How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive After Kids

How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive After Kids


By Mike & Carlie Kercheval

Let’s talk about keeping sex life alive after kids. As taboo as this topic may sound and feel, it’s one worth talking about. The reality is sex life becomes almost non-existent for most couples after having children. This doesn’t have to be the norm for you and your spouse. There are practical, yet powerful, ways to nourish your sex life after kids.

Common Reason Sex Life Diminishes After Kids

Can we be completely honest here? Excuses are the biggest culprit behind a diminishing sex life after kids. Yes, we’re putting excuses on the chopping block because they are the primary reasons why couples do not continue enjoying the God-given gift of sex in their marriage.

Do any of these sound familiar?

I’m too tired. 

I don’t feel confident in my body.

I’m too busy.

I get too distracted.

The kids might wake up.

If you’ve said these more times than you’d like to admit, then don’t worry – it means you’re completely normal. Thing is, though, becoming parents does not have to make you and your spouse celibate. Parenthood doesn’t have to take precedence over your marriage. And, you don’t have to wait until your kids are older before you start enjoying that part of your spouse again.

How to Keep Your Sex Life Alive After Kids

I read the best quote about this very topic – Your kids will wait while you build your marriage, but your marriage won’t wait for your kids to grow up. With this in mind, it’s so important to focus on keeping your marriage strong, especially in the area of intimacy, regardless of how many kids you have. Here are some suggestions for doing just that.

Try to get some rest.

As if this isn’t already at the top of your to-do list, getting rest can help you flip sleep deprivation into revitalization. When you’re exhausted, the last thing on your mind is mustering up enough energy for intimacy. A good rule of thumb is to rest when your children rest. Some couples even take one-day (and night) sleep dates. Definitely worth considering!

Talk about sex with your spouse.

Having these conversations will help you stay up to par with your partner in his expectations for this area of marriage. Find out what they still like, no longer care for, and so on. Love languages can change over time so having a love talk can keep you updated.

Make time for sex.

As you’ve probably realized by now, families thrive from having schedules and plans. Just like you’ve written down your kiddos’ next soccer or football practice, the upcoming games, and future work meetings, schedule intimate time with your spouse. Make it a priority just like other things in life.

Foster intimacy between sex.

In other words, practice flirting and communicating with your spouse in other intimate ways. You can do this through love notes, short back rubs, or words of affirmation. Don’t exclude watching movies together or dancing to your favorite song. These take little to no effort but have long-lasting effects.

Final Thoughts

Keeping your sex life alive after kids doesn’t have to seem like a far-off goal. In fact, begin seeing it as one of the most important things you can do for your marriage. Begin making sex (or other intimate acts) a priority in your marriage and you’ll see a big difference! And as always, start small and take baby steps. You are still a parent, but having an amazing marriage can make parenthood that much better.


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