MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK!!!
Dr. D.K. Olukoya
Many years ago I interpreted the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked her, “So what is the secret of your over 47 successful years in marriage?”
Beaming with smiles, she retorted, “My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will spell either its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or him buying cars for me but, with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
SHOULD YOU CONFESS TO CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER?
At times, we’re all faced with life altering questions and we’re lost for answers. If you ever find yourself cheating, should you confess to cheating on your partner?
Making up your mind on whether to confess or not is one of the most disturbing phases in a relationship.
Well, of course, so is getting into an affair in the first place.
But let’s not pretend like we’re all angels here.
Having an affair is inevitable, and it can happen even to the most loyal of partners.
3 PROVEN WAYS TO RECONNECT WHEN YOU’RE DISCONNECTED FROM YOUR PARTNER
What can you do right now to make your relationship more romantic?
You could get your wife a diamond necklace. Or maybe you could buy her the Mercedes dream car she’s always wanted.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
But let’s suppose that you haven’t asked your wife a question in five years, so you fail at Love Maps.
Or while you are out on a double date with friends and your wife starts telling a story, you say, “that’s a good story, but you always tell it wrong. Let me tell it.”
So you fail at showing her fondness and admiration.
Later that night she excitedly plops down next to you on the couch and shows you a picture of a romantic getaway in Italy.
FORGIVING YOUR PARTNER
Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera
Forgiveness is essential for a healthy relationship and personal well-being
In every relationship there are very likely to be times when our partner will do things to us that we regard as offensive, insensitive to our feelings, or just plain dumb. When that happens, our response is predictable. It’s not uncommon to become insulted, hurt, angry, or have other similar reactions to this perceived harm. We use the term perceived here because we want to emphasize the personal nature of how we interpret situations. Not everyone will construe the same words or deeds as hurtful or upsetting; some are thicker skinned or won’t take some offenses personally or seriously. Nor will we always interpret words and deeds in the same way—it can depend on the context. For example, an off-hand comment from our partner, such as a joke at our expense, might be ignored or even taken as funny in some situations, but regarded as a major insult in others.
When we choose the latter interpretation (and we do have a choice), most of us will confront our partner to let them know that what they said or did is unacceptable. In healthy relationships, discussions will focus specifically on the issue at hand and not go off in other directions, and will then have a good chance of getting to a resolution. But even if the problem is dealt with and resolved, affronted partners might sometimes continue to hold the thing that upset them in their heads. The accompanying negative feelings can affect how we think about and treat our partner, and they can form the basis for holding a grudge, and that’s never good for a relationship.
Ethical codes and most religious doctrines tell us that we should be forgiving to those who harm us. This advice certainly has its socially redeeming qualities, but it’s also sound from a psychological perspective. When we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive, we leave ourselves open to the danger of ruminating about the event, and that’s especially likely to happen if the harm came from someone we regard as important to us, such as our spouse. As we rehash in our minds the episode that’s gotten us upset, we experience all the negative emotions, and perhaps some behavioral outbursts. Yet, the hurt remains because the event can’t be taken back.
WHY FORGIVING YOUR PARTNER IS FOR YOU, NOT THEM
Let’s face it – relationships can be tough. Two different people coming together to share their lives’ ups and downs is bound to bring about conflict. We tend to expect so much from the ones we love and those expectations can lead to sometimes negative outcomes.
Certain things our partners do can be annoying, irritating and even hurtful to us. If it’s bad enough, it could even be the end of a relationship. But this article isn’t about the major things that can come up in a relationship. It’s about the everyday conflict we have with our partners.
When one person perceives themselves to be hurt, the typical reaction is to confront their partner and discuss what went wrong until it is resolved.
But some people hold on to those negative feelings, even after achieving what appears to be a resolution. And holding grudges, instead of forgiving and moving forward, can be very detrimental to the relationship and your own well-being.
BETTER WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER
When we yell and scream, our partners can’t hear our words.
Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera
Here are a few more thoughts to keep in mind for couples that have difficulty communicating. First and foremost, the fundamentals of any relationship, trust and commitment, are at the heart of effective communication. With trust, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and we can express our true thoughts and feelings. With commitment, we approach conflicts with the interests of the marriage in mind rather than our own personal needs, so we tend to be more accommodating and better at listening.
This is an important point, because only if there’s trust and commitment can there be honesty and mutual respect, and these are essential for effective communication. Partners are more likely to listen and less likely to make hurtful or insulting comments. When equality and respect are lacking, we’re more prone to regard our own perspective as more important and not pay much attention to our partner’s feelings and opinions.
Openly expressing our thoughts and feelings is essential, but that’s only if we do it appropriately. When we’re upset, we may believe that yelling and using negative language is an honest expression of what we think and feel, and we have a right to behave that way. But in face we’re actually expressing hostility rather than honesty.
SHOULD I FORGIVE HIM? SHOULD I FORGIVE HER? HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF FIRST
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
– Albert Einstein
Never Forgive Him
She showed up at my front door before work at 7am this morning with the most troubled, despondent expression on her face (which is not typical of her disposition). “I’m sorry I didn’t call,” she said. “But I haven’t slept all night, and I really need to talk to someone. I just need some advice.”
I invited her in and poured her a cup of coffee. “So, what’s on your mind?” I asked.
“Last night my husband told me something about his college years that he never told me before,” she said in a shaky voice. “And I completely disagree with his actions. It’s horrible, really… and I just can’t stop thinking about it! I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive him.”
3 CHARACTERISTICS OF A REPENTANT SPOUSE
If you want a strong marriage, there comes a time to be honest about yourself.
Would you like to revolutionize your marriage? Then try starting with a little repentance. It’s amazing how much healing can occur between a husband and a wife when 10 little words are said: “I am so sorry for what I did. I repent!”
As we grow as believers in Jesus Christ and become surrounded by more and more Christians, it’s easy to put on a façade. Often we aren’t willing to admit where we are spiritually because we’ve become skilled at hiding our weaknesses.
HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP THAT’S FALLING APART
A relationship, just like everything else in life, needs care and attention. Many couples overlook this detail and end up unhappy in a perfect relationship. Find out how to fix a relationship and turn things around.
Figuring out how to fix a relationship is a lot like stacking a deck of cards. There are so many different cards involved and it’s really difficult to know where exactly the balance went awry.
Just like a stack of cards, in almost all cases, it’s never a single reason that leads to a failure in love.
It’s a series of disappointments and resentments that lead to an unhappy relationship.
But nevertheless, it really doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Even the unhappiest of relationships can be fixed with a bit of understanding and love.
How to fix a relationship
If you still love your partner and are willing to work on your relationship, read these five simple pointers on how to fix a relationship.
They are easy and can bring back the happiness that’s lost in all the confusion and pain.
How did you deal with the situation the last time you disagreed with your partner, or had a little fight?
Most couples prefer to just end an argument with slammed doors and silent evenings rather than face the situation, sort it out and clear the air.
You could give each other some space for a couple of days and wait for the issue to get sorted out by itself. But by avoiding a confrontation, you would end a fight but you really can’t understand each other or help each other. Problems that are brushed under the carpet have a way of raising a stink every now and then.
The next time you’re feeling frustrated and lonely, talk about it with your partner and try to get over the issue. Why do you need to talk to a third person and get help from the outside when you can actually talk frankly and listen to each other instead?
We’re all human, and all of us make mistakes, even the most perfect of people. If you want to know how to fix a relationship and have a successful one, both of you must learn to forgive each other. And most importantly, you must remember to never judge your partner.
It takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they feel may be bad or hurtful. When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship.
The day either of you stop sharing your feelings and thoughts with each other is the day your relationship starts to drift apart, even if only by a small bit every day.
If you feel something’s wrong in the relationship or if your partner’s done something objectionable, talk to your partner without accusing them or shouting at them. Help your partner understand how you feel about it instead of yelling or cursing at your lover. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.
Compatibility is crucial if you want to know how to fix a relationship. In several cases, opposites attract and you may find yourself married to someone who’s got nothing in common with you. But if you think about it, perhaps, it’s those differences that brought both of you closer. Sometimes, compatibility doesn’t lie in sharing similar likes and dislikes, it lies in wanting to understand and lead the ways of your partner. If you’re having issues with compatibility and want to fix your relationship, you’d know what this means.
If your partner’s too carefree or lighthearted, you may be in love with your partner because you admire that quality, however much it may annoy you at times. Compatibility isn’t about how similar both of you are, but how well you mesh together as a couple.
Don’t look at your differences as burdens, instead look at it as something that either of you can learn from each other. Make a conscious effort to understand your partner and understand their behavior. By understanding each other’s minds, both of you can change and become better individuals and a better couple.
Learn to give in. It’s as simple as that. It’s surprising to see that so many individuals fail in a relationship because of this one thing alone. Seriously, how difficult is it for couples to learn to give in selflessly once in a while? Over recent years, men and women have become too bullheaded and stubborn. Couples don’t like to give in, and it’s always my way or the highway. But think about it, if you truly love your partner, seeing them smile or have a good time would make you happy too, wouldn’t it?
If your partner’s happiness matters so much, why not go out of your way to compromise on something they like just to see your partner happy? If you can’t give in now and then, you’re cohabiting with your partner, and you’re not really in love with them.
Of course, it’s never good if one person always gives and the other person just takes. It has to be mutual. For starters, you could even keep count if nothing helps. Every time your partner compromises for you, you need to compromise for your partner. Over time, these things will begin to come naturally.
#5 Growing together
Relationships need to grow constantly, just like how individuals need to grow. When a relationship stagnates, you start to lose interest in it and soon, you stop caring about it. And one fine day, you may not even want to do anything with your partner.
Both of you start taking each other for granted and before you know it, the relationship comes to a grinding halt. If you want to know how to fix a relationship, you need to heal it from the inside. You can mend a bird’s feather, but you can’t really heal it until you help the bird move and fly.
Learn to improve a relationship and better it, learn from each other and give enough space to each other to grow as individuals. Only by becoming better individuals can both of you become better lovers.
These five fixes on how to fix a relationship can seem trivial and easy. And that’s the whole point. Sometimes, the most complicated of knots need a small tug where it matters. And just like that, in love too, we all need a small step forward to start creating a happy relationship.
Take a baby step into knowing how to fix a relationship today, and you’ll see how much better your relationship can get in under a week, just as long as you remember these tips.