HOW TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING DEFENSIVE IN RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT
Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked, and as great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic.
When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention. You’re misunderstanding me,” even before your partner is done talking.
Unfortunately, when the listener reacts to what the speaker is saying before the speaker gets the chance to fully explain themselves, both partners are left feeling misunderstood.
8 TOXIC HABITS THAT ARE DESTROYING YOUR HAPPINESS
If you want to be happy, you need to quit these 8 habits most people are doing every day.
Believe it or not, you are sabotaging your own happiness every day. But you can change that. Here are 8 things destroying your happiness that you can eliminate from your life with a little effort.
- Mind reading
Thoughts like, “She must think I’m so stupid,” or, “They must be so bored right now,” enter most people’s heads throughout the day. These thoughts don’t necessarily represent truth but are made-up assumptions about what other people are thinking in their minds.
DEFENSIVENESS DOESN’T PROTECT A RELATIONSHIP
Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.
Taylor: You never make love to me anymore. (Criticism)
Sophia: Well, you never take me out on dates. (Defensiveness)
When I see couples like Tyler and Sophia act defensive towards each other, it makes me smile. They have yet to realize they just want more out of each other.
5 EASY WAYS TO UNCOMPLICATE YOUR LIFE
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Leonardo Da Vinci once said that, and I don’t think anything could be closer to the truth.
But how can we bring more simplicity into our complex lives? How can we uncomplicate things for ourselves?
It’s time for a reality check…
Life is actually pretty simple, but we insist on making it complicated!
Here are a few easy ways to uncomplicate it:
5 THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN HOBBIES THREATEN TO OVERTAKE YOUR MARRIAGE
Aaron & April Jacob
Painting, fishing, bodybuilding, crocheting, gaming, shopping, skiing, and the list goes on. And on. And on.
Life offers us opportunities to learn and participate in so many wonderful activities and interests (alone or with others) that can fill our days with meaningful, happy, and interesting experiences.
However, it is all too easy to become passionate (or obsessed) with one hobby, all at the expense of other more important priorities in our lives.
So, what do you do when your spouse cares more about their hobby than they do about you?
TAKING YOUR SPOUSE’S EMOTIONAL TEMPERATURE
Call it sensitivity, call it being “in touch,” call it whatever you want – this small action will make a massive difference in the quality of your marriage. It’s pretty self-explanatory. If you want to be close to your spouse, you should take your their emotional temperature, daily.
Play (Emotional) Doctor
Doctors greet patients (for well or sick visits) by asking questions, taking vital signs, (including a temperature), and making sure that their patients are okay. As husband and wife, it would be wise to play the role of emotional doctor for your spouse from time to time.
HOW TO REPAIR THE LITTLE THINGS SO THEY DON’T BECOME BIG THINGS
All couples argue. Happy couples argue well. They have strategies for dealing with their inevitable disagreements, and they process their feelings so they don’t bottle up.
We know from Dr. Gottman’s research that both partners in a relationship are emotionally available only 9% of the time. This leaves 91% of our relationship ripe for miscommunication.
The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is not that happy couples don’t make mistakes. We all hurt our partner’s feelings. The difference is that happy couples repair, and they do so early and often.