It’s Okay to Go to Bed Angry

IT’S OKAY TO GO TO BED ANGRY

David and Constantino Khalaf

As much as we both dislike conflict, we seem to have an uncanny ability to get into fights at the most inconvenient times. Take, for example, the fight about money we started minutes before a group of friends came over to our house. Or the fight about being late we had in the car on the way to church, which also turned into an argument about money. And of course there are all the times we’ve argued late at night when all we really wanted to do was to go to bed. So we did.

Over the years, we’ve learned to ignore the advice we’ve heard at almost every wedding we’ve been to, including our own: We go to bed angry.

The Gottman Institute has disproved the myth that you shouldn’t let the sun set on your anger. At the Love Lab, couples were interrupted in the middle of an argument and asked to read magazines for 30 minutes. When they resumed the conversation, they had physiologically calmed down, which allowed them to communicate rationally and respectfully. Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, taking a break when we feel ourselves getting overwhelmed during a fight has been helpful, even if that means sleeping on it.

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Therapy Isn’t Something to Be Ashamed Of

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THERAPY ISN’T SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF

Jessica Grace

As a therapist, as well as someone who goes to therapy, I can speak firsthand about the importance of attending therapy. Think of it this way: you are driving your car and suddenly you hear a funny noise. At first, you ignore it and hope it goes away. But over time, the noise starts to get worse and soon you realize you need to repair whatever’s wrong.

Would you try to fix the car yourself, even though you have no training or experience with car repair? Or would you take it in to a mechanic with years of training and experience and ask them to make the repairs?

Most of us would take our car to the mechanic, get the repairs, and move on with our lives.

Why is it that we will trust a mechanic with our car, a contractor with house repairs, or a doctor when we are injured or ill, but we have difficulty trusting a therapist with our thoughts and feelings? Why do some of us avoid seeking professional help when it comes to our mental health and well-being? And if we do go to a therapist, why it is seen as something to keep quiet about and not share with others?

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It’s Time to Stop the Stigma Around Couples Therapy

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IT’S TIME TO STOP THE STIGMA AROUND COUPLES THERAPY

Margaret Rutherford

As a couples therapist, “We came in before there was a real problem” is music to my ears.

This very wise couple doesn’t wait until a crisis hits. No one is flirting with a coworker. Vicious, repetitive arguments aren’t heard late at night. Or worse, silence hasn’t crept into their marriage.

If only this couple were the norm.

Many couples don’t do maintenance on their relationship. Instead, they’re inundated with normal distractions – work stress, piles of laundry, figuring out how to make the car run for one more year, helping the kids with math homework. The list goes on and on. The erosion of their relationship occurs slowly and steadily over time.

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Debunking 5 Myths About Premarital Conflict​​

DEBUNKING 5 MYTHS ABOUT PREMARITAL CONFLICT

Liz Higgins

Life experiences, family dynamics, and the influence of society generate many ideas of what a marriage should look like, especially when it comes to wedding planning and handling conflict. What people often forget is that the wedding itself is a symbol of something much greater: a marriage.

Young couples are often thrown off when conflict arises during the wedding-planning process. Isn’t this supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship? It certainly can be. But sometimes, people choose to completely deny and avoid any premarital conflict in order to “keep the peace” and convince themselves that they have found the “perfect” partner.

The reality is that tension and stress (hello, wedding planning) will often become the fertile ground for conflict and your differences to emerge. It’s essential to have a grasp on what some of the damaging myths are that our world continues to hold about conflict, and what that means for your relationship.

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Debunking 12 Myths About Relationships​​

DEBUNKING 12 MYTHS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

John Gottman

If you’ve had or are having trouble in your relationship, you’ve probably gotten lots of advice. Sometimes it seems like everybody who has ever been married or knows anyone who has ever been married thinks he or she holds the secret to guaranteeing endless love.

