10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL YOUR SPOUSE IN A FIGHT
C. A. Ayres
Fighting with your spouse is hard, but some things should never be said, no matter how angry you are.
As you increase communication with your spouse, arguments will happen. You may wish you could turn back the clock – over and over again. Hopefully, humor can keep the argument from exploding out of control. If not, misunderstandings and fights tend to occur with greater frequency.
Now, for those wondering, there is no, “How to Argue Correctly for Dummies,” manual or an, “Arguments 101,” class. Nor is there such a thing as a perfect relationship where disagreements never pop up. Despite the inevitability of an argument, some things should never be said. Here is a list of 10 of them.
IF YOUR HUSBAND DOES THESE 10 THINGS, YOU HIT THE MARRIAGE JACKPOT
Does he make married life especially wonderful?
Did you hit the marriage jackpot? If you did, you have a husband who does tiny things that make your married life particularly lovely – like these 10 things. If these signs sound familiar, you made the right choice by marrying him.
1. He says “I love you” often
Those three words are easy and simple, but they go unsaid too often in some relationships. If your husband voices his love often, he not only is clear about his affection but he also isn’t afraid of communicating his feelings.
HOW TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING DEFENSIVE
Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked. As great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic.
When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention. You’re misunderstanding me,” even before your partner is done talking.
Unfortunately, when the listener reacts to what the speaker is saying before the speaker gets the chance to fully explain themselves, both partners are left feeling misunderstood.
MINDFUL PARENTING: HOW TO RESPOND INSTEAD OF REACT
What does your stress look like?
Our bodies and brains are wired to react to high stress situations as a safety net. If our brain perceives a threat, it signals the amygdala, the body’s “alarm” system, which tells our body to act without thinking. The amygdala responds to situations with the fight, flight, or freeze response. This is to protect us, but our stress receptors cannot distinguish between real dangers or false dangers. In everyday parenting, our stress response often gets triggered unnecessarily by events that are not actually life threatening. Our bodies are reacting to our kid spilling cereal all over the floor in the same way we would react if we were being chased by a bear.
Depending on your childhood experiences and memories, your stress response may be triggered more easily than another person. When our stress receptors are triggered, we have difficulty thinking clearly and being attentive to people around us. We are unable to be thoughtful in our responses, and have trouble staying focused, and our ability to solve problems is diminished.
6 SIMPLE EXERCISES TO BENEFIT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Theresa E DiDonato
These research-based habits are linked to relationship satisfaction.
So much of our lives are tied to our romantic partner — our time, plans, energy, emotion, preoccupations, and goals. If you’re in a relationship, there are few aspects of your life that you approach independently. Rather, you navigate your days influencing, and being influenced by, your romantic partner.
Given the clear importance of our romantic partners in shaping our experiences, having the best possible relationships we can naturally becomes a critical pursuit. What daily habits can you adopt to improve your relationship? First, recognize that happy, thriving relationships are not achieved; rather, they are cultivated by continual investment from both partners. People in happy relationships nurture them every day. They create healthy interdependence, they work at meeting each other’s needs, and they are committed to each other. If it seems like some couples do this easily, they have likely have worked to develop a set of habits that are now a regular part of their interactions. But any couple can adopt these habits to reset and revitalize their relationship.
IS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT REAL?
Theresa E DiDonato
A compelling idea, but is there scientific evidence to support it?
Love at first sight – is it possible? Do people really meet and in moments simply know they’re meant to be? New evidence suggests, yes.
The idea is so wonderfully romantic. Two strangers see each other “across a crowded room,” there’s an instant attraction, an electric spark, and suddenly they’ve found their match and never look back. In a world where dating often requires a lot of work – work that comes with disappointment, rejection, and uncertainty – falling in love at first sight has strong appeal.
A THERAPIST EXPLAINS WHY WE’RE ALL SO TICKED OFF IN SOCIAL MEDIA
Parenting fail alert.
A couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday night, my thirteen-year-old son Aidan forgot to finish his chores. I’d relocated some plants in the yard, and I’d asked him to water them. He didn’t. I immediately decided his work ethic was lacking—probably because of YouTube—so I told him he was grounded from his phone.
He got angry.
I sent him to his room.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE WHERE YOU TRULY BELONG
Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment.
Or maybe, for the moment, I’m just feeling humble enough to hear the answer. Either way, on a random Sunday afternoon, I ask my oldest son, Aidan—a teenager with plenty of insights and opinions about our family—what is the most unbearable thing about having me for a father? His answer:
All the sighing.
My wife corroborates his report. She says I’ve been walking around sighing a lot. I know there’s some truth to it. Plenty. So, I start paying attention to myself. For the rest of the afternoon, I catch myself sighing more than a dozen times. In part, I’m trying to relax, but more often than I’d like to admit, the sighing is communicating something.
CONFLICT DOESN’T RUIN A RELATIONSHIP, A LACK OF CONNECTION DOES
There is a misconception that conflict is the root of a relationship’s demise. Watching a couple fight, it may seem that way.
Steph: “Our house is always a chaotic mess!”
Julian: “It’s not my fault, I don’t have time to do everything.”
Steph: “You mean the dirty clothes you leave on the floor outside the bathroom? Even our son puts away his clothes. I’m glad he didn’t turn out to be a slob like you.”
PARENTING AND THE COST OF NEGLIGENCE
I wish to express my anger and total disappointment in some parents. How can a parent drop a child off at school without running a proper check on uniform, shoes and content of the bag? How?
I’m totally disappointed in the kind of mothers we have today.
A child came to school with scorpion in her shoes. Yes, you heard me right!!! Scorpion in her shoes! This happened in the class before mine.
This child is just in Grade 1/Primary 1. She came to school in tears, and was dragged down from the car all the way to class by her mum. The mother refused to offer any reasonable explanation and only said, “Don’t mind her, she is being naughty. She doesn’t want to come to school and is only using leg pain as an excuse.”