Obiorah T. Momife

I have been screaming it and no one wants to listen. Divorce is a tortuous path… It leads to many problems and ailments. It affects the totality of the outlook of those involved especially those who are not prepared for the misadventure.

Divorce is not for weaklings or lily-livered people, neither is it for those without the virtue of patience, or an extra supply of grace.

God does not hate divorce because it hurts Him, but because it ultimately hurts us humans who either are lured into it or find themselves in it as a result of the hardness of their heart.

Divorce entirely distorts God’s inimitable plan for the human family, for peace, and for the progeny of the nuptial relationship.

Divorce is evil, transforming an apparently good person into a surprisingly largely vindictive person. It is death that comes in trickles, not necessarily of the body only, but also of the mind and the spirit.

Many people who pursue divorce are deluded and are in denial, behaving like champions who are tough and strong, acting happy in it. Sometimes though, a flight from a death-threatening circumstance may produce the illusion of happiness. At the end, a feeling of “I wish I knew I could have done it better” is often inevitable.

Honestly, when one eventually gets divorced and remarries, another phase of challenge surfaces. The tendency to compare the new and the old becomes compelling and must be managed with great wisdom as it can otherwise water the ground for yet another divorce.

The cultural challenge becomes an albatross of its own and often gets to those who are not strong enough to ward off certain subtle attack, and stigma, even in the Christian Church. Someone said, ”You could not keep your marriage so what are you telling me…?” She failed to understand that the woman who started cooking first always has more, and older, utensils and also that only he who fails can tell where the hurdles are.

Most divorced people only put up a front to deceive the world into believing that they are happy or to justify and validate their error. They are not happy! Most wish they could go back or at least reverse time to repair the damage they did with their hasty reaction…and decision.

• Many take to alcohol for succor
• Many take to drugs
• Many get out of control with the mind to wreck other marriages.
• Many are living in pitiful bitterness and as such angry with the world, God and everyone.
• Many decide to torture the opposite sex blaming the opposite sex indirectly for their woes.
• Many take up causes purporting to address the cases of certain abuses in relationships but deep down they still suffer pain and unconsciously help to destroy other people’s relationships
• Some end up concluding that love is wicked and will never seek love or receive it.

There is a certain mystery that begins when a man and a woman come together in marriage. Early in the day the woman desires to be loved while the man seeks to be in control. If both of them live together to a certain point in their lives this desire changes. The woman, as a mother who has earned her husband’s trust over time, albeit falling and rising, becomes the one in authority in the family and is now in control of everything. The man will be seeking more of love and peace of mind. The children and all know Mama is the boss and is the one who authorizes everything. Only few ever get to this divine level of completion in marriage. I love it when I see it.

May God help those on the fringes of taking this defeatist course of escape to change their mind. May they ask Him to help them to resolve their marital issues which are invariably run-of-the-mill issues which can be resolved with patience, maturity and understanding.

My marriage is a part of the statistics of those which failed. Yours must not be!


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