2 WAYS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF YOU
“What’s wrong with wanting others to like you?”
That’s what several of our course students asked me via email in response to one of our recent course discussions. And I’ve been asked similar questions over the years too. So today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to spend lots of time worrying about what everyone thinks of you, and how to stop yourself from doing so.
In a nutshell, tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality. But before we look at how to fix this, first we need to understand why we do it…
EMOTIONAL SAFETY IS NECESSARY FOR EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
The latest research in neurobiology shows that emotional safety is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying connection in a loving relationship. We need to feel safe before we’re able to be vulnerable, and as Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Some people get turned off by the idea of prioritizing safety in their relationship because they equate a “safe” relationship with a “boring” one, but it turns out that the secure relationship we all long for is cultivated best when we feel safe.
Stephen Porges, Ph.D., a pioneer in the field of neuroscience and one of the world’s leading experts on the autonomic nervous system, confirms that we have an imperative for safety deeply wired into our minds and bodies.
6 ARGUMENTS ALL MARRIED COUPLES HAVE
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman lists the 6 most common areas of marital conflict. He explains that, “even in very happy and stable marriages, these issues are perennial.” We will touch on these six types of arguments, the task they each represent for a marriage, and offer practical advice for addressing the solvable disagreements they often trigger.
Remember that all couples argue, and that’s okay. We grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That’s how we become more loving people and truly experience the fruits of marriage.
STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS
One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were?
The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video.
THIS ONE THING YOU DO EVERY DAY IS PROBABLY HURTING YOUR SEX LIFE
What you thought was a harmless habit could actually be quite detrimental to your relationship.
Is your sex life non-existent?
Truth be told, it probably is. In 2008, CNN reported that, “40 million Americans have what experts call a sexless marriage.”
Why? Experts are saying technology could be the source of the problem.
7 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL BEAUTIFUL
Sometimes you just feel ugly. Here’s how to fix that.
Let’s face it, we all have those days. Whether it’s that our hair looks like a mess or we’re frustrated with a zit that just appeared out of nowhere, it’s easy to get down on ourselves – especially with magazines everywhere trying to tell us what beauty is. Sometimes all you need is a little reminder of how truly gorgeous you are.
Here are seven things to do when you don’t feel beautiful:
- Let yourself sleep in
If you can afford it, give yourself the chance to sleep in or catch a short nap during the day. Sleeping in will not only make you looked refreshed, but it helps banish any bad mood. That’s a double win.
UNNECESSARY SPOUSAL AGITATION
It’s bedtime and a man and his pretty wife are in bed. The man is pensive, and has not talked to his wife since after watching his favorite football club play that night.
“Why is he not talking to me?”
“Is he thinking of another woman?”
“Is he seeing someone else?”