STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS
One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were?
The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video.
ONE HARD REALITY YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT TO BE HAPPIER AND MORE SUCCESSFUL
ONE LIE WE LEARNED WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER THAT STILL HOLDS US BACK
“Starting over is not an option!”
That’s a lie many of us hold on to until the bitter end.
The idea of starting over being a bad thing is baked right into the fabric of our society’s education system. We send our children to a university when they’re 17 or 18, and basically tell them to choose a career path they’ll be happy with for the next 40 years. “But, what if I choose wrong?” I remember thinking to myself. And that’s exactly what I did, in more ways than one.
7 HEALTHY HABITS OF HAPPINESS
How do we heighten our happiness? There are many ways and one size does not fit all. Below I discuss a few key things that has worked for me and those closest to me – how a small group of us went from downbeat and drained to a happy and hopeful in a few short years…
1. Savor the joy of simple pleasures. – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free. They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times. They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness. It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love. Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.
Once you welcome a sweet new baby into your home, naturally your focus immediately shifts to keeping your little person alive. Your thoughts seem to revolve around making sure the baby has enough food, a clean diaper, and a perfect nap schedule. Somehow your marriage slips by the wayside and that new baby takes over as the #1 priority in both of your lives. It doesn’t have to be this way, though.
Although having a new baby can consume your life, it is so important to choose to take time to nurture your marriage. We’ve compiled a list of 52 best dates for new parents – for every season of the year. A lot of these are things you can do at home, or with your new baby in-tow, but some of them need to simply be one-on-one dates, while a babysitter watches your new one (the baby will survive, trust us). It doesn’t really matter what you do for date night, as long as you are intentional about making it happen.
THE STRANGE WAY CHILDHOOD SHAPES YOUR ADULT RELATIONSHIPS
Throughout the 1950’s and 1960’s, Harlow unethically experimented with monkeys in order to understand the effects of deprivation on human infants.
He raised infant monkeys in isolation.
Despite being fed, some died. Others were frightened and behaved in an abnormal manner. When he placed these isolated monkeys in a social environment, the monkeys were socially inept.
This makes sense. If you’re 25 and have never interacted with a single human being, then you have no basis of language or social norms, and you will fear others trying to interact with you.
THE HARDEST THING YOU NEED TO DO TO BE HAPPY
As human beings, the stories we subconsciously tell ourselves about our circumstances, about others, and about life in general drastically changes how we feel. If the stories are positive, we tend to feel good. If the stories are negative, we tend to lose hope.
Of course, there’s more to feeling good than just thinking positive. The details of your present reality matter and make a difference, but generally speaking, you’re not going to have a good day today if you’re hell-bent on telling yourself otherwise.
To a degree you know this already, right? But there’s more…
12 HABITS OF PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE
Is your house always a mess? Here are 12 habits that will help keep your home clean and organized.
7 THINGS EMOTIONALLY STRONG PEOPLE DON’T DO
When you add up over a decade worth of online conversations with our community of readers, the live events we’ve hosted in support of our book, and hundreds of one-on-one coaching sessions with course students, Marc and I have a lot of experience when it comes to helping people find and resolve the pain points that have been holding them back. But I am still frequently surprised by the interesting ways people frame questions about their challenges.
Last night a reader named Karla sent me an email that caught my attention, simply because the subject of her email read: “Things Emotionally Strong People Don’t Do” (An interesting title for an article, I thought.)
Part of Karla’s email read: “I love your book. It has helped me get through some seriously tough times. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with emotional weakness. I persistently resist what I know I need to do for myself. So I was wondering, what do emotionally strong people NOT do? The reason I ask is that I’ve spent a lot of time implementing positive habits in my life, but I haven’t really focused on removing any (parallel) bad habits.