Repairs During Conflict are a Superpower of Emotionally Connected Couple

Repair

REPAIRS DURING CONFLICT ARE A SUPERPOWER OF EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED COUPLE

Kyle Benson

When you think about it, every couple in every relationship is set up for failure. It is impossible to be emotionally available to your partner 100 percent of the time. In fact, you will miss most of your partner’s bids for emotional connection out of mindlessness.

But failure is not the problem. Even a mother who failed to be responsive and available 50 percent of the time can raise a child to be a healthy adult who has healthy relationships. According to psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, the difference between “good mothers and bad mothers is not the omission of errors but what they do with them.” How a child copes with everyday failures and fluctuations is directly related to the degree in which their parent creates an environment for a secure attachment bond and how that parent repairs their errors.

This is no different in our romantic relationships. The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is not that happy couples don’t make mistakes. We all do. How couples handle conflict resolution is what separates the relationship Masters from the Disasters.

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Broken after she found out about the other woman, she thought of the perfect revenge

She took revenge from husband by having sex with neighbour.

BROKEN AFTER SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE OTHER WOMAN, SHE THOUGHT OF THE PERFECT REVENGE

Urmimala Das

She asked, “Should I sleep with the man who decided to marry another after we had three children?”

We called her Nani. She was a beautiful Khasi woman. I met her in Shillong, Meghalaya, while working there in a high school. It was my first opportunity to see a matrilineal society. I was observing the relationship of couples from a different angle. Being a woman from a patriarchal society, it was not easy for me to understand their thoughts, emotions and behaviour. But I was trying.

I met Nani regularly in a local market, where she sold dry fish and vegetables. Her bright smile and hard working nature made me her admirer. We started talking and soon became friends.In spite of coming from different backgrounds, sharing our personal thoughts, plans,and sorrows was no more an odd thing between us. She was totally independent. Many times I experienced her kindness – when a poor boy needed his school fees or an unmarried mother needed a shelter with her baby. I was deeply touched and inspired by her. And one day,suddenly, she opened the painful pages of her life tome.

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When my wife cheated on me, I decided to show more love

He’d discovered that she’d been unfaithful

WHEN MY WIFE CHEATED ON ME, I DECIDED TO SHOW MORE LOVE

Saheli Mitra

He loved her honesty until he discovered the biggest lie. How did he bring her back to him?

(Names changed to protect identities)

I first met Mili when we were in the second year of college. She played Desdemona, the breathtaking beauty killed by her suspicious husband Othello. She gave perfect shape to the character on stage during our college fest. Little did I know that almost two decades later she would drive me to the pinnacles of suspicion.

Mili was pursuing a degree in literature at Jadavpur University, while I was doing engineering. It was not just her beauty that attracted me but her infectious personality. Everything about her seemed to be honest. The more we got to know each other through common friends, the more I realised she was someone who spoke straight from her heart and never tried to hide her feelings or emotions. I told myself, if a woman were this frank, she would always make the best and honest life partner. I was open to her thoughts and respected her views and honesty.

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Have I forgiven my husband for his affair?

Life Was Beautiful After Marriage, But Then He Had An Affair | Bonobology.Com

HAVE I FORGIVEN MY HUSBAND FOR HIS AFFAIR?

Akshata Ram

Theirs was a love marriage and everything seemed ideal until one day she discovered the truth

(Names changed to protect identities)

Having moved from Mumbai to South India for work, I was in a pensive mood most days, until, like a fairy tale, Harish walked into my life.

He was senior to me. Not handsome at first glance but a certain charisma made people steal a second glance. I was a shy and docile girl and didn’t take the first step forward, but knew he was attracted to me when he kept finding excuses to come and talk to me over coffee breaks and lunches. Gradually we started going out for movies and to malls over weekends.

My 24th birthday will forever be etched in my memory. Never had anyone made me feel so special. He threw a party inviting all our close friends, took out a diamond ring and knelt down and proposed marriage. I couldn’t be happier. We got married and started living with his parents in Chennai.

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When a morning person marries a night owl

Are You A Night Owl Married To Morning Lark | Bonobology.Com

WHEN A MORNING PERSON MARRIES A NIGHT OWL

Anandam Ravi

What can you do to avoid conflict if your sleep patterns do not align?

I have taken to adding on to whatever wish I inscribe on my gifts when I go to weddings, the phrase, ‘and wishing you sleep patterns that actually align!’

