Positive Parenting: Accept Feelings, Limit Actions

person and two toddler's playing at the seashore

POSITIVE PARENTING: ACCEPT FEELINGS, LIMIT ACTIONS

Rebecca Eanes

Over the years of moderating a popular parenting page on Facebook, I have had the opportunity to listen to many parents voice their concerns about changing their parenting paradigms to peaceful, positive parenting. One of the major goals of positive parenting is to raise emotionally intelligent children, and this is because research has shown that children with high emotional intelligence are less defiant, mentally healthier, and more successful both academically and in relationships.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, evaluate, and regulate emotions. In our quest to raise emotionally intelligent children, positive parents understand the importance of accepting a child’s feelings. A common misconception is that accepting all feelings means accepting all actions resulting from those feelings, leading to an unruly and disrespectful or spoiled and coddled child.

Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They simply are what they are. We feel what we feel. What we do with those feelings, though, is extremely important, and that is a large part of emotional intelligence. It’s not about just understanding and accepting feelings but also teaching children appropriate actions around those feelings.

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Connecting with Your Pain Could Save Your Life

person crying beside bed

CONNECTING WITH YOUR PAIN COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE

Jenny TeGrotenhuis

Charlie was in my office yesterday. He was all smiles. I commended him on the quick transformation he had made in his relationship with his wife, Melinda. Even though his job had been extremely stressful lately, and he was experiencing a flare-up of symptoms from a chronic illness, he was content and hopeful. Melinda and their two children, James and Alissa, were doing well and settling into the back-to-school routines of basketball practice and music lessons.

“It seems like a long time ago,” Charlie said, referring to his suicide attempt two years earlier. We had just spent a long time processing something he’d once been reluctant to talk about. It was his second close brush with taking his own life.

The numbness and depression that had been his familiar companions through adolescence and young adulthood, layered with the lack of parental nurture and constant emotional chaos from his parents’ fighting, had left him with few internal emotional resources. He was familiar with a hollow ache inside that could not seem to be filled. He’d had no modeling in his life about how to really notice his feelings or interpret what they meant, so he was not in touch with his true and legitimate needs for loving connection, validation, security, and support.

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Intimate Partner Violence and the #MeToo Movement

INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE AND THE #METOO MOVEMENT

Mary Beth George

Trigger warning: This article discusses sexual assault and violence.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Over the years, the term domestic violence has been broadened to the more accurate term, intimate partner violence, acknowledging that abuse can occur regardless of marital status, gender, or sexual orientation.

When you hear the term domestic or intimate partner violence, you probably imagine a woman with a black eye, fleeing in the middle of the night to escape her batterer. While that image is accurate, it does not capture the depth and breadth of what many women experience. It also does not bring into focus the batterer.

I should mention that while the majority of domestic violence victims are women, abuse of men happens far more often than you might expect. Data from the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey indicates that one in six men in the United States have experienced some form of contact sexual violence during their lifetime, and 11% of men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

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What to Do with Feelings of Regret

WHAT TO DO WITH FEELINGS OF REGRET

Shoba Sreenivasan & Linda E. Weinberger

If used properly, it can help you become the type of person you want to be.

One of the most frequently experienced emotions is regret. Feelings of regret can stem from looking back on past behaviors and decisions and believing that a better outcome may have occurred if a different choice was made. Topics that seem to elicit the most regret are educationcareer, romance, parenting, self, and leisure (Newall, Chipperfield, Daniels, Hladkyj, & Perry, 2009; Roese & Summerville, 2005).

When having regret, a person can experience emotional, cognitive, and neurophysiological effects. Regret is often accompanied by other negative emotions such as guilt, disappointment, self-blame, and frustration. In addition, people frequently engage in cognitive exercises trying to understand why they made a poor decision or acted as they did, and what other choices they could have made to reap a better outcome. Moreover, regret activates certain areas of the cortex region of the brain (viz., lateral orbitofrontal, dorsomedial prefrontal).

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Sabotaging Your Happiness: 12 Ways You Can Ruin Your Life

find happiness

SABOTAGING YOUR HAPPINESS: 12 WAYS YOU CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE

Tiffany Grace Reyes

You can have everything you’ve ever wanted and more, yet still be dissatisfied and unhappy with your life. But what can you do to change that?

If you feel down in the dumps about yourself, it’s probably because you have habits, attitudes, and actions that are hindering you from being the best person that you can be. In fact, these things can even ruin you and your chances of happiness. Find out how you might be ruining your own life and the things you can do to stop this from happening.

You are ruining your own life…

#1 By being lazy. It’s natural to be lazy, but it can help tremendously if you keep yourself motivated and driven. Putting off things by procrastinating or not going after what you really want because of the effort it entails is the definition of laziness. This attitude holds you back from progress and growth, whether in your career or your personal life.

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How to Perfect the Silent Treatment in a Relationship

silent treatment in a relationship

HOW TO PERFECT THE SILENT TREATMENT IN A RELATIONSHIP

Alison Ricard

The silent treatment is bad for love. But if you’re too mad to talk to your lover, here’s the right way to use the silent treatment in your relationship.

When you’re upset with your partner, it’s never easy to choose the right words to express yourself.

Instead of explaining yourself, your mind would instinctively choose all the wrong words.

And almost all the time, these wrong words you use in an argument would be the most hurtful ones.

A relationship, as happy as it can be, can also have its painful moments.

But how you deal with those bad moments with your partner will determine the longevity and happiness in your relationship.

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A New Appreciation for Anxiety

A NEW APPRECIATION FOR ANXIETY

LaVerna Wilk

Anxiety is an interesting animal. There is nothing fun about it, no one enjoys a rapid heart rate, the hit of adrenaline, the racing thoughts – no one would choose panic attacks. Yet, there seems to be something perversely protective about anxiety at times.

I know that sounds crazy, even to me, but hear me out.

I made an observation one day as I was doing Neurotherapy with a client. We had her hooked up to a monitor and we were training her Theta/Beta ratio at the back of her head. Together we observed that as her brainwaves were learning to cope better with anxiety and reduce her symptoms, that her anxiety was actually increasing.  As we talked about this she stated that, inside her, it almost felt like we were “storming the castle” so to speak, and that there was an urge to hold on to the anxiety and resist the changes we were trying to achieve. As we began to explore that, she was eventually able to articulate that while she didn’t enjoy her anxiety and the limits it imposed on her life, in theory there were ways in which it was almost soothing and at times protective.  Her symptoms included anxiety about traffic and specifically about being in an accident. When she absolutely had to go somewhere with her husband she would have large reactions to imagined “near misses” at intersections, and was obsessed with watching the rear-view mirror so she would be able to warn him if they were about to get rear ended, etc. She had lived with these symptoms for so long that she had become quite accustomed to simply telling people, “No, I can’t go to the concert/movies/mall because my anxieties have been quite high lately”.  What we discovered after much digging, was that her anxieties kept her vigilant, not only for actual threats to her safety, but imagined ones as well.

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Our sex life is amazing but our marriage sucks

OUR SEX LIFE IS AMAZING BUT OUR MARRIAGE SUCKS

He woke up horny. He started touching his wife on her breasts.

He flipped her over. Got on top of her. He started kissing her, but she seemed not interested. He turned his game up, kissed her on her neck as he spread her legs. She looked away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Us,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

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11 Big Signs of a Weak Man in a Relationship that May Surprise You

signs of a weak man in a relationship

11 BIG SIGNS OF A WEAK MAN IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT MAY SURPRISE YOU

Natasha Ivanovic

When we date, we always look for a strong man, but most of us don’t even know the signs of a weak man in a relationship, and why it actually matters.

Sadly, many women don’t know the signs of a weak man in a relationship. Now, this weakness I’m talking about is what makes a relationship one-sided. A weak man isn’t one who cries. In fact, he’s actually a strong man if he’s able to cry freely and express his emotions.

A truly weak man is someone that you carry through life. Rather than an equal relationship, you do all the dirty work while he’s just along for the ride. Though it may bring out your nurturing side, you’ll soon tire of it, trust me. Don’t stick around until he wears you down.

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The Great Pretender

Mom Newborn Baby Hospital

THE GREAT PRETENDER

Famifi

Fake it ‘til you make it takes on new meaning when you become a parent.

I first felt it on the day I headed down the hospital’s maternity corridor toward the newborns room: saturation-level imposter syndrome. In the two days prior, someone had always ceremoniously handed me my newborn while I lay below florescent lights on my sanitized throne of paper bed sheets surrounded by family. Members of this extended village were the ones supporting me, helping me feel like this new normal—this new role—was, in fact, real.

But at last I felt up to getting around the hallways on foot, now able to make my way toward this curious creature and claim him myself. So, I wielded a plastic wristband with my name on it, a flimsy passport that somehow convinced the baby warden to hand over this squirrely little person.

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