10 REASONS YOU & YOUR SPOUSE NEED A ROMANTIC GETAWAY
Just think of it, when was the last time you two got away,
together? If it has been awhile, this list will motivate you to book your next
1. Getaways are romantic.
Just think of it, a chance to be alone with your spouse, without kids, work,
household responsibilities and all the stress those things carry with them. No
matter where you two go on your getaway, just being alone will bring back the
aura and romance of your honeymoon.
2. Getaways are like mega-dates.
Seriously. On a getaway, even a short one, you can fit what would have been
eight date nights into one weekend! You could take a pottery class, go hiking,
eat out, see a play, shop for clothes, dance, hot tub, and more. However, it is
important to note that big getaways without regular dates in between will not
offer the nurturing that your marriage needs. You need both. Getaways don’t
make up for a year of no dates.
3. Getaways help you strengthen your friendship as husband and wife.
You can finally do fun things together. All day. Every day. You can laugh,
play, joke, work-out, and experience new things – together. Just like the best
friends that you are.
4. Getaways give you time and space for romantic sex.
We don’t need to say much more, do we?
5. Getaways offer you a chance to talk about more than day-to-day
When you getaway, you are together 24/7 for a few days at a time. You can talk
about goals, dreams, big plans, hard things, struggles, and more. You can flirt
and ask each other questions like you did back when you were dating. You can
talk about people you observe, the adventures you have, or where you want to
eat. Getaways give you a great chance to talk about everything and anything
under the sun. Oh, and they are a great place to try out the 36
Questions That Will Help You Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again.
6. Getaways give you a break from
the hum-drum of every day life.
You and your spouse need something to look forward to.
Something that is just for the two of you. A time and place where you can do
things you never get to do together. It’s so nice to relax in a bed that
someone else makes and to eat food that you don’t have to prepare yourself.
Which leads us to #7…
7. Getaways give you a chance to recharge.
There is something renewing about getting away – stepping
away from all the stress of everyday life. It’s important to try to unplug a
bit too, so that you don’t waste your whole getaway on your
phone or tablet.
8. Getaways help you create happy memories.
All marriages need huge positive deposits into their
emotional bank accounts. Getaways will give you huge boosts to your marital
self-esteem. Plus, you will create thousands of happy memories and inside
jokes. Take lots of pictures, and look back on them from time to time, bringing
a back a whole bunch of “remember when…” statements and laughs.
9. Getaways give you a chance for adventure.
Plan your getaways together, as husband and wife. Take turns
picking where you want to go and what you want to do. Having adventures
together, which invites the novelty of trying new things, will bring back a
host of happy, butterfly feelings for each other. Plus, everyone has a deep
sense of adventure that needs to be unleashed from time to time, right?
10. Getaways help you fall in love all over again.
It’s true. Getaways are the perfect combination to help you
and your spouse fall in love again. They take you out of your normal home, your
normal stresses, and your normal marital conflicts and offer you a fresh
chance, a new start. A chance to treat each other with respect and kindness, to
show extra love and affection, and to really enjoy each other in intimate
Yes, a romantic getaway is just what you and your spouse
Can you believe it is 2019? Seriously, where did the time go?
With the new year comes a fresh start, a clean slate, and new opportunities and adventures. We’ve all probably packed on a few extra pounds during the holidays and it’s time to get to work on those New Year’s resolutions!
What are your resolutions and goals for the year? What do you want to accomplish? Who do you want to become?
Have you shared those goals and resolutions with your spouse? Have you set goals and resolutions together?
The Power of a Personal Cheerleader
Whatever your goals may be, sharing them with your spouse could very well be the key to seeing them successfully completed within the next twelve months. Studies have shown that making your goals known to a trusted friend dramatically increases your success rate. This is largely because when you make your goals known, you feel a sense of accountability. There’s a little extra drive and motivation to reach the finish line when you know someone’s there waiting for you.
Who better to choose as your trusted friend than your spouse! He or she already know you inside and out and understand you better than anyone else. They know your strengths and weaknesses and are very much invested in you and your personal development.
You spouse can and should be your greatest cheerleader! They can pick you up when you’re down and remind you of the vision you have for your future self. They can provide much-needed motivation to keep you moving forward with your goals when things get hard.
I once read the story of a couple I greatly admire. In an interview about their marriage, the wife commented that her husband always gave her “wings to fly.” What an awesome compliment! That is something my wife and I have been aiming for ever since.
So here’s my first challenge to you – sit down with your spouse and let them know what your New Year’s resolutions are. Ask him or her for support and help so you can accomplish those resolutions. Ask them to help keep you on track when you’re slipping, and offer to do the same for them.
By being each other’s cheerleaders, not only will you each find more success in reaching your individual goals, but you’ll grow closer together in the process. Then, definitely go out on a fancy date and celebrate your successes together!
The Power of Couple Resolutions
Along with individual goals, there is great power in setting couple resolutions together. My wife and I have found that there are few things that drive unity more than working together towards a common goal. And there is incredible satisfaction and fulfillment found in achieving goals together as a team.
Your couple resolutions can be anything you can dream up! Here are a few ideas of couple-goals to get your creative juices flowing:
Go on at least one romantic getaway during the year (plan it well in advance so you can enjoy the anticipation and build up together!).
Save an extra $X dollars each month.
Run a marathon together (or maybe just a 5k…).
Get scuba certified together.
Intentionally make time to talk for fifteen minutes every day.
Whatever your couple resolutions may be, just make sure you have some! Set resolutions that are meaningful for both of you. Create a vision of the kind of marriage and life you want to create together. Then, work each day to fulfill that vision. Sure, some days you’ll see more progress than others. In fact, some days it may feel like you have taken a step back. However, by the end of the year you’ll be able to look back and proudly admire how far you’ve come together.
Couple resolutions are powerful because they build connection, create happy memories, and nurture friendship. You and your spouse will feel closer together as you work in unity to achieve common goals. Kind of magical.
So just remember, by setting meaningful couple resolutions together, and diligently working towards them, not only will you be able to achieve great success as a team, but you’ll certainly nurture your marriage in the process!
“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together
― Dorothy Allison
I loved him like a brother, and he treated me as such. He told
me I was a genius and that the world needed to hear my music. He was a ball of
passion, and when he spoke it always felt like a battle cry to fight for a
better life. I was working as a teacher, spending my summers with struggling
artists who gave me that energy and community I craved. When I met him in
Toronto, I felt like I found new family in my own hometown.
