ONE LITTLE THING YOUR RELATIONSHIP COULD USE MORE OF
ONE LITTLE THING YOUR RELATIONSHIP COULD USE MORE OF
LOVE SMARTER BY LEARNING WHEN TO TAKE A BREAK
Being able to shift gears in the heat of an argument and take a break is one of the most crucial relationship skills. It’s also one of the most difficult.
Breaks give you time to calm down, deepen your perspective, and have a successful “do-over” with your partner. In order to be successful, however, it helps to follow a few basic practices.
Unfortunately, when conflicts arise, many of us are likely to do more harm than good. We shut down conversations prematurely or push our partner past their threshold of tolerance, and when this happens, both partners can get locked in a stalemate of stonewalling.
GOTTMAN’S 3 SKILLS (AND 1 RULE!) FOR INTIMATE CONVERSATION
As Kyle Morrison explained, couples who reach out to The Gottman Institute in a state of distress almost always have one thing in common: they want to know that everything is okay. They want to know that they’re not alone, and they want to make things right. Unfortunately, having been raised on a steady diet of fairytale logic and pop songs, few of us are equipped with particularly good ideas of what a healthy relationship is – much less how to make contingency plans for when we can see that our relationship isn’t.
Operating from a basis of misconceptions about an effortless “happily ever after” can be dangerous. First of all, there’s no such thing as a flawless relationship, simply because there’s no such thing as a flawless person. And who would want this automatic perfection? Who would want to live in a world where everyone is the same? We could never fall in love, because there would be no source of connection – no shared idiosyncrasies, no weird inside jokes, no strange habits to bond over.
And yet, it’s true: not all flaws are adorable. Idiosyncrasies that seem cute when we’re falling in love often lose their appeal over time, and come out in fights – blow-outs that occur when we do our best to stay silent, but can’t help keeping a running tally of annoyances, or finally exploding at our partners with laundry lists of our frustrations.
5 THINGS UNHAPPY PEOPLE REFUSE TO ADMIT TO THEMSELVES
Marc and I recently went roller skating for the first time in forever. Everyone else skating was pretty young, except one man in his late 50’s. He kept falling down, smiling and laughing. And all the kids skating kept smiling and laughing along with him. Finally, I asked him why he decided to skate today and he said, “I was at work earlier and realized I had never been roller skating. And although life hasn’t been easy lately, here I am cracking myself up. It’s totally been worth it!”
Talk about a great reminder, for all of us! Even when life is tough we can choose to smile.
But so many of us don’t…
Avoid these at all cost (especially 8 and 9).
There are several things you unknowingly do that push your man away. Most of these behaviors are not major, but rather opposite. They may be the reason the man you love seems to lose interest in you without any explanation.
Avoid these 12 things and your love will change:
Fights are an inevitable part of every relationship. But we’re not talking about the silly fights couples have just for the hell of it. We’re referring to those fights and squabbles that bring you and your partner closer to each other, the ones that are actually good for your relationship. Can you imagine a relationship without conflicts? It’ll be so painstakingly dull! Regardless, studies have proved that couples who fight a lot also love each other a lot. So as long as your fights are not out of line, it’s perfectly normal.
Read on as we try and understand the most common disagreements between couples that are alright to have.
1. The argument over going or not going to a particular party.
ONE THING TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU LOSE SOMEONE YOU LOVE
Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness; they are a sign of a pure, loving heart. It’s a matter of perspective. And perspective is everything at moments like this.
We all know deep down that life is short, and that death will happen to all of us eventually, and yet we are infinitely shocked when it happens to someone we love. It’s like walking up a flight of stairs with a distracted mind, and misjudging the final step. You expected there to be one more stair than there is, and so you find yourself off balance for a moment, before your mind shifts back to the present moment and how the world really is.
Marc and I have dealt with the loss of siblings and best friends to illness, so we know from experience that when you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open. And the bad news is you never completely get over the loss – you will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news.
SMART SLEEPING: 10 THINGS TO KNOW
It’s 2:13 a.m., and you are wide awake. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. It’s uncomfortable. You’ve already gotten up twice, and you don’t need to go to the bathroom. Why won’t your mind shut off? Why does this always happen?
It’s 2:13 a.m., and you are wide awake. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. It’s uncomfortable. You’ve already gotten up twice, and you don’t need to go to the bathroom. Why won’t your mind shut off? Why does this always happen? If any of the previous statements apply to you, keep reading. If you have been missing that good night’s sleep, here are ten things you should be doing differently. Don’t fall asleep when you read these.
YOU MIGHT HAVE HIV WITHOUT KNOWING IT; HERE ARE THE 3 SIGNS
The pandemic is still alive.
About 36.7 million people worldwide are currently living with HIV, and 1.8 million of those infected are children who contracted the disease from their mothers according to AIDS.gov. A shocking one in eight people who have AIDS do not even know they have it yet – are you one of them?
While there is no cure for HIV AIDS, if detected early on, antiretroviral treatments, or ART, can keep the disease at bay and allow carriers to lead a fairly normal life. The only way to know for sure whether you have contracted HIV is to be tested for it.
Dr. Kelly Flanagan
When we moved from the suburbs back to my rural hometown, I thought we’d be trading the cacophony of Chicagoland for the quiet of the country. And, in a way, we did. The thing is, the countryside wasn’t as quiet as I thought it would be. In a really good way…
On a spring morning, the birds twitter and tweet and make a concert of their morning song. On a summer evening, the cicadas crescendo in the crowded trees, until, in the small hours of the night, they finally quiet, and the crickets take over, with their constant hum. On an autumn afternoon, dry leaves rustle in the treetops, and they skitter raspy along two-lane roads. In the winter, a snowfall can lay undisturbed for hours, and the muffled world fills your ears with the tinny ringing of your own blood rushing.