2 WAYS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF YOU
“What’s wrong with wanting others to like you?”
That’s what several of our course students asked me via email in response to one of our recent course discussions. And I’ve been asked similar questions over the years too. So today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to spend lots of time worrying about what everyone thinks of you, and how to stop yourself from doing so.
In a nutshell, tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality. But before we look at how to fix this, first we need to understand why we do it…
THE 5 TYPES OF COUPLES
Drawing from over four decades of research data, Dr. John Gottman has been able to categorize couples into five types: Conflict-Avoiding, Validating, Volatile, Hostile, and Hostile-Detached. In his new book Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love, Dr. Gottman uses love equations to explain his findings. The three happy couple types (Conflict-Avoiding, Validating, and Volatile) come from Harold Raush’s landmark book Communication, Conflict, and Marriage, in which Raush analyzes interactions between partners to discriminate happily from unhappily married couples. Each type is very different from the others, and each type of couple has its benefits and risks. Of the two unhappy couple types Dr. Gottman identified in his lab, Hostile couples stayed unhappily married, while Hostile-Detached couples eventually divorced. Do you know what type you are?
10 WAYS TO REKINDLE THE PASSION IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Jason and Kendra have been married for 12 years and have three children. Most of their conversations are about work, chores, their kids’ activities, and mundane aspects of their stale marriage.
Kendra puts it like this: “I love Jason, but the passion just isn’t there anymore.”
When Kendra drops this bombshell, Jason responds, “I thought we were doing okay, I really did. Even though we don’t have sex much anymore, it just seems like a phase we’re going through. I don’t have any energy left by the time I hit the bed at night.”
3 TIPS FOR HANDLING CONFLICTS ABOUT MONEY
If you’ve struggled with these issues, it may or may not be comforting to know that the most common causes of conflict within marriages and intimate relationships are sex and money. For many people, they’re understandably immediately concerned with how their own lives are playing out. For many others, they still have that immediate concern, but they also can take solace from the fact that they’re not alone and that their struggles are not unusual.
Regardless of where you stand on the comfort-little comfort spectrum, it is true that when couples have lasting or recurring fights, power struggles about money frequently tops the list.
No couple is impervious to arguing over finances
THE BEST MARRIAGE ADVICE AROUND
It’s true. We have gathered some of the best marriage advice around – from ordinary (and amazing) people just like you. People who are living proof that this kind of advice helps. People who are experiencing the ups and downs of married life, just like you. We wanted to know what married people, who are in the thick of things, would share with other couples, and we were blown away by the plethora of deep and wise advice that these folks shared. This is the kind of advice that helps nurture marriages, friends.
So, enjoy reading all of this awesomeness. And don’t be shy – leave your best marriage advice in the comments, please!
“Marriage is not a 50/50 give/take way of life it is a 100/100 give/take situation.” – Don
RESEARCH REVEALS THE SECRET TO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”
If you think the way to eternal love is through grand gestures of romance and passion, think again. Sure, love poems, romantic getaways, and surprise flowers are all wonderful for keeping your relationship happy, but the true secret lies in the small, everyday moments.
Remember those first few months of dating? You would spend endless amounts of energy storing up all of those little quirks, likes, and dislikes of your new love. You would dissect everything he or she said, hungry for more. What is her favorite restaurant? What is his favorite cologne? Does she like it when I tickle her here? How does he feel about me putting my hand on his leg here? It was young, fun, and exciting. It seemed effortless, and in a way, it was. Unfortunately, this type of intoxicating persistence seems to dissipate drastically once complacency kicks in. But why should it?
A GOOD HUSBAND ACCEPTS HIS MISTAKES
What does it mean to be a good husband?
This was the question posed to a group of men at a recent men’s workshop. The focus of the workshop was men and intimacy. But a theme emerged about how men in committed relationships can be better husbands and partners.
“What does it even mean to be a good husband?” one man asked the group.
The answers to this and similar questions became the focus of the entire day. Clearly working on how to be abetter husband was central for these men.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE UNTOLD STORY OF ENGR. CHINYERE SYLVIA AKALEME (NEE IGBO)
The menace of Domestic Violence in Nigeria and its implications on the families of the victims
LATE ENGR. SYLVIA CHINYERE AKALEME
Unfortunately for Sylvia, or Chinyere as she was fondly called by family and close friends, she did not live to tell her own story. She was cut down in her prime by her husband, OBINNA AKALEME, the man she loved till death did them part. She died on the day she was due to give birth after a series of miscarriages in her husband’s house.
SEE WHAT CHILDREN FROM RICH HOMES AND IN PRIVATE SCHOOLS DO BEHIND THEIR PARENTS
… It was a pool party.
And they were there.
Men who have ‘arrived’.
Money, power and fame.
Men in their prime who tell time to hold still since they have refused to age and it grudgingly obeys in detente and in temporaneous.
They dress young, they dance young, they act young.
10 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS OUT OF REACH
Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
That’s the super-short version of my advice for those moments when nothing seems to be going as planned—when everything you want seems out of reach.
Yes, just be right where you are, with an open mind.
Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.
Easier said than done of course, especially when tragedy strikes. And although Angel and I have coped and grown through our fair share of real tragedies, let’s be honest about something: 98% of the time we create tragedy in our lives out of fairly minor incidents. Something doesn’t go exactly as planned, but rather than learn from the experience, we freak out about it and let stress become us.