18 Ways to Have High Self-Esteem and Start Winning at Life

18 WAYS TO HAVE HIGH SELF-ESTEEM AND START WINNING AT LIFE

Tiffany Grace Reyes

It’s normal to feel down once in a while, but constant negativity isn’t healthy. Use these tips to have high self-esteem and feel better about yourself.

Having low self-esteem can have a significant impact on virtually every aspect of your life, including your job, relationships, and your mental and physical health. However, the secret to have high self-esteem is not so hard to figure out.

High self-esteem comes from developing a positive self-worth and outlook. This is something you have to proactively build within yourself. There are many ways you can build your own self-esteem little by little. What’s important is that you stay consistent, but not beat yourself up for failing once in a while.

Tips to have high self-esteem

If you suffer from low self-esteem, try to make it a priority in your life to foster positive feelings about yourself. Starting with some of these tips for high self-esteem can be helpful.

#1 Have a vision. Form an image of yourself as the confident, self-assured person you want to be. Often, it all just starts with your mindset. If you believe you can be a confident person with high self-esteem, that’s exactly how you will begin to come off to others as well.

#2 Set realistic goals. It’s not enough that you have dreams and aspirations. You have to set realistic goals that you know you can achieve within a specified timeframe. Practice writing down clear and actionable goals for the day, and don’t forget to set long-term goals, too. This gives you a target to hit, and boy does it feel good when you can actually cross those items off of your list!

#3 Have a plan and follow through. Now that you have goals, the next step is to draw yourself a roadmap for how you will achieve those goals. Planning helps you keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. Otherwise, you may wander off, become sidetracked, or lose your motivation.

#4 Think about yourself in a positive light. Be positive about yourself and the world around you. Don’t dwell on the bad things that are happening or worry about the unpleasant things that could happen. Focus on the here and now and appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you lack.

#5 Appreciate yourself. If you want to have high self-esteem, make it a habit to give yourself that figurative pat on the back on a regular basis. Even spending just a few moments every day to appreciate yourself can make a huge difference to your mood and to your self-esteem. Think about the people you’ve helped that day, what you’ve accomplished, and the other things that you can thank yourself for.

#6 Silence your inner critic. That voice inside your head that says you’re not good enough can be loud and persistent at times, especially for those who have low self-esteem. Guess what—you don’t need that in your life. Stop putting yourself down, and if there’s one inner voice you should listen to, it’s that one that says, “You’re great and you can do great things!”

#7 Say no to comparisons. Avoid comparing yourself to others. You will always find someone who is better or worse than you, but it’s not a healthy habit for your self-esteem to constantly compare. Celebrate what makes you unique and just look straight ahead with your goals in mind.

#8 Perfection is a myth. Doing things well is highly commendable. However, try to avoid striving for perfection. It is an impossible goal to accomplish. Instead, if you want to have high self-esteem, focus on giving your best in every situation and every task. Also, celebrate your imperfections, as those are what make you unique.

#9 Exercise and be active. Exercise can do wonders to your body, mind, and self-esteem. It releases feel-good endorphins to your brain. Furthermore, it keeps you fit so you feel good about yourself inside and out.

#10 Everyone makes mistakes. Even with the best of intentions, people still make mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up whenever you commit them. Just learn from it and move on. If an apology is in order, be genuine, but don’t let anyone beat you up over mistakes that you take responsibility for.

#11 Focus on what you can change. Stop stressing over the things that you can’t control. Instead, focus on what you can change. Do your best to make your situation better, and believe in yourself and your capabilities.

#12 Make peace with what you can’t change. Now, as for the things that are beyond your control, it is best to make peace with them. There’s no use worrying about these things. Don’t waste your time and energy obsessing over anything that’s clearly beyond your control. Instead, focus your energy on making a positive impact in your life and the lives of others.

#13 Do things that you enjoy doing. Those who do the things that they love and enjoy are happier than those who just go through their days doing something they dislike. So if you’re given the choice, spend your time doing what you love to do.

#14 Do something you’re good at. It’s not enough that you’re doing what you love. You should also do something that you know you’re good at so you have a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. This reinforces your strengths and abilities because you can see for yourself that you are highly productive, your efforts are going somewhere, and you can see the results.

