WHY WOMEN ENDURE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
She suffered domestic violence for years but luckily escaped with her life. Here is Nkiru’s story as told by her. It had a picture attached but we have not published it for obvious reasons.
“The domestic violence incident that led to the death of Ronke Bewaji Shonde today broke my heart and took me back to memory lane. Yes, that is my ex-husband and me in (in the picture). I was just 19 years in that photo. You can see the innocence in my eyes.
We were perfect, very perfect outside but we fought inside. You see, that smile on that picture was plastic. I was beaten to the altar on my wedding day. What happened? Because I was too tired and refused to pack plates. I swallowed it and marched to the altar.
With tears in my eyes the pastor asked ‘Will you take him as your husband, for better for worse, till death do you part?’ Tears rolled down my eyes but the crowd clapped, screaming tears of joy. I embarked on the journey of marriage. At the age of 19 years I endured like a lion.
This fine young man here is an animal. He beat me up and even beat up my younger ones. The day he beat me to coma, he was beating my lifeless body before he was stopped and I was rushed to the hospital. Do you know what my mother-in-law told me as I regained consciousness? She said, ‘Nkiru, Lucky will beat you again oo. Get ready because the father beat me too.” I went back into coma!
He begged and I went back home. The beating continued until I decided to face reality.
But the truth is, do you know why we women endure domestic violence???
1. Financial security: Yes I was scared to leave because I did not know how to begin financially.
2. Society: Yes, after bragging to my friends, and society see you as a lucky, perfect girl you will want to keep it that way.
3. Loneliness: Yes, you are scared and unsure if you will find someone better. I was wondering who would marry me again, with my boobs like this, stretch marks, and milk was still coming out of my boobs as of then, my big tummy, etc.
I was insecure. So I stayed, until one day I woke and took the bold, life-saving decision to walk away. I left I left with nothing. I left empty handed and embarked on this journey. I kept repeating my name ‘Nkiruka, Nkiruka, Nkiruka’ which literally means ‘My future is bigger’ until I reached my destination.
Now I can hit my chest and tell myself I took the right step, even though I never knew where I was going.”