7 Things Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do


Angel Chernoff

When you add up over a decade worth of online conversations with our community of readers, the live events we’ve hosted in support of our book, and hundreds of one-on-one coaching sessions with course students, Marc and I have a lot of experience when it comes to helping people find and resolve the pain points that have been holding them back.  But I am still frequently surprised by the interesting ways people frame questions about their challenges.

Last night a reader named Karla sent me an email that caught my attention, simply because the subject of her email read: “Things Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do” (An interesting title for an article, I thought.)

Part of Karla’s email read:  “I love your book.  It has helped me get through some seriously tough times.  But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with emotional weakness.  I persistently resist what I know I need to do for myself.  So I was wondering, what do emotionally strong people NOT do?  The reason I ask is that I’ve spent a lot of time implementing positive habits in my life, but I haven’t really focused on removing any (parallel) bad habits.

There are a million ways to answer this question (especially as it relates to Karla’s unique life situation), but since emotional weakness is something all of us struggle with at times, I figured I take a stab at answering Karla’s question in a general sense, for all of us.

Here are seven things emotionally strong people don’t do:

1.  They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves – Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them.  Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2.  They Don’t Shy Away from Change – Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change.  Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible.  They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

3.  They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control – You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives.  They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

4.  They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone – Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time.  They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary.  They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

5.  They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over – Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes.  As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

6.  They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success – Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life.  They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them.  Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

7.  They Don’t Expect Immediate Results – Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up.  Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve.  They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.  Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results.  Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

And of course, if you’re struggling with any of these points, know that you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and live a life free of headaches and heartache.


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