Reasons Some Men Mistreat Women

REASONS SOME MEN MISTREAT WOMEN

Sheqoz


He hurts your feelings because he doesn’t care for you

1. You Fell in Love too Fast:

Hi there beautiful, so you’re now having sleepless nights because of the way your boyfriend treated you at the restaurant in front of everybody? You need to wipe off those tears and put a smile on your face. He just doesn’t know your worth because he cannot see it. He probably wanted to spend just one night with you but it turned out to be an ongoing thing because you became too attached.

Women tend to fall in love too quick which is very unfortunate. When a man first asks you on a date, he’s probably thinking of the cookie and nothing more. Once and if he wins the game, he’s on to the next plan. While the woman becomes hooked immediately and starts seeing a future husband. This results to the woman noticing lack of interest which she then define as cold.

2. He’s Seeing Someone else:

Girls love attention and to be cuddled every once in a while. It is something learnt from childhood. The habits we develop as babies stay with us for a lifetime. We just don’t bring them out all the time. I believe there’s a little girl in every grown woman and a little boy inside every man. For this reason, a woman notices very slight shift in the attention she’s used to getting. Unless your boyfriend is going through some emotional issues, the way he treats you should not change suddenly.

You see, men call themselves players but they don’t play it very well. They don’t know how to balance their game. If your boyfriend has someone else, he will treat one of you lowly.

3. He Wants Out:

Yeah sweetie, this one is harsh but it is what it is. I’ve had friends go through this and finally the big shock. Men are known to create cold atmosphere or treat women ill just to find a loop out. If your boyfriend is treating you like trash, baby girl just pack up and leave while you still have your dignity. It can turn ugly and leave bad scars on your little delicate heart. You know he’s not gonna be man enough to tell you straight up.

4. He has no Respect for Women:

I know of men who verbalize their disrespect for all women in general. They do not respect even their own mother for reasons best known to them. The problem is, they still date women. These are the beauties who become victims of violence at the hands of the man they claim to love. It is so awkward that l lack words to describe them. When you’re in a relationship with this type of men, they find ways to make a slave out of you. Sadly, they still physically abuse you whenever they feel like.

5. He’s not all that into you:

I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but truth will set you free. Have you ever heard women complaining of how badly their men treat them regardless of all the nice things they do for them? If a man is not into you, not even money can buy his love.

Using money to trap a man will only keep him around while he’s filling up his belly with your money. In today’s world especially, there are men out there who stay with a woman for the gain. Once they get everything they want they dash for the door very fast.

Thought for the Soul:

“Others cannot mistreat us, if we deny them the power to do so.”

Reasons for Failed Relationships

REASONS FOR FAILED RELATIONSHIPS

Sheqoz


Small things grow into bigger problems if left unsolved

If you are in a relationship, you obviously have good and bad days. That’s normal in all relationships. The up’s and down’s are not enough reasons to push a relationship off the cliff. Those are moments meant to strengthen you. I like to think of a palm tree when the downtime comes. You must have watched either live or on the news when there are bad storms in countries with many palm trees.

They don’t seem to be very steady when the winds begin to blow but if you pay close attention, those palms bend to an extent of breaking but they never lose their ground. In this same way, some of the things relationships face are meant to make things more solid. The biggest problems come from little issues left unresolved. These problems don’t go just because they were left unaddressed. Let’s take a close look at 6 reasons why relationships fail.

1. Ignorance About Petty Issues:


Partners should never ignore each other

Many relationships become victims of their own weaknesses. Small problems become an  ignored enemy which gives it the power to win. You cannot underestimate an enemy and expect to come out victorious. Those small issues you notice but fail to fix could become the biggest threat. To stop them from destroying what you’ve worked hard to build, you will need to identify them. A problem well identified is half way solved. Once you do this, write them down and find some stress-free time to discuss and solve them.

2. Lack of Emotional Discipline:

Many relationships suffer emotional abuse. Normally one partner plays the role of the abuser knowingly or unknowingly. When we allow our emotions to run wild, we fail to recognize the red flags and thus do not make conscious efforts to apply the much needed breaks when necessary. When this happens, a crash becomes imminent.

Take control over your emotions, don’t allow them to control you. We all have feelings but they must be guided. If you want to protect your heart and relationship from unwanted abuse, control your emotions. Don’t feel entitled to get whatever you want when you want it from your partner.

Do you know that the number one reason people find themselves in wrong relationships is emotional indiscipline? They let how they feel control their actions and reactions!

3. Lack of Appreciation:


Always appreciate each other’s initiative to resolve conflicts

Never take people’s goodwill for granted or think they are kind due to weakness. When you abuse a privilege acting like you’re entitled to it, you put yourself on a dark spot. You may lose everything this way. Get into the habit of appreciating what others do for you and be respectful while at it. This goes a long way and pushes others to want to do even more for you.

4. Unthoughtfulness:

Lack of communication falls under this category. You see, when you have someone you care about and make no effort to reach out to them, they may interpret your silence as disinterest. A short text or phone call matters a lot. If you have been quiet on someone you love or care for, don’t wait for them to break that silence. Take the initiative to reach out. Don’t miss out on a good thing because of pride.

Thought for the Soul:

“To have good relationships with people at any level of life, good personality must be present. You must be in a position to concede and compromise some things. Have an understanding heart so that you can forgive.”


