HOW A PARENT’S AFFECTION SHAPES A CHILD’S HAPPINESS FOR LIFE
How often do you hug your children?
We all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents, but it is clear that one of the most important things we need to do is to stop and give our kids a big loving squeeze. Research over the past decade highlights the link between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future.
According to Child Trends – the leading nonprofit research organization in the United States focused on improving the lives and prospects of children, youth, and their families – science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.
Higher self-esteem, improved academic performance, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems have been linked to this type of affection. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social.
MAKING YOUR LIST, CHECKING…WHO IS HOT OR NOT
When you are walking around a Christmas holiday party or swiping faces on your phone, you probably have some idea of the type of person you find attractive.
As you swipe away, you are seeking certain traits – physical, mental, social – you desire. Other traits, you say “fuck no.” Maybe you have a list of these traits, or maybe you just know it when you see it.
Either way, you have evolved to desire specific traits. The melting pot of your childhood, teenage, and adult experiences have sculpted and resculpted which traits you find attractive and which ones you find repulsive.
THE 6 FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH
During one of my bro moments, a buddy and I were checking out a bachelorette party and choosing who the sexiest woman was in the room. At first we agreed on basic body types and symmetries. We both liked fit, tall women, but soon we started disagreeing. I liked the Latina girl with almond-shaped eyes, a longer face and proportioned boobs and butt. My friend couldn’t stand longer faces. He was attracted to the blond with a round face, massive boobs and no butt.
These conversations happen all over the world in all types of languages, regarding all types of genders. Some girls go for guys dressed in leather, while others go for Mr. Business Suit. Some guys like dangerous girls who are adventurous, and uninhibited, while another guy likes them reliable, soft-spoken, and boring. Eventually everyone agrees to disagree on who is hot or not.
But why on earth would we have a difference of opinion? Isn’t the ultimate driver reproduction? If that’s the case we would fall in love with potential sex partners of the opposite sex with good genetic fabric, health, wealth, high social status and potentially strong parental qualities.
FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MAKE ROOM FOR HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE
Feeling weighed down by your past mistakes? Learn to forgive yourself and put down the burden of shame and blame. Forgive yourself and create space in your life for joy.
Imagine that everything you have ever done wrong is a rock. For example you have a nice, round one-pound smooth rock and you see written on it, “Told a lie.” You also have a rock that is labeled, “Didn’t report income to the government,” or “Yelled at kids.” Now take all of your imaginary rocks and put them in your pockets and hold them while you read this article.
We are often harder on ourselves than anybody else. When someone compliments us, we can’t take it in. We feel unworthy of love and sometimes punish ourselves internally. If we had an actual rock for each mistake, sin or misdeed we felt responsible for, we could build a large rock wall and fence ourselves in, shamed and hidden from the world.
5 TIPS ON OFFERING ADVICE TO ADULT CHILDREN
As you and your children age, your role as a parent changes. Here are some tips and tricks on continuing to parent your grown children.
Parenting adult children can seem like an oxymoron, times two! “Adult children” occupy an amorphous space in your mind, and perhaps in the dictionary. How can you be both a child and an adult? Parenting an adult just sounds mutually exclusive. After all, adults don’t need parenting, right? Once you reach the age of 18, of course you know everything there is to know about life, love and happiness. Perhaps according to the law once the age of emancipation is reached, adults are responsible for their own lives, and counted and entrusted as individuals. But in families, this rarely happens through any passage of time.
As a parent or grandparent, you may feel compelled to share your knowledge, wisdom and life experiences with your adult children, but take care in sharing. The message may be enlightening, amazing or even inspiring. But frustrated recipients often shoot the messenger!
HOW TO BECOME A LESS WORRISOME PARENT
In the busy daily routine of being a parent, we can become overburdened by the planning and worry that comes along with our job. Practicing mindfulness is a wonderful way to learn to stay in the moment, and make the most of our time with our kids.
Parenting is a big job. As our children grow, we can get lost in the tumultuous tides of worry. Many parents are busy trying to balance careers, relationships and households on top of the daily trials that parenting can bring. With all of the many details that pile up, it is easy to lose sight of the priceless moments that pass as we strive to keep up with all that life demands.
And yet, ask any parent what their favorite part of having children is, and rarely will you hear things like “planning a weekly menu,” or “keeping the kitchen floor clean.” I have yet to meet a mom who proudly declares that “keeping tabs on my son’s screen time” is the highlight of her job as a parent. We feel most fulfilled as parents in those precious and fleeting times when our whole heart is filled with the thoughts of how much we love this little person.
4 WAYS YOU ARE HURTING YOUR CHILD’S FUTURE WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT
Parents want to do all they can to make their children’s lives the best they can be, but in their eagerness to help, sometimes they inadvertently do things that can sabotage that bright future they hope to build for their offspring.
Every parent knows from the moment their children burst onto the scene they have a long road ahead filled with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, parent-teacher conferences and band concerts or soccer games. In your eagerness to your children, you may inadvertently do things that can sabotage that bright future you hope to build for their offspring.
Here are a few ways you may be hurting your child’s future without even realizing it.
9 TIPS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF FOR GETTING BABY TO BED
Figuring out how to get baby to sleep is one of the toughest parts of parenthood. And there is no one right answer for every baby. You might have to try a few of these techniques before finding one that works for you.
When my son was born, I heard all kinds of theories about how I could get him to sleep better at night. By the time he was 3 months old, I was desperate for sleep and still hadn’t slept for longer than three hours straight at night. A friend of mine gave me the book, “Babywise” but I was terrible at keeping a consistent schedule. Another friend told me I should let him cry-it-out (CIO) but I hated hearing him cry. I also found I hadn’t the patience to rock him back to sleep every time he woke. Here are 5 reasons to get your child to bed on time.
Eventually, I realized that for some babies struggling with sleeping is just normal. But there are also some strategies that can help ease their sleep difficulties. I’m guessing most readers have heard of setting up bedtime routines and the importance of putting the baby down drowsy but awake. So the following are some less well-known tips to supplement whatever efforts you’ll already making to sleep train your baby.
4 WAYS TO GUARANTEE YOUR KIDS WILL HAVE A POWERFUL FUTURE
In all you do to guarantee a strong future for your kids, don’t forget to do these 4 things.
It may be a lack of effort on the part of your parents that motivates you to be the kind of parent they weren’t, or you may find yourself trying to emulate your parents because you realize the older you get that they really gave you their very best.
Either way, there is no such thing on this earth as a perfect parent, but there are a few things you can do to set your kids on a path to success.
THE STORY OF US: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAPPY AND UNHAPPY COUPLES
Every relationship is bound in the pages of stories. There’s the chapter when you sat alone in a romantic restaurant because John was late for date night. Or the countless nights your wife puts on her “no sex” sweatpants to tell you she’s off limits.
Our lives and our relationships are constantly narrated by the storyteller of our minds. This narrator is either going to write a miserable love memoir, or the best damn romantic novel in existence (despite the dark times).
All relationships, happy and miserable, experience regrettable incidents. According to John Gottman, 90% of the time couples misunderstand one another, leaving the plot of love ripe for a dark tale. I’m not talking about the 50 Shades of Grey dark tale; I’m talking about the story that no one wants to read.