Love Quiz: Are You Experiencing Negative Sentiment Override?

LOVE QUIZ: ARE YOU EXPERIENCING NEGATIVE SENTIMENT OVERRIDE?

Ellie Lisitsa

Take this quiz to see if your relationship is suffering from a negative perspective.

If you are in an abusive relationship, know that you’re not alone. See our resources here.

The following information centers on couples in healthy relationships, void of any and all forms of domestic violence.

University of Oregon emeritus psychologist Robert Weiss coined the term “Negative Sentiment Override” for the emergence of troubling patterns where trust is broken in relationships.  Dr. John Gottman found that the concept of the Three Boxes is related to the ebb and flow of these perceptions. What we called the “valley of darkness” in the Nasty Box becomes an enormous problem as Negative Sentiment Override kicks in and positive feelings felt between partners are decreased from their honeymoon peak. With both these phenomena in place, partners are left trying to push a relationship up a mountain.

Dr. John Gottman does not believe that all problems can be solved or that all relationships can be healthily maintained. He offers a vast number of tools that approach the difficulties encountered in relationships. In “What Makes Love Last?,” he offers the following exercise, allowing couples to determine whether or not they are experiencing Negative Sentiment Override.

Take this quiz and find out:In the recent past in my relationship, generally I felt:

• Hurt.*
  • True
  • False
• Misunderstood.*
  • True
  • False
• Like “I don’t have to take this.”*
  • True
  • False
• Innocent of blame for the problem.*
  • True
  • False
• Like getting up and leaving.*
  • True
  • False
• Angry.*
  • True
  • False
• Disappointed.*
  • True
  • False
• Unjustly accused.*
  • True
  • False
• Like “My partner has no right to say those things.”*
  • True
  • False
• Frustrated.*
  • True
  • False
• Personally attacked.*
  • True
  • False
• I wanted to strike back.*
  • True
  • False
• I was warding off a barrage.*
  • True
  • False
• Like I wanted to protect myself.*
  • True
  • False
• I took my partner’s complaints as slights.*
  • True
  • False
• My partner was trying to control me.*
  • True
  • False
• My partner was very manipulative.*
  • True
  • False
• Unjustly criticized.*
  • True
  • False
• Like getting even.*
  • True
  • False
• I wanted the negativity to just stop.*
  • True
  • False