His family wasn’t so abundant—his parents struggled with
addiction and were trying to take the earnings he made producing music. It was
killing his spirit, and I could sense it. So without consulting my parents, I
invited him to live with me. He was the brother I never had.
We got matching tattoos and promised each other that there would
always be two of everything. We hustled the music, threw shoes, networked,
and talked about what we could do artistically and for the scene in the city.
The summer had ended and now I was back to grinding the 8-5 shift. It was
killing my soul to be working knowing there was so much to create. Then he came
to me with an opportunity that changed my life forever.
It was a songwriting deal, worth $120,000, to write 10 songs for
an unknown artist who apparently had major connections. We’d get paid to write
the songs, and with that money we could be full-time artists. Without much
thought, due diligence or reflection, I took a leave of absence from work, and
we moved into a rental property that I purchased as a responsible adult. Then
we got straight to creating.
They Never Did
He explained the money would come soon, but weeks went by with
no word. Weeks turned to months, and with no income, I was quickly accumulating
debt by swiping credit cards, and negotiating a bigger line of credit. I wasn’t
worried, when the money came in, it would wipe the debt clean, and we’d have
plenty to play with.
He told me about all the friends that owed him money, and how we
could start collecting to cover the bills, but he wasn’t finding much luck. As
the months went on, I began to ask him more questions, and he became more and
more defensive. One day he went out of town to collect some money from a family
member. A mutual friend disclosed to me that he had been asking people to lend
him money, and that in fact, no one owed him anything. I called him to clarify
this, and he immediately hung up, and I never heard from him again.
He literally left his belongings in the apartment and never came
back for anything. Clothes, a computer, keepsakes, it was as if he fell off the
face of the earth. I was confused, devastated, and heartbroken. I had never had
my heart broken by a friend before; it was a foreign kind of betrayal I
couldn’t wrap my head around. Beyond the betrayal was the slow sinking reality
that I was in deep trouble with my finances. I had accumulated over $80,000 in
debt and had no way to pay it off. It turns out the songwriting deal was never
real—he had forged documents, changed names, and was planning on borrowing
money from others to cover it. When that didn’t work, he ran out of options and
That was seven years ago. The years that followed were the
hardest years of my life. I fell into deep despair and turned to NyQuil and
muscle relaxers to numb the pain. I blamed the world and everyone around me for
not warning me of his sleazy ways. I stayed in bed for weeks, and ate very
little, hoping the cavalry would come to save the day.
They never did.
A Challenging Time
During the worst moments, I thought the worst thoughts about
him. How dare he do this to me, after I let him in my home, and allowed him to
live with me for a year rent-free. I was nothing but amazing to him! I treated
him like a brother! And this is what I got in return?
But I learned to let it go, gradually.
Of course, I didn’t let it go because I thought what he did was
OK. I let it go because I could not afford to carry such a heavy burden of
resentment and regret with me. If I was ever going to get myself out of the
mess I was in, I needed less baggage…
He wasn’t evil, he was scared. He bit off more than he could
chew, and instead of facing the consequences of his actions, he ran away. All
of that was out of my control. And for me to maintain my sanity I had to focus
on what was in my control.
What was always in my control was my thinking and expectations.
I expected him to be honest with me, because I was honest with him. But that’s
not how things work. As I write this story, I am at a friend’s house in Austin,
TX. I can hear the neighbour’s dog barking really loud. If I went over and
stuck my hand through the fence, that dog would probably bite me. I can’t
assume or expect him not to, just because I don’t plan to bite him. Dogs do
what dogs do. Scared people do what scared people do.
So I forgave him, little by little, and began taking more
responsibility for what happened. It was hard work. But doing so helped me let
go of the resentment and regrets that were holding me back
Truth be told, it’s easy for us to feel sorry for ourselves, and
cast ourselves as the victims in life. And it’s not only easy, it’s quick and
convenient too. It gives us an immediate opportunity to feel connected and
significant. We connect with ourselves because we feel like no one else
understands what we are going through (as if I was the first guy to ever be
betrayed by a friend). It also gives us a subtle high of significance, because
we start to convince ourselves that life is conspiring only against us, as we
question what we did to deserve its wrath.
This quick fix doesn’t last though, and what accompanies it is a
long and drawn out feeling of powerlessness. We have no power because we’ve
blamed everyone and everything except ourselves. Thus, for me to find power in
my situation, I had to take some of the responsibility, because only in those
areas would I find the power to improve my circumstances.
Again, it took plenty of practice, but I gradually became more
mindful of my expectations, and instead of kicking myself (with my 20/20
hindsight) for all the danger signs that were right in front of me, I decided
to extract the wisdom from my past experience. I promised myself I would use
that wisdom until I was glad I went through such a challenging time.
I Am Cavalry
Over time, my broken heart healed, I got stronger, I got back on
my feet and spent the next four years getting myself out of the hole. Through
selling my possessions, finding odd gigs here and there, touring, and
writing my book Unlearn, I finally got to a $0 bank
And gradually, I began to feel sincere gratitude for the journey
I was on, and what I went through to get to where I was.
Figuring out how to go from $80,000 in the hole to $0 also
helped me grow from $0 to a bank account with decent savings. My struggling
days taught me the value of minimalism. I became a dramatically better judge of
character, and looking back I realized how resilient I really was.
I no longer hope for a cavalry, I am the cavalry. I am no longer
afraid to lose because with loss comes learning. I don’t question whether
I need to trust others, because I know I can trust myself. Challenges and
resistance make us stronger, so either we make ourselves uncomfortable so we
can grow, or life does it for us.
We Can Choose
Although I’ve now completely forgiven my old friend, and even
thanked him for the lessons I’ve learned, it all happened internally. I never
made any proclamation or tried to contact him. After the passing of a mutual
friend, he tried to reach out, but I didn’t need that energy in my life. I had
already let it go, and there was no need to re-introduce it back into my life.
We need to let things go and forgive others, not for their sake,
but for ours. We need to rid ourselves of the weight we carry around holding
grudges, regrets, and the other burdens that try to pile up. We also need to
let go so we can create a space where self-love exists, because most likely
we’ll need that space to forgive ourselves, too.
