5 “Notes to Self” About the Precious Little Time You Have Left

5 “NOTES TO SELF” ABOUT THE PRECIOUS LITTLE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT

Marc Chernoff

5 Notes to Self About the Precious Little Time You Have Left

A Good Girl (Who Didn’t Make It)

Alyssa was my best friend.  She was a talented musician, a graceful gymnast, a brilliant writer, and a deeply passionate human being.  She cared about people.  Love bled from every facet of her being.  When she spoke, her eyes were as sincere as her words.  And she always wanted to understand what was wrong so she could strive to make it better.

But Alyssa woke up one day during her senior year in college with a strange pain in her chest.  The on-campus doctors didn’t understand why, so they referred her to a specialist.  After several MRIs and blood tests, they determined that she had a rare, escalated case of Hodgkin’s lymphoma—a form of cancer.  She spent the next three years suffering through varying degrees of pain and sickness as multiple doctors treated her with radiation and chemotherapy.  And although these doctors were initially hopeful, Alyssa’s condition worsened, and she eventually succumbed to her cancer, dying on her 25th birthday.

A Bad Guy (Who Did)

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Substance Abuse: The Uninvited-Invited Guest

SUBSTANCE ABUSE: THE UNINVITED-INVITED GUEST

Michael Brown

Substance abuse can intrude into and erode a relationship like an unwanted guest. Therefore, I have chosen the metaphor of the “uninvited-invited guest” to reflect the dialectic between unwanted intrusion and welcome invitation of substance abuse in an intimate relationship. At times, substance abuse enters into a relationship like an uninvited guest. Other times, it is invited in by one, and unwanted by the other. Yet other times, it is invited in by both. However it enters, it is like an unwanted guest that stays too long and interferes in the relationship.

In his Sound Relationship House Theory, Dr. John Gottman uses the metaphor of the house to describe the elements of a sound relationship. My intention here is to explore the metaphor of the uninvited-invited guest in terms of the Sound Relationship House in order to explore the effects of substance abuse on an intimate relationship. I also suggest how the externalizing metaphor of the uninvited-invited guest might be used in couples treatment for substance abuse.

The Uninvited-Invited Guest and the Sound Relationship House
The first three levels of the Sound Relationship House are the friendship basis of the relationship and constitute the foundation of a strong relationship. The first level of the house is Build Love Maps. This entails how well partners know one another: their inner psychological world, their worries, stresses, joys, and dreams. The second level is Share Fondness and Admiration. This level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. The third level is Turn Towards in everyday moments. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship. Partners have the opportunity to either turn toward, turn away, or turn against bids for connection.

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How to Fix a Relationship That’s Falling Apart

fix a relationship

HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP THAT’S FALLING APART

Team LovePanky

A relationship, just like everything else in life, needs care and attention. Many couples overlook this detail and end up unhappy in a perfect relationship. Find out how to fix a relationship and turn things around.

Figuring out how to fix a relationship is a lot like stacking a deck of cards. There are so many different cards involved and it’s really difficult to know where exactly the balance went awry.

Just like a stack of cards, in almost all cases, it’s never a single reason that leads to a failure in love.

It’s a series of disappointments and resentments that lead to an unhappy relationship.

But nevertheless, it really doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Even the unhappiest of relationships can be fixed with a bit of understanding and love.

How to fix a relationship

If you still love your partner and are willing to work on your relationship, read these five simple pointers on how to fix a relationship.

They are easy and can bring back the happiness that’s lost in all the confusion and pain.

#1 Communication

How did you deal with the situation the last time you disagreed with your partner, or had a little fight?

Most couples prefer to just end an argument with slammed doors and silent evenings rather than face the situation, sort it out and clear the air.

You could give each other some space for a couple of days and wait for the issue to get sorted out by itself. But by avoiding a confrontation, you would end a fight but you really can’t understand each other or help each other. Problems that are brushed under the carpet have a way of raising a stink every now and then.

