By 69% OF RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT IS UNSOLVABLE
Kyle Benson
Does that statistic sound scary to you?
If it does, I totally get it.
Unsolvable conflict doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed to fail though.
It actually means the opposite. That is, if you manage conflict constructively.
Unsolvable conflict is defined as conflict between partners that is reoccurring with no long-term resolution. These unsolvable conflicts are rooted in fundamental differences or needs of the partners in the couple.
Couples who fail to build a bridge between these differences tend to attack the core of who each partner is.
On the other hand, couples who use humor, clear communication, and affection to navigate their unsolvable conflict often leave the conflict feeling closer and more emotionally connected to one another, despite not having a resolution.
“You don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to thrive.” – Dr. Gottman
Here’s an example:
Susanne and Kit have reoccurring conflicts over how much time to spend together. Susanne would complain about not being loved or cared for because Kit wouldn’t spend more time with her and Kit would whine about being smothered by how much time they already spent together. This fundamental difference in closeness and autonomy collided like tectonic plates. As they each fought for what they needed and dismissed what their partner needed, the foundation of their relationship became shaky.
When they were given the tools to explore this challenging topic, Susanne and Kit truly listened to each other and began to honor their unique differences. They learned how to manage this unsolvable problem by proactively discussing it in their weekly relationship meeting. They began to intentionally make space for we-time and me-time.
With the right tools, they were able to transform a problem that led to fights that got out of control into something that was manageable and honored both their needs. Not to mention, both partners have a deeper felt sense of being known.
Sadly we are often taught that if there is unsolvable conflict in our relationship that it isn’t going to work.
To change this message and teach you the skills to healthily navigate conflict, even the unsolvable ones, I decided to be part of Briana MacWilliam’s Relationship Rescue course.
Briana and I spent an hour talking deeply about unsolvable conflict, but we also tackle a ton of other important conflict topics, such as:
- The Four Horsemen of relationship conflict
- How to approach conflict in a healthy and effective way
- The importance of being mindful of the way you navigate conflict conversations
- Multiple techniques you can use for effective conflict management
- The main differences seen between happy vs unhappy couples and how they approach conflict
- And so much more!
Briana’s course is available for enrollment until Dec. 1, and believe me when I say that there is a bunch of helpful information in there for couples (and individuals) when it comes to really enhancing and healing your relationship.
Enroll now here.
