MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK!!!
Dr. D.K. Olukoya
Many years ago I interpreted the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked her, “So what is the secret of your over 47 successful years in marriage?”
Beaming with smiles, she retorted, “My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will spell either its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or him buying cars for me but, with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
“You see, if a married lady keeps on nagging in the house, she pushes the spirit of her husband away from the home. If you make the man unhappy, you make the house uncomfortable.
“So, I married without high expectations from my husband but simply to make him happy always.
“Yes, for the past 47 years, I would be the first to get up from bed and the last to go back to bed. I bathe the kids, do devotions with them, prepare breakfast for my husband and boil hot water for him to bathe. I iron the clothes he would wear to work, kiss him and wish him the best in his daily endeavors.”
Then I asked the old lady, “So then, what does the man do in return?”
She laughed all heart and hearty and replied, “You see, this is the mistake you young ones make in marriage. YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND EXPECT SO,ME REWARD FROM HIM OR HER! THIS IS WRONG!!
“When it becomes your attitude to only please your husband or wife always, the other person responds naturally. Indeed, if nothing touches the palm tree, it doesn’t rattle.”
She continued, “My son, never carry ‘How Rich or Poor your Family is’ into marriage. After all, you knew very well the status of your family and decided to marry that man or woman!
“Love only compels/leads would-be couples into marriage but it doesn’t sustain marriage. Rather, understanding, patience, communication and, most importantly, forgiveness sustain every marriage. High expectations are the symptoms of divorce in marriages.
“Sometimes you hear, ‘I want to marry a mother, a business partner, God-fearing person,’ etc. You cannot get all your expectations in one person. With time, and depending on your relationship, you may get some. So minimize your expectations in marriage.”
She highlighted some mistakes every couple should resist at all cost:
- Never say you have made your wife or husband somebody from a nobody. It hurts. God only used you as an agent for transformation. Give the glory to God.
Let the man be head of the home no matter the financial, economic, physical and emotional health situation prevailing in the couple’s life. The woman must exercise diligence in the use of the tongue.
Having children should not be the ultimate objective in marriage. Children are given by God to enhance your marriage. When God delays in giving you a child, have every reason to live a happy marital life.
Sex is a major morale booster after a hard day’s stressful life. Try to be sexual beings, not ‘angels’ in your marriage.
To solve your marital disputes, resort to God often and less to men.
Women should ‘make up’ their character much more than they make up their body.
Indeed, marriage is not for small boys because small boys struggle to forgive, demand everything speedily, lack the patience to wait, and have so many friends, etc.
Make every effort to let that marriage work.
Kindly share to bless others and to bless the holy institution of marriage.