I have indeed forgiven. And I am truly grateful.
Had I not gone through such a heartbreaking experience, I would
have never dug deep into myself to write Unlearn. I
would have never crossed paths with the amazing Marc
& Angel, or read their books. And,
most importantly, I would not have grown into the person I am today.
We can’t see into the future, but we can choose how much of our
past we deliberately carry with us into today.
We can choose to let go and move forward, one day at a time.
Now, it’s YOUR turn…
I would love to hear from YOU in the comments section.
What do you need to let go of (or forgive), to move forward with
Hi there beautiful, so you’re now having sleepless nights because of the way your boyfriendtreated you at the restaurant in front of everybody? You need to wipe off those tears and put a smile on your face. He just doesn’t know your worth because he cannot see it. He probably wanted to spend just one night with you but it turned out to be an ongoing thing because you became too attached.
Women tend to fall in love too quick which is very unfortunate. When a man first asks you on a date, he’s probably thinking of the cookie and nothing more. Once and if he wins the game, he’s on to the next plan. While the woman becomes hooked immediately and starts seeing a future husband. This results to the woman noticing lack of interest which she then define as cold.
2. He’s Seeing Someone else:
Girls love attention and to be cuddled every once in a while. It is something learnt from childhood. The habits we develop as babies stay with us for a lifetime. We just don’t bring them out all the time. I believe there’s a little girl in every grown woman and a little boy inside every man. For this reason, a woman notices very slight shift in the attention she’s used to getting. Unless your boyfriend is going through some emotional issues, the way he treats you should not change suddenly.
You see, men call themselves players but they don’t play it very well. They don’t know how to balance their game. If your boyfriend has someone else, he will treat one of you lowly.
3. He Wants Out:
Yeah sweetie, this one is harsh but it is what it is. I’ve had friends go through this and finally the big shock. Men are known to create cold atmosphere or treat women ill just to find a loop out. If your boyfriend is treating you like trash, baby girl just pack up and leave while you still have your dignity. It can turn ugly and leave bad scars on your little delicate heart. You know he’s not gonna be man enough to tell you straight up.
4. He has no Respect for Women:
I know of men who verbalize their disrespect for all women in general. They do not respect even their own mother for reasons best known to them. The problem is, they still date women. These are the beauties who become victims of violence at the hands of the man they claim to love. It is so awkward that l lack words to describe them. When you’re in a relationship with this type of men, they find ways to make a slave out of you. Sadly, they still physically abuse you whenever they feel like.
5. He’s not all that into you:
I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but truth will set you free. Have you ever heard women complaining of how badly their men treat them regardless of all the nice things they do for them? If a man is not into you, not even money can buy his love.
Using money to trap a man will only keep him around while he’s filling up his belly with your money. In today’s world especially, there are men out there who stay with a woman for the gain. Once they get everything they want they dash for the door very fast.
Thought for the Soul:
“Others cannot mistreat us, if we deny them the power to do so.”
20 LIFESTYLE CHANGES TO MAKE IN YOUR 20S FOR A BETTER LIFE
Tiffany Grace Reyes
Your 20s: the perfect
balance between being young and energetic, and being practical and worldly
wise. It’s the perfect time to make a change!
Your 20s can make you
or break you. It contains some of the most exciting years of your life. You are
just starting out your career, and you’re either building debt or building an
empire. And although this decade can feel like you’re independent and
consequence-free, how you spend your life in your 20s will have a huge impact
on your life. What you do in this decade matters and may just determine your
best shot at success and happiness.
In your 20s, you can
experiment with so many things, party all night, go out on dates, travel the
globe, and basically be a free bird. And although it’s not bad to enjoy being
at the prime of your youth or working for your retirement, there are actually
many things that you can do to make the most of your 20s.
changes you should be making in your 20s
Below are 20 of the
top smart moves you need to make in your 20s that will pay off for the rest of
#1 Travel. Invest in memories and experiences. This is
the ideal time because you are young, able, and you have no family obligations.
Use your time to meet different people and immerse yourself in different
#2 Don’t obsess over
money. It is
understandable to want to live comfortably later on in life, but don’t make
your 20s so much about money that the decade passes you by. If you want to take
risks or go after things that you are passionate about, then this is the best
time. Think of money as a result of your hard work and not as your goal, and
you can breathe easy enough to go out there and live a little.
#3 Think of one golden
rule: save. Although you should not
let money be your sole motivator, this doesn’t mean you should throw financial
sensibility out the window. You can party, travel, and shop if you want, but be
sure to set aside some extra cash *at least 10% of your income* for your rainy
#4 Be active. Despite your busy lifestyle, it helps to be
active because of two things: you have something else to do other than race
after work deadlines, and you are preventing your body from developing heart
problems, obesity, diabetes, and other diseases. By squeezing some exercise
into your schedule, you have a reason to wake up early and say “no” to that
late night party invite every once in a while.
#5 Take care of your
teeth. You may not notice it,
but reality is, you’re stuck with the same teeth for the rest of your life.
It’s not a house that you can skip maintenance on because you can move out
anytime—your teeth are yours, and they’re not going anywhere. So even if it
costs a lot of money and you think you don’t need it, take care of your teeth
now while you can before repairing years of neglect becomes more expensive.
#6 Protect your
skin. So your face is
supple, you have no wrinkles, and you still have that healthy glow of youth.
But you can’t seriously believe it will stay that way forever. Unless the
fountain of youth has been discovered, you have to protect your skin. Don’t
sleep with makeup on, and more importantly, wear sunscreen.
#7 Develop healthy eating
habits. Make conscious
beverage decisions that will lessen the negative effects alcoholic drinks bring
to your body. Alcohol is, after all, a toxin. So drink wisely and in
moderation, and always rehydrate to avoid a raging hangover. As for food, you
know that junk food will only bring even more toxins into your body. Tone down
your processed food intake, and try to include healthier, more natural food
options into your diet.
#8 Lessen your tech
ties. Twenty-somethings are
known to be highly dependent on their gadgets. If you’re one of those people,
learn to put your phone down and make real people-to-people connections.