But by the time people unwrap those gifts and receive my well-intentioned but rather useless wish, it is usually too late. What do you do if you are Ms Night Owl and you have just married Mr Morning Lark, or the other way round?

Well, I guess you could try adjusting to the other’s routine and become Mr Morning and Ms Night Owl or Mr Morning and Ms Night Lark.

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Separate rooms for a married couple to sleep well?

Isn’t sleeping together the essence of marriage | Bonobology.Con

SEPARATE ROOMS FOR A MARRIED COUPLE TO SLEEP WELL?

In the Victorian era, husband and wife slept in separate rooms. Was it not the antithesis of marriage? Isn’t sleeping together the essence of marriage?

Riti Kaunteya

A sharp and insistent poke on my back woke me from my sweet slumber. Confused, I groped in the dark, rooting for the offending object. I wanted to turn around but couldn’t, as there was no room to manoeuvre my body from my usual sleeping-on-the-left side position. I rose, struggling to stop myself from falling off the edge of the bed and groped among the blankets again. The offspring had found his way into our room yet again, occupied his choicest spot in the middle of our bed and slowly poked his way into making space for himself. The husband had slid towards the other edge only to be hindered by the other offspring. Two is company but four is a crowd. A wave of weariness swooped on me, forcing me to fall back on my pillow, which was half outside the bed. This noble attempt of going back to sleep was hampered by the offspring who had by now turned and occupied the entire space on my side of the bed.

I stood up and dragged myself to the children’s room, closing the door behind me on the face of the dog who attempted to follow in the hope of a midnight snack. I fell on the welcoming bed, devoid of children, husband and dog. For the first time in many months, I slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

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Psychology Finally Reveals the Answer to Finding Your Soulmate

PSYCHOLOGY FINALLY REVEALS THE ANSWER TO FINDING YOUR SOULMATE

Luis R. Valadez

We all as social creatures have a deep and underlying desire to find that one perfect person to spend the rest of our days with. That one person when you meet, you feel an uncontrollable attraction to and an illogical sense of familiarity with. As if you’ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes. Whatever you want to call it, films and TV series alike have romanticized the phenomenon known as the soulmate. But what do we really know about the perfect mate or the ideal partner? Psychology is finally shedding light on the mystery that encapsulates so many hearts and minds around the world in an effort to understand what truly makes two people compatible for a relationship.

The Issue With Compatibility

Dating sites like OkCupid.com or chemistry.com boast about their in-depth personality tests, and claim that someone with similar answers to the questions on their tests can result in finding the perfect mate.

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7 things moms wish they knew before they got pregnant

7 THINGS MOMS WISH THEY KNEW BEFORE THEY GOT PREGNANT

Family Share
Being a mom is the hardest job on earth, so that means there are some things you might want to start preparing for now.

Becoming a mother is one of the most wonderful things that can happen to a woman, but it can also be a scary, unnerving and overwhelming thing.

Even if you have a child or you feel prepared to be a mother, there may be some things you wished you’d known before that adorable, squirming bundle of joy is placed in your arms.

Here are a few of the things most moms wish they knew before getting pregnant, and if you are on your way to becoming a mother, you will want to know as well.

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Why infidelity and divorce are more among African couples

WHY INFIDELITY AND DIVORCE ARE MORE AMONG AFRICAN COUPLES

Whoever says most African couples are not romantic is absolutely telling the truth.

Many marriages are just about sleeping, waking, eating, cooking, raising the kids, working and ageing together till death comes.

Many couples only hug each other when they receive good news.

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I don’t think I love him anymore

What Happens When A Relationship Lacks Warmth And Intimacy | Bonobology.Com

I DON’T THINK I LOVE HIM ANYMORE

Antara Majumder

(As told to Antara Majumder)

She worked from home and took care of the children, ran the household and handled financial responsibilities, but, that still was not enough.

(Names changed to protect identities)

It was an unusual Sunday morning. I lazed around with my coffee mug. Children are out on a camp from school. And…finally…I found some ‘me’ time by the balcony.

I heard Vivan discussing the academic and behavioural progress of the kids with his mother, at the breakfast table. Clearly, they weren’t very happy about my absence. My mother-in-law cited examples from the neighbourhood of mothers who have happily given up their careers to bring up the kids. Vivan switched the topic quickly, to how I should use my time more effectively, as most days I work from home.

I smiled to myself. We had a lot of discussion about this, which ultimately ended in a heated argument. Read more

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