As I explain in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, over the years I’ve found many myths about relationships that are not only false but potentially destructive. They are dangerous because they can lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is a hopeless case. The notion that you can save your relationship just by learning to communicate more sensitively is probably the most widely held misconception about happy marriages, but it’s hardly the only one.

1. Marriage is just a piece of paper.

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4 Marriage Myths That Cause Divorce​​

4 MARRIAGE MYTHS THAT CAUSE DIVORCE

Kyle Benson

As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t. It’s “common knowledge” that marriage kills sex, right?

Wrong.

What you believe about your relationship determines the relationship you end up with, and some of these common beliefs can be toxic. They lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is hopelessly going to go up in flames.

These myths ruin countless healthy relationships just because a couple believes there is something fundamentally wrong about it.

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Debunking 5 Myths About Premarital Conflict

DEBUNKING 5 MYTHS ABOUT PREMARITAL CONFLICT

Liz Higgins

Life experiences, family dynamics, and the influence of society generate many ideas of what a marriage should look like, especially when it comes to wedding planning and handling conflict. What people often forget is that the wedding itself is a symbol of something much greater: a marriage.

Young couples are often thrown off when conflict arises during the wedding-planning process. Isn’t this supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship? It certainly can be. But sometimes, people choose to completely deny and avoid any premarital conflict in order to “keep the peace” and convince themselves that they have found the “perfect” partner.

The reality is that tension and stress (hello, wedding planning) will often become the fertile ground for conflict and your differences to emerge. It’s essential to have a grasp on what some of the damaging myths are that our world continues to hold about conflict, and what that means for your relationship.

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For My Sake: Standing in the Gap for Your Partner

FOR MY SAKE: STANDING IN THE GAP FOR YOUR PARTNER

It was my wedding night. I was so tired, and I needed a bath and rest. We had danced so much that my back was aching.

Husband was beginning to have funny ideas. He was beaming like a new born baby. In any case, I won’t blame him; any man in his position would not joke with this night because I was a warrior during our courtship. “No… No hugging. No pecking. No holding‍♀‍♀‍♀.” Top on my priority list was sexual purity till marriage.

The knock came. I was thinking, “Half past 11:00pm? Could that be Room Service?” Then with eyes popping, I heard my mother-in-law’s iron-like voice, “Tise, Michael, open up!”

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5 Myths About Depression We Need to Shut Down Immediately

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5 MYTHS ABOUT DEPRESSION WE NEED TO SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY

Allison Abrams

So long as misconceptions about mental illness persist, so too will stigma.

Depression, like art, can never be adequately described in words alone, though Andrew Solomon(link is external) comes close in his memoir Noonday Demon. In it, he writes:

I felt as though I had a physical need, of impossible urgency and discomfort, from which there was no release—as though I were constantly vomiting but had no mouth. My vision began to close. It was like trying to watch TV through terrible static, where you can’t distinguish faces, where nothing has edges. The air, too, seemed thick and resistant, as though it were full of mushed-up bread.

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It is a waste of time to divorce a wife with a child/children in Igboland

IT IS A WASTE OF TIME TO DIVORCE A WIFE WITH A CHILD/CHILDREN IN IGBOLAND
Anayo M. Nwosu

Our ancestors had forewarned that “uzo eji nwa adighi èchí échî,” meaning that a marital relationship that has produced a child can never be deemed closed or ended. Even at that, it is natural for a man or woman, when fed up with a marriage, to decide to call it quits.

However, the superiority of the Western courts over Igbo cultural norms has now made it easier for many couples of Igbo extraction to sidestep the extant traditional ways and methods of resolving marriage challenges and now prefer to approach the regular courts for divorce rather than following the ancestral route.

Chief Ekwueme was confused as his head was being pushed out of his neck by the weight of the embarrassment caused by his wife’s sexual escapes disclosed by his cousin who presented him with proofs, dates, places and the names of her male accomplices. It was too much a pain for one man to carry.
He had it up to the hilt and a solution must be found.

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