By ONE THING YOU GAIN WHEN YOU LET GO OF CONTROL
Angel Chernoff
Yesterday I met up with an old friend, someone whom I care about deeply but have internally struggled with for years because I’ve always been worried about her health.
I want to help her heal, because I feel I’m losing her.
I want to teach her the time-tested tools for living a happier, simpler, healthier life that I’ve helped so many other people with — so she can give up her addictions, take up exercise and mindfulness, nurture her needs, and suddenly be transformed into a healthy person again.
But that’s not reality. I want to control something that frightens me, but I can’t do anything about it. Because I’m not in control of anyone but myself. I want to help my friend, but she’s not interested in being helped. She’s actually told me so a dozen times in the past.
So today, I let go.
Not “let go” as in “let her go.” I “let go” as in I stopped trying to control, stopped trying to change her, and instead took a deep breath and accepted her for exactly who she is.
And guess what? Who she is — is a blessing. Who she is — is something so ridiculously special and unique I have a hard time expressing it. She’s hilarious and passionate and compassionate and wise and wild and thoughtful and loyal and did I mention wild?
I let go, and accepted her whole truth, and only then could I actually enjoy all of HER, instead of worrying about losing her or changing her ways.
And this, I’ve learned, is the best way to be in all walks of life…
You can stop trying to change people, and just let go and dissolve into their presence, just notice who they really are, just appreciate every idiosyncratic quirk. You can stop complaining about your life circumstances, about your losses, about how the world is, and just let go and love what is.
Just be. Just accept. Just appreciate.
Let go and gain your sanity!
The bottom line is that when you try to control too much, you enjoy too little. Sometimes you just need to let go, relax, take a deep breath and love what is.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the greatest conflict resides. It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never did happen. It’s where your expectations always get the best of you. It’s where you fall victim to your cravings to control the uncontrollable.
And if you allow those thoughts and cravings to dwell in your mind, they will succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. You will think yourself into a nervous breakdown, into depression, and into defeat.
Truthfully, there’s so much about life that you can’t control, it makes no sense waste your energy on these things and then neglect everything you CAN control.
You can decide how you spend your time, whom you socialize with, whom you share your life, money and energy with. You can choose to love and appreciate the people in your life for exactly who they are. You can choose how you’re going to respond to surprises and disappointments when they arise, and whether you will see them as curses or opportunities for emotional growth…
And most importantly, you can choose to let go of control and adjust your attitude in an instant, which dictates pretty much everything else.
But of course, if you’re struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone. Many of us are right there with you, working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and get our lives back on track.
