2 WAYS TO QUIET THE NEGATIVE VOICE INSIDE YOU
Angel Chernoff
Why
do we think negatively when we know better?
Because thinking negatively, expecting “the worst,” seeing the downside of
positive situations, and even downright expecting failure, all convey a kind of
backwards-thinking, emotional insurance policy. It goes something like, “If I
expect a tragedy, then I won’t be disappointed when it takes place.”
Of course, this is NOT what we truly want or need in our lives. So how can we
stop talking ourselves into these thinking traps? Let’s take a look at two
powerful ways to quiet the negative inner voice that leads us astray:
1. Start focusing on the grey area between the extremes.
Life simply isn’t black or white – 100% of this or 100% of that – all or
nothing. Thinking in extremes like this is a fast way to misery, because
negative thinking tends to view any situation that’s less than perfect as being
extremely bad. For example:
- Rather than the rainstorm slowing down my commute home from work, instead “it wasted my whole evening and ruined my night!”
- Rather than just accepting the nervousness of meeting a new group of people, “I know these people are not going to like me.”
Since
99.9% of all situations in life are less than perfect, black and white thinking
tends to make us focus on the negative – the drama, the failures, and the worst
case scenarios. Sure catastrophes occur on occasion, but contrary to what you
may see on the evening news, most of life occurs in a grey area between the
extremes of bliss and devastation.
2. Stop looking for negative signs from others.
Too often we jump to conclusions, only to cause ourselves and others
unnecessary worry, hurt, and anger. If someone says one thing, don’t assume
they mean something else. If they say nothing at all, don’t assume their
silence has some hidden, negative connotation.
Thinking negatively will inevitably lead you to interpret everything another
person does as being negative, especially when you are uncertain about what the
other person is thinking. For instance, “He hasn’t called, so he must not want
to talk to me,” or, “She only said that to be nice, but she doesn’t really mean
it.”
Assigning meaning to a situation before you have the whole story makes you more
likely to believe that the uncertainty you feel (based on lack of knowing) is a
negative sign. On the flip-side, holding off on assigning meaning to an
incomplete story is a primary key to overcoming negative thinking. When you
think more positively, or simply more clearly about the facts, you’ll be able
to evaluate all possible reasons you can think of, not just the negative ones.
In other words, you’ll be doing more of: “I don’t know why he hasn’t called
yet, but maybe… he’s actually extremely busy at work today.”
Being
able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in
your life is an important step towards living a happier life.
And of course, if you’re struggling with any of this, know that you are
not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel
better, think more clearly, and get our lives back on track.
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