DEBUNKING 5 MYTHS ABOUT PREMARITAL CONFLICT
Life experiences, family dynamics, and the influence of society generate many ideas of what a marriage should look like, especially when it comes to wedding planning and handling conflict. What people often forget is that the wedding itself is a symbol of something much greater: a marriage.
Young couples are often thrown off when conflict arises during the wedding-planning process. Isn’t this supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase of the relationship? It certainly can be. But sometimes, people choose to completely deny and avoid any premarital conflict in order to “keep the peace” and convince themselves that they have found the “perfect” partner.
The reality is that tension and stress (hello, wedding planning) will often become the fertile ground for conflict and your differences to emerge. It’s essential to have a grasp on what some of the damaging myths are that our world continues to hold about conflict, and what that means for your relationship.
FOR MY SAKE: STANDING IN THE GAP FOR YOUR PARTNER
It was my wedding night. I was so tired, and I needed a bath and rest. We had danced so much that my back was aching.
Husband was beginning to have funny ideas. He was beaming like a new born baby. In any case, I won’t blame him; any man in his position would not joke with this night because I was a warrior during our courtship. “No… No hugging. No pecking. No holding♀♀♀.” Top on my priority list was sexual purity till marriage.
The knock came. I was thinking, “Half past 11:00pm? Could that be Room Service?” Then with eyes popping, I heard my mother-in-law’s iron-like voice, “Tise, Michael, open up!”
5 MYTHS ABOUT DEPRESSION WE NEED TO SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY
So long as misconceptions about mental illness persist, so too will stigma.
Depression, like art, can never be adequately described in words alone, though Andrew Solomon(link is external) comes close in his memoir Noonday Demon. In it, he writes:
I felt as though I had a physical need, of impossible urgency and discomfort, from which there was no release—as though I were constantly vomiting but had no mouth. My vision began to close. It was like trying to watch TV through terrible static, where you can’t distinguish faces, where nothing has edges. The air, too, seemed thick and resistant, as though it were full of mushed-up bread.
IT IS A WASTE OF TIME TO DIVORCE A WIFE WITH A CHILD/CHILDREN IN IGBOLAND
Anayo M. Nwosu
Our ancestors had forewarned that “uzo eji nwa adighi èchí échî,” meaning that a marital relationship that has produced a child can never be deemed closed or ended. Even at that, it is natural for a man or woman, when fed up with a marriage, to decide to call it quits.
However, the superiority of the Western courts over Igbo cultural norms has now made it easier for many couples of Igbo extraction to sidestep the extant traditional ways and methods of resolving marriage challenges and now prefer to approach the regular courts for divorce rather than following the ancestral route.
Chief Ekwueme was confused as his head was being pushed out of his neck by the weight of the embarrassment caused by his wife’s sexual escapes disclosed by his cousin who presented him with proofs, dates, places and the names of her male accomplices. It was too much a pain for one man to carry.
He had it up to the hilt and a solution must be found.
3 TOXIC BELIEFS MOST PEOPLE THINK ARE NORMAL
Let me tell you with a quick personal story and give you something important to think about…
When I was in my early twenties, I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way. I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes. I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort. I held tight to my fears and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there. I sat home most nights and picked at my scars until I saw no beauty left in the mirror. And as I did all of this, I desperately wondered why life was so miserable.
Obviously, I was very lost. My own toxic beliefs and ensuing behaviors had gotten the best of me. But after some extensive soul searching, lots of reading, and diligent daily practice, I learned to do things differently, and I found myself again. I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – we all do at times. Sometimes the ideas and habits we get comfortable with end up killing us inside.
THE STRANGE WAY CHILDHOOD SHAPES YOUR ADULT RELATIONSHIPS
Throughout the 1950’s and 1960’s, Harlow unethically experimented with monkeys in order to understand the effects of deprivation on human infants.
He raised infant monkeys in isolation.
Despite being fed, some died. Others were frightened and behaved in an abnormal manner. When he placed these isolated monkeys in a social environment, the monkeys were socially inept.
This makes sense. If you’re 25 and have never interacted with a single human being, then you have no basis of language or social norms, and you will fear others trying to interact with you.
4 MARRIAGE MYTHS THAT RUIN MARRIAGES WITHOUT PARTNERS REALIZING IT
As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t. It’s “common knowledge” that marriage kills sex, right?
What you believe about your relationship determines the relationship you end up with, and some of these common beliefs can be toxic. They lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is hopelessly going to go up in flames.
These myths ruin countless healthy relationships just because a couple believes there is something fundamentally wrong about it.