HAVING SEX TOO SOON: 12 CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR
There are a lot of reasons you’d want to get in bed with someone you really like, but first consider the consequences of having sex too soon.
Sex is a really important part of any relationship. I can’t deny that. But something many people don’t think about is the fact that when you have sex can also become a major factor. If you hop in the sack before you’re ready, it could cause major issues in your relationship. We’ve outlined the 12 consequences of having sex too soon.
Now, this isn’t just when you have sex for the first time either. Although these consequences definitely affect you when it’s your first time, you also run into issues when you get too hot and heavy too soon in a new relationship.
Why emotional intimacy is crucial
When you start a new relationship with someone, your priority should be building an emotional connection with them. You should get to know them on a deeper level before you get physical. Why? Because if you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship, you need that emotional connection.
This intimacy is vital to making your relationship last. It’s what binds the two of you together and makes you want to see them happy. When that emotional connection isn’t there yet and you rush into having sex too soon, you could be hurting the relationship before it gets stable or healthy.
The consequences of having sex before you are ready
Whether a virgin or with someone new, the decision to actually do it with someone should be a lengthy one. Never just hop in the sack and ask questions later—especially if you want a relationship with that person.
There are certain consequences that arise from having sex before you’re ready—either for the first time or with someone you just started seeing. These are the realities you may have to deal with if you jump into their bed too soon.
#1 It can send the wrong message. How many times do you end up having sex with someone and then they think that’s all you want? A lot of us do this and then get really frustrated because we want a lot more. We want a relationship.
The issue here is that you probably had sex too soon. When you have sex with someone quickly after meeting them, it can send the message that sex is really all you want. When you don’t take the time to get to know someone first, it makes them think you don’t want to really know them.
#2 You don’t get to build emotional intimacy first. If you’re looking for a real relationship, you have to build emotional intimacy. If you don’t get to know each other really well before deciding to stay together and have sex, it makes your relationship a lot more difficult.
If you don’t form a deeper connection, you probably won’t want to continue in a relationship with them. Sometimes you don’t realize that you don’t have this connection at first. If you have sex too soon, you’ll have hopped into bed for no reason.
#3 You may feel emotionally damaged. This is more for those who have sex for the first time before they’re ready. You can’t just think you’ll automatically become more mature after you have sex with someone. You should be emotionally ready before you do so. Just going for it without feeling ready damages you emotionally and makes it harder for you to become physically intimate with people in the future.
#4 You risk replacing emotional intimacy for physical intimacy. If you don’t have an emotional connection with someone, you can’t forge one with sex. Having sex with someone doesn’t magically create an intimate, emotional bond.
The truth is some people think having sex bonds and connects them with someone. And when they don’t feel that initial emotional attraction for someone, they have sex with them because they think it helps. It doesn’t.
#5 You put a rift in the relationship. So, let’s say the sex wasn’t great because you don’t really know each other, and it’s awkward. This makes spending time with them and getting to know them even more awkward.
When you have sex too soon, it can make both of you more insecure and guarded if it didn’t go according to plan. This puts a rift in your relationship and even prevents you from opening up like you should to your partner.
#6 You end up thinking sex is equal to their feelings for you. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean they care about you. A lot of people in relationships who end up having sex too soon are those who think sex means they really like and even love you.
This mistake hurts you a lot more down the road when you realize they don’t actually care for you.
#7 You revert to sex to solve issues. When you’re down for getting it on really early in a new relationship, you begin to depend on sex a little too much. You start seeing it as a means to solve your problems instead of communicating. The problem is that sex doesn’t fix those problems at all.
#8 Communication is made more difficult. Sex is definitely a form of communication. You can say a lot through sex, but if you use sex as your main means of communication really early in your relationship, it makes talking to your partner way more difficult. Learn to communicate effectively before you start having sex.
#9 You may become uncomfortable with your body. If you have sex before you’re comfortable with your body, it only makes things worse. In fact, it changes the way you see your body if you do it too soon. You feel like your body is foreign and strange to you. And that greatly affects your self-esteem.