#15 Celebrate your triumphs, however small. All great things start from small beginnings and taking baby steps. So don’t be afraid if your triumphs don’t seem to make much of an impact. You are working your way towards your goal, and those little things can add up in no time.

#16 Help others. It’s always fulfilling to be of service to others. Being there for others, even just to brighten up their day with a sincere smile, is enough to put you in a good mood and make you stand a little taller. If nothing good is happening in your life, then be the good thing to happen to others.

#17 Be around supportive people. Birds of the same feather flock together. So if you want to keep your self-esteem up, be around those who have high self-esteem, too. Furthermore, be in the constant company of people who give you constructive criticism and support.

#18 Avoid those who put you down. Avoid negative people like the plague if you want to have high self-esteem. They are energy vampires who will also try to bring you down. Even the people with the highest, healthiest self-esteem can find themselves drained when around negative people.Self-esteem comes from self-determination and self-discipline. Mind your thoughts and interactions with others and the world around you. The more power you have over yourself to think the right thoughts and take the right steps, the more self-esteem you’ll have. And the higher self-esteem you have, the better the quality of life you will live.

Achieving Self-Acceptance: 10 Little Steps for One Big Change

ACHIEVING SELF-ACCEPTANCE: 10 LITTLE STEPS FOR ONE BIG CHANGE

Bella Pope

Accepting yourself for who you are isn’t easy. If you’re struggling to be okay with you, here are the steps you can take to make self-acceptance a reality.

The one thing humans struggle with more than anything else is accepting ourselves for who we are. With the media so focused on who is “perfect” and what qualities make someone “the best,” we tend to pick ourselves apart in deciding if we have those qualities, too, thus shattering our ability to accept ourselves.

I am probably a poster child for needing self-acceptance. When I was younger, I was always told I needed to be better—to be the best. I became self-critical and had SO many insecurity issues *in part, due to a few boyfriends*, despite being a pretty well-rounded person.

Self-acceptance vs self-esteem

A lot of people might think self-acceptance and self-esteem are one in the same, but they’re very different. Although improving your self-acceptance usually increases your self-esteem, they’re not interchangeable. Self-esteem relates more to the qualities other people see in us. Whereas, self-acceptance includes ALL aspects of who we are.

This means someone could be happy with how they’re perceived by other people, but still be miserable on the inside because they don’t accept themselves.

How to be happy with who you are

I got good grades, always worked hard at anything I did, yet I still felt like I wasn’t good enough. I was never happy with who I was. I looked in the mirror daily and picked out my own problems and what I needed to do to fix them.

Little did I know all I needed to fix was how I viewed myself. It won’t be an overnight fix, but if you’re having trouble being happy with who you are and achieving self-acceptance, here are the different steps you can take to get there.

#1 Be positive all the time. You would be thoroughly surprised how changing your overall outlook on the world changes the way you also see yourself. According to Psychology Today, it’s actually possible to rewire your brain to be a more positive person.

Every time you have a negative thought, stop yourself and find something good about the situation. It doesn’t have to even be related to you—just in general.

For example, if you’re stuck in traffic after a long day and get angry because you just want to get home and relax, just think to yourself that you get to sit and do almost nothing while listening to great music on the radio. That sounds pretty relaxing to me!

#2 Whenever you’re being critical of yourself, STOP and say three good things instead. Whenever I mess up on a project, there’s always something negative that comes to mind. I didn’t pay enough attention. I could’ve worked harder. I’m not cut out for this type of work. But there are so many better things to be said, too.

When you start being critical of yourself, stop the negative train of thought and replace it with good things instead. Cutting off that negative criticism of yourself retrains your brain to think positive thoughts about you instead, and it’ll make self-acceptance that much easier.

#3 Determine if there are outside factors. The truth is, a lot of outside influences affect our ability to accept ourselves. A rough upbringing with unsupportive parents, the cruel media expectations, and even an old teacher who told you, you weren’t good enough could all be a factor in your non self-acceptance.

