TO MY HUSBAND, NOW THAT I’M A MOM
As a Mom, I’m Scared and I Need You. But Most Importantly, I’m Sorry.
By Shanêy Vijendranath
Dear husband, I want to apologize to you.
I woke up this morning thinking about how much our lives have changed ever since we have become parents.
We used to live life on the edge, party when we wanted to and travel wherever we could – spontaneously. But today … everything is different. Our late nights out are early nights in because I’m constantly exhausted.
WE hardly ever go out alone. WE never spend enough time together … and WE don’t communicate the way we used to.
Our one-hour phone calls are now 5-minute instructions – calls that tell you what to buy before you come home.
I’m not the person that I used to be. I’m not the bride that you married; I know I’m not fun anymore and that is what worries me.
I am now a mom and my priorities have changed – but to you, I’m supposed to be a wife. The wife that used to make you smile and surprise you.
My hair is always in a mess and my dressing style has changed – I was hoping to wear that Little Black Dress a month after giving birth but that isn’t happening because I still can’t fit into it. I was hoping to look sexy for you tonight so we could rekindle our romance but that isn’t happening because our newborn is irritable and just threw up on me.
I don’t know what you are thinking any more and that scares me
Every time I try to kiss you, our newborn screams. Every time I try to hug you, our toddler interrupts.
I need you to understand me and the change that I am facing.
I need you to be patient with our relationship and hold my hand on this path that we are walking on.
I need you to communicate with me and share what is on your mind.
I didn’t expect it to be this overwhelming but it is. I’m torn between my kids and my husband even though I shouldn’t be. I wish that I could give you the same undivided attention but I can’t. I thought that I would have enough time but I don’t.
I’m sorry that I put our relationship on the side line, while I focus all my energy on our toddler and newborn.
I’m sorry for not giving you the attention that you deserve.
I’m sorry for making empty promises and ignoring you.
I’m sorry for not kissing you goodbye this morning because instead…I had to change a dirty diaper.
I guess we didn’t realize just how much everything would change. Some for the better while others for the worse (you know what I’m talking about).
I want you to know that your bride still exists. She just needs time to figure out how to return.
She needs to gain the confidence she’s lacking at the moment … She needs you to tell her she’s sexy even after having 2 kids.
I feel different. I look different.
I know that you feel like you are sharing me but trust me, it won’t last forever. One day our kids will grow up and we will be dating again.
I want you to know that our romance hasn’t ended. We will get back those moments that we shared once upon a time.
I need you to love me even when I push you away. I need you to hug me when I’m standing naked by my closet staring at my clothes. I need you to kiss me when I’m overwhelmed with tears in my eyes.
I have realized that being a good mom is making me a bad wife but thank you for tolerating it.
Thank you for loving me even when I’m moody.
Thank you for calling me pretty on the days I feel ugly.
I know I haven’t said this in a long time, but I LOVE YOU. You are important to me and I promise to remind you just how much I love being married to you.
You never complain and that is what amazes me. You are an amazing father and I will always treasure you.