Dear Husband: I’m Not the Person You Married

Tired woman alone in dark room looking off into distance


Laura Birk

Dear Husband,

I am sorry.

I’m sorry that you’ve been neglected for the last four-and-a-half years. I’m sorry that your needs are secondary. I assure you, you are still one of my top priorities – you just aren’t on the top of the list anymore.

I know that you have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. When I tell you that I want to be the one you lean on, I mean it. I know you are tired of my excuses of being tired, having a headache, or am already snoring when you snuggle up next to me. Trust me, I wish I had the energy I had five years ago. Hell, I wish I had the energy I had two weeks ago when I washed, folded, and actually put away all 10 loads of laundry. Of course, you didn’t see that because I was letting you get some much needed sleep.

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21 romantic texts that’ll make your husband crazy for you


Katelyn Carmen

What man wouldn’t love one of these?

Showing love to your husband doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. A simple text can go a long way.

Words of love and affirmation are vital to a healthy relationship. Your husband wants to know that he is an important part of your life. (And he definitely doesn’t mind getting a flirty, romantic message at work to help him through the day.)

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Negative Emotions Offer Opportunities for Connection

negative emotions


Kyle Benson

When I work with couples, it’s not uncommon for one partner to say, “I can’t handle my partner’s anger,” or “Her crying overwhelms me, I don’t know what to do.”

The other partner expresses, “He never listens to me,” or “She never cares about my life.”

The problem here is that an emotionally dismissive response blocks emotional connection, and over time, erodes trust, the foundation of a happy and positive relationship.

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20 ways to be nicer to your husband or wife


Katie Gauger

Experts say that the longer you are married, the more effort is required to stay that way. Keeping this in mind, I have composed a list of 20 suggestions of simple things we can do to be nicer to your spouse.

  1. Remember often, why you married him instead of why you shouldn’t have. Remind yourself of the good feelings you had before it got hard and complicated – for example when you experienced raising children, changing jobs as well as diapers, housework, division of labor and had more bills than money.
  2. Look past the love handles, spare tire and crow’s feet. Everyone gets those over time, but if you love your spouse deep enough, and don’t point out his flaws, your vision will change and each new wrinkle or gray hair will become beautiful to you.
  3. Communicate by restraining yourself from doing all the talking. Give your spouse the courtesy to share in the conversation. Listen well, and listen more than you talk.
  4. If you think you know your spouse so well that you can complete his sentences… Don’t!
  5. Make weekly date night a priority. Take turns asking each other out and planning your dates. Don’t let other things get in the way of your date night.
  6. Serve your spouse! When you lose yourself in the service of your spouse, love grows deeper and happiness is the result!
  7. Develop an attitude for gratitude. When your spouse makes the effort to do something nice for you, show your appreciation and acknowledge it. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you have been thought about warmly during the day, and it is also heartening to know your thoughts and actions have been appreciated.
  8. Smile and laugh a lot. A sense of humor keeps a marriage fun.
  9. Don’t dwell on past mistakes. Learn to forgive, and forget, then move on.
  10. Take turns enjoying and discovering each other’s individual interests. Participate equally in these.
  11. Pick your nose if you have to, but don’t pick a fight. My grandmother use to say, “The first fault finder smells his own behinder.” Let the small things go, and choose your battles wisely.
  12. How would you like it if every little thing about you was examined under a magnifying glass? Forget the lint in his navel, oiliness of his skin, nose hairs, and extended length eyebrows. He’ll be more apt to let you trim them if you aren’t constantly nagging.
  13. Remember the three finger rule. If you are pointing at him all the time, be quick to remember that three fingers are pointing back at you. You have as many or more faults, so start by cleaning out your own closet before you begin working on his.
  14. Learn to say I’m sorry. Don’t keep track of who says it the most.
  15. Compromise by definition means to negotiate or agree upon by making concessions. A happy marriage is give and take, so be sure to give more than you take.
  16. Be a me firster! Don’t wait for your spouse to say I love you, and don’t keep track of who says it the most.
  17. A soft answer turneth away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). The louder it gets, the worse things become. Speak softly, especially during times of anger and stress.
  18. Don’t pretend to know it all. Think about how happy it would make your spouse, if you let him think he taught you something, every once in a while.
  19. Always kiss good night, good morning and good bye. You never know when it will be your last chance to do so.
  20. Be your spouse’s greatest and most trusted, loyal fan.