If there is something like that in your life, identify it so you can acknowledge it, forgive whatever it is, and then move on. Realizing that there could be a different reason you are that way will make accepting yourself so much easier.

#4 Make a plan. Honestly, if you’re someone who’s had a problem accepting yourself for a long time, it’s going to be more difficult and take longer for you to start now. Make a plan and stick to it. Make a pact with yourself to wake up every day and be happy with yourself.

This not only gives you a reason to get up and try to accept yourself every day, but it forms in you the habit of doing good things for yourself.

#5 Write down every time you do something great. Either keep a notebook handy or make a section in your notes for all the positive things you do daily. Each time you do something that earns a compliment from someone else or even if you just think, “Wow, I did a good job,” write it down somewhere. Then look at those things every night before bed.

#6 Find support. Chances are, if you don’t accept who you are then you probably don’t have a great support system helping you out. Open up to a few friends and family members and let them know how you’ve been feeling about yourself.

You’ll be surprised how fast they jump on your ship and help you out in any way they can. It’s easier to accept yourself when you know how many other’s around you already accept you.

#7 Get rid of critical people in your life. Negativity and self-criticism are contagious. There are probably people in your life that are critical of others and also critical of themselves—all of which transfers onto you.

If there are people like that in your life, you just need to ditch them. They are in no way adding anything good to your life if they’re inhibiting your ability to accept who you are.

#8 Allow yourself to mess up—then forgive yourself for it. Nobody is perfect. But just because you mess up from time to time doesn’t mean you can’t accept yourself. You won’t be successful with everything you do and that’s okay.

As long as you forgive yourself and move on from the event, self-acceptance will be so much easier. The hardest part of this for someone who has always been self-critical is to actually forgive and forget. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

#9 Stop comparing yourself. You can’t expect to be just like someone else. You are your own person and don’t have the exact same qualities as someone else. Stop comparing who you are to who someone else is, because that only makes it more difficult to accept yourself.

Nobody has all the qualities you possess and you don’t have all the qualities someone else possesses. Even identical twins–who share DNA–aren’t going to be the same on all levels. You have to only compare yourself to YOU.

#10 Seek professional help. If your inability to accept yourself takes over your life to a point where you are becoming depressed or having trouble functioning during the day, you may need help. Sometimes there are underlying reasons to your dislike of yourself, and you need a professional to uncover those reasons before you can begin healing.Self-acceptance is something we all have to strive for every day of our lives. It can be a challenge at times, but it’s the most rewarding feeling of all.

12 things we all do that actually make our life much worse

make your life worse

12 SIMPLE THINGS YOU DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MUCH WORSE

Lakeisha Ethans

Has life been unfair to you? You may think the issue is external, but the problem is in you. These are 12 things you do to make your life worse.

A lot of people, at some point in time, feel that life is being unfair to them. I feel that, too, at times and to avoid feeling depressed, I constantly struggle and challenge myself to accomplish milestones. After a lot of thought, I realized that the problem was coming from me, and not the world around me. You should remember that your outcomes in life depend on how you think and act. This clearly means that a positive attitude toward life is exactly what makes life easier to deal with. But, of course, we don’t know that until life hits us with lemons!

Expectations and the role they play

Let’s imagine that you’re holding a big, ripe apple in your hand. You take a bite to taste it. You know how an apple is supposed to taste, so when the big, juicy apple is bland and mealy, you grimace. You feel disappointed, and may even toss the apple into the compost pile.

Now, let’s assume you eat a big, juicy apple… and it tastes exactly as expected. You eat the whole thing, and feel extremely satisfied. What’s the difference? Not the apple, but your expectations. When you set realistic expectations—or forego expectations altogether—you’ll find that life is far more satisfying and exciting. Expectations, oftentimes, offer nothing more than a too-high bar against which to measure your life and experiences.

12 simple things you’re doing to make your life worse

The apple is just an example, and can be substituted for anything in life. It can be substituted with any event, task, social interaction, person, meal, or any thought that enters your mind. Instead of clouding your every move with expectations, dive in head-first without expecting anything *good or bad* and you’ll see how truly beautiful life is! Now, let’s look at a few things we do to make our lives worse.

