WILL MY MARRIAGE LAST?
As many of you may know, I have taught several classes at universities about marriage and families. It’s great to see all the young faces so eager to learn about what it takes to make a marriage work. On the first day of class, I usually ask the students how many people intend to get married. Nearly all of them raise their hands. Then I follow up by asking how many think they will be among the fifty percent of marriages that will get a divorce. Interestingly, none of them raises their hand.
It always makes me feel bad to deliver the bad news that about half in the classroom will get divorced despite all their good intentions. After I say this, I always get one student who then raises their hand and asks, “So what can we do to make sure we’re among the half in the class that don’t get divorced?” I then tell them to make sure to come to every class and they’ll get that information throughout the semester. But since I don’t have a whole semester here on my blog, I’ll give it to you here in bullet points.
Tips to Ensure Your Marriage Will Last
- Keep Dating. Dating is a way to get to know each other. And it serves the same purpose in marriage, too. After so long being married you think you know each other well enough. But in reality, you’re growing and changing and your spouse is too. Dating each other ensures you continue to get to know each other through all the changing that you’re both doing. This helps you forestall a lot of problems by knowing your spouse well enough to anticipate problems before they even begin.
- Don’t Neglect Your Sex Life. Sex is an important part of your relationship. It’s the one thing that you only share with your spouse that you don’t share with anyone else. When sex becomes bland your relationship does too. You become more like friends than lovers. Do what you gotta do to keep your sex life rockin’. It will help keep the romance and passion alive in your marriage.
- Learn How to Repair Problems. Some of you might be thinking that this means to apologize. But this isn’t what I mean. There are some things that happen in marriage that require more than an apology. Learn how to repair problems that come up with your spouse in ways that are meaningful to them. It doesn’t matter if you think you’ve fixed the problems or not. What matters is if your spouse thinks you’ve fixed them. Learn what your spouse needs to feel like things are repaired and do them.
- Share Your Life Goals Together. Couples get married and get settled into a comfortable routine with each other. Before they know it, they’re just doing the same old, same old with each other and feeling like something is missing. Sharing life goals together gives your spouse an opportunity to get to know you and gives them something to connect with. It also gives you and your spouse something to work together on instead of being stagnant.
Of course, there are many, many more things you can do to make sure that your marriage lasts. But these are four of the more important ones. At the end of the day, there are lots of other things you can do, too. Just go down the self-help aisle of any bookstore, search through this blog or even see a therapist. Sure, it’s embarrassing but so is divorce.