#10 You risk issues in the relationship if you decide to not have sex again for a while. Let’s be real, if you have sex one time in a relationship, it’s expected that you’ll have sex again. And again. And again. However, if you have sex too early, you may feel as though you don’t want to do it again until you’re more ready.
If that happens, you run the risk of your partner getting upset and even angry. Not that they should be mad about not having sex, they’ll most likely be hurt and feel insecure which can come across as angry. It causes a lot of problems.
Bonus risks you can’t ever ignore
#11 Pregnancy. Obviously when you’re having sex too soon, you risk pregnancy. And if you jump into it way too soon, you may end up having a child with someone you don’t actually have true feelings for. This changes your entire life, so make sure you know a person deeply before having sex.
#12 STDs. Again, if you have sex with someone too soon, you may not realize they carry an STD. And if you’re not even comfortable asking a person if they’ve been tested, then you definitely aren’t ready to have sex with them. Some STDs can be fatal and affect your fertility, so be careful.
Just because sex is important in a relationship doesn’t mean that you can make a relationship whole by having sex. Wait until you’re both ready or you may have these 12 consequences of having sex too soon to deal with.
MINI HABITS TO SOOTHE YOUR CHILD’S ANXIETY
Amberlee L. Peterson
Every child experiences it, but most don’t know how to handle it.
He was 5 years old, and he still couldn’t use the toilet. This was a daily struggle for my cousin and her little boy as they tried everything they could think of to get him potty trained. It was months and months of searching for solutions. And although there ended up being multiple factors in why this was such a challenge for him, along the way my cousin discovered a surprising factor they hadn’t expected: her little boy had anxiety.
Every child will experience anxiety to some extent, and the effects of it can pop up in surprising ways. Watching a scary movie and going to school for the first time are enough to give everyone a dose of it. But about one in eight children experience anxiety disorders. If you suspect your child has an anxiety disorder, you’ll want to seek professional help. But for smaller times when you sense your child’s anxiety building, specialists recommend these mini habits to help you all calm down together.
12 THINGS HAPPY PEOPLE DO DIFFERENTLY
“I’d always believed that a life of quality, enjoyment, and wisdom were my human birthright and would be automatically bestowed upon me as time passed. I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple, happy, uncomplicated life.”
Studies conducted by positivity psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky point to 12 things happy people do differently to increase their levels of happiness. These are things that we can start doing today to feel the effects of more happiness in our lives. (Check out her book The How of Happiness.)
I want to honor and discuss each of these 12 points, because no matter what part of life’s path we’re currently traveling on, these ‘happiness habits’ will always be applicable.
MAKING YOUR LIST, CHECKING…WHO IS HOT OR NOT
When you are walking around a Christmas holiday party or swiping faces on your phone, you probably have some idea of the type of person you find attractive.
As you swipe away, you are seeking certain traits – physical, mental, social – you desire. Other traits, you say “fuck no.” Maybe you have a list of these traits, or maybe you just know it when you see it.
Either way, you have evolved to desire specific traits. The melting pot of your childhood, teenage, and adult experiences have sculpted and resculpted which traits you find attractive and which ones you find repulsive.
7 THINGS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE MUST AGREE ON BEFORE HAVING KIDS
Make sure you tackle these tough parenting decisions before the baby comes. You’ll be glad you did.
Approaching parenthood for the first time is both an exciting and scary time in life. You can’t wait to welcome your own junior miss or mister into the world and raise them, but you’re also scared you might make some bad parenting decisions along the way.
You can help calm some fears if you realize that parenthood starts long before labor. It’s best to make these seven important parenting decisions together well before your little bundle of joy is born.
THE COUPLES COMMUNICATION GUIDE
Relationships suck sometimes. And sometimes they are mind-blowing amazing. Paradoxically, most of us, including myself, must go throughthe suckage of rewiring how we love to create the amazing relationship we crave.
I propose that love lasts when couples are intentional, deepen their capacity to be intimate and are committed to each other.
Intentionality: We often fall in love with someone and then forget to stand in love; to willfully create it. Intentionally loving your partner means being willing to cultivate emotional connection and spontaneity. This means prioritizing time together: dates, sex, conflict, and friendship.