Happy relationships are built over time. Each day brings a new understanding.

Find out how you can make your marriage shift from worst to great again.

How to Overcome Infidelity in Marriage

HOW TO OVERCOME INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

sheqoz

When the betrayed spouse feels violated, they get a rush of adrenalin which triggers irrational reaction

The Pain:

After infidelity, the betrayed spouse goes through intense emotions. The hurt, bewilderment, anger and numbing shock are overwhelming. There’s normally accelerated anger from the betrayed spouse which causes them to vent their rage. Although they should be granted the freedom to do so, it is important to choose the verbalized words carefully.

Reaction:

The strenuous stress contributes to a flood of adrenaline in the body. It is during this reaction that the betrayed spouse can do anything to hurt back the betrayer. This is the most sensitive time which determines where the relationship will end up. It can be the beginning of marriage recovery or the end.

During this period, the last thing the betrayer should do is react with anger. Instead, they should allow their spouse the space to vent while they maintain an apologetic attitude. This will help calm the situation to a point where a decent discussion is possible.

What to avoid:

The betrayed  –  

Avoid any physical confrontation with either your spouse or the person they cheated with. Sometimes stepping down to your betrayers level might turn the table making you seem like the evil one.

Do not jump into the option of property damage. It will do you no good and might land you into a lawsuit. You have loads of emotional healing to deal with. Don’t add any more.

Take some time away if you can. It will help you heal and make sound decisions on the next steps you want to take.

The betrayer –

You have violated marital vows and solid trust. Avoid any form of arrogance towards your spouse. A kind, polite attitude during this time will go a long way.

This is your time to make amendments since you’ve been caught pants down. Try an honest approach with the questions your spouse has. Remember you’ve been caught because she/he had some information.

There’s no need to hide bits of it from your already injured spouse at this point. Your precious relationship is shattered into pieces. There’s nothing left to protect. Nothing will injure your spouse more than being subtly  deceived on top of your act.

Trying to hide what they already know is clear indication that you intend to protect and cover up your rendezvous. If you do not wish to continue and you honestly desire to save your marriage, tell it like it is. Your spouse already knows the truth anyway. Deceit has done no good to your marriage. It definitely will not rebuild the broken one.

Questions to Expect From the Betrayed Spouse:

These questions are almost guaranteed after the first surge of anger. What happened? When did it happen? How long has this been going on? Do you love her/him? Men are said to want details of the sexual activity.

No matter how awkward the question, do not squelch the information. Most women are known to calm down when they realize their spouse isn’t trying to fool them any further.

After the Interrogation:

The wounded spouse now has the power to call the shots. If she/he intends to save the marriage, she/he will try to work things out positively. However, it all depends on the violations picked from the betrayer.

It is crucial that both spouses work together from one level. The possibilities of falling off the marriage wagon at this point are very high. There must be some mutual understanding and support. The betrayer must work hard to rebuild trust while the wounded spouse must create the opportunity and show support

Expectations in Rebuilding your Marriage:

Although there’s an open window for rebuilding your marriage, the emotional turmoil from infidelity is not anywhere close to over. There’s going to be a recurrence of certain things like grief, suspicions and sometimes accusations.

When this happens, the best thing to do is to reassure the grieving spouse that it will never happen again. As time goes by, the relationship will begin to get stronger and trust might eventually kick in.

What to Avoid:

Having an opportunity to rebuild a broken marriage should not be taken for granted. It’s more like walking on glass until the solidarity is once again proven. For example, if the betrayer is a man, the last thing he would want to do is continue visiting bars and showing up late in the night.

Such behaviors will keep the woman in a grieving state. She will not be able to move on and forgive because she thinks her spouse is still running around with the woman he cheated with. This will push her limits and eventually she will completely give up on the marriage. The same goes to a man betrayed by his wife – which isn’t unusual nowadays.

Facts:


A couple that prays together stays together

Things happen and temptations are always present. Infidelity for the most part is normally premeditated. The will to walk out of it depends entirely on the betrayer. If they arrogantly continue the deception, the betrayed spouse is left with two options. To either live with that pain for the rest of their lives or completely shut the door.

I personally don’t encourage people to divorce but nobody should live an unhealthy life due to stress-related illnesses just to hold a marriage together. Life is short and should be lived at its best. Every married couple need to understand that they can love their spouse but cannot control the decisions they make.

The only option is to commit the relationship to God. His Holy Spirit will always guide you into the right direction. My conclusion? Pray for each other. l have never known of couples who pray together going through wreckage. Please take time and read about forgiveness in marriage here. Good luck with your marriage.

The Power of Forgiveness in Marriage

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE


Forgiveness is the key to a happy marriage

Marriage is beautiful when everything is running smoothly. However, things happen and disagreement can easily elevate. When this happens, it’s ok to ventilate anger so long as you don’t tear each other up. The best way to avoid this is to focus the conflict on the issue around which disagreements began.

No matter how hard you may try to love and please each other, failure is inevitable. With failure comes hurt and the only ultimate relief is forgiveness. To have a happy and intimate marriage, you both must be quick to seek and grant forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the Key:

For this reason, marriage requires forgiveness more than any other relationship you’ve had. You cannot have a happy marriage if you’re proud. When you and your spouse fail each other, you enter in a battlefield. Your marriage gets tested during these intense emotional rollercoaster. Quite frankly, the way you handle arguments will determine where your marriage is headed.


