HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE DETERMINES HOW YOU LOVE THEM
All of us have an inner narrator that describes the scene and characters of our lives. If your inner narrator writes a script of your partner and marriage in a negative tone, it’s easy to make assumptions that create negative interactions.
I want you to meet Courtney and Nate, a couple who has been married for 11 years.
On this particular day, Courtney comes home grumpy from work and sees dirty dishes on the kitchen counter. She starts yelling at Nate about the house being filthy. Nate immediately feels attacked. He thinks, “Wow, she is really grumpy right now. This is not fun. I hope she calms down soon. I wonder what happened at work today that’s making her so upset?” We will call this side of Nate, Benefit of the Doubt Nate.
THE COST OF UNEXPRESSED NEEDS IN FINDING LOVE
If you have an anxious attachment style, you may have experiences that make you feel like a burden in close relationships, so you hide your needs. Unfortunately, this positive intention backfires. You end up feeling resentful for always giving and never getting. Then you get angry and start fights. Even over the little things.
One of the best ways to improve your relationships is to recognize and honor your relationship needs.
Now, this doesn’t mean calling your partner 20 times in an hour. This means understanding that if your partner is unwilling to meet your needs for intimacy, emotional availability, and security, then you’re going to be unhappy.
DATING YOUR WIFE WITH KIDS UNDER FIVE
“She is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen,” you thought when you first laid eyes on that gorgeous woman you now call your wife. She is beautiful, smart, and sophisticated. You pursued her like she was royalty: picking her up for dates, holding doors open, bringing flowers, cooking dinners, the ring, the beautiful wedding. Finally, she became yours.
Fast forward to today. She is still the love of your life, but dating her is like running through an obstacle course, and the babies you had together are both delightful and a terror.
You lean in for a kiss, but you get pushed away by the envious one year old in your wife’s arm. You hug her and the toddler clings to your leg because they also want a hug. You try to have a conversation and every thirty seconds you get interrupted with someone wanting milk, apple juice, crackers, cheerios, and of course the inevitable diaper change. You make plans to go out for dinner and one of the kids gets sick. Perhaps, at last, you decide on an at-home date and she falls asleep during the first thirty minutes of the movie.
WHY IS SEX SUCH A MASSIVE ISSUE FOR UNHAPPY COUPLES?
Sex shows the most vulnerable surfaces of the body in the most openly exposing positions. This experience causes many to only have sex with the lights off; to close their eyes to avoid eye contact so their partner cannot see the real vulnerable self lurking in the windows to their souls.
Culture has taught us that sex is an end in itself, that the big O is the end goal. It’s teaching us that our physical bliss can be brought on by the mechanics of sex. The positions, techniques, and toys. Sex, for many of us, is about physical satisfaction.
But how important is good sex in a committed, romantic relationship?
10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR WIFE
If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably learned that there are certain things that a husband should not say. Here are ten things you should definitely avoid saying to your wife if you value your mortal existence.
If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably learned that there are certain things that a husband should never say to his wife. It was funny to hear about marital strife when you were single, but now you know firsthand how uncomfortable a night alone on the couch can be. Here are ten things you should definitely avoid saying to your wife if you value your mortal existence.
“You’re not that old.”
DEFENSIVENESS DOESN’T PROTECT A RELATIONSHIP
Being defensive blocks connection, compassion, and isolates you from your partner. Instead of focusing on we-ness, a defensive person focuses on me-ness. Defensiveness is one of the most dangerous signs of toxic fighting because it creates never-ending cycles of negativity.
Taylor: You never make love to me anymore. (Criticism)
Sophia: Well, you never take me out on dates. (Defensiveness)
When I see couples like Tyler and Sophia act defensive towards each other, it makes me smile. They have yet to realize they just want more out of each other.
TO THE GUY ASKING FOR MARRIAGE ADVICE
Aaron & April Jacob
So, you are getting married in a few months and you want marriage advice, eh?
You are already in a really good place if you are going into marriage with that kind of maturity and desire to know what to do to make it work – and not just work, but actually have your marriage be wonderful and meaningful. Way to go.
Marriage is a beautiful journey. Remember that. It’ s a journey, not some perfect destination you arrive at overnight. It’s the grandest of adventures, the most beautiful experience, and your perfect opportunity to become a better person with the one that you love by your side.
5 THINGS UNHAPPY PEOPLE REFUSE TO ADMIT TO THEMSELVES
Marc and I recently went roller skating for the first time in forever. Everyone else skating was pretty young, except one man in his late 50’s. He kept falling down, smiling and laughing. And all the kids skating kept smiling and laughing along with him. Finally, I asked him why he decided to skate today and he said, “I was at work earlier and realized I had never been roller skating. And although life hasn’t been easy lately, here I am cracking myself up. It’s totally been worth it!”
Talk about a great reminder, for all of us! Even when life is tough we can choose to smile.
But so many of us don’t…
ONE THING YOU GAIN WHEN YOU LET GO OF CONTROL
Yesterday I met up with an old friend, someone whom I care about deeply but have internally struggled with for years because I’ve always been worried about her health.
I want to help her heal, because I feel I’m losing her.
I want to teach her the time-tested tools for living a happier, simpler, healthier life that I’ve helped so many other people with — so she can give up her addictions, take up exercise and mindfulness, nurture her needs, and suddenly be transformed into a healthy person again.