LOVE & LUST
Virginia Rutter Ph.D
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die? We can’t quite bring ourselves to believe that passion can thrive on modern love—because our sexual imagination is stuck in the past.
“‘Hot is not the word I’d use,” says Hannah of her 23-year marriage to Barry.* “Slow simmer” is more like it. “One thing you learn over time,” she says, “is that, no matter how long you live together, two people always inhabit separate worlds. Some part of your partner is deeply unknowable.”
Although it is hard to coax any words out of her on a topic she considers, perhaps quaintly, so private, Hannah makes it clear that their sex life cleaves to the contours of their commitment. “There are nights, not often but indelible, when passion builds in molten intensity from an unremarkable start,” she says. And there are nights—”almost more transcendent,” she confides—when the two share the separateness, lying naked together, holding hands in rich silence. And there are many nights in between.
SEE WHAT CHILDREN FROM RICH HOMES AND IN PRIVATE SCHOOLS DO BEHIND THEIR PARENTS
… It was a pool party.
And they were there.
Men who have ‘arrived’.
Money, power and fame.
Men in their prime who tell time to hold still since they have refused to age and it grudgingly obeys in detente and in temporaneous.
They dress young, they dance young, they act young.
THE 8 MAJOR DIFFERENCES BETWEEN BEING “IN LUST” AND “IN LOVE”
Know the difference.
Love, lust: it’s easy to confuse the two, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
Both emotions make you feel a kind of bliss that you’ve never experienced before — which is wonderful and joyous and something to celebrate — but make sure you know the difference between the two.
DO NOT SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ UNTIL YOU CAN HONESTLY ANSWER THESE 5 Q’S
Love is a tricky emotion.
When the stars align — or when Tinder works in your favor — a new bae will enter your life, bringing on a whole new slew of ups and downs.
But will it be lust (that deep craving for sex or for another individual) or love (a true, genuine connection and caring for another)?
Though these two ideas overlap, they are far from one in the same, so we’re breaking it down once and for all.
10 PROVEN WAYS TO SPOT A CHEATER
There have been cheaters as long have there have been relationships. But if your partner is cheating, how can you tell?
There have been cheaters as long as there have been relationships. From Clinton to Schwarzenegger to Madonna, the reasons are the same; they say they are looking for more appreciation, feel unwanted or undervalued, or they are just plain self-centered. But if your partner is cheating, how can you tell?
- They stay out late, because they’re “busy at work,” or “their friend really needs them.” This could be true, but is it happening more frequently than it used to? Is the behavior progressing to him missing dinners or her not showing up for lunches anymore?
10 VITAL SIGNS TO KNOW IF IT’S LOVE OR LUST
There are distinct differences between the man who searches for lust and the one who wants love. What does your man want?
Do you think the honeymoon phase of your relationship is gone for good? Well, he may not say the words “I love you” everyday, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t missing all of the signs showing you he does.
There are distinct differences between the man who searches for lust and the one who wants love.
1. The man who searches for love sweeps you off your feet with a night out on the town. He treats you like a princess because he knows you deserve to be treated that way. The man who searched for lust … let’s just say he won’t be that elaborate with your dates.
2. The man who loves will be very clear about his intentions and the purpose of the marriage. The man who lusts will keep you questioning.
5 WARNING SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR
- Emotional affairs don’t happen overnight but result from several seemingly insignificant everyday decisions (and the belief in many subtle lies).
Ladies, you don’t want to fall into this trap!
As someone who had an emotional infidelity, I want to share the warning signs of an emotional affair and share with you the lies that I (and many others) believe that lead to an emotional affair.
I want to break the silence around these issues and discuss practical ways to counteract these mistruths.
Most of all, I want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings and that there is help!
Each of these is a tiny-yet-dangerous seed that can bloom into a toxic plant that can destroy a marriage. It’s so easy – and very common – for us to believe these lies and to fall into these unhealthy patterns!
THE “DEMON” OF LUST?
“If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.”
(Ephesians 4:26-27, TLB)
A Daily Encounter reader writes, “I have been fighting with a lust demon for years. I have asked GOD to relieve me of this demon but I keep slipping back and doing the same thing all over again. I have just rededicated my life to God and am on my church’s outreach team. I want this demon of Satan out of my body never to return. Will you pray for me?”
Hello, Jim (name changed), Thank you for being honest and sharing your struggle with lust. To resolve any problem it is imperative to understand the root cause of the problem. Let me assure you that lust, as with anger, is NOT a demon. If I am wrongfully angry, that is my problem and when I fail to resolve it, I give the foothold to the enemy.