Forgiveness is the key to a happy marriage

When people hear of a need for forgiveness in marriage; Their first guess is love triangle. But that’s not the only hurdle in marriage. As a matter of fact, some marriages do not have infidelity issues. Minor disagreements do create problems and thus the need to be able to apologize and forgive.

Be Apologetic:

People find it hard to apologize because they feel like it portrays weakness. Although it can be humbling, it is also a strong act to beat pride. I remember in my first years of marriage; l found it difficult to apologize. My husband ended up taking the blame for both our mistakes.

I knew he did it to restore peace but l took Advantage of him. This began to take a toll on our marriage. Luckily I’m a praying woman, l got down on my knees and the Holy Spirit revealed my weaknesses to me. My eyes were opened to the damage l had caused.

Past Experiences Can Hurt your Marriage:

Did you know that most personal problems which dominates our personality were triggered by a bad experience from our past? I had subconsciously brought my past hurts into my marriage. My husband and friends say l have a humble personality. I don’t think it is of any benefit to me but I’m glad others find it appealing.


Past scars can resurface

This personality had opened doors to many gruesome experiences in the hands of someone l trusted. Aware of my past pain, my husband wanted to help heal my wounds. He apologized when l was wrong just to clear things out.

Now l know the importance of not placing any burden on my spouse. A lesson that helped shape my marriage; and one l love to share with others. No matter what happened in the past, never overload your present relationship with past burdens. My marriage grew out of it, but not everyone can get through too much pressure.

Patience Goes a Long Way:

If my husband had not forgiven me for the burden of fear and mistrust, our marriage would not have survived. I remember how he held me in his arms and reminded me that he will never lay a finger on me; and assured my safety with him. It took a while for me to wake up to the fact that my past was behind me forever.

I don’t think it was fair for him to clean up all that mess. But l sure do thank God for his patiencekindness and will to forgive; A must have combination for all marriages. My purpose for giving a glimpse into my life is to encourage all married couples.


Sometimes the Jewel in someone is covered with mad

Don’t Give Up!

If you are going through difficulties, get to the bottom of things. It will help you figure out the originality of your existing conflict. You may be married to the best person. Help them out of whatever it is that suffocates them. You might discover a true jewel covered in mad. If you take time to rinse it off.

If you choose forgiveness, avoid revisiting the sensitive discussion you already stepped out of. Forgive and move on because no one is perfect. When in conflict, do not forget that your relationship with your spouse is far more important than winning an argument or being right. Be quick to forgive and own up your own mistakes. Good luck with your marriage.

If there’s infidelity taking place, find out what you can do to overcome the pain here

Practice Intentional Love

PRACTICE INTENTIONAL LOVE

Intentional Living

The world is in a race to the bottom. Living a Christian life is not easy. Those who are in the church, “Christian couples,” statistically are not all that much different than those outside the church when it comes to divorce and unfaithfulness. That’s a real indictment. We wonder why we are impotent in our church, in our faith and in our communities. But the truth is that many are just not living it. That’s why this intentional living message is so desperately needed in the Christian mind and heart today.

1 Corinthians 13 is often referred to as The Love Chapter, and it gives us a glimpse of what intentional love is from God’s perspective. Verses 2 and 3 say, And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

When you discover that negative feelings toward your spouse are building up… When you become disappointed with your spouse and their behavior… that’s the time to focus on intentional love. Intentional love figures out what will please Christ in each situation and then does that very thing.

Intentional Love says:

  • I’m not only going to think of my own interests but the interest of the other person.
  • I will be patient.
  • I choose to be kind and long-suffering.
  • I will practice all of the fruit of the spirit.
  • I’m determined to do the things that the scripture teaches me to do.
  • I will change my head, my heart and my hands.

Again, I said the Christian life isn’t easy. And choosing to respond with intentional love is difficult. Does that mean your spouse is going to change? Does it mean your marriage will be great and you’re never going to experience divorce? Not necessarily. Intentional love is not about trying to change your spouse. Your decision should be because that’s what the Bible teaches you to do, and it pleases Christ.

Wherever you are in your desire for a successful marriage, I pray you will practice intentional love.

Intentional ONE THING Challenge

If you could do ONE THING and know that it would make a significant, lasting, possibly life-changing difference in your life, would you do it? Dr. Carlson shares the power of ONE THING and why you should get started doing your ONE THING today.

Tell Us

How do you practice intentional love in your marriage? We’d love to hear your stories. Post your comments below.

Men Who Stare at Women

MEN WHO STARE AT WOMEN

Team Lovepanky

Staring at women is a fun hobby for most men, but seriously, what is it with men who stare at women? The Super Fella explains everything you need to know about the Stare, and how to stop a guy from doing just that.

What’s the real reason behind why men stare at women?

Each time a woman walks past, most men just can’t stop staring at her.

A few men may be discreet, while a few perverts may go “strip mode”, but either ways, men who stare at women incessantly are just no good.

Understanding why men stare at women

For most of my life, I had never really figured that women get annoyed when men stare at them.

But I guess it does bother women, because I’ve heard the story of the “scary stares” from girlfriends one too many times.

I for one, have never really experienced an ugly reverse stare from a woman, so you can forgive me for not figuring this out earlier.

