My Husband Doesn’t Love Me Anymore – 5 Things To Do To Change That

My Husband Doesn’t Love Me Anymore – 5 Things To Do To Change That


By Dr. Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC

Part 2 of 2

There’s nothing more devastating in a relationship than losing the love you once shared. Hearing that your husband doesn’t love you anymore brings on a crushing feeling that can leave you believing that things are hopeless. That may not be the case, however.

Wives tell me “my husband doesn’t love me anymore” all the time in couples counseling. It’s not just wives in counseling who feel that their husbands don’t love them either, and a lot of them are right.

In many cases husbands do feel that they no longer love their wives and often only agreed to counseling just to check the box before they end it. The good news is that for many couples those feelings of being out of love are just a complicated mask for problems that can have a resolution. And seeking counseling gives them the opportunity to learn how.

Why Men Fall Out Of Love

Unfortunately, many husbands, and wives, just aren’t “in love” with their spouses anymore. Falling out of love really shouldn’t be that surprising to anyone. Change is part of life, including no longer feeling in love with our partner.

What many don’t realize is that these changes in the love they feel can be a normal process within a long-term relationship and doesn’t have to mean the end. Often people assume that the infatuation and excitement they feel at the beginning of a relationship will be the way it feels forever. That’s simply not the case. Those feelings eventually mellow and change. Too many people see those changes as a bad sign and mistakenly think that their love must be fading.

In addition, life and all the stress that comes with it can pull people apart and make the feeling of love seem nonexistent. Frustration, disillusionment, and especially a lack of intimacy can set in and drive a wedge between partners.

What To Do If Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

In relationships we’re always going to be doing one of two things — either growing together or apart. And the natural forces of life are going to cause us to grow apart, unless we do things to counter that process.

So is there anything you can do to change that? Yes! Here the final three of five things you can do to get your husband back in love with you:

  1. UNCONDITIONAL. (find out what I mean in the first article on My Husband Doesn’t Love Me
  2. RESPECT. (read more about this in the link above)
  3. POSITIVE FEEDBACK. Feeling important, valued and validated are some of the key reasons for men having affairs and falling in love with someone else. This is something that without conscious effort can disappear from marriages over time. Then another woman comes along and starts to offer it and… (well you know the rest of the story). Think back on when you first were dating and how you both worked to make sure each of you understood the value and importance of the other. Get back to doing this again.
  4. DISCOVER. Discover things that you are doing that contribute to the lack of love in the relationship. This may take help. There are things that you may be doing that you don’t even realize are adding to the problems and making things worse. A marriage counselor is an excellent, objective expert to help you with this, especially a marriage counselor who knows men. This doesn’t have to mean losing weight or changing your hair, but rather changing how you interact with him, respond to him, or speak to him.
  5. PATIENCE. Most partners don’t fall out of love over night, it happens slowly over time. Falling back in love happens the same way. So be sure to give it some time for the love to come back.

I hear from a lot of women who really struggle when they read these suggestions. They feel so unloved by their husbands that my recommending they love him when he doesn’t love them seems wrong, unfair and impossible. And I totally understand how they feel, but if you’re feeling “my husband doesn’t love me anymore” then you’ve got two choices — either accept that he doesn’t love you or do something to change it.

I’m not recommending that you do these five things forever without receiving any love from your husband in return. I’m just recommending that you be the first to start putting love back in your marriage. If you feel you already do this, then just try to do it a little bit better. Give it a try for 90 days and see what happens. What have you got to lose?


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