#9 Set your
standards. When you’re young,
flirty, and carefree, it can be easy to fall victim to the charms of partners
who end up doing nothing for you. Learn from the dating mistakes of your past,
and never settle for partners who will only hold you back from living a full
#10 Forgive yourself
and others. You will make
mistakes, and you may learn this the hard way. Accept the fact that there are
things you can’t control, such as rejection or heartbreak. Don’t let this
embitter you, and instead, learn from this and grow.
#11 Don’t waste your
time on drama. You’re all grown up,
and you know what you want, so you shouldn’t settle for anything less than what
you think you deserve. Cut off people and situations that drain you of your
energy. Your time and energy are better off spent on productivity and growth
than drama and misery.
#12 Build courage and
face your fears. You
are young, and you are in the best shape that you can be. The world is your
oyster. So if you are ever going to try something daring, now is the best time.
#13 Be less busy and
more productive. In
other words, learn to manage your time before you run around like a headless
chicken. Don’t spread yourself too thin over things that are unnecessary, but
instead, keep your laser focus on being effective and get more done in half the
#14 Set goals and
learn to prioritize. You’re
just starting out in your career, so you may think that your responsibilities
are still ahead of you. Nope. You should set your goals as early as now, and
from here on, take small steps in achieving them.
#15 Learn and learn
and learn. Whether it’s baking
classes or management lessons, take some time to learn new skills. Before you
even think about starting a family and having your hands full, start a hobby or
try something new.
#16 Invest in
self-awareness and self-knowledge. This is the best time to find yourself and to know what you want
and what makes you happy. Learn new things about yourself every day and seize
every opportunity to grow.
#17 Stop comparing
yourself to others. Who
cares if your friend has bought a new house or your colleague already got a
promotion? You can’t measure yourself against others, or else you’re never
going to appreciate yourself and what you have. Be proud of who you are, and
create your own story.
#18 Know what is right
from wrong. You’re not a child
anymore, so put away childish habits. While it’s okay to make mistakes, take
responsibility for your actions. Learn to apologize for what you have done, and
learn how you can make amends for actions that have caused others pain, and
that includes the environment!
#19 Appreciate true
friends. Through the course of
your life, you will come across different kinds of people. Some will be genuine,
while some will try to use you. Don’t waste time on people who will bring you
down in the end. Appreciate the people who are there for you, and value their
#20 Slow down. You may be busy juggling your career, getting
started living your independent life, sorting out your messy dating life, and
simply enjoying being a twenty-something—but don’t forget to just stop, take a
deep breath, and slow down. Success and happiness aren’t races to be won. You
have to live your life at your own pace.
Your 20s can be the
most exciting decade of your life. During this time, you’ll meet new people,
learn new things about yourself, and really open your eyes to the wonders *and
pitfalls* of the adult world. You only have 10 years to be a carefree,
energetic twenty-something, so shouldn’t you make these 10 eye-opening years
While these lifestyle
changes may be helpful and insightful, the best way to go through your 20s is
to be kind to yourself and to others, make time for what you love, appreciate
what you have, and be prepared for the future.
Getting through depression is one of the toughest things a
person can live through. But there is hope! Find out how doing volunteer work
Depression, like most mental health issues, is surrounded by a
stigma that makes it nearly impossible for those who suffer from it to discuss
the problem openly and get the help they need, when they need it.
In our culture, admitting you have a mood disorder is more or
less like acknowledging you are too weak, frail and lazy to handle what life
throws at you. Seeking help kind of makes it worse, because now it is as if
you’ve added an “incapable of solving own problems” stamp on your forehead.
But that’s not the whole truth, is it?
If you or someone you care about is struggling with depression,
you know there is so much more to it.
You’ve seen firsthand the holes this self-feeding fire can burn
through a person’s life. You’ve witnessed the person that once was slip through
the cracks of what used to be a complete human being and into a puddle of
self-loathing and isolation.
How do people battle depression?
Sadly, therapy is not always an option. Medication can fail as
well, as it often doesn’t perform as expected, or has side effects that are
So how is one supposed to get better? In a society incapable of
recognizing the signs of a person who needs help, how can someone find their
way to recovery? And it’s also equally important to ask how one can handle it
without being judged, being told to suck it up and get a grip, without being
shamed into hiding?
How can volunteering be beneficial to those suffering from depression?
An avenue not thoroughly explored, yet one absolutely worthy of
the attention is volunteering. Its nature is humble and unassuming, yet
combines multiple factors that promise to bring improvement and stability to
#1 The thrill of the unknown trumps the feeling of
worthlessness. Mastering new skills or dusting off old ones does not
necessarily cause a revolution the first time around, but it does leave a mark.
It marks a place and time of accomplishment- the moment your hands and mind
gave birth to something good, something meaningful.
Once this happens, there is no going back. It would be like
trying to undo the sunrise. Little by little, or hopefully with full jet power,
the feeling of being useful and needed can help keep the depression at bay.
You will recognize your ability to make a difference and that as
your efforts grow, so do the results. The value of such a realization is
invaluable, as it is one of the first milestones on the road to a
#2 Passion, purpose and direction will stop looking like words
from motivational posters. If we lose our way, whether on an
actual trip or while going through life, we tend to resolve to these options –
going back to a point where we knew where we were, taking chance turns in the
hope they will bring us to where we want to be, or reaching out for help. The
reality is that these don’t always work out and then we lose ourselves
It’s this feeling of being stuck, this time we spend being
stranded, that cripples us mentally and emotionally. We doom ourselves to
repeat the same numbing routine until we finally give up and accept it is all
there is for us, or worse – it’s all that we deserve.
Breaking the cycle seems pointless, because if you were good for
anything else, you would have found out by now and started doing it, right?
Wrong. Depression lies. Remember this. Depression lies.
Who knows, maybe you’ll turn out to be an amazing cook, great
with animals, really handy and capable of fixing and building things, a
researcher with a keen eye for details, an influential public speaker or an
organizer able to set up a massive event in the blink of an eye. You really
never know until you try, and once you do know – there will be no stopping you.
You will make life fall in line with what you want it to be and
continue on a road paved with hard work and fulfillment.
#3 Finding your happiness in the joy of others. Does this sound too
cheesy? Too much like a Sunday sermon? Even so, it doesn’t make it any less
Humans are hardwired to mimic other humans’ smiles. This, in
turn makes our brain send out feel-good signals all over our body, especially
the face, which results in, you guessed it, more smiles. Think of it as an
eternal loop of positive emotion injections.