But then, when men stare at women and the women don’t like it nor do they glance back, I really don’t think that qualifies for a flirtatious stare exchange.

But either ways, I don’t know what that stare could be called, so let’s just call it ‘the Stare’!

Men and staring at women

The last time I was out in a coffee shop with a girl pal of mine, I could sense that she was feeling quite uncomfortable, but she just shrugged it off when I asked her about it.

After a while, she told me about a guy who left the coffee shop just then. Apparently, he was doing ‘the stare’ thing with her! Oooh, it sounds creepy, doesn’t it? Almost as bad as Grudge Part I, she told me.

I was quite surprised because an occasional stare is complimenting, if the guy’s presentable enough. But then, she tells me it doesn’t matter how good the guy is, if it’s ‘the stare’ that he’s using, that’s just creepy and annoying.

To me, men who stare at women constantly sounded hilarious. To her, it was freaky. So that was my cue. I had to enlighten all women about ‘the stare’ and about men who stare at women. To blow the dust off the surface, ‘the stare’ isn’t just an ‘I’m-so-shy-I’d-wet-my-pants-if-I-looked-twice’ kind of thing from a guy. It’s actually more like the stare that forces you to time travel back fifty thousand years and see a hairy ape-like man grunting and beating his chest!

Now that I picture that, the hair on the back of my neck seems to stand up. I’m just being dramatic here, really, so I can relate to all the poor women who’ve had to put up with the knee buckling stare.

Men who stare at women and the way they think

So why do men stare at women really? First off, men stare because their eyes need action. Secondly, because they want to. Thirdly, because they can! However much it pisses off a woman, men stare at women and will continue to do so. Most men who have understood the fact that we live in the 21st century don’t stare hard at women, but men who haven’t yet figured that they’re way past the Stone Age still stare at women like they’re getting set for a mating ritual.

It’s those men you see, men who stare at women with such intensity that women would be confused whether the guy’s constipating or just trying to fart real bad. Now that’s the guy who has ‘the stare’ in his eyes. And that’s the guy you’ve got to have in your blind spot.

Now I’m the kind of guy who hates seeing a woman in a spot of trouble. I’m not a male chauvinistic pig, and I don’t mind sitting in the passenger seat of a car, while a woman’s driving, though the ride can be a bit freaky at times. And I’m the guy who stops the car and gets off to help, if a woman’s having a fight with a cab driver or fixing a flat tire. Women are sweet, but some men take their sweetness as a sign of vulnerability, which sucks. Okay, I’m digressing a wee bit too much.

Why do men stare at women instead of talking?

It’s all in the head, you see. When the man was still a boy, most other bigger boys and men told him that it’s not easy to talk with woman. The big men say this to cover up their own shortcomings with women. The smaller boys use this as an excuse to squirm out of making a move on a girl.

The point here is, the first thing that pops into a man’s mind when he wants to approach a woman is, “Will she insult me?” And with that one thought, a drum beat starts drumming away inside his head. And it just gets worse as he gets closer to starting a conversation with a woman.

Most men hate that feeling of getting spurned by a woman, and they definitely hate that drumbeat that’s their heart as they approach women. So they just sit back and stare at women. It’s the next best alternative for a loser of a guy who’s so sure he’d be spurned if he’d ever make a move. So he just sits back, and devours as much of you as he possibly can without making himself feel uncomfortable. These guys are just losers anyways, and they’re the ones who end up with goats or animals to give them company in bed, unless one of the women he stares at, finds it exciting and falls right into his arms.

Do men stare at all women?

All women. Definitely. Most women think men stare only at beautiful girls, petite girls, or girls with breasts that fill their shirts really well, but men who use ‘the stare’ don’t really give a damn. They just want attention back.

They want to stare right at you, and hope you’ll stare back. Of course, you’re going to be curious at first and give him a few glances out of curiosity. But these men take these little innocent glances as a sign of triumph. They think they’re on stage two of hooking up, now that they’re past the ‘stare, watch, and wait for reciprocation’ stage, and they try giving women that creepy smile along with ‘the stare’. This is when you’d feel like throwing up all over his annoying face.

Men who stare at women know you won’t really do anything about it, so they continue staring at women wherever they are. It’s annoying, but at least now you know why men stare at women.

But do you want to know how to piss the men who stare at women off, or what men really imagine when they stare? Click here to continue reading about why guys stare at girls to get the real dirty picture!

The Termination Letter

THE TERMINATION LETTER

Japheth Prosper

I still remember how my father walked into the house that evening and announced that he had been fired.

“I have just been fired,” he said to my mother miserably and languidly sank into the chair. “I have just received my termination letter. My own is finished. I am finished. We are finished.”

As he cried, my mother came to sit beside him. God bless my mother. She just helped him to unbutton his shirt, remove his jacket and turn the fan to face him.
“You are not finished, my husband. You are not finished.”

She summoned my elder sister.

“Lucy, bring your father food to eat.”

I could see the shock in my father’s eyes. How could she not understand that he had just lost his job? I believed that was what he was thinking. But my mother remained in that manner as if nothing had happened.

Lucy brought my father’s food while my mother called on me to bring her a paper and a pen. I wondered what was on her mind. There were tears already hanging on my cheeks because I didn’t like the mood I saw my father in that evening. I had never found him in such a vulnerable situation before.

