3 Simple Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

3 Simple Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

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Aaron & April Jacob

You and your spouse are busy people. Not only do you have busy careers, kids who need you, community and church demands, and your son’s soccer team to coach, but you also have dinner to bring to the family down the street, friends who want to go mountain biking, and laundry that desperately needs to be washed.

With all of the demands on your time, it can be easy for you and your spouse to lose touch throughout the day and to start to feel like college roommates (who hardly see each other) instead of husband and wife.

Thankfully, technology makes it easy to stay in touch throughout the day, even when you are apart.

When you make the effort to connect with your spouse, even in small ways throughout the day, they will know that you care about them, that you love them, and that you want to be close to them.

Here are three ideas to help you immediately feel closer and more connected to your spouse, amidst the demands of life.

  1. Send a text message or email.

    Send your spouse a message. Something simple. Something short. (Oh, and be careful when sending off a quick text that you have the correct recipient – that can be embarrassing!)

    This message could be a quick, “I love you!” emailed in size 50pt font. It could be a “Will you please pay the water bill?” signed “XOXO” (definitely emphasize the “XOXO” and not the bill!). Or you could share something funny on your spouse’s Facebook wall, or send them a quick tweet about a current event. If your spouse has a big presentation or event going on, make sure you send a message of encouragement.

    Finally, don’t forget to send romantic and flirtymessages, too. You know, the kind where you let your spouse know that you can’t wait for tonight. Wink. Wink. Those always lead to a romantic evening at home (you catch our drift).

    Texting is too easy not to use regularly. It would be ideal for you and your spouse to keep a running text message going throughout the day. Here are some easy text messages that could be sent on a regular basis:

  • “Hey you, how is your day going?”
  • “You are a hunk (gorgeous babe works, too).”
  • “Leaving the office now.  See you soon!”
  • “Don’t forget to eat.”
  • “T-minus three hours until I get to kiss you.”
  • “Traffic stinks.”
  • “Thanks for filling up my car.”
  • “Can I pick anything up for you on my way home?”

Or, you could send one of these very real-life texts.

You get the point. Sign some texts with lovey-dovey phrases or some other sweet nothing to remind your spouse that you are CRAZY about him or her. If you and your spouse have nicknames or special phrases that you share, use them in a text – it will be sure to make your spouse smile and it will help them remember why they love being married to you.

  1. Call to touch base.

    With the ease of texting, emailing, and social media, we often seem to avoid calling our spouses, even though hearing their voice is usually what we most want. You may be thinking, “My spouse never calls me during the day. They are too busy.”  Or, “If I call my spouse, they won’t answer, or won’t have time to talk,” or “I just never remember to call my spouse, and texting is easier.”

    However, even though those are legitimate excuses, just promise us you will give it a try. Call your spouse. Just because. Every day for a week. And see if it doesn’t help you feel close and connected.

    Here are few tips that may help, whether you’re on the dialing end, or the receiving end:

  • Sound happy to hear your spouse. None of this, “What?” when you pick up the phone instead of “Hello,” or “Hey, hunk!”  Manners matter.  Oh, and don’t answer the phone and say, “Hey, what do you need?” Instead, try, “How is the love of my life?” or some other happy + mushy greeting.
  • Don’t whine, complain, or talk about things that could be negative or stressful (i.e., money, kids, etc).
  • Listen. With a capital, “L.” Tune-in to your spouse’s needs. Ask questions. Try and take their emotional temperature and see how their day is really going.  You should know by how this phone call goes if you should bring home chocolate (or beef jerky) or not.
  • Say, “I love you.” Out loud. Yes, you heard that right. Even if your co-workers, or friends, or fellow-grocery-shoppers can hear you. Do it.
  1. Tune-in to your spouse’s needs.

    Finally, when you and your one and only are reunited each day, take time to tune-in to his or her real-time needs. Are they stressed, tired, bored, happy, sick, cramping, etc? What could they use from you – encouraging words, a hug when they get home, a listening ear, a nice dinner? Tune-in, and then find a way to help meet your spouse’s needs each day.

    Through the simple effort of caring for your spouse, you will find that your love for him or her will grow, and you will feel the power that comes from nurturing your marriage in small ways.

    The whole point in all of this connecting is to let your spouse know that when you chose them to be your significant other you chose them to be a significant part of all of your minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and ultimately, life.

So in all of your efforts to stay connected, don’t forget to be fun. And playful. And flirtatious. And romantic. And real. And if you are on the receiving end of any of these thoughtful gestures, be quick to respond. Text back (come on, it takes two seconds!). If you miss a call from your spouse, call them back – immediately if you can. At the very least, text them to say you’ll call them later. Of course there will be days when you are super busy, but you should never be too busy to check your phone and respond to your spouse to let them know that you care.

Texting, touching base, and tuning in to your spouse’s needs may seem like small gestures, but they will help you and your spouse find a little bit more “happy,” amidst the chaos of life. They will help both of you feel more unified, connected, and in love, through all of your busy days, stressful deadlines, and life challenges. So, try these three suggestions, and make your spouse’s day. Every day.


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