You’d be surprised how much smiling goes on while charity
happens. And even if you choose a field that does not suggest a lot or any
actual human contact, like animal shelters or online databases, this doesn’t
mean there won’t be grins involved. Gratitude, appreciation and respect can
clearly be detected, despite the method of communication being body language or
Alleviated stress and reduced anxiety are self-generated
doorways to higher confidence and life satisfaction.
In other words, volunteering provides a natural, healthy boost
to your mental health, and it has the potential to rekindle your zest for life
and help you like who you see in the mirror. The benefits it produces when
fighting depression could be compared to those of a long standing meditation
#4 Volunteering builds a solid support group around you. We’ve all heard
stories about the bonds formed by soldiers fighting side by side, police
officers patrolling in the same car, even wild animals brought together by
These bonds are formed from the simple yet concrete-strong
foundation of going through the same experience, with the same goal, as part of
the same team. Show up and do what you are there to do – this is pretty much
all it takes.
Volunteering brings together people from all walks of life, and
although these combinations seem random, even chaotic, they work out. The idea
that unites them usually tops whatever it is that divides them. This translates
to those people being there for each other much more than you’d expect.
#5 It’s the right kind of selfish. It’s commonly
accepted that charity work is an act of selflessness, an island of altruism in
our otherwise hectic and competitive lives. But reality is never this
Don’t get us wrong, all the positive statements people make
about it are undeniably true. Dedicating time and efforts to a cause, without
expecting any financial or material gain, is as noble as it sounds.
Yet you do gain something, don’t you? Or at least find something
you thought you’d lost along the way.
For instance, it gives you a reason to get out there, something
constructive to take your mind off whatever it is that is torturing you,
self-respect, a feeling of identity, of acceptance and belonging, of being
connected, a spark of creativity and thirst for life like you never knew them
Bottom line is that volunteering is about rewarding yourself
just as much as it is about serving others. Probably even more, because once
you start seeing yourself in this new, better light, you will have shrugged off
some of the burden depression has you carrying. And this, right there, is what
can help you heal.
Volunteering is a two-way street where both, those helping and
those being helped, exchange mutually positive feelings. Though you extending
your help will be much more obvious, the act of volunteering allows you to
receive positive vibes and emotions from those who reward your charity with
18 WAYS TO HAVE HIGH SELF-ESTEEM AND START WINNING AT LIFE
Tiffany Grace Reyes
It’s normal to feel
down once in a while, but constant negativity isn’t healthy. Use these tips to
have high self-esteem and feel better about yourself.
Having low self-esteem
can have a significant impact on virtually every aspect of your life, including
your job, relationships, and your mental and physical health. However, the
secret to have high self-esteem is not so hard to figure out.
High self-esteem comes
from developing a positive self-worth and outlook. This is something you have
to proactively build within yourself. There are many ways you can build your
own self-esteem little by little. What’s important is that you stay consistent,
but not beat yourself up for failing once in a while.
Tips to have high
If you suffer from low
self-esteem, try to make it a priority in your life to foster positive feelings
about yourself. Starting with some of these tips for high self-esteem can be
#1 Have a
vision. Form an image of
yourself as the confident, self-assured person you want to be. Often, it all
just starts with your mindset. If you believe you can be a confident person
with high self-esteem, that’s exactly how you will begin to come off to others
#2 Set realistic
goals. It’s not enough that
you have dreams and aspirations. You have to set realistic goals that you know
you can achieve within a specified timeframe. Practice writing down clear and
actionable goals for the day, and don’t forget to set long-term goals, too.
This gives you a target to hit, and boy does it feel good when you can actually
cross those items off of your list!
#3 Have a plan and
follow through. Now that you have
goals, the next step is to draw yourself a roadmap for how you will achieve
those goals. Planning helps you keep your eye on the prize, so to speak.
Otherwise, you may wander off, become sidetracked, or lose your motivation.
#4 Think about
yourself in a positive light. Be positive about yourself and the world around you. Don’t dwell
on the bad things that are happening or worry about the unpleasant things that
could happen. Focus on the here and now and appreciate what you have instead of
focusing on what you lack.
yourself. If you want to have
high self-esteem, make it a habit to give yourself that figurative pat on the
back on a regular basis. Even spending just a few moments every day to
appreciate yourself can make a huge difference to your mood and to your
self-esteem. Think about the people you’ve helped that day, what you’ve
accomplished, and the other things that you can thank yourself for.
#6 Silence your inner
critic. That voice inside your
head that says you’re not good enough can be loud and persistent at times,
especially for those who have low self-esteem. Guess what—you don’t need that
in your life. Stop putting yourself down, and if there’s one inner voice you
should listen to, it’s that one that says, “You’re great and you can do great
#7 Say no to
comparisons. Avoid comparing
yourself to others. You will always find someone who is better or worse than
you, but it’s not a healthy habit for your self-esteem to constantly compare.
Celebrate what makes you unique and just look straight ahead with your goals in
#8 Perfection is a
myth. Doing things well is
highly commendable. However, try to avoid striving for perfection. It is an
impossible goal to accomplish. Instead, if you want to have high self-esteem,
focus on giving your best in every situation and every task. Also, celebrate your
imperfections, as those are what make you unique.
#9 Exercise and be
active. Exercise can do
wonders to your body, mind, and self-esteem. It releases feel-good endorphins
to your brain. Furthermore, it keeps you fit so you feel good about yourself
inside and out.
#10 Everyone makes
mistakes. Even with the best of
intentions, people still make mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up whenever you
commit them. Just learn from it and move on. If an apology is in order, be
genuine, but don’t let anyone beat you up over mistakes that you take
#11 Focus on what you
can change. Stop stressing over
the things that you can’t control. Instead, focus on what you can change. Do
your best to make your situation better, and believe in yourself and your
#12 Make peace with
what you can’t change. Now, as for the things that are beyond your control, it is best
to make peace with them. There’s no use worrying about these things. Don’t
waste your time and energy obsessing over anything that’s clearly beyond your
control. Instead, focus your energy on making a positive impact in your life
and the lives of others.
#13 Do things that you
enjoy doing. Those who do the
things that they love and enjoy are happier than those who just go through
their days doing something they dislike. So if you’re given the choice, spend
your time doing what you love to do.