When I gave my mother the pen and paper, she began at once to scribble something on it. I wondered what it was. Although I sat in front of the television, my ears were cocked to pick up every sound. I wanted to know what they were going to do with that piece of bad news that my father had brought.

He just ate about ten spoonfuls of the rice that my sister had placed on the dining table for him. The meat, he did not even touch. My father was a very heavy eater. He must really be in a terrible mood for him not to have eaten from the food. I felt for him. I really felt for him.

Soon, his head was cradled in his palms. I knew he was thinking. I quickly remembered my classmate Biodun whose father had died of hypertension and when I asked my sister what could lead to such sickness, Lucy had said it was ‘too much thinking.’

I wanted to tell my father not to think because I did not want him to die but we were taught to keep quiet when our parents were having a heart-to-heart talk. For this reason I simply maintained a dignified silence.

“Chai! Upon all the things I did for these people, they still had the mind to fire me! This world is wicked! This world is crazy,” my father kept on lamenting.

Heaving, my mother said, “Mr. David Kadema, we are not going to discuss the past now. We are going to discuss the present and the future. You have lost your job and it is now in the past. We are not going to talk about it. We are going to talk about what we are going to do from now onwards because, job or no job, this family must feed and carry on with life.”

My father was just staring at my mother as if she was his teacher and he was a very obedient pupil. He was just staring at her as if she had just returned from Jupiter.

“What are we going to do now?”

I was surprised to hear my father ask my mother such a question. What did he mean by that? He had always been the breadwinner and the one who took almost all the decisions in the house.

My mother asked, “How much do you have?”

He looked at my mother as if she had just asked a very difficult question on rocket science.

“Mr. David Kadema, talk to me. How much money do you have in your account?”


Somewhat reluctantly, he mumbled a sum. My mother heaved a long sigh.

“I have double that amount in my account,” she said. “We can start up something with what we both have and live happily.”

From where I sat, I saw the palpable shock in my father’s eyes. “How did you get such money?”

He did not expect that my mother could have such amount of money in her account because my mother sold only soft drinks with ice blocks at home. Most people who always go to work usually look down on people who did petty business. However, I have come to realize that this assertion was completely wrong. Because he was usually not at home, he didn’t realize that my mother was making so much money from her petty business.

Again, my mother was not an impulsive buyer like my father. Every kobo counted whenever she wanted to buy or sell. As far as being prudent was concerned, my mother could score a hundred marks.

“We are going to start selling eggs in crates and we shall be using your Sienna minivan to do supplies.”

“What?” Wild horror lined my father’s face. “What are you talking about? You mean…?”

“Yes,” she replied without waiting for him to conclude. “We are going to be selling eggs and your car will be used to supply them.”

My father sat like a cocked gun. I could sense the irritation in him but he was calm. I think the termination letter with the figure my mother said she had in her account had humbled him.

My mother began to talk about her proposed business and, with rapt attention, he listened. They talked for a very long time.

“We are going to draft a new food roaster,” my mother said. “From today, we are cutting down expenses. Only needs will be taken care of from today. No money will be spent on wants and frivolities. Please let me be the boss for six months and, thereafter, you will take over fully.”

I thought my father was going to object to that but he didn’t. Instead he agreed to all the things that my mother was saying nodding at various intervals.

“And lastly, you will not lament to anyone that you have lost your job. As far as I am concerned, you resigned and got a better one because no job is as good as the one you do for yourself.”

My mother went on talking for a long time and my father kept listening and nodding at everything she was saying.

Finally, she looked at me and said, “Mercy, are your brothers at home?”

“No, Mummy,” I shook my head. “They have gone to play football.”

“Tell your sister to fetch water for your father to bathe with,” she said and turned to my father, “Congratulations, Mr. David Kadema. Take your bath and rest your bones.”

Somehow, I saw the relief in his eyes as he got up from his seat and went to the bathroom.

Later that evening while he was asleep, my mother gathered us all for a meeting. My brothers Jerry and Eugene had both returned from the field. Jerry had just got admission into the university and had only returned after the first semester. He was going to become a civil engineer. Eugene was going to SS3 while Lucy was in JS3. I was going to JS1.

We all gathered at the dining table as she talked. “Your father has just lost his job,” she began rather expressionlessly.

“What!” Jerry and Eugene cried in unison. Lucy’s hands were on her head.

“What happened?” Lucy asked. “Did he fight with someone?”

My mother shook her head. “I don’t care what happened. I am only concerned about now and after. I want you all to assume that nothing happened and we will all get our hands on deck.”

“Will he start looking for a job?” Jerry threw in.

“No,” Mother said shaking her head. “He just got another job.”

Lucy raised her hands to the air, “Praise the Lord!”

“Thank God ooo,” Eugene heaved. “I hope it’s a better job ooo.”

“Yes, it is,” my mother nodded.

“What job is that?” they all chorused with naked curiosity.

That was when I spoke for the very first time. Before my mother would reply, I muttered, “He will be selling eggs.”

“What?”

They all turned to my mother. Eugene’s eyes darted with inquisitiveness. “Mother, is it true?”

“Yes,” she nodded, and I saw the disappointment in their eyes. “Your father is now an egg dealer. He is going to start working for himself now and no more rushing his meals just to go to work on time. He will plan his day from now onwards and his time will be spent in doing his own business not another man’s business.”

