FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MAKE ROOM FOR HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE
Feeling weighed down by your past mistakes? Learn to forgive yourself and put down the burden of shame and blame. Forgive yourself and create space in your life for joy.
Imagine that everything you have ever done wrong is a rock. For example you have a nice, round one-pound smooth rock and you see written on it, “Told a lie.” You also have a rock that is labeled, “Didn’t report income to the government,” or “Yelled at kids.” Now take all of your imaginary rocks and put them in your pockets and hold them while you read this article.
We are often harder on ourselves than anybody else. When someone compliments us, we can’t take it in. We feel unworthy of love and sometimes punish ourselves internally. If we had an actual rock for each mistake, sin or misdeed we felt responsible for, we could build a large rock wall and fence ourselves in, shamed and hidden from the world.
5 WAYS TO START OVER AFTER THE ABUSE HAS ENDED
Betrayed by the abuse of the one person you trusted with every aspect of your life, you wonder if the day will ever come when forgiveness will replace the pain. These concepts can help you forgive your husband as well as heal in the process.
Marriage is one of life’s most sacred relationships. It’s built on love, trust and the promise of “till death do you part.” But when you’re betrayed by the abuse of the one person you trusted with every aspect of your life, you wonder if the day will ever come when forgiveness will replace the pain and the devastation you’ve suffered at the hand of your husband.
Forgiveness is choosing to release yourself from the pain, bitterness and shame of the past in order to live a happier, healthier life now. It in no way excuses the wrong you endured or requires you to stay in an unsafe situation. It does, however, have the power to reshape your perspective, your life and your marriage, and it now places that very power in your own hands.
REPAIRS DURING CONFLICT ARE A SUPERPOWER OF EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED COUPLE
When you think about it, every couple in every relationship is set up for failure. It is impossible to be emotionally available to your partner 100 percent of the time. In fact, you will miss most of your partner’s bids for emotional connection out of mindlessness.
But failure is not the problem. Even a mother who failed to be responsive and available 50 percent of the time can raise a child to be a healthy adult who has healthy relationships. According to psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, the difference between “good mothers and bad mothers is not the omission of errors but what they do with them.” How a child copes with everyday failures and fluctuations is directly related to the degree in which their parent creates an environment for a secure attachment bond and how that parent repairs their errors.
This is no different in our romantic relationships. The difference between happy couples and unhappy couples is not that happy couples don’t make mistakes. We all do. How couples handle conflict resolution is what separates the relationship Masters from the Disasters.
SAVING A MARRIAGE AFTER AN AFFAIR: A WIFE’S STORY (PART 2)
I didn’t set out to forgive him.
Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have ever been able to. Maybe having that goal—forgiving my husband for betraying me, for forsaking our vows, for wounding me more deeply than I have ever been wounded before or since—right from the outset would’ve prevented me from taking care of myself, really taking care of myself to the point where I only thought about what was best for me and for the kids and didn’t think of him at all.
Only after I gave myself the space for that kind of sustained self-care was I able to think about whether or not there was a “we” worth fighting for, or whether Tim had shattered it when he made the decision to start an affair, and then the series of ongoing decisions to keep the affair going.
THE 9 MOST OVERLOOKED THREATS TO A MARRIAGE
Dr. Kelly Flanagan
I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not…
Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It’s like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn’t create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he’s the one who gets caught, so he’s sent off to the principal’s office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist’s office.
“According to your faith will it be done to you.”
(Matthew 9:29, NIV)
In response to the Daily Encounter titled, “Cheaters Never Win,” one man whom I will call Fred wrote saying. “My wife left and divorced me. Now she is remarried. She has moved on. I’m in dreadful pain and can’t seem to move on. She cheated. I didn’t. She broke the rules. I didn’t. She’s happy. I’m not. She seems to have won. I lost.”
It appears to Fred that his former wife won. However, Fred’s issue isn’t about her—whether she is a winner or not—as Fred can’t change her. For Fred the issue is about him and whether he chooses to stay a loser-victim rather than becoming a winning-loser.
THE JOURNEY IS SO SHORT!
A young lady sat in public transport. An elderly grumpy lady came and sat by her as she bumped into her with her numerous bags. The other neighbor got upset, asking the young lady why she did not protest and insist on her rights. She responded with a smile: “It is not necessary to be rude or argue over something so insignificant! I’ll alight at the next stop; our journey together is so short,” replied the young lady.
Here’s a response which deserves to be written in GOLDEN letters in our daily behaviours and everywhere:
“It is not necessary to argue over something so insignificant. Our journey together is so short!”
FREE AT LAST: I FORGIVE YOU
Forgiveness can be difficult, but is necessary for the health and personal growth of the offended and the continuation of relationships within families and among friends.
Forgiveness is letting go of the feelings associated with an offense or wrongdoing against us. This doesn’t absolve fault, but does free the forgiver from the chains of anger, hatred and vengeance. We all offend and are offended, so why is it sometimes difficult to forgive?