#14 Do something
you’re good at. It’s not enough that
you’re doing what you love. You should also do something that you know you’re
good at so you have a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. This reinforces
your strengths and abilities because you can see for yourself that you are
highly productive, your efforts are going somewhere, and you can see the
#15 Celebrate your
triumphs, however small. All great things start from small beginnings and taking baby
steps. So don’t be afraid if your triumphs don’t seem to make much of an
impact. You are working your way towards your goal, and those little things can
add up in no time.
#16 Help others. It’s always fulfilling to be of service to
others. Being there for others, even just to brighten up their day with a
sincere smile, is enough to put you in a good mood and make you stand a little
taller. If nothing good is happening in your life, then be the good thing to
happen to others.
#17 Be around
supportive people. Birds
of the same feather flock together. So if you want to keep your self-esteem up,
be around those who have high self-esteem, too. Furthermore, be in the constant
company of people who give you constructive criticism and support.
#18 Avoid those who
put you down. Avoid negative people
like the plague if you want to have high self-esteem. They are energy vampires
who will also try to bring you down. Even the people with the highest,
healthiest self-esteem can find themselves drained when around negative people.Self-esteem comes from
self-determination and self-discipline. Mind your thoughts and interactions
with others and the world around you. The more power you have over yourself to
think the right thoughts and take the right steps, the more self-esteem you’ll
have. And the higher self-esteem you have, the better the quality of life you
ACHIEVING SELF-ACCEPTANCE: 10 LITTLE STEPS FOR ONE BIG CHANGE
Accepting yourself for
who you are isn’t easy. If you’re struggling to be okay with you, here are the
steps you can take to make self-acceptance a reality.
The one thing humans struggle with more than anything else is accepting ourselves for who we are. With the media so focused on who is “perfect” and what qualities make someone “the best,” we tend to pick ourselves apart in deciding if we have those qualities, too, thus shattering our ability to accept ourselves.
I am probably a poster
child for needing self-acceptance. When I was younger, I was always told I
needed to be better—to be the best. I became self-critical and had SO many
insecurity issues *in part, due to a few boyfriends*, despite being a pretty
A lot of people might
think self-acceptance and self-esteem are one in the same, but they’re very
different. Although improving your self-acceptance usually increases your
self-esteem, they’re not interchangeable. Self-esteem relates more to the
qualities other people see in us. Whereas, self-acceptance includes ALL aspects
of who we are.
This means someone
could be happy with how they’re perceived by other people, but still be
miserable on the inside because they don’t accept themselves.
How to be happy with
who you are
I got good grades,
always worked hard at anything I did, yet I still felt like I wasn’t good
enough. I was never happy with who I was. I looked in the mirror daily and
picked out my own problems and what I needed to do to fix them.
Little did I know all
I needed to fix was how I viewed myself. It won’t be an overnight fix, but if
you’re having trouble being happy with who you are and achieving
self-acceptance, here are the different steps you can take to get there.
#1 Be positive all the
time. You would be
thoroughly surprised how changing your overall outlook on the world changes the
way you also see yourself. According to Psychology Today, it’s actually possible to rewire your brain
to be a more positive person.
Every time you have a
negative thought, stop yourself and find something good about the situation. It
doesn’t have to even be related to you—just in general.
For example, if you’re
stuck in traffic after a long day and get angry because you just want to get
home and relax, just think to yourself that you get to sit and do almost
nothing while listening to great music on the radio. That sounds pretty relaxing
#2 Whenever you’re
being critical of yourself, STOP and say three good things instead. Whenever I mess up on a project, there’s
always something negative that comes to mind. I didn’t pay enough
attention. I could’ve worked harder. I’m not cut out for this type of work. But
there are so many better things to be said, too.
When you start being
critical of yourself, stop the negative train of thought and replace it with
good things instead. Cutting off that negative criticism of yourself retrains
your brain to think positive thoughts about you instead, and it’ll make
self-acceptance that much easier.
#3 Determine if there
are outside factors. The truth is, a
lot of outside influences affect our ability to accept ourselves. A rough
upbringing with unsupportive parents, the cruel media expectations, and even an
old teacher who told you, you weren’t good enough could all be a factor in your
If there is something
like that in your life, identify it so you can acknowledge it, forgive whatever
it is, and then move on. Realizing that there could be a different reason you
are that way will make accepting yourself so much easier.
#4 Make a plan. Honestly, if you’re someone who’s had a
problem accepting yourself for a long time, it’s going to be more difficult and
take longer for you to start now. Make a plan and stick to it. Make a pact with
yourself to wake up every day and be happy with yourself.
This not only gives
you a reason to get up and try to accept yourself every day, but it forms in
you the habit of doing good things for yourself.
#5 Write down every
time you do something great. Either keep a notebook handy or make a section in your notes
for all the positive things you do daily. Each time you do something that earns
a compliment from someone else or even if you just think, “Wow, I did a good
job,” write it down somewhere. Then look at those things every night before
#6 Find support. Chances are, if you don’t accept who you
are then you probably don’t have a great support system helping you out. Open
up to a few friends and family members and let them know how you’ve been
feeling about yourself.
You’ll be surprised
how fast they jump on your ship and help you out in any way they can. It’s
easier to accept yourself when you know how many other’s around you already
#7 Get rid of critical
people in your life. Negativity and
self-criticism are contagious. There are probably people in your life that are
critical of others and also critical of themselves—all of which transfers onto
If there are people
like that in your life, you just need to ditch them. They are in no way adding
anything good to your life if they’re inhibiting your ability to accept who you
#8 Allow yourself to
mess up—then forgive yourself for it. Nobody is perfect. But just because you mess up from time
to time doesn’t mean you can’t accept yourself. You won’t be successful with
everything you do and that’s okay.
As long as you forgive
yourself and move on from the event, self-acceptance will be so much easier.
The hardest part of this for someone who has always been self-critical is to
actually forgive and forget. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
#9 Stop comparing
yourself. You can’t expect to be
just like someone else. You are your own person and don’t have the exact same
qualities as someone else. Stop comparing who you are to who someone else is,
because that only makes it more difficult to accept yourself.
Nobody has all the
qualities you possess and you don’t have all the qualities someone else
possesses. Even identical twins–who share DNA–aren’t going to be the same on
all levels. You have to only compare yourself to YOU.