She went on to tell us so many things and in the end we were all convinced that the termination letter was a blessing in disguise.

“All hands must be on deck. Your father has been working for this company for over a decade now and we still live in a rented apartment. If the job was that good, we ought to have been living in our own house by now.”

She wrote so many things on a sheet of paper and mapped out duties for all of us. The next day, she made zobo and kunu and bottled them. Lucy and I went from house to house telling people that we now sold cold kunu and zobo.


Mother bought a bigger refrigerator a week after and we began to sell more sachet water along with the kunu and zobo.

Within a month, we had found a shop across the street. My mother set up a laundry shop for my elder brothers there and they were always busy because she announced it at the church. Almost half of the men in our church patronized them. Most evenings, we all joined hands in washing while Eugene and Jerry did the ironing. When they had so much work, they would invite their friends and pay them for the services rendered. Our house became more like a business hub.

The egg business started a month later and my father got very busy. His phone was always buzzing with people calling for supplies. Mother was always counting money. With the interest that came from the business, she bought agro products and kept them in a very big shop which we rented months later.

When it was six months and mother was to hand over to my father, he smiled and said, “Be the boss, my love. Just be the boss and I will forever be at your beck and call.”

By the time Jerry returned to school, he opened another laundry shop there.


We now have three Sienna cars to distribute eggs. We now have people working for us. We now have three shops and own two houses which we gave out for rent. Our own living house will soon be completed. It might seem like magic to some people but we are all proud of my mother. We all saw how it began and she was transparent enough to let us know how every penny was got or spent.


To crown it all, my brother Jerry will be graduating this year while Lucy will be heading for Finland to further her education.

Is Flirting Cheating When You’re in a Relationship?

IS FLIRTING CHEATING WHEN YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Cheryl James

Is flirting cheating when you’re in love with someone? Here’s something you really need to know and understand before jumping to conclusions.

Do you flirt with an attractive friend when your partner isn’t around?

Or a better way to put the same question is, do you enjoy having a happy conversation with an attractive friend or coworker?

Most people press the panic button when it comes to flirting.

And almost always, that’s because they don’t understand what flirting really is all about.

What is flirting?

Flirting is a simple idea. It’s a conversation where you attract the other person using your charm and your conversational skills.

If you attract someone while talking to them, you’re already flirting with them. Of course, sometimes, that could happen unintentionally too.

If you flirt with someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re interested in sleeping with them. You’re just having an interesting conversation that makes you realize just how attractive you really are.

Even when you decide to go out with your own partner, you dress up and wear something that may show a bit of skin. But your partner already knows how you look naked. So why are you revealing your assets to other guys? It’s because you like looking good, don’t you?

And that’s exactly what flirting does on the inside. It makes you realize your own sexuality.

Read this before flirting with someone else!

Just so you know, flirting outside the relationship may not work for everyone. It never works if you’re dating an insecure partner who feels threatened whenever you’re around someone your partner perceives as more attractive.

If your partner has low self esteem, they would definitely hate you if you flirt with another person or if they even hear that you flirted with another person.

So before you go flirting with everyone else, keep your partner’s insecurity and jealousy in mind.

Why does flirting feel so good?

Before we even get to chatting about whether flirting is cheating, let’s get to why flirting feels so good. Here are 4 good reasons.

#1 It helps keep your sexuality alive and makes you feel better about your own attractiveness.

#2 You become a better flirt, which makes you a better tease and a better conversationalist.

#3 It makes you feel more confident about yourself and your own abilities.

#4 It doesn’t leave you frustrated or restricted by your relationship.

If you can flirt naturally, it shows that you have all the charming traits in you already, and that makes you a really good catch.

The difference between harmless flirting, touchy flirting and talking dirty

Is flirting cheating? Well, it depends on the kind of flirting you have in mind. There are 3 types of flirting you could indulge in when you’re talking to someone outside the relationship.

#1 Harmless flirting. This is the kind of flirting where you use your gestures and your voice to have a happy conversation. You tease and you laugh, and you have a great time. This is perfectly acceptable even when you’re in a relationship. If your partner can’t handle it, it only means they’re insecure or feel offended when you give anyone else your attention.

#2 Touchy flirting. In this kind of flirting, you do all of the above and yet, you take it one step further. You exercise your hands and almost all the time, your hand’s resting on some part of your friend’s body. You may place your hand causally, but it could definitely be misinterpreted by everyone around.

#3 Talking dirty. When anyone talks about flirting, every prudish mind thinks of this kind. Flirting is casual. Talking dirty definitely isn’t. If you talk dirty, compliment the other person sexually or try to get them to sleep with you, then that’s completely unacceptable when you’re already in a relationship.

So if you do indulge in a bit of flirting with others when your partner isn’t around, restrict it to the harmless kind. It’s safe and fun, and no secure partner takes offence of it.

Flirting and the need to feel appreciated

All of us have the need to feel appreciated. And that’s why we dress up, use makeup, workout or get a better job. Somewhere deep inside all of us, we need reassurances from someone else to feel good about ourselves.

When you get into a relationship, you feel great about yourself because you’ve found someone who truly loves you and finds you *exciting*. But as time goes by and the sweet and sexy compliments start to become a routine, it forces you to look for reassurances from outside the relationship.