Is Love at First Sight Real?


Theresa E DiDonato

A compelling idea, but is there scientific evidence to support it?

Love at first sight – is it possible? Do people really meet and in moments simply know they’re meant to be? New evidence suggests, yes.

The idea is so wonderfully romantic. Two strangers see each other “across a crowded room,” there’s an instant attraction, an electric spark, and suddenly they’ve found their match and never look back. In a world where dating often requires a lot of work – work that comes with disappointment, rejection, and uncertainty – falling in love at first sight has strong appeal.

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10 Questions Happy Couples Are Constantly Asking One Another


Anita Chlipala

Ah, relationship beginnings. The stream of non-stop texting, the late-night conversations that will make you starry-eyed even into the next morning. Then time passes, you get married, life gets crazy, and you fall into the rut of talking about who’s picking up the dry cleaning or what you’re having for dinner tonight. Your daily conversations went from loving talk to logistical talk.

Newlyweds vow that this will never be them. But too many couples become emotionally disconnected and they never saw it coming.

This doesn’t have to be your story. When I was writing my book, First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, it became clear that couples who managed to feel connected did things differently. They were deliberate about maintaining and engaging real dialogue with each other (sorry, conversations about the dishwasher don’t count). Notably, their methods didn’t involve grand displays of affection or an inordinate amount of time. In fact, the little things often pack more punch than the few, infrequent grand gestures.

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This is what your sleeping position says about your relationship


Erika Otero Romero

How you sleep can say a lot about you and your mister.

Because sleeping is such a simple and everyday activity, you’d never imagine it could tell you so much about your relationship. These interesting facts can help you and your beau figure out where your relationship stands:

Spooning while sleeping

This common position seems to be sign of tenderness, but also tells us something else. The embracer (or “big spoon”) is the dominant one in the relationship who provides affection, protection and support, while the embraced parter (or “little spoon”) mostly receives their partner’s affection.

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4 more emotionally abusive behaviors you probably think are normal


Georgia Lee

You might think your relationship dynamic is ordinary, but these 4 emotionally abusive behaviors are anything but.

Emotional abuse is not illegal, but it can have severe, lasting effects on your love and life. And sometimes, the line between abuse and a bad romance can be thin, masquerading as intense lover’s quarrels, or typical trials and tribulations. But these four emotionally abusive behaviors have no place in relationships:

1. Needle point

Your beau may call himself particular, picky or observant, but beware of a partner who is constantly needling and criticizing you. He may try to defend his overly critical and hovering nature as helpful -he’s keeping you focused and steering you in a better direction, right? The problem is, he’s the only one who is bothered by just about everything you do.

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5 ways to give your husband love


Tamsyn Valentine

Of all the things your husband wants in the world, the thing he probably wants the most is your love.

You love your husband, and most of the time he knows it.

You appreciate it when he accomplishes the honey-do’s, gives you a much-needed break from the kids and takes you out on a Friday night.

But sometimes that special man in your life needs to be shown a little extra appreciation, especially from the woman he loves the most. How can you give him that little extra lovin’?

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Just Because You’re Lonely, Doesn’t Mean You’re Ready


Real, Yes—Reality, Not Necessarily!

Russell Friedman

The divorce rate—as high as it is—isn’t an accurate barometer of the failure of romantic relationships because the vast majority of them end without there ever having been a formal marriage. That makes it virtually impossible to even guestimate what the relationship failure rate really is.

There are many reasons that fledgling relationships don’t take full flight and never make it to that happy sunset 50 or 60 years later. And, like most things we write about in this space, there’s a direct correlation to grief and to recovery from loss. This is especially true when the recovery component is missing.

The absence of recovery sustains the divorce and break-up rate at painfully high levels. Painful because every break-up produces grief, even if there’s some relief at the ending with the cessation of bickering and other recurring problems. But without recovery, the unfinished emotional business left behind becomes the breeding ground for subsequent relationship failures.

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