HOW TO FIND TIME FOR INTIMACY IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Make Your Marriage a Priority.
By Megan Bailey
Time, or our inability to find any of it in our day, is the biggest block to intimacy. Couples today are busier than ever before, and the stress can negatively affect their marriages. Life seems to catch couples running around doing everything except running into each other’s arms. While our day to day responsibilities are essential, couples need to make quality time for each other. This helps grow the relationship and keeps you connected both mentally and physically. Here are some ways you can make more time for intimacy in your marriage, so you don’t head towards unhappiness.
Offer small gestures of intimacy more often.
Small things like holding hands, cuddling, hugging, and lite kisses are great ways to remind your spouse that you love and care for them. They require little to no effort to do but can make a huge impact. These gestures also release oxytocin in the brain, causing a happy, loving, and calming sensation. More physical touch with your spouse always leads to fewer levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Push yourself to make an effort to be a bit more affectionate even if you don’t want to be because the benefits are scientifically backed.
Schedule time for the bedroom.
While it might feel strange at first to plan out when you and your partner want to have sex, it can be a helpful tool if your lives are constantly busy. Pick a day or two each week where the TV is never on in the bedroom, and you and your spouse get into bed at the same time. Make sure you leave your phones downstairs and rid yourself of any other distractions. You must be intentional about making time for physical intimacy with your spouse, and that means making sure a month does not go by before you are intimate again.
Hire more sitters.
Your kids are likely the most significant barrier to your intimate time with your partner. Getting out on a date will help you connect with your spouse and give you some much-needed one on one time. Find a system that works for your marriage. It could be hiring a sitter once a month or once a week. Whatever it is, switch on and off with who plans the dates. This makes it more fun and allows for spontaneity. Anything from dinner and a movie to a concert at a new venue could bring you and your spouse closer together. Maybe go all out and book a hotel room for the night for an extra special surprise. Whatever you decide, the important thing is that you are getting quality time together.
Get your kids on a sleep schedule.
Do your children frequently rush into your room at all hours of the day, limiting yourself from getting any privacy? While your children are important, your marriage should be a priority too. If your kids are always coming in during the middle of the night, you will never feel relaxed enough to want to have sex with your partner. Make sure your children learn and respect boundaries for your room. If you can get them to sleep in until a certain time each day without interruption, it will give you more freedom to be intimate with your spouse.
Look at your mental health.
Many couples are quick to blame time as the reason for their lack of intimacy, but that is not always the case. Dig deep and see if there is anything else that might be holding you back from wanting to have sex. Be open with your partner about your feelings. It could be you are feeling depressed and exhausted from issues at work, to being angry or resenting your partner from a previous argument. By identifying these other reasons, you can begin finding solutions for working through them. Emotional issues have a big impact on our ability to connect with others, especially on an intimate level, so do not feel ashamed if this is a cause. Once you work through them, you will find that you have more time than you thought.
Change up your sex life.
You might not feel inspired to find time for intimacy with your spouse simply because you aren’t excited about it in the first place. Maintain a sense of curiosity in your sex life and experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. Sex should provide an opportunity to get to know your partner better. Break up the routine as needed to spice things up again. Even small changes, like practicing being more emotionally vulnerable during sex, can give you the push you need.
Being intimate with your spouse is such an important part of any marriage. However, so many couples fall into the trap that there just simply is not enough time. In this case, it is time to make time. Your marriage should be a top priority, and that makes building spaces where you can mentally and physically connect with your spouse. Being intimate should be something you look forward to, so do not lose sight of it.