DATING MYTHBUSTERS: YOU’LL FIND LOVE IF YOU STOP LOOKING
Is it true?
If you have been single for a while you are bound to get advice from family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances alike. There is nothing like a single person to bring out the relationship expert in us all. The trouble is, there is a lot of bad advice out there. This advice is often built around myths that have come to be culturally accepted and more widespread than personal data collected on a popular social media app.
One of the more common dating myths is that you will find someone when you stop looking for a relationship. This could not be farther from the truth. Here is why:
DATING MYTHBUSTERS: THERE IS A BETTER HALF OUT THERE FOR YOU
Does your “better half” exist?
We hear it all of the time. “I am ready to meet my better half?” “You are so lucky that you have found your better half!” “When are you going to settle down with your better half?” This turn of phrase has been used so many times that it has become the way we describe our partners or potential partners. So people everywhere are out there searching for this “better half”. You know, the one person whose presence in your life will not only make you feel complete but will also do so by being BETTER than you are. Wait…WHAT?!
The mere notion that there is a better half out there for you implies that you are not complete on your own. To be happy, you need another person to share your life with who will magically transform your lack luster existence into a life of bliss. The problem is, this will never work! Here’s why:
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE IN LOVE
Falling in love is a wonderful and crazy feeling that’s worth experiencing at least once in our lives. When you know you are falling in love, the way you look at the world and experience life can change in a moment. But the bigger question is how to know if you are in love? Well, find out here.
Falling in love is an experience worth living for. And the first time you fall in love, that’s a memory of a lifetime. But how to know if you are in love in the first place?
All of us have our own experiences in love, and every moment is as unique as the person who is falling in love.
13 HAPPY THINGS YOU NEED FOR A PERFECTLY HAPPY LIFE!
Wondering how to have a happy life? You don’t need too much to get that perfect life. All you need are just these 13 happy things, and nothing more!
A happy life is the dream, isn’t it?
That’s what all of us want.
We struggle and toil day in and day out, with the hope of abundant happiness in the future.
But what if I told you that a happy life is just right around the corner?
What if you could attain it as soon as you read this feature or within a few weeks?
It’s true, really.
9 POPULAR RELATIONSHIP BELIEFS THAT CAN BE DESTRUCTIVE TO LASTING LOVE
Love is in the air, love is everywhere.
Turn on your TV or scroll through your social media accounts and you’ll see how much attention romantic relationships receive. You’ll see blog posts, YouTube videos, and podcasts illuminating the virtues and dramas of love.
The popular story of Romeo and Juliet tells us about a love so “powerful” that within three days both partners take their own lives for “love.” Or how about the popular movie The Notebook:
IT’S OKAY TO GO TO BED ANGRY
David and Constantino Khalaf
As much as we both dislike conflict, we seem to have an uncanny ability to get into fights at the most inconvenient times. Take, for example, the fight about money we started minutes before a group of friends came over to our house. Or the fight about being late we had in the car on the way to church, which also turned into an argument about money. And of course there are all the times we’ve argued late at night when all we really wanted to do was to go to bed. So we did.
Over the years, we’ve learned to ignore the advice we’ve heard at almost every wedding we’ve been to, including our own: We go to bed angry.
The Gottman Institute has disproved the myth that you shouldn’t let the sun set on your anger. At the Love Lab, couples were interrupted in the middle of an argument and asked to read magazines for 30 minutes. When they resumed the conversation, they had physiologically calmed down, which allowed them to communicate rationally and respectfully. Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, taking a break when we feel ourselves getting overwhelmed during a fight has been helpful, even if that means sleeping on it.
THERAPY ISN’T SOMETHING TO BE ASHAMED OF
As a therapist, as well as someone who goes to therapy, I can speak firsthand about the importance of attending therapy. Think of it this way: you are driving your car and suddenly you hear a funny noise. At first, you ignore it and hope it goes away. But over time, the noise starts to get worse and soon you realize you need to repair whatever’s wrong.
Would you try to fix the car yourself, even though you have no training or experience with car repair? Or would you take it in to a mechanic with years of training and experience and ask them to make the repairs?
Most of us would take our car to the mechanic, get the repairs, and move on with our lives.
Why is it that we will trust a mechanic with our car, a contractor with house repairs, or a doctor when we are injured or ill, but we have difficulty trusting a therapist with our thoughts and feelings? Why do some of us avoid seeking professional help when it comes to our mental health and well-being? And if we do go to a therapist, why it is seen as something to keep quiet about and not share with others?
IT’S TIME TO STOP THE STIGMA AROUND COUPLES THERAPY
As a couples therapist, “We came in before there was a real problem” is music to my ears.
This very wise couple doesn’t wait until a crisis hits. No one is flirting with a coworker. Vicious, repetitive arguments aren’t heard late at night. Or worse, silence hasn’t crept into their marriage.
If only this couple were the norm.
Many couples don’t do maintenance on their relationship. Instead, they’re inundated with normal distractions – work stress, piles of laundry, figuring out how to make the car run for one more year, helping the kids with math homework. The list goes on and on. The erosion of their relationship occurs slowly and steadily over time.
DEBUNKING 5 MYTHS ABOUT PREMARITAL CONFLICT
Life experiences, family dynamics, and the influence of society generate many ideas of what a marriage should look like, especially when it comes to wedding planning and handling conflict. What people often forget is that the wedding itself is a symbol of something much greater: a marriage.
Young couples are often thrown off when conflict arises during the wedding-planning process. Isn’t this supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship? It certainly can be. But sometimes, people choose to completely deny and avoid any premarital conflict in order to “keep the peace” and convince themselves that they have found the “perfect” partner.
The reality is that tension and stress (hello, wedding planning) will often become the fertile ground for conflict and your differences to emerge. It’s essential to have a grasp on what some of the damaging myths are that our world continues to hold about conflict, and what that means for your relationship.
DEBUNKING 12 MYTHS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
If you’ve had or are having trouble in your relationship, you’ve probably gotten lots of advice. Sometimes it seems like everybody who has ever been married or knows anyone who has ever been married thinks he or she holds the secret to guaranteeing endless love.
As I explain in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, over the years I’ve found many myths about relationships that are not only false but potentially destructive. They are dangerous because they can lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is a hopeless case. The notion that you can save your relationship just by learning to communicate more sensitively is probably the most widely held misconception about happy marriages, but it’s hardly the only one.
1. Marriage is just a piece of paper.