#10 Seek professional
help. If your inability to
accept yourself takes over your life to a point where you are becoming
depressed or having trouble functioning during the day, you may need help.
Sometimes there are underlying reasons to your dislike of yourself, and you
need a professional to uncover those reasons before you can begin healing.Self-acceptance is
something we all have to strive for every day of our lives. It can be a
challenge at times, but it’s the most rewarding feeling of all.
12 SIMPLE THINGS YOU DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MUCH WORSE
Has life been unfair to you? You may think the issue is external, but the problem is in you. These are 12 things you do to make your life worse.
A lot of people, at some point in time, feel that life is being unfair to them. I feel that, too, at times and to avoid feeling depressed, I constantly struggle and challenge myself to accomplish milestones. After a lot of thought, I realized that the problem was coming from me, and not the world around me. You should remember that your outcomes in life depend on how you think and act. This clearly means that a positive attitude toward life is exactly what makes life easier to deal with. But, of course, we don’t know that until life hits us with lemons!
Expectations and the role they play
Let’s imagine that you’re holding a big, ripe apple in your hand. You take a bite to taste it. You know how an apple is supposed to taste, so when the big, juicy apple is bland and mealy, you grimace. You feel disappointed, and may even toss the apple into the compost pile.
Now, let’s assume you eat a big, juicy apple… and it tastes exactly as expected. You eat the whole thing, and feel extremely satisfied. What’s the difference? Not the apple, but your expectations. When you set realistic expectations—or forego expectations altogether—you’ll find that life is far more satisfying and exciting. Expectations, oftentimes, offer nothing more than a too-high bar against which to measure your life and experiences.
12 simple things you’re doing to make your life worse
The apple is just an example, and can be substituted for anything in life. It can be substituted with any event, task, social interaction, person, meal, or any thought that enters your mind. Instead of clouding your every move with expectations, dive in head-first without expecting anything *good or bad* and you’ll see how truly beautiful life is! Now, let’s look at a few things we do to make our lives worse.
#1 You spend too much time on people or things that don’t matter. If you’re doing this, it has to stop. We only have 24 hours in a day which we can use to sleep, eat, and do the rest of our daily chores. But most people, for whatever reason, slack off and focus too much on people or things that don’t matter.
#2 You get offended by tacking your assumptions onto harmless actions. This happens to me, too, so I don’t blame you, but this has to stop. Your friend didn’t text you back, or a co-worker left to lunch without telling you. These are simple situations that can easily offend you, because you tag your assumptions to these otherwise innocuous actions. You start thinking that you’re either unworthy or unloved, creating a whole new world of hatred for yourself. The lesson here? Don’t take things personally.
#3 You take the road to the apocalypse. This is when you think of the worst possible outcome when something happens to you. The next step is to be delighted when you were wrong! Sore throat? Surely, you must have cancer. Lost your driver license? Your identity must have been stolen. Lost your wallet? Your savings is sure to be trained two minutes later. While this may seem sensible in the moment, this sort of negativity is both useless and illogical. This must stop. Think positive!
#4 You set unrealistic expectations. Your girlfriend was supposed to call you at 4 PM and she didn’t. She called at her convenience, instead. Your boyfriend forgot the 6 ½ month anniversary of your first lasagna together. Get the point? These are the kinds of expectations that I call parasites, because they will always leave you unhappy and sick to your stomach. Minimize your expectations so you can maximize the joys of life!
#5 You won’t do anything without getting a “sign.” Signs won’t come. Period. I have a friend who desperately wants to move to France, but she’s waiting for a “sign”—perhaps a trumpeted announcement from God, or an invitation from the president of France. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t believe in higher power or divinity, but I am saying that you need to shape your fate, not be governed by it.
#6 You’re not a risk-taker. If you want to live life to the fullest, you need to start living boldly, and that means you need to take risks. Every time someone offers you something exciting that involves some amount of risk, take it. You’ll be glad you did!
#7 You compare your life to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and this is 100% true. I know I’m not supposed to say this, but this gets to me sometimes. “Oh she’s so happy with her husband,” “He gets all the lucky breaks,” “This guy has more money than I could ever make,” and so on and so forth. No one is perfect, so stop comparing your life to the lives of others—who knows? They might be doing the same to you!
#8 You can’t forgive and forget. I know this is easier said than done, because it’s hard to forgive the people who’ve hurt you—and even harder to forget them and their offenses. But instead of sulking, express gratitude for any lessons you’ve learned, and move on. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, forgive, if you can, and forget, so you can look forward to a happier life.
#9 You’re your own celebrity. I know this is tempting, but again, it’s only going to make your life worse. You shouldn’t force people to follow your plan. By making things less about you and more about others, you will become a happier, more positive person, and will be far less disgruntled when a plan is foiled or a schedule isn’t on-task.
#10 You allow “useless” people to get the best of you. When you know someone’s toxic to you and your life, remove them without feeling guilty about it. It doesn’t matter who they are or how close they are to you, don’t let anyone give you pain or make you feel unworthy. People who disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, or continue to treat you like trash have to go. They need to leave. Period.
#11 For you, it’s either success or failure. Nothing can ever be perfect. Even success isn’t perfect. Try and gain as much happiness and experience as you can in the grey area between success and failure. Remember: never let success get to your head and failure to go to your heart. Every day is a new day, and you can change your life one baby step at a time.
#12 You avoid things as much as you can. No matter how much you avoid it, the truth will not cease to exist. You cannot ignore what’s in front of you—and worse, you won’t find peace by avoiding unpleasant or scary experiences. Although taking risks or even just completing a project or work may feel daunting, you will feel much better *and more powerful* after putting your nose to the grindstone and working through it.
Bring all your fears, worries, and weaknesses in front of you, and shine a blazing light on them. See them through to the end, because that’s the only way to find happiness and fulfillment. I swear, the pain you face when you face the truth is worth it in the end.
Remember that when we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life automatically gets easier. If any or all of the behaviors above apply to you, it’s time to change so you can simplify things for yourself and people around you. Life is beautiful and so are you, so enjoy it, and let go of these 12 things that make your life worse!
It’s Easter. You’re in the grocery store, and you can’t stop staring at the blonde girl buying flowers. You feel a pull towards her. She’s beautiful.
