16 TINY STORIES OF REGRET THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU LIVE
Ten years from now, it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way.
Deep down you know this already, right?
Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are easily distracted and derailed by the insignificant.
You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING WHEN YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE SITUATION
Let me share a quick story and a powerful lesson with you…
“There’s a vivid, beautiful, priceless piece of art hanging right in front of you. It’s sophisticated and detailed – a painstaking labor of deep devotion and love. The colors and textures are like no other – they soar and dip, they shine bright and leap right out at you! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the tiny, dark housefly that has landed on the edge of this masterpiece. Why would you choose to do such a thing?”
She cracked a half smile in my direction and then shifted her gaze down to the ground.
“Look,” I said, “the point here is that there’s no possible way to be 100% certain about anything in this world. Life, like good art, is sophisticated, complex and unpredictable. So you’re left with a choice: either appreciate it and look for the beauty in it, or focus on the worst and dwell on it.”
5 GREAT REMINDERS THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK
“This morning, nearly five years after my husband’s passing, a beautiful couple and their three kids knocked on my front door. The man smiled and said, “Your husband was my heart donor. He saved my life. Not a single day has gone by that I don’t pray for him and think of you. Thank you!”
This is the opening paragraph right out of an email I recently received from a course student named Colleen (I’m sharing this with her permission). She goes on to admit that she couldn’t see any positive sides of her husband’s death, until she was staring at them on her door step. “It doesn’t necessarily make things easier, but it certainly changed the way I think. I feel like a small piece of my broken heart has healed.”
And the truth is, it happens just like that. Although Colleen’s experience is unique, and somewhat extreme, at some point life slaps all of us with a good reminder that shifts our perspective. Personally, I have been slapped with several of these reminders over the years. And today, I want to pass a few of them along to you…
8 PROFOUND LESSONS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS TEACH US
Our intimate relationships teach us more than about the hearts of the ones we love. They teach us about ourselves. There is no greater people growing machine than that of love.
Our culture often views love as some fuzzy thing that gets passed around and makes you feel warm inside. But as all of us know, this happens only part of the time. The other part is full of anxiety, confusion, and frustration.
Having problems in our relationships are inevitable. Even our soulmates cause issues sometimes. According to John Gottman, couples disagree on unsolvable never-ending issues 69% of the time.
15 INSANELY NICE THINGS TO SAY
Lifting another’s spirits with a genuine compliment makes you feel pretty great, too. You never know how your kind words will affect those around you.
Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
A knee-melting compliment, delivered directly and sincerely, can be life altering. We never know how profoundly our kind words affect the recipient – from a store clerk to our own kids.
In the spirit of Mark Twain, here are 15 really nice gems to throw someone’s way.
MAKING YOUR LIST, CHECKING…WHO IS HOT OR NOT
When you are walking around a Christmas holiday party or swiping faces on your phone, you probably have some idea of the type of person you find attractive.
As you swipe away, you are seeking certain traits – physical, mental, social – you desire. Other traits, you say “fuck no.” Maybe you have a list of these traits, or maybe you just know it when you see it.
Either way, you have evolved to desire specific traits. The melting pot of your childhood, teenage, and adult experiences have sculpted and resculpted which traits you find attractive and which ones you find repulsive.
THE 6 FACTORS THAT DETERMINE WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH
During one of my bro moments, a buddy and I were checking out a bachelorette party and choosing who the sexiest woman was in the room. At first we agreed on basic body types and symmetries. We both liked fit, tall women, but soon we started disagreeing. I liked the Latina girl with almond-shaped eyes, a longer face and proportioned boobs and butt. My friend couldn’t stand longer faces. He was attracted to the blond with a round face, massive boobs and no butt.
These conversations happen all over the world in all types of languages, regarding all types of genders. Some girls go for guys dressed in leather, while others go for Mr. Business Suit. Some guys like dangerous girls who are adventurous, and uninhibited, while another guy likes them reliable, soft-spoken, and boring. Eventually everyone agrees to disagree on who is hot or not.
But why on earth would we have a difference of opinion? Isn’t the ultimate driver reproduction? If that’s the case we would fall in love with potential sex partners of the opposite sex with good genetic fabric, health, wealth, high social status and potentially strong parental qualities.
FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MAKE ROOM FOR HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE
Feeling weighed down by your past mistakes? Learn to forgive yourself and put down the burden of shame and blame. Forgive yourself and create space in your life for joy.
Imagine that everything you have ever done wrong is a rock. For example you have a nice, round one-pound smooth rock and you see written on it, “Told a lie.” You also have a rock that is labeled, “Didn’t report income to the government,” or “Yelled at kids.” Now take all of your imaginary rocks and put them in your pockets and hold them while you read this article.
We are often harder on ourselves than anybody else. When someone compliments us, we can’t take it in. We feel unworthy of love and sometimes punish ourselves internally. If we had an actual rock for each mistake, sin or misdeed we felt responsible for, we could build a large rock wall and fence ourselves in, shamed and hidden from the world.
5 TIPS ON OFFERING ADVICE TO ADULT CHILDREN
As you and your children age, your role as a parent changes. Here are some tips and tricks on continuing to parent your grown children.
Parenting adult children can seem like an oxymoron, times two! “Adult children” occupy an amorphous space in your mind, and perhaps in the dictionary. How can you be both a child and an adult? Parenting an adult just sounds mutually exclusive. After all, adults don’t need parenting, right? Once you reach the age of 18, of course you know everything there is to know about life, love and happiness. Perhaps according to the law once the age of emancipation is reached, adults are responsible for their own lives, and counted and entrusted as individuals. But in families, this rarely happens through any passage of time.
As a parent or grandparent, you may feel compelled to share your knowledge, wisdom and life experiences with your adult children, but take care in sharing. The message may be enlightening, amazing or even inspiring. But frustrated recipients often shoot the messenger!
HOW TO BECOME A LESS WORRISOME PARENT
In the busy daily routine of being a parent, we can become overburdened by the planning and worry that comes along with our job. Practicing mindfulness is a wonderful way to learn to stay in the moment, and make the most of our time with our kids.
Parenting is a big job. As our children grow, we can get lost in the tumultuous tides of worry. Many parents are busy trying to balance careers, relationships and households on top of the daily trials that parenting can bring. With all of the many details that pile up, it is easy to lose sight of the priceless moments that pass as we strive to keep up with all that life demands.
And yet, ask any parent what their favorite part of having children is, and rarely will you hear things like “planning a weekly menu,” or “keeping the kitchen floor clean.” I have yet to meet a mom who proudly declares that “keeping tabs on my son’s screen time” is the highlight of her job as a parent. We feel most fulfilled as parents in those precious and fleeting times when our whole heart is filled with the thoughts of how much we love this little person.