My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex – Why?

My Husband Doesn’t Want Sex – Why?


By Guy Stuff

The absence of sex in a relationship can occur for many reasons. Some of them can be physical or psychological. But the love being gone will also result in a sexless marriage. And the opposite can be true as well – no sex can lead to a loss of love. If your husband doesn’t want sex anymore, or if you feel he no longer finds you sexually attractive, you need to find out why.

It’s important to understand that all relationships and people change over time. The hot and heavy sex that typically exists at the beginning of a relationship will eventually cool. That’s natural. In healthy relationships, however, physical affection and sex are important parts of building intimacy and connection. When sex disappears, couples lose a key component to maintaining that level of closeness.

Even though the intensity will lessen, your sex life shouldn’t become non-existent. Considering other possible reasons your husband doesn’t want sex is helpful because it can provide a window into your relationship.

  • Could it be boredom?
  • Are you too busy?
  • Have you or your spouse changed physically in a way that makes sex less appealing?

If these things (which can usually always be fixed) aren’t factors, then it may be a matter of the love waning or even being lost.

Jill, a woman in her 40s, once told me that, “My husband is like a stranger. We never talk or do anything fun together. I wouldn’t have sex with a stranger at a bar, so why would I want to have sex with him?”

It’s pretty clear that Jill isn’t interested in having sex with her husband. Her explanation also makes it clear there are other factors in her marriage that are making their love and closeness fade and those are also heavily impacting their sex life. Jill is far from alone in this situation. Her reasoning is also not much different from that of men as they can lose interest in sex for similar reasons regarding the relationship connection and closeness.

Despite the stereotype that men always want sex and think about it every seven seconds (not true by the way), they can lose interest for the same reasons as women like Jill. Several of the common explanations we hear are:

  • “She doesn’t appreciate me.”
  • “She’s always criticizing me.”
  • “She never initiates sex – it’s always on me.”

This doesn’t mean that it’s your fault if you’re complaining, “my husband doesn’t want sex anymore.” That notwithstanding, it’s possible something you’re doing or not doing is a factor. Regardless of the reason, since most men want to have sex, if your husband doesn’t it should definitely be a warning sign that something’s not right and shouldn’t be ignored.


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