If an attractive colleague compliments how good you look in a new dress, you feel good about it even though you already know you’re wearing a cute outfit, don’t you? That’s the power of reassurance.

And it’s the same feeling you get when you flirt with someone else. It helps you realize how sexually attractive you still are, and that makes you feel more confident and sexy.

Is flirting when you’re in a relationship really cheating?

All of us flirt naturally, whether we realize it or not. Many lovers who don’t want their own partners to flirt with anyone else may just be hypocrites. Of course, you may not like the thought very much. But put yourself in your partner’s place. Wouldn’t you enjoy a conversation with an attractive someone other than your own partner?

The more you suppress your flirting side, the more you’d feel like you’ve lost your sexuality. And that would in turn affect your confidence in bed. So is flirting cheating when it can make you a better lover?

Times when flirting can be a lot of fun

#1 Your partner isn’t around, and you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone you admire or find attractive.

#2 If you’re talking to someone who won’t misinterpret your conversation, and is flirting with you just to have a fun conversation.

#3 You’re feel unsexy and you really need to feel like you still have the sexual charm in you.

Times when you should avoid flirting

#1 Your partner is insecure or you’re dating someone who’s extremely jealous. *good luck with that relationship!*

#2 You’re talking to someone who will misinterpret your conversation or assume that you’ve started falling for them even if you’re only trying to have a fun conversation.

#3 Your partner’s friends are around, and they would want nothing better than to exaggerate the situation and spread slutty stories about you *because they’re probably jealous*.

#4 Your relationship is going through a rough patch and you need to focus on building your relationship instead of sweet talking someone else.

Flirt, but never leave your partner in the dark

Flirting is healthy for a relationship, but both of you should be aware of each other’s abilities to sweet talk someone else. You need to have a great relationship with your partner, and both of you should have a lot of trust and love in the relationship.

And most importantly, don’t set different rules for yourself and your partner. If you’ve flirted with someone behind your lover’s back, you partner has every right to do the same thing too.

After all, you’ve flirted now and then and you know it was harmless, so why restrict your partner from having a pleasant and interesting conversation when you’re not around?

And let’s face it, you have no choice anyways! All of us flirt or brighten up when we meet someone attractive.

Love recklessly and flirt with caution

Would you hate yourself if you have a warm and pleasant conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Would you hate receiving a compliment from anyone other than your own partner? It would make you feel better about yourself, wouldn’t it?

Flirting is a natural ability of humans, and it makes us feel really good about ourselves. And as long as you know where to draw the line, it’s all fine. Instead of restricting yourself or behaving like entering a relationship means banning all happy interactions with the opposite sex, learn to accept that even if you or your partner indulges in a bit of harmless flirting now and then, it doesn’t mean either of you love the other person any less.

If you love your partner, it’s within your moral control to hold yourself back from going any further or cheating on them. Restrictions from outside won’t change anything. So if you must flirt to feel good about yourself, go right ahead, but always remember to give your partner the first preference and always avoid making them feel insecure or neglected.So is flirting cheating? Well, it all depends on the way you look at it. If it works for you and your relationship and makes you feel attractive, I’d say go for it. But if you feel like it affects your relationship negatively, then hold your reins back and do something else to feel good about yourself.

Love Triangles and its Confusing Complications

LOVE TRIANGLES AND ITS CONFUSING COMPLICATIONS

Natalia Avdeeva

Love triangles are confusing affairs. Find out how love triangles work, how you could end up falling into one and how you can get out of one here.

Have you ever been in love with someone who’s already in love with someone else?

Or are you in love with someone right now, but find yourself falling for someone else at the same time?

Well, you’re just living the perfect love triangle life!

What is a love triangle?

A love triangle is a complicated dating scenario where there’s love in the air, but there are more than two people involved.

When love is mutual and shared between two people, everything is perfect, simple and easy.

But when a third person enters the picture, everything changes just like that.

In come the complications and the frustrations, laced with intense happiness and a flow of bitterness.

The two types of love triangles

There are two primary types of love triangles. There are many complicated love triangles too, but they always find a way to fit into these two scenarios.

#1 Two people trying to win one person’s affection.

#2 One person who’s in love with one person but likes someone else at the same time.

How would you find yourself in a love triangle?

If you have a crush on someone who’s already in a relationship, that doesn’t become a love triangle. It stays as a crush.

And if you’re in a perfectly happy relationship and your friend tells you they’re in love with you, that’s not a love triangle either, because your friend just has a crush on you.

A love triangle starts only when there is reciprocation.

When a single person starts to feel a reciprocating connection with someone who’s already dating, or if you’re in a relationship with one person and start loving someone else who reciprocates your love, it has the perfect recipe for a love triangle.

Only with reciprocation does a motive to pursue arise. After all, if you liked someone and that person didn’t care about you, there’s nothing at all that you can do, is there?

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or you’re single, what you need to realize is that love triangles can never ever be created because of one person’s weak moment. It always takes two people to start the complication while the third person suffers for no fault of theirs.

No one wants to be in a love triangle

And yet, almost all of us end up in one. A love triangle may start off as an interesting distraction at first, which then unexpectedly turns into love. And this can lead to sticky love triangles where one person could be in love with two people at the same time.