The next time you’re feeling frustrated and lonely, talk about it with your partner and try to get over the issue. Why do you need to talk to a third person and get help from the outside when you can actually talk frankly and listen to each other instead?

#2 Forgiveness

We’re all human, and all of us make mistakes, even the most perfect of people. If you want to know how to fix a relationship and have a successful one, both of you must learn to forgive each other. And most importantly, you must remember to never judge your partner.

It takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they feel may be bad or hurtful. When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship.

The day either of you stop sharing your feelings and thoughts with each other is the day your relationship starts to drift apart, even if only by a small bit every day.

If you feel something’s wrong in the relationship or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.

#3 Compatibility

Compatibility is crucial if you want to know how to fix a relationship. In several cases, opposites attract and you may find yourself married to someone who’s got nothing in common with you. But if you think about it, perhaps, it’s those differences that brought both of you closer. Sometimes, compatibility doesn’t lie in sharing similar likes and dislikes, it lies in wanting to understand and lead the ways of your partner. If you’re having issues with compatibility and want to fix your relationship, you’d know what this means.

If your partner’s too carefree or lighthearted, you may be in love with your partner because you admire that quality, however much it may annoy you at times. Compatibility isn’t about how similar both of you are, but how well you mesh together as a couple.

Don’t look at your differences as burdens, instead look at it as something that either of you can learn from each other. Make a conscious effort to understand your partner and understand their behavior. By understanding each other’s minds, both of you can change and become better individuals and a better couple.

#4 Compromise

Learn to give in. It’s as simple as that. It’s surprising to see that so many individuals fail in a relationship because of this one thing alone. Seriously, how difficult is it for couples to learn to give in selflessly once in a while? Over recent years, men and women have become too bullheaded and stubborn. Couples don’t like to give in, and it’s always my way or the highway. But think about it, if you truly love your partner, seeing them smile or have a good time would make you happy too, wouldn’t it?

If your partner’s happiness matters so much, why not go out of your way to compromise on something they like just to see your partner happy? If you can’t give in now and then, you’re cohabiting with your partner, and you’re not really in love with them.

Of course, it’s never good if one person always gives and the other person just takes. It has to be mutual. For starters, you could even keep count if nothing helps. Every time your partner compromises for you, you need to compromise for your partner. Over time, these things will begin to come naturally.

#5 Growing together

Relationships need to grow constantly, just like how individuals need to grow. When a relationship stagnates, you start to lose interest in it and soon, you stop caring about it. And one fine day, you may not even want to do anything with your partner.

Both of you start taking each other for granted and before you know it, the relationship comes to a grinding halt. If you want to know how to fix a relationship, you need to heal it from the inside. You can mend a bird’s feather, but you can’t really heal it until you help the bird move and fly.

Learn to improve a relationship and better it, learn from each other and give enough space to each other to grow as individuals. Only by becoming better individuals can both of you become better lovers.

These five fixes on how to fix a relationship can seem trivial and easy. And that’s the whole point. Sometimes, the most complicated of knots need a small tug where it matters. And just like that, in love too, we all need a small step forward to start creating a happy relationship.

Take a baby step into knowing how to fix a relationship today, and you’ll see how much better your relationship can get in under a week, just as long as you remember these tips.

The Joys (and Tears) of Parenting My Adult Children

THE JOYS (AND TEARS) OF PARENTING MY ADULT CHILDREN

Shantel Patu

I watched as she stormed into the house. Peril, sheer peril, if you let her tell it.

She hadn’t noticed me reading, quietly in the corner, so she went about, slamming cabinets and drawers, then finally ending her assault on the kitchen by opening and staring into the fridge. I heard her mumble something about hating her job, her co-workers, her commute, and of course, her meager paycheck that she waited for each week. She was adorable.

I peered over my book and examined her. She was considered an average-sized person, about 5’7”, which was a giant to my 5’1” frame. She had these amazing, almond-shaped, bright brown eyes, which she was constantly complaining about the size and the color of, but to me and her father, they were gorgeous.