#1 You spend too much time on people or things that don’t matter. If you’re doing this, it has to stop. We only have 24 hours in a day which we can use to sleep, eat, and do the rest of our daily chores. But most people, for whatever reason, slack off and focus too much on people or things that don’t matter.

#2 You get offended by tacking your assumptions onto harmless actions. This happens to me, too, so I don’t blame you, but this has to stop. Your friend didn’t text you back, or a co-worker left to lunch without telling you. These are simple situations that can easily offend you, because you tag your assumptions to these otherwise innocuous actions. You start thinking that you’re either unworthy or unloved, creating a whole new world of hatred for yourself. The lesson here? Don’t take things personally.

#3 You take the road to the apocalypse. This is when you think of the worst possible outcome when something happens to you. The next step is to be delighted when you were wrong! Sore throat? Surely, you must have cancer. Lost your driver license? Your identity must have been stolen. Lost your wallet? Your savings is sure to be trained two minutes later. While this may seem sensible in the moment, this sort of negativity is both useless and illogical. This must stop. Think positive!

#4 You set unrealistic expectations. Your girlfriend was supposed to call you at 4 PM and she didn’t. She called at her convenience, instead. Your boyfriend forgot the 6 ½ month anniversary of your first lasagna together. Get the point? These are the kinds of expectations that I call parasites, because they will always leave you unhappy and sick to your stomach. Minimize your expectations so you can maximize the joys of life!

 

#5 You won’t do anything without getting a “sign.” Signs won’t come. Period. I have a friend who desperately wants to move to France, but she’s waiting for a “sign”—perhaps a trumpeted announcement from God, or an invitation from the president of France. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t believe in higher power or divinity, but I am saying that you need to shape your fate, not be governed by it.

#6 You’re not a risk-taker. If you want to live life to the fullest, you need to start living boldly, and that means you need to take risks. Every time someone offers you something exciting that involves some amount of risk, take it. You’ll be glad you did!

#7 You compare your life to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and this is 100% true. I know I’m not supposed to say this, but this gets to me sometimes. “Oh she’s so happy with her husband,” “He gets all the lucky breaks,” “This guy has more money than I could ever make,” and so on and so forth. No one is perfect, so stop comparing your life to the lives of others—who knows? They might be doing the same to you!

#8 You can’t forgive and forget. I know this is easier said than done, because it’s hard to forgive the people who’ve hurt you—and even harder to forget them and their offenses. But instead of sulking, express gratitude for any lessons you’ve learned, and move on. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, forgive, if you can, and forget, so you can look forward to a happier life.

#9 You’re your own celebrity. I know this is tempting, but again, it’s only going to make your life worse. You shouldn’t force people to follow your plan. By making things less about you and more about others, you will become a happier, more positive person, and will be far less disgruntled when a plan is foiled or a schedule isn’t on-task.

#10 You allow “useless” people to get the best of you. When you know someone’s toxic to you and your life, remove them without feeling guilty about it. It doesn’t matter who they are or how close they are to you, don’t let anyone give you pain or make you feel unworthy. People who disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, or continue to treat you like trash have to go. They need to leave. Period.

#11 For you, it’s either success or failure. Nothing can ever be perfect. Even success isn’t perfect. Try and gain as much happiness and experience as you can in the grey area between success and failure. Remember: never let success get to your head and failure to go to your heart. Every day is a new day, and you can change your life one baby step at a time.

#12 You avoid things as much as you can. No matter how much you avoid it, the truth will not cease to exist. You cannot ignore what’s in front of you—and worse, you won’t find peace by avoiding unpleasant or scary experiences. Although taking risks or even just completing a project or work may feel daunting, you will feel much better *and more powerful* after putting your nose to the grindstone and working through it.

Bring all your fears, worries, and weaknesses in front of you, and shine a blazing light on them. See them through to the end, because that’s the only way to find happiness and fulfillment. I swear, the pain you face when you face the truth is worth it in the end.

Remember that when we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life automatically gets easier. If any or all of the behaviors above apply to you, it’s time to change so you can simplify things for yourself and people around you. Life is beautiful and so are you, so enjoy it, and let go of these 12 things that make your life worse!