STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS, CONNECT WITH THEM INSTEAD
One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were?
The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video.
Empathy is the willingness to feel with your partner. To understand their inner world.
You were made for someone to study you. To read you. To reflect on you. You were made for someone to be attuned to you.
Attunement is the desire and willingness for someone to travel into your inner world to explore who you are and who you are becoming. In a securely attached relationship, this connection cultivates trust that allows your heart to rest.
To truly love another, we must read them well. I’m not talking about the kind of reading where you skim to the parts of a book you think might be interesting, but the kind of reading that engages you in such a way that you are captivated by the story.
I’m sorry that you’ve been neglected for the last four-and-a-half years. I’m sorry that your needs are secondary. I assure you, you are still one of my top priorities – you just aren’t on the top of the list anymore.
I know that you have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. When I tell you that I want to be the one you lean on, I mean it. I know you are tired of my excuses of being tired, having a headache, or am already snoring when you snuggle up next to me. Trust me, I wish I had the energy I had five years ago. Hell, I wish I had the energy I had two weeks ago when I washed, folded, and actually put away all 10 loads of laundry. Of course, you didn’t see that because I was letting you get some much needed sleep.
21 ROMANTIC TEXTS THAT’LL MAKE YOUR HUSBAND CRAZY FOR YOU
What man wouldn’t love one of these?
Showing love to your husband doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. A simple text can go a long way.
Words of love and affirmation are vital to a healthy relationship. Your husband wants to know that he is an important part of your life. (And he definitely doesn’t mind getting a flirty, romantic message at work to help him through the day.)
IF YOUR HUSBAND DOES THESE 10 THINGS, YOU HIT THE MARRIAGE JACKPOT
Does he make married life especially wonderful?
Did you hit the marriage jackpot? If you did, you have a husband who does tiny things that make your married life particularly lovely – like these 10 things. If these signs sound familiar, you made the right choice by marrying him.
1. He says “I love you” often
Those three words are easy and simple, but they go unsaid too often in some relationships. If your husband voices his love often, he not only is clear about his affection but he also isn’t afraid of communicating his feelings.
Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked. As great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic.
When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention. You’re misunderstanding me,” even before your partner is done talking.
Unfortunately, when the listener reacts to what the speaker is saying before the speaker gets the chance to fully explain themselves, both partners are left feeling misunderstood.
10 QUESTIONS HAPPY COUPLES ARE CONSTANTLY ASKING ONE ANOTHER
Ah, relationship beginnings. The stream of non-stop texting, the late-night conversations that will make you starry-eyed even into the next morning. Then time passes, you get married, life gets crazy, and you fall into the rut of talking about who’s picking up the dry cleaning or what you’re having for dinner tonight. Your daily conversations went from loving talk to logistical talk.
Newlyweds vow that this will never be them. But too many couples become emotionally disconnected and they never saw it coming.
This doesn’t have to be your story. When I was writing my book, First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, it became clear that couples who managed to feel connected did things differently. They were deliberate about maintaining and engaging real dialogue with each other (sorry, conversations about the dishwasher don’t count). Notably, their methods didn’t involve grand displays of affection or an inordinate amount of time. In fact, the little things often pack more punch than the few, infrequent grand gestures.
THIS IS WHAT YOUR SLEEPING POSITION SAYS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Erika Otero Romero
How you sleep can say a lot about you and your mister.
Because sleeping is such a simple and everyday activity, you’d never imagine it could tell you so much about your relationship. These interesting facts can help you and your beau figure out where your relationship stands:
Spooning while sleeping
This common position seems to be sign of tenderness, but also tells us something else. The embracer (or “big spoon”) is the dominant one in the relationship who provides affection, protection and support, while the embraced parter (or “little spoon”) mostly receives their partner’s affection.
5 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR SPOUSE ANYMORE
Society teaches us that the end of love means the end of marriage; but recent research shows some unexpected solutions to marriage challenges.
I’ve heard enough about painful marriages to completely terrify me about the whole concept. For a long time, while many of my friends happily anticipated starting their own families, I felt apprehensive about this major life step.
Since then, I’ve made it a goal to understand more completely how to have hope in marriage. While research tends to focus on daunting statistics telling us that our marriage only has a 50 percent chance of success, recent research shows that these five things surprisingly remedy marriage challenges.