GOOD RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT ACCIDENTS
After studying more than 3,000 couples in his Love Lab over the last four decades, Dr. John Gottman has discovered that the most important issue in marriage is trust.
Can I trust you to be there for me when I’m upset?
Can I trust you to choose me over your friends?
Can I trust you to respect me?
5 SECRETS ABOUT SEX YOUR WIFE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU
Men and women think differently about sex. Here are five sex secrets your wife may not tell you.
Sex secret #1 – Help without being asked
Husbands, you need to understand something: getting in the mood starts outside the bedroom. It can often begin at the kitchen sink when you say you’re going to do the dishes tonight. It can occur when you remember to take out the garbage before she has to nag you to do it. Nothing is more sexy to an exhausted new mother than watching her thoughtful husband change the diapers. It’s one of the least known mysteries about women.
8 PROFOUND LESSONS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS TEACH US
Our intimate relationships teach us more than about the hearts of the ones we love. They teach us about ourselves. There is no greater people growing machine than that of love.
Our culture often views love as some fuzzy thing that gets passed around and makes you feel warm inside. But as all of us know, this happens only part of the time. The other part is full of anxiety, confusion, and frustration.
Having problems in our relationships are inevitable. Even our soulmates cause issues sometimes. According to John Gottman, couples disagree on unsolvable never-ending issues 69% of the time.
MAKING YOUR LIST, CHECKING…WHO IS HOT OR NOT
When you are walking around a Christmas holiday party or swiping faces on your phone, you probably have some idea of the type of person you find attractive.
As you swipe away, you are seeking certain traits – physical, mental, social – you desire. Other traits, you say “fuck no.” Maybe you have a list of these traits, or maybe you just know it when you see it.
Either way, you have evolved to desire specific traits. The melting pot of your childhood, teenage, and adult experiences have sculpted and resculpted which traits you find attractive and which ones you find repulsive.
THE 6 FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH
During one of my bro moments, a buddy and I were checking out a bachelorette party and choosing who the sexiest woman was in the room. At first we agreed on basic body types and symmetries. We both liked fit, tall women, but soon we started disagreeing. I liked the Latina girl with almond-shaped eyes, a longer face and proportioned boobs and butt. My friend couldn’t stand longer faces. He was attracted to the blond with a round face, massive boobs and no butt.
These conversations happen all over the world in all types of languages, regarding all types of genders. Some girls go for guys dressed in leather, while others go for Mr. Business Suit. Some guys like dangerous girls who are adventurous, and uninhibited, while another guy likes them reliable, soft-spoken, and boring. Eventually everyone agrees to disagree on who is hot or not.
But why on earth would we have a difference of opinion? Isn’t the ultimate driver reproduction? If that’s the case we would fall in love with potential sex partners of the opposite sex with good genetic fabric, health, wealth, high social status and potentially strong parental qualities.
THE STORY OF US: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAPPY AND UNHAPPY COUPLES
Every relationship is bound in the pages of stories. There’s the chapter when you sat alone in a romantic restaurant because John was late for date night. Or the countless nights your wife puts on her “no sex” sweatpants to tell you she’s off limits.
Our lives and our relationships are constantly narrated by the storyteller of our minds. This narrator is either going to write a miserable love memoir, or the best damn romantic novel in existence (despite the dark times).
All relationships, happy and miserable, experience regrettable incidents. According to John Gottman, 90% of the time couples misunderstand one another, leaving the plot of love ripe for a dark tale. I’m not talking about the 50 Shades of Grey dark tale; I’m talking about the story that no one wants to read.
A LETTER TO MY HUSBAND: I WISH I WERE THE WIFE YOU NEEDED
Marriage can be wonderful and awfully messy.
It wasn’t until we got married that I realized how selfish I am. How unloving I tend to be. My thoughts are not always for you. Although it sounds beautiful to be called your wife, I feel I am not deserving of the title.
A wife is to be patient
I tend to talk all over you instead of waiting for a response. I tend to push you along so that I can get to where I want to be. I can’t stand the silence of you thinking because I can’t wait long enough for you to speak. I have agendas for each day and get upset when things don’t go my way, when things aren’t done.
10 WAYS A WOMAN CAN GRAB THE ATTENTION OF THE MAN SHE LOVES
Need some ideas to grab your man’s attention? Here are 10.
Are things getting a little bit stale in your relationship with the man you love? Try using one of these quick tips for grabbing his attention and shaking things up a bit!
- Be physical
I’m talking about actually physically touching him. Give him a massage, hold his hand, rub his back. All these simple physical touches will make him stop and relax a bit as he tells you about his day, or while you make plans for the night.
HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE DETERMINES HOW YOU LOVE THEM
All of us have an inner narrator that describes the scene and characters of our lives. If your inner narrator writes a script of your partner and marriage in a negative tone, it’s easy to make assumptions that create negative interactions.
I want you to meet Courtney and Nate, a couple who has been married for 11 years.
On this particular day, Courtney comes home grumpy from work and sees dirty dishes on the kitchen counter. She starts yelling at Nate about the house being filthy. Nate immediately feels attacked. He thinks, “Wow, she is really grumpy right now. This is not fun. I hope she calms down soon. I wonder what happened at work today that’s making her so upset?” We will call this side of Nate, Benefit of the Doubt Nate.
2 BIASES THAT MAY BE HURTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Researchers Elizabeth Robinson and Gail Price found that couples in unhappy marriages tend to underestimate the number of positive interactions in their marriage by 50%. As Dr. John Gottman explains, every couple has a “Story of Us Switch.”
When the switch is turned on, couples tend to look back on their early days fondly. When they talk about the tough times they’ve had, they glorify the struggles they’ve been through, drawing strength from the adversity they’ve survived together.
When the switch is turned off, however, couples tend to look back on their early days with resentment and blame. For some of these couples, the Story of Us Switch may seem stuck in the off position.