You’re obsessively strategizing ways to introduce yourself. When we become attracted to someone, we don’t necessarily choose who it is: there’s never a logical reason behind it.. Attraction and love is a complicated process. I remember meeting this beautiful blond who modeled for Cover Girl, but the moment our hands touched, I felt revolted by her man hands. She was an amazing person, but for some odd reason this was something I just couldn’t get over.
Let’s explore how the process happens.
Miguel and Maria are at a wedding of a mutual friend. As they approach each other, there’s tension building between them. From the second they noticed each other; the two enter into a nonstop exchange of information.
This reduces uncertainty, and it weighs the value that each person offers the other. Miguel and Maria were making judgments and assumptions about one another before the first word was even spoken.
There is something about Miguel’s well-groomed hair, strong physique and neatly trimmed facial hair that Maria finds unique. Maria’s soft voice and green eyes excite Miguel. As they begin to play verbal ping-pong, they can sense the excitement and energy of something more than just a conversation.
They find similarities in each other’s personalities, which increases their chemistry and connection. This develops positive feedback loops as they to continue to get to know each other.
As Miguel talks about his life growing up in Puerto Rico and his childish tendencies of stuffing food in his mouth like a chipmunk, it makes Maria smile. As he explains that he saves the storage for later, she giggles and lightly hits him on the shoulder. As soon as she does this, the distance between them decreases unconsciously. It continues to shrink until they both give in to the urge to kiss.
What’s happening here?
What causes Miguel to get so excited about Maria, rather than his best friend Kelly? She’s similar to Maria. They’re both attractive Latina women with green eyes? What is it about Miguel that turns on Maria more than her friend John, who is well-groomed and in good shape, just like Miguel?
When you meet someone, your mind immediately seeks to remove uncertainty… Are they a psychopathic killer? Is she going to try to use me, or try to make me do something I don’t want to do? Do they like me? Will I like them?
Your unconscious is forming an assessment based on countless factors. Their physical attractiveness, fashion style, ethnicity, accent, body language, their emotional energy, and the content of the words coming from their lips. You’re assessing whether those words match the intentions you’ve already assumed about them.
At some point, we began to move past a place of uncertainty. We start to ask ourselves new questions that predict the value of our future relationship. 1 Is this someone I want to keep as a friend, someone I just want to sleep with, or someone I want to seriously date? All of these evaluations are happening simultaneously as the verbal and nonverbal conversation continues.
Anyone else’s behavior is filtered through your mind by your own perceptions, feelings, and thoughts. The Cover Girl model may have a husband that loves her hands, because his mother’s hands were rough and calloused from working hard at the local mill when he was young. Meanwhile, I find them disgusting and discomforting.
In its simplest form, human interactions can be reduced to value feedback: a nonstop loop of expressing, receiving and interpreting of verbal and nonverbal.
When you talk to an attractive girl and she doesn’t reply, you receive negative feedback. You might interpret that reaction as she’s being rude. You might interpret that she’s hard of hearing. Or you might interpret it that she’s attracted to you, but she’s playing hard-to-get.
You expressed yourself by talking, but you received nothing from her in the conversation. This makes it feel like a one-sided conversation, and your brain interprets the experience. What your brain interprets out of her response is crucial to what happens next.
When the feedback loop is positive and to our liking, we find the person attractive. More compelling. Your attraction to each other is dependent on the appraisal method we use to value ourselves and others. It’s in this sense that we attract what we are.
Everything in life has a value, and just like happiness, our value differs from anyone else. It’s based on the quality of experience we have or desire to have throughout our life. Maybe you value religion more than money or physical attractiveness more than intelligence. and so on. To make this process a little more simple, I am going to take a few exemplary items of what may make someone attractive, and provide a value that will total 100.
24-year-old Kelly unconsciously values the following things:
Religion = 4
Socio-economic status = 25
Attractiveness = 37
Age = 5
Political ideology = 1
Intelligence = 6
Hobbies = 2
Partying = 12
I’ve purposely skewed Kelly’s values to demonstrate how demographics play into attractiveness. Obviously, Kelly is a wild child. She cares deeply about superficial values, such as wealth and attractiveness, over intelligence, hobbies or age.
She’d be perfectly happy to date a club owner who is in his mid-thirties. She wouldn’t care if his life didn’t contain much outside of partying. People tend to place a higher value on things which either makes them feel better or compliment and advance their own perceived value.
Kelly’s best bet to meet someone would be to spend a majority of her time going to nightclubs, rather than attending a meditation retreat. This validates the point of this demographics. Our matching of similar values are contextually driven and contextually matched.
Some may even consider Kelly a stereotypical gold digger . Such women tend to come from poverty. She’s contextually driven, which means she values money more than anything else, and she will seek out a man that is very wealthy because she believes that money makes her life valuable, which contextually matches her values. Not that this is true every time; a woman can also be a ‘gold digger’ if she’s from a very wealthy family, and was raised to believe money was important.
Every single one of us have a unique value system to account for our unique preferences. It’s much more than your political beliefs or your cultural preferences. It’s a contact super glued to your eyeball that filters, sorts and processes all of the information you receive. Once this information is received, it is assigned a value.
Playing soccer has a specific value to me.
Watching Dexter and eating ice cream has a high value to a girl I know
Shooting guns has a specific value to another friend of mine.
Our value is derived from our biological programming, our own preferences (if we choose them), and socialization that is relative to our specific cultures. I like to think of matching values as a car key. The feedback is the key; the unique shape is the value. Whether it starts the car is dependent on whether the key matches the keyhole.
So ask yourself, right now: what are your values?
If I were to use the same listed values as Kelly, my list would be:
Socio-economic Status = 6
Attractiveness = 16
Age = 7
Political Ideology = 9
Intelligence = 30
Hobbies = 20
Partying = 9
It’s clear that I value knowledge and intelligence, because I love a mentally stimulating conversation. I feel more emotionally connected to a person who is going to challenge or broaden my views of the world.
Understanding your own values will enable you to consciously select environments, and meet women who share those same values. Those are the types of relationships we want. We want them with women that have similar values, because those are the women who will make you happy. That’s what relationships should be about. Not the number of times you’ve gotten laid.
Sunnafrank, Michael. “Predicted Outcome Value In Initial Conversations.” Communication Research Reports 5.2 (1988): 169-172. ↩