5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED
By Mike & Carlie Kercheval
There are many things you should know before you get married, but we’d like to discuss our top five. Please understand that these five things can only come from you spending time in the presence of God. These are not things that are in your “mind” or you can make up or borrow from culture. These are going to take intentionally humbling yourself and seeking the things of God. Only then will they have the impact they are meant to have in your life.
5 Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married
1. Who you are in Christ.
We are not saying that you need to feel “arrived” in your walk with Christ because we should always be in a state of renewal. However, what we are suggesting is that you should have a grasp of your identity and purpose as a son/daughter of God. It is also understandable if you are new to your faith. When you are firmly planted in your Christlike identity, it will be hard to persuade you of anything, especially things that do not honor or please God.
2. What your core values are.
When you are seeking the things of the Father, your core values will emulate that. You will have biblically-based values that will ultimately transfer into your marriage. While some values can change over time, they will never pull you away from the things of God. Typical core values involve love, compassion, respect, stewardship, and faith.
3. The promises God has given us in His Word for marriage.
Sometimes your background, childhood experiences, and other factors can paint a certain picture of marriage. Even if you had the best of examples laid out before you, you’ll have to take responsibility to know and believe God’s promises for marriage. While God does not promise that every believer will get married, He does have promises that can be claimed over marriage:
- So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Matthew 19:6)
- Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10:23)
- Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
- And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
These are just a few Scriptures that will surely come in handy to declare and decree over your marriage.
4. The desires of your heart concerning marriage.
Back to the idea of how marriage was presented to you from childhood, you’ll want to make sure and spend time in His presence so you can know or even begin to understand this. Simply put, each person will come into the marriage covenant with their own preconceived notions and expectations. Problems arise when you and/or your spouse are not clear on godly desires of the heart concerning marriage. This will take a constant seeking of the Father and laying down of the flesh so you can begin seeing things from the Holy Spirit working in and through you.
5. What your strengths and weaknesses are.
It should be addressed from the beginning that we all have strengths and weaknesses and they should not be the final indicator of our ability to grow in our walks with God. They should be discussed for the simple fact of making them known so that your future spouse will know how they can help you. The primary strengths and weaknesses that should be talked about are those involving communication, money habits, trust, and the like.
It is issues within these topics that often become the epitome of arguments, disagreements, and sadly, divorce. If you have issues in the financial space, talk about them. If your ability to communicate isn’t where you’d like it to be, openly discuss it. The stage you set before marriage will be the stage you’ll end up being on once you are officially together.
There are many other things you should know before you get married, but these are the top five that aren’t always talked about. Start with one suggestion at a time and prayerfully ask to hear from the Father about where you are in each area. Be open to what the Father reveals and seek guidance and/or counseling where necessary. Once you have worked on yourself, then begin having these discussions with your future spouse. Your marriage will be a lot better off because of it!