Do You Know What a Great Husband You Are?

Your wife loves you. A lot. You do a lot for her and for your family, and she is grateful for that. She is grateful for you.

You are doing a really good job as a husband. A reallllly great job.

Your wife wants you to know a few specific things she appreciates about you, things you are doing a remarkable job at (kudos). These things you are doing are making a bigger difference than you realize, and are nurturing your marriage in real and beautiful ways.

1. Your wife appreciates your optimism in the little interactions.

You are busy people. Your wife has been stressed lately due to her work as a night-shift nurse, the quilt she is making for your nephew who is graduating, and the dog’s potty problem that’s been going on for awhile. Amidst all this, there you are, consistently smiling, being grateful, and being happy.

You have a lot on your plate too, but you don’t take your stress out on your wife. You are never short-tempered and you never get on her case for things she is forgetting to get done. No, no you. You simply step in, step up, and go above and beyond. You may not realize it, but your encouraging texts, your sincere “How are you?” question over the phone, and your optimism when you two are reunited for the day keeps your wife going. She loves you for that.

Please know that your cheery and optimistic interactions day-in and day-out breath energy and life into your marriage. Your wife is forever grateful for that.

2. Your wife appreciates your gentle expressions of affection.

The other day, when you two were sitting side-by-side in bed, responding to work emails, you reached out and just gently put your hand on her back. And you kept it there. It was a simple thing, really, but your wife loved it. It told her, “I’m here for you. I love you. I notice you.”

Or remember last week, when you were out washing the car, and she came outside to ask you a question. You didn’t brush her off and quickly answer the question. Nope, not you. Instead, you gave her a little attention and did what you do best – you flirted with her.

You told her you wouldn’t answer the question unless she kissed you on the cheek. She rolled her eyes, but willingly obliged. Then you grabbed her face with your wet hands, kissed her back, and laughed out loud. She laughed too, and inside, she was feeling grateful. So, so grateful. And in love.

The same thing happened last month when you two were at the Dr’s office, waiting for her appointment about some feminine problem she was experiencing. You reached over, took her hand, set it on your knee, and just held it there. You squeezed it gently, letting that sweet wife of yours know that you would always be there by her side. She needed that more than you know.

So, thanks.

3. Your wife appreciates your ability to let the little things go.

Remember when she accidentally backed into the mailbox last year? Remember how she called you, crying, and you simply told her everything would be okay and that it wasn’t a big deal? She has never loved you more.

She recognizes that she isn’t perfect, and that she has some habits and weaknesses that aren’t “pretty.” Yet, you seem to not notice them, or at least you never point them out. You are consistently patient with the things she struggles with, and you never make her feel bad about the areas she doesn’t feel “good enough” in.

She wants you to know that she really appreciates the fact that you always forgive her so quickly and then seem to “forget,” each incident like it never happened. For example, remember when she got mad at you that one night for not helping enough with the new baby, and how she said that “really mean” thing to you that she immediately regretted and still regrets, even after apologizing profusely? How did you respond? You told her you loved her, forgave her, and that you would try and help more. Ever the humble one. The next morning you had moved on and didn’t mention it or hold it against her – ever.

She is grateful for your forgiveness, your patience, and your steady and loyal love through the years. Yes, she really does appreciate you and the incredible husband you are.

4. Your wife appreciates that you are continually working on improving yourself. 

Your wife wants you to know that you are incredible, that you matter, and that taking time for yourself isn’t selfish. She wants you to feel your best – emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. She wants you to have hobbies, interests, and opportunities to progress, grow, and do things that bring you happiness and meaning.

She loves that you don’t waste time, and that your priorities are on the things that matter most. There is nothing that makes her feel more in love with you, than when she sees you get up early to go on a morning run, practice your tuba to try and “get your skills back,” read a book just because you are curious about learning, or check something off your list of monthly goals that is taped to the wall.

She is thrilled every time you come in the door and tell her what your next big plan is. She literally smiles to herself every Saturday morning in the summer when you go “burn off steam” fishing for a few hours (plus, she loves a little extra sleep).

You are a full-steam ahead, conquer the world kind of man, and she loves it. As you work on improving yourself, you are becoming a better husband, and you are encouraging her to develop herself as well. She loves you for that and is grateful you are ever working to become the very best version of yourself that you can be.

5. Your wife appreciates that you invest time and money into experiences.

Remember how you planned that camping trip last spring, to the lake? And how you all got eaten alive by mosquitos? She loves you for that, for creating happy memories and experiences that you and your family will never forget.

Your wife loves your sense of adventure and your ability to wisely spend money on experiences that help you two grow closer together and to your family.

As she watched you design, plan, buy materials, and build the treehouse for the kids last fall, she fell in love with you all over again.

You never seem to complain when the “flowers” on Valentine’s Day cost a fortune, or when that dinner date was a bit pricier than you were expecting. You smile, make a comment about how your marriage is worth more than all the money in the world, and wisely find a better place for dinner next time around.

She notices.

She notices when you turn off the big game without complaining because her high-school friend is in town and you have “couple” plans. She notices when you come home from work early because the weather is amazing and you want to take her to play tennis.  She notices when you work extra long hours in order to sneak away for a  Friday day trip to the beach with her. Or when you go without something you need in order to secretly save up and take her to that play she has been wanting to see.

You somehow choose to spend almost all of your extra time and money on her and your family, and your wife loves you for it.

​Impressive.

6. Your wife appreciates your sense of humor.

Yes, you. You make your wife laugh every single day. And it seems that you do it without effort. She loves you for that.

Remember how you stole her phone, and left a really funny voicemail message in a British accent for her friends to hear when she can’t get to her phone? Yup. Or that one time when you put a rubber band on the sink handle? Or that other time when the neighbor shared something awkward and you said just the right thing to break the post-awkward silence?

Your wife appreciates your sense of humor. She loves how easily you laugh at things that most men get frustrated about. She loves your funny faces, how you always find her after you eat onions (so you can kiss her), and how you leave her sticky notes to scare her that say things like “Don’t turn on this oven” or “Whatever you do, don’t turn on the windshield wipers.”

She loves your sense of humor, even if she doesn’t readily admit it. It’s a gift to your marriage. Yes, your ability to laugh through life is nurturing your marriage in bigger ways than you currently realize.

7. Your wife appreciates your emotional intelligence.

Your wife wants you to know that she is the luckiest. Your ability to discern her moods and emotions and to show empathy, love, and patience for her feelings is one of the greatest gifts you have given her.

Remember last week how you two were talking over dinner about random things, and then she asked you what the best part of your day was. You wanted to say, “It was lunch.” Or “Coming home,” but you knew she was really asking you to open up and share your feelings with her – to tell her what you thought about during the day, and what stressed you out, and what made you happy.

So you shared.

It wasn’t easy, but you did it. She appreciates the fact that you want to be close to her emotionally, and to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, desires, and stresses with her.

Your daily effort to figure out what is inside of her head and heart, and then to share what is inside of yours, is making a difference in your beautiful marriage.

Yes, your wife wants you to know that you are doing a great job. You seem to be aware of her needs and of how to meet those needs, especially the emotional ones. She loves you more and more as she feels deeply connected to you, encouraged by you, and loved by you. You have a remarkable ability to help her feel secure, safe, and taken care of.

So, thank you. Thank you for being such a phenomenal husband to your wife. Thank you for your selflessness, your thoughtfulness, and your humility. Your wife loves you, adores you, and appreciates you more than you realize.

You are incredible.

You are doing a fabulous job as a husband. And little do you realize that your intentional efforts to nurture your marriage and love your wife are making your home, community, and world a better place, too.