6 THINGS A MAN IS ONLY WILLING TO DO FOR THE WOMAN HE REALLY LOVES
When a man loves a woman, nothing will stop him from doing these 6 things.
It was a few weeks after my incredible wedding to my wonderful husband that I started to worry about everything under the sun.
With all the pressure of becoming a wife, going to my first semester of college full-time and learning how to live with another person, my mental health decreased to the point where I was having full-blown panic attacks over the silliest things.
My anxiety got so bad that some nights I would just cry for no reason at all. I couldn’t stop, either. Sometimes, it was sort of a laugh-cry because I was laughing at myself for crying.
7 THINGS MOMS WISH THEY KNEW BEFORE THEY GOT PREGNANT
Being a mom is the hardest job on earth, so that means there are some things you might want to start preparing for now.
Becoming a mother is one of the most wonderful things that can happen to a woman, but it can also be a scary, unnerving and overwhelming thing.
Even if you have a child or you feel prepared to be a mother, there may be some things you wished you’d known before that adorable, squirming bundle of joy is placed in your arms.
Here are a few of the things most moms wish they knew before getting pregnant, and if you are on your way to becoming a mother, you will want to know as well.
3-YEAR-OLD BOY TRAGICALLY DIES FROM PARENT’S ‘ONE MISTAKE’; MOTHER SAYS DEATH WAS COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE
Don’t let this happen to your child.
WHY INFIDELITY AND DIVORCE ARE MORE AMONG AFRICAN COUPLES
Whoever says most African couples are not romantic is absolutely telling the truth.
Many marriages are just about sleeping, waking, eating, cooking, raising the kids, working and ageing together till death comes.
Many couples only hug each other when they receive good news.
I DON’T THINK I LOVE HIM ANYMORE
(As told to Antara Majumder)
She worked from home and took care of the children, ran the household and handled financial responsibilities, but, that still was not enough.
(Names changed to protect identities)
It was an unusual Sunday morning. I lazed around with my coffee mug. Children are out on a camp from school. And…finally…I found some ‘me’ time by the balcony.
I heard Vivan discussing the academic and behavioural progress of the kids with his mother, at the breakfast table. Clearly, they weren’t very happy about my absence. My mother-in-law cited examples from the neighbourhood of mothers who have happily given up their careers to bring up the kids. Vivan switched the topic quickly, to how I should use my time more effectively, as most days I work from home.
I smiled to myself. We had a lot of discussion about this, which ultimately ended in a heated argument. Read more
THE FOUR HORSEMEN: CRITICISM, CONTEMPT, DEFENSIVENESS, AND STONEWALLING
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.
The first horseman of the apocalypse is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. It is an attack on your partner at the core. In effect, you are dismantling his or her whole being when you criticize.
- Complaint: “I was scared when you were running late and didn’t call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other.”
- Criticism: “You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don’t believe you are that forgetful, you’re just selfish! You never think of others! You never think of me!”
THE ANGER ICEBERG
Have you ever wondered why we get angry? According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, “emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.”
In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon. Our heart rate speeds up and a rush of hormones – including adrenaline – creates a surge of energy strong enough to take “vigorous action.” In this way, anger has been ingrained into our brain to protect us. Read more
UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER: THE FIRST PART OF THE STATE OF THE UNION MEETING
How you and your partner fight directly influences how emotionally connected and passionate your relationship is.
After four decades of research on thousands of couples, Dr. Gottman noticed that the Masters of relationships fought differently than the Disasters. The Masters focused on attuning to each other by seeking to understand before problem-solving, whereas the Disasters consistently devolved into the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
To help couples successfully navigate issues like the Masters instead of the Disasters, Dr. Gottman created a weekly meeting called “The State of the Union.”
STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS
One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were?
The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video.