HOW TO END SCREEN TIME WITHOUT A STRUGGLE
Do you ever struggle with getting your kids off the screen? Does it often end in tears (both theirs and yours)? Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning.
“Five more minutes, then it’s dinner!” I’d yell from the kitchen.
This statement would either be ignored or grunted at.
Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together.
DON’T TALK TO YOUR SONS ABOUT SEX – TALK ABOUT THIS INSTEAD
If you’re wondering about the right time to talk to your son about sex, then recent research has some recommendations for you: don’t. Don’t talk to your son about sex. Instead, talk to him about relationships. Talk to him about romance. Talk to him about those funny feelings in the pit of his stomach and how that certain person turns his brain to mush. Talk to him about what a healthy relationship looks like, talk to him about mutual respect, and, oh please, talk to him about consent. Talking to him about sex? It doesn’t appear to be working. So, y’know, don’t.
I said, “Hey, What’s going on?”
The majority of sexual education in schools is based around contraception, pregnancy, and avoiding sexually transmitted diseases. The problem is that these programs aren’t answering the kinds of questions school kids have about sex and relationships. The programs assume girls are the gatekeepers of sex and pitch lessons towards them. They underestimate the emotional capacity and interest of boys and, tellingly, these programs just aren’t working.
FIVE EASY, POWERFUL WAYS TO VALIDATE YOUR CHILD’S FEELINGS
Validating children’s feelings ups their self esteem and lowers defiant behavior.
In my book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child(link is external), I wrote, and continue to strongly believe, that understanding your child is just as important, if not even more important, than loving him or her. Just as there are many divorced people who may still love their ex-spouse but never felt understood by him or her, there are many children and teens who feel loved but not understood. I can assure you that no adult has ever come to my office complaining of parents who took too much time and energy to understand him or her!
Validating the feelings of your children helps them to feel understood. To help your child feel understood, it means you keeping your ego and desire to lecture in check. Validating your child’s feelings also means that you don’t judge him or her. Instead, you simply acknowledge his or her feelings. This takes focus and discipline as parents. As I share with my clients, the best discipline you can give your child is having the self-discipline to be patient, empathetic, and loving—especially when he or she is not acting lovable. Contrary to what many frustrated parents may think, particularly during those stressful times of conflicts, validating feelings is not condoning bad choices or giving in to defiant behavior.
ARE YOU MEETING YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S MOST CRUCIAL NEED?
Love alone is not enough for raising an emotionally healthy child.
As a psychologist for the past 23 years I’ve worked with well over two thousand children, teens, and their parents. Parents usually contact me to help their child with defiant behavior, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, school struggles, substance abuseconcerns, amongst other struggles.
In all my years practicing, I’ve had very few children tell me that their parents do not lovethem. This is a very good thing, Most parents pride themselves, with good reason, that their children know that they feel deeply loved by them.
I value the concept of love and the treasure all that comes from giving and receiving love. I certainly love my own children very much. But when it comes to the complexities of parenting, love is not enough!
SEVEN QUICK TIPS TO LOWER YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S ANXIETY
Giving your child or teen the gift of less stress and worrying.
Anxiety is one of the biggest emotional health challenges facing our children and teens. It can destroy their self-esteem, reduce joy, and interfere with, or even sabotage, them from taking healthy risks in life. Being a calming, skilled, and steadying influence to help your children learn to manage anxiety is a valuable lifelong gift that you can provide to them.
Here are seven strategies to help your children manage their anxiety:
30 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR KID INSTEAD OF “HOW WAS YOUR DAY?”
When I picked my son up from his first day of 4th grade, my usual (enthusiastically delivered) question of “how was your day?” was met with his usual (indifferently delivered) “fine.”
Come on! It’s the first day, for crying out loud! Give me something to work with, would you, kid?
The second day, my same question was answered, “well, no one was a jerk.”
That’s good…I guess.
HOW TO RAISE A WARRIOR GIRL
I was delighted when I found out that my first baby was to be a girl. And the second. And the third. I would certainly love my son if I was blessed with one, but I knew that I’ve got what it takes to raise a girl.
I’m determined to raise my daughters to be strong, confident, and happy. I want them to grow up to be warriors. Mind you, a princess can be a warrior, too, so I don’t deny them their pretty dresses and cute hair bands, but I want them to know that they can do much more than just look pretty.
Here’s how I try to do it:
5 WAYS MILLENNIALS ARE CHANGING PARENTING FOREVER
Millennial parents, the cohort born between 1980 and 2000 of which there are an estimated 22 million in the U.S., are astutely tailoring their parenting style to the needs of their family while challenging traditional societal norms.
Shaped by an era dominated by post 9/11 security concerns, international conflicts, and a massive global recession, millennials have channelled a climate of uncertainty into a commitment to providing their kids with the best possible childhood.
Here are five ways millennial parents are changing parenthood forever.
DEAR HUSBAND: I’M NOT THE PERSON YOU MARRIED
I am sorry.
I’m sorry that you’ve been neglected for the last four-and-a-half years. I’m sorry that your needs are secondary. I assure you, you are still one of my top priorities – you just aren’t on the top of the list anymore.
I know that you have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. When I tell you that I want to be the one you lean on, I mean it. I know you are tired of my excuses of being tired, having a headache, or am already snoring when you snuggle up next to me. Trust me, I wish I had the energy I had five years ago. Hell, I wish I had the energy I had two weeks ago when I washed, folded, and actually put away all 10 loads of laundry. Of course, you didn’t see that because I was letting you get some much needed sleep.
MENTALLY STRONG KIDS HAVE PARENTS WHO REFUSE TO DO THESE 13 THINGS
Raising a mentally strong kid doesn’t mean he won’t cry when he’s sad or that he won’t fail sometimes. Mental strength won’t make your child immune to hardship – but it also won’t cause him to suppress his emotions.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Mental strength is what helps kids bounce back from setbacks. It gives them the strength to keep going, even when they’re plagued with self-doubt. A strong mental muscle is the key to helping kids reach their greatest potential in life.
But raising a mentally strong kid requires parents to avoid the common yet unhealthy parenting practices that rob kids of mental strength. In my book, “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do”, I identify 13 things to avoid if you want to raise a mentally strong kid equipped to tackle life’s toughest challenges: