10 “Notes to Self” that Will Stop You from Taking Things Personally

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10 “NOTES TO SELF” THAT WILL STOP YOU FROM TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY

Marc Chernoff

Let’s start off with a simple question:

Why do we always take things so personally?

There are admittedly quite a few viable and valid answers to consider.  But, the one Angel and I have found to be most common through a decade of one-on-one coaching with our course students and live event attendees is the tendency we all have of putting ourselves at the center, and seeing everything—every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us on a personal level.  And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.

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The Price of Peace

THE PRICE OF PEACE

Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the TV on therefore increases the television bill.

That attitude of his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in the marriage.

Then one day the Holy Spirit asked him, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of fifty dollars is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”

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The affair warning sign you should never ignore

THE AFFAIR WARNING SIGN YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE

Guy Winch

The question is not “What kind of person is likely to have an affair?” but rather “What kind of relationship is likely to have one?”

Affairs are far more common that most people realize and they happen for a wide variety of reasons. In over two decades of working with couples I’ve seen practically every kind of person and every kind of personality succumb to an affair, many of which I would never have anticipated would do so. What opened the door to the affair in the majority of these situations is not the character of the people involved but two other factors: Circumstance and Opportunity.

The Circumstance:

Our relationships are not static entities. Rather, the quality and strength of our bonds wax and wane naturally in response to the events, demands and circumstances of our lives. Anyone in a long-term partnership has gone through times in which they’ve felt angry and distant from their partners as well as times in which they’ve felt incredibly close and loving.

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5 Reasons why partners drift apart

what is love?

5 REASONS WHY PARTNERS DRIFT APART

Mayowa Durojaye

Ever wondered why a relationship that was seemingly going smoothly then takes a bad turn?

The reasons why partners drift apart is no brain teaser at all as they differ in various relationships but there are some reasons that cut across most relationships. The drifting apart might take some time to unfold but what is important is to tackle the issues before it is too late.

Here are the five most common reasons couples drift apart and what you can do to avoid or, as the case may be, correct these issues in your own relationship.

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Why can’t you forgive?

WHY CAN’T YOU FORGIVE?

I always tell myself that when you live your life without anyone hurting, disappointing, disgracing or offending you, then it means you never did anything worthy.

I want to tell you that there are so many people who are buried daily, and their crime is that someone they offended couldn’t forgive them.

There are innocent orphans and street children out there whose crime is that someone didn’t forgive their parents.

The reality is that even as you read this piece, there may be someone you have blocked on WhatsApp or Facebook, or you have decided not to respond to his/her posts/messages and the person’s crime is that he/she is naughty, broke your heart, disappointed you or said something that really offended you. You haven’t been talking to your roommate, an old friend, a family member, your ex or that special friend, because they offended you and you can’t forgive them.

Yes, I really understand you, they hurt you. He/she is annoying, rude and not worthy to be part of your life. However, my questions are:
Do you expect someone to forgive you if you can’t forgive others?
Do you think you have never offended anyone before?

The beauty of life is that it comes with disappointments and offences from people you least expect.

Unfortunately some of us spend so much time on the disappointments and offences and end up becoming victims of all circumstances.

Remember this one thing always: Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, as Richard Innes rightly said.

The fact is that the world is full of annoying, naughty and ungrateful people; you will always come across them during the gentle stroll of your lifespan, but the best thing to do is to deal with them with love and maturity. You can’t get everyone to behave like you. Never!!!

Hatred and intolerance have caused many of the world’s problems and have solved none of them. We must learn to tolerate and forgive one another. We must bury the faults of others and move on with life.

As you read this piece, I beseech you to take the pain and forgive that special person you have grudges against and iron out your grievances. Muster the courage and apologize to that person you have offended. The clock is ticking, man is ageing, the grave is calling and we are not in charge. Life is short, you don’t know how much time you have left.

If I have at anytime hurt, offended, disappointed, disgraced, oppressed or cheated you knowingly or unknowingly, please find a place in your heart to forgive me. And may God Almighty forgive all of us!

Live life to please God.

11 Things You Need To Feel Secure In A Relationship

11 THINGS YOU NEED TO FEEL SECURE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Do you feel secure in your relationship? If your answer is yes, there’s nothing like it, but if you are struggling to find an answer, you’ve come to the right place. We often fall in love because we are attracted to someone, but a long-term relationship needs to survive the very real demands of living together. Hence, it’s important to know what things you need to feel secure about in a relationship and that’s exactly where we come in. Read on and find out.

1. Don’t Compare Your Partner To Your Ex

11 Things You Need To Feel Secure In A Relationship

Remember what happened when Ross compared Rachel with the woman he slept with? They broke up and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t compare your partner with any of your exes. Different people have different approaches towards life and comparing them is just not fair.

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One Daily Reminder That Will Calm The Chaos In Your Life

ONE DAILY REMINDER THAT WILL CALM THE CHAOS IN YOUR LIFE

Angel Chernoff

Life can be hectic; sometimes chaos surrounds us in every imaginable direction.

But just because the world around us is in disarray, doesn’t mean the world within us has to be too.

That’s right, I’m saying there’s a way to stay sane in insane times. I’m saying you can get rid of all the insanity inside you created by others, the past, and uncontrollable events…

Just by being a simple witness of your thoughts.

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness

THE HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS

Dale Archer

The families of slain church members teach us a lesson in forgiveness.

In Charleston, South Carolina, nine black people were killed while attending Bible study. On Wednesday June 17, 2015, Dylann Roof, a white man, asked to join the Bible study group. He was welcomed with open arms. There was no black or white issue; this was a place of worship—this was God’s house. For the next hour Roof was an active participant within the group. And then, the unthinkable. He stood, pulled out a .45-caliber handgun, and said he was there “to shoot black people.” Thus began one of the worst American hate crimes of our generation. In the end, eight people died at the church, and one died in a hospital.

The deaths of these people in such a brutal and vicious fashion, and Roof’s stated wish of starting a race war, seemed not only a possibility but a probability, up until his arraignment. Only 60 hours after the shooting, one by one, family members addressed Roof saying how much they missed their loved ones, and then, miraculously, said they forgave him. For those who chose to speak directly to Roof, here is what the family members of the deceased said. We could not see their faces, but their voices rang loud and their message was deafening:

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After Cheating: Restoring Relationship Trust

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AFTER CHEATING: RESTORING RELATIONSHIP TRUST

Robert Weiss

After so many lies and secrets, can trust ever be restored?

How do you define infidelity? Does looking at porn count as cheating? What about webcam sex? If you play around on hookup apps but never actually hook up in person, are you cheating? If you’re chatting with an old flame on social media, is that a form of infidelity? What about playing virtual-reality sex games?

Do you think that you and your partner might have different ideas about the behaviors that do and don’t qualify as infidelity? With all of the uncertainty about what does and does not qualify as cheating, it’s high time we had a universal, digital-era definition. And here it is, as it appears in my book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating:

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How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage

HOW FORGIVENESS CAN TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE

Terry Gaspard

Recent studies have shown that forgiveness is an essential component of successful romantic relationships. In fact, the capacity to seek and grant forgiveness is one of the most significant factors contributing to marital satisfaction and a lifetime of love.

Forgiving yourself and others is about being willing to acknowledge that you are capable of being wounded. It also means that you are willing to step out from the role of victim and take charge of your life.

Couples who practice forgiveness can rid themselves of the toxic hurt and shame that holds them back from feeling connected to each other. In The Science of Trust, Dr. John Gottman explains that emotional attunement is a skill that allows couples to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, and ultimately create a stronger bond.

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