Boring Sex




Aaron Anderson

It’s a common stereotype: men that always want sex more than women. But why? Why do women seem to want sex less than men? If you’re in a relationship where you can’t seem to get on the same page with each other sexually, this article will be helpful for you to figure out what you gotta do to get your woman in the mood and for you women to find out what it takes to get you in the mood.

So why do women seem to want sex less than men?  Well, this is actually more of a complicated subject than a lot of people give it credit for. There are a lot of things that contribute to women’s sexual desire. Things such as societal expectations, biology, and intimate connection help explain why women don’t want sex as often as men.

Societal Expectations Keep Women from Expressing their Sexuality.

In our society, it’s a risk for women to display sexual desire. It’s stigmatized. Women who want sex a lot or who have sex a lot run the risk of being branded a ‘slut’ or ‘easy’ or a hundred other unkind descriptions. Men, on the other hand, are sort of expected to want sex a lot. In fact, if they don’t want sex a lot they may even be stigmatized as not being ‘manly’ or ‘man enough’.

I don’t know where this all started, but I think it has something to do with back in middle school when your friends started talking about kissing and holding hands and who’s dating who. Somewhere along the way someone mentioned that one of their friends had sex with someone else. And the girls all said “what a slut” and all the guys said “he’s the man”. Ever since then, it seems, women have suffered a serious PR problem when they express any kind of sexual desire. Either way, women are raised with much different messages than men around sex. And a lot of these messages discourage sexual expression and even desire.

Biologically, Women Are Different, Too.

Biology also plays a part in sexual desire. Testosterone has been linked to sexual desire. The more of it the more the desire. However, women have somewhere between 2 – 20 times less testosterone than men. So it would seem that men would biologically want sex more than women, too. But what’s curious is that women who are treated for sexual disorders by receiving testosterone treatment don’t have the same response that men do. So it makes you wonder if testosterone works for women the same as it does for men. And if testosterone doesn’t work, what will?

Intimate Connections

You don’t have to be a marriage counselor to know that women want sex for different reasons. There’s a line by Billy Crystal in the movie City Slickers where he says “Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.” He may have been more right than he knew. One interesting study done in 2007 at the University of Florida shows that women in committed intimate relationships actually have the same attitudes about sex as their male counterparts. The researchers state that there is something about a lasting commitment that makes women want it more.

Another study showed that women were not as stimulated by viewing sexual images as men were. However, there was more stimulation when erotic stories with a plot were described. So it would seem that women need sex for a reason. And that reason is feeling an intimate connection.

As a marriage counselor, I think it’s great to see the ways that men and women are different sexually. It brings out the best in both sexes as we try to negotiate relationships with each other while exploring our own sexuality. For men, it challenges them to find a more romantic and committed side. For women, it challenges them to find a more physical, sensational side. And that is good for both sexes – internally and sexually.


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