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Hurt Feelings Do Not Mean You Did Something Wrong

HURT FEELINGS DO NOT MEAN YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG

LaVerna Wilk

I was recently visiting with a friend and she shared a story about a blowout fight she had with her husband. Being a therapist, I’ve grown used to this over the years.

The story went like this. Someone accidentally moved her chair as she was going to sit down at work, causing her to fall and hit her neck against a desk. As a result, her range of motion was limited and it was very painful for her to turn her head.

After her fall, she and her husband had been driving on the freeway and as he was trying to make a last-second lane change, he asked her to check out the passenger side window for cars. She said she felt disregarded because he knew she was in pain, and his request only made it worse.

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The Lonely Girl

the lonely girl

THE LONELY GIRL

Rick Hawney

Short love stories are all about that skip in the heart, but could you actually have been in a romantic love story all along, and not know it? Here I reminisce about my walk into the world of love with a girl who didn’t even want to know me.

I’ve heard a saying, that “life is a surprise”. Call me a sceptic, but I generally scoff at lines that scream something that leaves us expecting so much.

My short love story may be short on words, but it’s a story that’s filled every thought and day of my existence with happiness.

I’m a guy, a 26-year-old guy who works in a job he likes. A guy who hangs out with his friends when the sun goes down, and one who, when the story begins, is still single.

I’m single, not because I want to be single. I think it’s weird to be single. Or maybe that’s what all guys think.

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Is Your Single Life Affecting Your Married Life?

IS YOUR SINGLE LIFE AFFECTING YOUR MARRIED LIFE?

Bethany Bartholomew

You did it. You tied the knot. You found your one and only and created a happily ever after together.

It could’ve been yesterday. It could’ve been years ago. Whenever you made it to Mr. and Mrs. status, congratulations! That is a happy event to celebrate and keep celebrating for years to come.

But even though you made the big decision, did you make the big change?

Married life comes with some significant changes in your everyday. Some are obvious, and some are not so obvious. Some are so subtle that you might miss them for years.

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10 Things You Do That’ll Bring Your Soulmate to You

soulmate

10 THINGS YOU DO THAT’LL BRING YOUR SOULMATE TO YOU

Team LovePanky

Many of us spend all our lives searching for the perfect partner. But it can be really easy to know how to find your soulmate if you understand these tips.

We spend several years trying to find that perfect partner who can fill our lives with happiness and love.

Sometimes, we get lucky and meet the love of our lives at the very first real date.

And at other times, it takes a bit of searching and prodding.

But the truth is, there’s a soulmate for every one of us.

And there’s a great chance that they’re right around the corner and looking for love too.

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How to Create Sexual Chemistry and Make It Stay

sexual chemistry

HOW TO CREATE SEXUAL CHEMISTRY AND MAKE IT STAY

Jana Snow

Sexual chemistry is a mystery. But when you share it with someone, it can make you jump with excitement. Find out how to create sexual chemistry here.

Ever had a conversation with someone attractive that you hoped would never end?

Ever grazed arms with someone while dancing or at a movie and felt a flirty summersault in your stomach?

Well, that’s you experiencing a taste of sexual chemistry.

If you want to understand more about sexual chemistry in a relationship, read on.

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10 Hard Things to Remember When You Feel Like Giving Up

Small People Make Big Differences

10 HARD THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP

Marc Chernoff

Once upon a time, a young man and woman met, gazed into each other’s eyes, kissed, and knew for certain that they were supposed to be together forever.  In the subsequent days, weeks and months everything fell into place just as they had anticipated.  He was perfect in her eyes, and she was perfect in his.

Oh, it’s the majestic harmony of young love!  When two souls who barely know each other believe they know everything that they must know to live happily ever after in their own blissful bubble.  They think this way because it’s what their emotional hearts and minds tell them is true at the moment.

But you know what happens next.  It’s what always happens next in contrived fairy tales like this.  For one reason or another, logic trumps emotion, their bubble bursts, and the two lovers tumble back down to Earth, bruising themselves along the way and realizing that their perfect, easygoing partner isn’t so perfect or easygoing after all.

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