7 BAD HABITS THAT HOLD GOOD PEOPLE BACK
A change in bad habits leads to a good change in life…
Here are seven bad habits many of us repeatedly struggle with:
1. Mulling over past hardships. – You’ll never see the great things ahead of you if you keep looking at the bad things behind you. You are exactly where you need to be to reach your goals. Everything you’ve been through was preparation for where you are right now and where you can be tomorrow.
2. Holding on to things you need to let go of. – Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things in life that should not be. Sometimes letting go is what makes us stronger, happier and more successful in the long run.
TRANSFORMING CRITICISM INTO WISHES: A RECIPE FOR SUCCESSFUL CONFLICT
In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy, proposes that people are better built for war than love. Sometimes it seems that way.
We say, “Stop being so sad,” instead of, “I wish you would tell me what’s making you sad.”
Or, “You’re always neglecting me!” instead of, “I feel really lonely and need your attention.”
Criticism is Destructive
The problem with expressing needs in a negative way is it comes off like criticism. Despite what some people say, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism triggers a person to become defensive and protect themselves from an attack, which blocks the resolution of a conflict.
COCKROACH THEORY FOR SELF DEVELOPMENT
(a beautiful speech by Sundar Pichai, an IIT-MIT alumnus)
At a restaurant a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear.
With a panic-stricken face and trembling voice she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.
The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away… but it landed on another lady in the group.
2 WAYS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF YOU
“What’s wrong with wanting others to like you?”
That’s what several of our course students asked me via email in response to one of our recent course discussions. And I’ve been asked similar questions over the years too. So today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to spend lots of time worrying about what everyone thinks of you, and how to stop yourself from doing so.
In a nutshell, tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality. But before we look at how to fix this, first we need to understand why we do it…
10 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS OUT OF REACH
Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
That’s the super-short version of my advice for those moments when nothing seems to be going as planned—when everything you want seems out of reach.
Yes, just be right where you are, with an open mind.
Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.
Easier said than done of course, especially when tragedy strikes. And although Angel and I have coped and grown through our fair share of real tragedies, let’s be honest about something: 98% of the time we create tragedy in our lives out of fairly minor incidents. Something doesn’t go exactly as planned, but rather than learn from the experience, we freak out about it and let stress become us.
SECURE RELATIONSHIP: THE ROLE OF EMOTIONAL SAFETY
When emotional security is lacking…
- “Over the last year we’ve had so many ugly fights that I just don’t trust him with my feelings any more.” ~Lucy, married six years
- “It feels to me like she sends me mixed signals…one moment everything is fine between us, then all of a sudden she’s angry about something and she doesn’t know why. I need something more stable.” ~ Vince, dating eight months
When emotional security is strong and resilient…
- “He’s my rock. I’ve learned over the years that I can trust him with anything!” ~ Barbara, celebrating her thirtieth wedding anniversary
- “We’ve been through some tough times together, and we’ve both said some things I wish could be taken back. But when push comes to shove, we’ve always had each other’s back.” ~ Trish, with her partner for fourteen years
EMOTIONAL SAFETY IS NECESSARY FOR EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
The latest research in neurobiology shows that emotional safety is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying connection in a loving relationship. We need to feel safe before we’re able to be vulnerable, and as Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Some people get turned off by the idea of prioritizing safety in their relationship because they equate a “safe” relationship with a “boring” one, but it turns out that the secure relationship we all long for is cultivated best when we feel safe.
Stephen Porges, Ph.D., a pioneer in the field of neuroscience and one of the world’s leading experts on the autonomic nervous system, confirms that we have an imperative for safety deeply wired into our minds and bodies.
THE #1 THING COUPLES FIGHT ABOUT BASED ON 40 YEARS OF RESEARCH
Do you know Angelina Jolie?
She’s that beautiful actor who adopts Asian babies, and married the world’s most gorgeous man. They even had their own movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Well, I’ve never met her. She sounds like a deadly assassin with a secret identity.
But I do know Christina.
Like Angelina, Christina is an admirable and beautiful woman. She also happened to marry a beautiful man named Brad.
When they first met, he was something different. Mesmerizing. Passionate. But now there is a huge space between them, and it keeps getting bigger.
9 REASONS WHY YOU JUST SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX
Knowing a relationship is over is the hardest part especially if you’re just getting out of a long-term relationship. Breakups are really painful and, regardless of how they happen, you always feel like you don’t want to let that one person to completely disappear from your life.
So what do you do? You decide to remain friends? Let me tell you one thing, this is a very bad idea for several reasons and you can see why for yourself below.