By STAY COMMITTED – DURING THE UPS AND DOWNS!
By The Marriage and Family Clinic
How do you stay committed to your marriage when things aren’t great?
It isn’t going to be easy, especially if you just don’t seem to be getting along or liking each other much lately. But we do have some tips to help the downs go a little smoother.
First and foremost, don’t believe that bad advice!
In your relationship, you will hear a million different ways to keep your relationship alive that are nearly impossible. For example, “Have 5 good experiences for every 1 bad experience.” Let’s be honest – a lot of the time that is not possible and you may have 10 bad experiences to every 1 good experience. When you hear that advice, it does not make you feel hopeful. You begin to think – “If I am supposed to have that many good times, then I am definitely not in the right relationship.” Once again – those downtimes are normal. Recognize that your relationship does not need to be mind-blowing, every day and all the time. This recognition will lift a heavy burden off your back. Don’t believe all of the bad advice out there that puts you even more in a lull.
Next, Take Straight Forward Steps
In life, there is not a lot of black and white. However, in getting through the rough patches and thriving in your relationship, there are some straightforward steps that can be applied to nearly every relationship:
- During the downtimes, regularly remind yourself all the positives about your partner. It is especially important to recognize the positives when you are in a relationship drought and you are only seeing the negatives. When you are feeling hopeless, remember that they love and care about you but they are just having a difficult moment.
- Take action! If you want to see something different in your relationship, think of how it can change – starting with you. Plan a date, surprise them with a kiss, send them a love letter… Do something out of the ordinary! The reason why is because you were doing actions in the relationship that led you to this point, without changing those actions, things will stay the same.
- When things are going well, enjoy the moment. If you are at one of the “up” times in your relationship, savor the experience. As much as possible, put your thoughts about work or other duties to the side. Focus on what you are doing right now. Those moments will keep pushing you forward but if you are busy thinking of something else, you might as well physically not be there either.
In a relationship, ups and downs are completely normal. There is plenty of unrealistic advice out there that will lead you to believe that you are in a hopeless situation. Ignore that advice and focus on what’s next for your own relationship. During downtimes, remind yourself of the positives in your partner. To make a change happen, take it upon yourself and do something out of the ordinary. When things are going well, savor the moment and put aside your distractions.
Implement this advice regularly and you will withstand the rollercoaster ride that is every committed relationship.
If you don’t like how things are right now, you have to change something to get a different outcome.
When you hit the lows in your marriage and can’t seem to break out, it is often because you are in a rut of doing the same things over and over and over. You have the same fight with the same responses, you do the same thing to try to connect with your spouse, you do the same thing for date night every week, you avoid the same problems that continue to come up.
Break out of bad habits, by taking action!
This week: Find anything that bothers you in your relationship and TAKE ACTION to change it. YOU play an important role in your relationship and you have the power to change more than you think. Does your partner always seem to be in a bad mood when they come home and it bothers you? Take action by doing something that will either lift their mood (you have to pay attention to know what’s going on with them **insert communication**) or change your attitude so you don’t take on their bad mood and it doesn’t bother you so much.
