than for a woman.

Why does this happen? Well, it’s simple, because women give in too easily and reveal all even more easily.

Learn how to make him call you more and miss you more by understanding these simple tips.

HOW TO MAKE HIM MISS YOU

#1 Surprise him

There’s no point in being an open book early in a relationship.

Keep him interested and into you by mentioning to him the summer you spent in Paris by yourself or your skills on the violin. Go out to a karaoke bar one night and floor him with your singing ability.

Never let him know who you really are, let him experience that by being with you.

#2 Be sincere

Make him feel like he’s found his soul mate in you. The idea is to be sincere.

Genuinely listen to what he has to say. Ask questions, and keep in mind what and who he talks about so that the next time he brings it up, you can show him that you actually do listen.

#3 Have no expectations

It’s a common mistake that every girl makes when she expect that a man is as hooked on you as you are on him, or that he is going to be exactly like your sappy man-child of an ex-boyfriend. Remind yourself why you ditched your ex.

If he doesn’t arrive at your doorstep with a dozen red roses every day, it does not mean that he is not into you.

HOW TO MAKE HIM MISS YOU – DIRTY, SNEAKY WAYS!

Read on for a few really sneaky ways to make him miss you and make him call you more.

#1 Hang up before he does

If you end the conversation before he does, it’ll keep him wanting more. Admit it, it happens to you all the time. Well, maybe in some cases, playing hard to get really does work.

#2 Do not accept any last minute dates

This is a sneakier variant of the first way to make him miss you more. Never, I repeat, never ever make it seem like you’re poised at the edge of your seat waiting for him to make time for you. Not only does this make you look like the ultimate loser, it will make him take you for granted. You should never accept the option of being Plan B.

#3 Great perfume

Pick the perfect perfume, and remember that the key word here is subtlety. You’ll know it has worked when he keeps leaning in. But remember to take it easy and not douse yourself in fragrances. You’d also want a leave a trace of it on him so that he remembers you after he drives you home.

MAKE HIM CALL YOU MORE: WILL IT WORK?

So what do you do if (god forbid) all your hard work doesn’t work and he still doesn’t call more or miss you more? First of all, don’t jump into conclusions. For all you know, there could have been an emergency.

You may call once or leave a message but do not overdo it and fill his inbox with “whr r u” and “y hvnt u cald” messages. Secondly do not obsess, immerse yourself in those hobbies you wowed him with. And finally if he calls you a month later without an excuse asking you out on a date, do not accept it. That would be an insult to your womanhood.

You have to accept rejection as a part of life and that it happens to everyone all the time. If things don’t work out, don’t sweat it.

After all, you do know the best tips on how to make him miss you and make him call you more. If it’s not working, perhaps he’s just not that into you.

Five Kinds of Clutter

FIVE KINDS OF CLUTTER

Randy Carlson

Clutter is more than just a closet that needs to be cleaned out at home. There are deeper issues. A cluttered closet is a problem but consider the challenges of a cluttered mind. That being said, let’s look at five types of clutter. (There are many others, but I chose these five.

Mental clutter develops in our thinking. From the very moment we wake up until the very moment we fall asleep, our mind is constantly distracted and caught on things. It’s hard to control our minds, and that’s why I think the scripture spends so much time talking about our minds and about our thinking, because it can be cluttered.

1 Colossians 3 says to “Set your minds on the things above, not on earthly things.” It’s a matter of intentionally deciding how we’re going to think. The apostle Paul says we have a daily opportunity to hold every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). It’s an intentional decision to actively control our thoughts.

  • Emotional clutter arises from the negative emotions we have in our lives. We can carry emotional bondage that can keep us from living intentionally.

Negative emotions keep us from being successful at the things that matter in our lives. It’s just a reality. We live in a fallen world, and if we’re not intentional with our emotions, we can become distracted.

  • We miss the mystery of our faith when we experience spiritual clutter.

Sometimes we feel we have to have the answer to everything. We have to be prepared to defend our faith, but that doesn’t mean we always know all the answers, because the Bible says we see through a dark glass, and everything is distorted. But someday, it will all become clear to us. The Bible warns us against “having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away.” (2 Timothy 3:5 NKJV)

  • Digital clutter is a huge problem.

A study from the Bureau of Labor Statistics found that the average time spent online since the year 2000 has increased from 9.4 hours to 23.6 hours. That’s 3.3 hours a day online. Another statistic states that Americans spend 17.6 hours a day “oogling” the internet. That word has a lustful connotation. It’s like a flirtatious look, and I thought, isn’t that interesting that they’re saying that two-and-a-half hours a day, the average American is flirting online with whatever they’re looking at. Maybe it’s not inappropriate, but there’s almost a flirtatious love affair we have with our computers and online activities.

Technology can be used to free us, to give us a greater sense of intentionality, or it can consume us. Let’s make sure it’s used in a way that really adds value to our lives.

  • We all wrestle with schedule clutter.

We can be so busy working in our lives, sometimes we don’t work on our lives. It’s important that we really spend time looking at the bigger issues that face us, our values, our goals and so on.

The Book of Psalms is full of passages that encourage us to hope in God. Hope is something we intentionally decide to do, and we are faced with so many distractions that even experiencing hope can become lost in the mix. If we want to experience hope, to be intentional in trusting God, we must declutter our lives.