THE GREATER GIFT CAME LATER
My husband was seriously injured at work in August 2002. He was unable to work for about six months. Much of his income is from overtime and his disability pay did not equal even 25 percent of the income we count on. We have five children and this was a massive loss of income for our family. It became necessary for me to work a second full-time job.
Most days I went to my teaching job at 7:00 a.m., went to my second job as a cashier at a local retail store at 4:00 p.m., and dragged myself home around midnight, knowing I had to do the same thing the next day. I still had to do lesson planning and somehow squeeze in family time. I worked seven days a week, and was rarely home. My youngest child, seven years old at the time, missed me so much that he started carrying a picture of me to school in his pocket.
Until then, I’d been very active in my church. But I became too busy for most of my church life and missed many meetings. Word spread about our situation, and I received many calls with words of encouragement and emotional support from fellow church members.
SEVEN QUICK TIPS TO LOWER YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S ANXIETY
Giving your child or teen the gift of less stress and worrying.
Anxiety is one of the biggest emotional health challenges facing our children and teens. It can destroy their self-esteem, reduce joy, and interfere with, or even sabotage, them from taking healthy risks in life. Being a calming, skilled, and steadying influence to help your children learn to manage anxiety is a valuable lifelong gift that you can provide to them.
Here are seven strategies to help your children manage their anxiety:
22 QUICK TIPS TO CHANGE YOUR ANXIETY FOREVER
Lead a happier, healthier life with these calming strategies.
You can read all the anti-anxiety advice in the world, but none of this matters unless you take action. To feel more relaxed, to sleep soundly at night, and to put energy into what matters, you have to stop wasting time on tasks that don’t matter.
By the end of this article, your life could become infinitely more productive and Zen-like. Your part is to commit to 15-60 minutes per day and tackle a few of the following 22 anxiety busters below.
The more you commit, the better you’ll feel.
BREADWINNING MOTHERS CARRY THE MENTAL LOAD AT HOME
Angela Anagnost Repke
Mothers everywhere are increasingly the breadwinners. This title looks great on paper, but with it our “mental load” gets only heavier. When my son was first born I, too, fit that role. I would wake up, feed my baby, take him to his grandparent’s, teach all day, pick up my son, and then do all of the evening stuff at home. My weekends were filled with grading papers, cleaning, meal-prep, and one squeezed-in activity with family or friends.
Sleeping was difficult. My head would rest on the pillow, but the to-do list piled up like a stack of books, keeping my eyelids open. I never felt caught-up. After reading some recent research, turns out, I wasn’t alone in accumulating this “mental load.”
The research was conducted by Business Wire and proved that when women are the breadwinners, we take on more responsibilities outside of work compared to their husbands. Yes, on top of bringing home more money, they truly did it all: cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and the planning all of the extracurriculars. All of this is known as the “mental load.”
THE DANGER OF MANIPULATIVE LOVE-BOMBING IN A RELATIONSHIP
Spot the warning signs of love bombing early and recover faster with these tips.
“Lisa,” a 30-year-old patient, came to see me regarding a tumultuous relationship: Two years prior, she had met the perfect man, “Jake.” This was a guy who called every day, sent flowers, planned romantic getaways, and was so thoughtful and understanding about everything. After just a few weeks, Lisa was head over heels in love and thought, “this must be my soul mate!”
Then one day, Lisa got a call from an out-of-town college girlfriend, who wanted to go out, have a few drinks, and catch up. She made plans to go, but rather than say, “Have a great time!” Jake became very angry. How dare she spend time with a friend without his permission? He started screaming, “You don’t deserve me,” and stormed out.
Lisa was in shock. How could this loving man, who had been attentive, caring, thoughtful, and considerate in so many ways, suddenly get so angry over something so trivial? Distraught, and desperate to put a positive spin on it, she decided his anger was further evidence of his tremendous love for her; it was protective, not controlling.
THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin
Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.
By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:
TEN STEPS TO FREEING YOURSELF FROM YOUR WORRY
Robert L. Leahy
Turning worry on its head
Are you dwelling on negative thoughts about the future—predicting that dire or terrible things will happen? Do you lose sleep because of your worry, find yourself distracted, feel nauseated, exhausted, and tense? Worry is one of the most common psychological problems that many of us face, but some people find themselves worried about something on a daily basis. If that is the case, then you might be suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
What can you do?
You don’t have to be a passive victim of your intrusive and annoying worries. Let’s organize your response to worry by taking ten simple steps to address your worried thoughts. We are not going to try to think positively or ignore your worry. I am not telling you to believe in yourself or to think positively or to hope for the best. No, let’s ask some questions about your worry—let’s interrogate your worry. If you are like a lot of worriers you may find that your worry hijacks your mind, you find yourself chasing after thoughts and feelings that seem to control you, and you don’t have any tools to deal with your worry. Let’s find those tools now—and start using them.
6 TELLTALE SIGNS OF THE MOST TOXIC RELATIONSHIP OF ALL
When our intimacy button differs from our partner, we are bound to enter into the “perfect storm” that prevents both parties from getting what they want. It’s like starting a weight loss program that entails eating big macs and supersized french fries five times a day. Good luck with that…
In one of the most psychologically recognized toxic relationships, one partner craves intimacy while the other becomes uncomfortable when things get close.
I used to be an Anxious Attachment type. Or as society would label me – needy. As a result, I tended to attract Avoidants because my intense expression of emotional intimacy supplemented their own suppression of emotional intimacy.
4 THINGS YOU MUST GIVE UP TO MOVE FORWARD TODAY
Let me share a short story and some important life lessons with you…
Last night, Marc and I received a new thank you email from a longtime reader and course student named Kevin (we’re writing about him today with his consent). He said our book and life coaching sessions helped him and his wife Laura maintain a positive, intentional mindset as they struggled and grew through one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Certain sections of his email nearly moved me to tears:
“As you know, after injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with Laura’s parents, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of strep throat, I was stuck in a tragic rut for far too long. And I was sitting on the front porch feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when my old college buddy called me crying and said, ‘Mel-Mel-Mellisa, my baby girl just died in a car wreck.’ And suddenly I felt like the lucky one.”
8 SILENT WAYS YOUR HUBBY IS SCREAMING ‘I LOVE YOU!’
In a man’s world, love is spoken through actions — and you’re probably missing half of them.
Husbands get a bad rap for their inability to express themselves, especially when it comes to saying those three simple words: “I love you.” Your husband may tell you he loves you as he’s leaving for work or before he says good night, but sudden, spur-of-the-moment expressions of his most inner romantic feelings are not something a man shares on a regular basis. Believe it or not, sharing delicate emotions just isn’t a common characteristic of the average male.
Wives, don’t let your husbands’ lack of words discourage you. While words are very important, expressions of love aren’t always given aloud. When your hubby’s lips are silent, he screams “I love you” in the things he does for you. Some of his actions are easy to dismiss because they are small and simple, but when you look at them from his perspective, you’ll see the sacrifice he’s really making. Here are eight ways your husband is screaming he loves you – and you might be missing them.