When you don’t want to take a step ahead, nor do you want to take a step back and stay happy in your own relationship, a love triangle starts to form even if you try your best to avoid it.

Love triangles always affect a relationship negatively

For the person who’s single, it’s simple. All they need to do is steal the person who’s already in the relationship.

If you’re single and trying to steal someone who’s in an unhappy relationship, it’s really easy. But what do you do if they’re with someone they really love? They may love you and yet, they may not want to lose their own partner. You may be able to steal a few happy moments of love and lust, but if nothing really works out, you can still walk away with your share of pain and helplessness.

On the other hand, a person who loves two people will want the best of both people, and the worst of none. They’d start picking flaws in their partner, and creating false reasons to justify why they’re cheating. They need a reason to convince themselves that they’re not happy in the relationship, and that’s the only reason they’re falling for someone else or getting involved in a love triangle.

But even when the third person walks away from their life someday, can they ever overcome all the flaws they’ve picked in their relationship?

Unless there’s a lot of love and bonding in the relationship, a love triangle always leaves a deep scar that tests the person’s faith in the relationship.

And almost always, a relationship that is put through the test of a love triangle fails or never regains its former glory.

Love triangles are painfully fun

If you’re involved in a love triangle right now, you would know this. A love triangle is a lot of fun for the cheating partner and the third person, because it’s so exciting and risky. When you enjoy the pleasures of a love triangle, it’s always fun.

But for your partner who’s in the dark, it may be a very miserable time because you’re ignoring them, detaching yourself emotionally from them, and completely avoiding them.

And once the fire and the passion of your secret affair starts to die down and you realize that you still love your partner and not this third person *which almost always happens*, you’d start to feel the pain too.

So what do you really get out of a love triangle? Nothing but pain, even if it feels like fun while it lasts.

Love triangles are selfish

You may think it’s acceptable for you to love someone else behind your lover’s back. But would you be fine if your partner behaved exactly like you, used the same flirty words you use with your adulterous lover, with someone they like? If that bothers you, you’re being very unfair to your partner and you’re being selfish.

I know you feel helpless, but you really need to keep this in mind. Most lovers who are stuck in love triangles forget to think from their partner’s point of view now and then. By keeping your partner in mind, even if you do fall for someone else, you’ll always know who’s more important at the back of your mind. And that guilt will help give you the strength to walk away even if you’ve rolled in the hay with someone else for a few weeks.

Love triangles are inevitable

Let’s face it. We can’t always stop ourselves from appreciating someone else, or falling for someone else helplessly. But a love triangle is best avoided.

It can happen when you least expect it. You may just enjoy a conversation with someone, and without realizing it, a few weeks later, you may be in love with them because they excite you and have infatuated you. Don’t hate yourself if that happens to you. Just learn to do the right thing.

But if you ever do experience a love triangle, instead of picking flaws in your own relationship, ask yourself whom you’d really choose, and who you want to be with. Just one answer. Don’t try to push that thought away. You have no choice, because someday you’re going to have to decide on that. And the earlier you make up your mind, the less painful it’ll be for everyone involved.

A love triangle starts only when you’re confused over your emotions for your partner. If you’re certain about who you’re truly in love with, you’ll never have a weak moment even if you just enjoy a flirty conversation with a flirty someone outside your relationship.

You don’t need to be wary of everyone you talk to, or avoid ever getting friendly with anyone of the opposite sex. All you need to remember is how happy you already are in your perfect relationship. Just keeping that in mind will safeguard you from ever sliding down the exciting and dark hole of love triangles.

If you’re experiencing a love triangle or wondering how to get over one, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It only makes you human.


Emotional Cheating and 10 Bad Things It Can Do to You

EMOTIONAL CHEATING AND 10 BAD THINGS IT CAN DO TO YOU

EMOTIONAL CHEATING AND 10 BAD THINGS IT CAN DO TO YOU

Natalia Avdeeva

Emotional cheating is more common than you think. But before you slip into one without thinking, read about the 10 bad things it can do to you.

You may hold a high moral ground and believe that you’ll never ever cheat on your partner.

But just when you least expect it, you may find yourself cheating emotionally.

It happens all the time.

If you enjoy spending time with your friend more than your own partner, well, you’re probably on the verge of cheating emotionally.

What is emotional cheating?

When one thinks of a cheating scenario, the first image that flashes in the mind is a man with his trousers around his ankles and a woman on a bed who’s holding a sheet, trying really hard to cover her modesty.

But over time, we’ve come to realize that having sex with someone outside the marriage isn’t the only way to cheat.

Unknown to many, the most common kind of cheating that couples experience almost all the time is emotional cheating.

If you feel more emotionally connected and closer to someone else than your own partner, you’re probably emotionally cheating on your partner already.

Are close friendships really emotional cheating?

It’s always good to have a few friends that you can trust and depend on when you need a shoulder because you can’t isolate yourself and revolve your entire life around your partner. And having a confidante to share your views and thoughts will always give you the space in a relationship to have your own life too.

But there’s a very thin line between emotional cheating and sharing a close bond with someone of the opposite sex.

And almost always, this thin line is too blurry to ever notice the difference between friendship and an affair.

If you find yourself getting addicted to this friend, be it a coworker or an old friend from college, and you like spending more time with them than your own partner, that’s not good news for your love life.

The relationship you share with a friend of the opposite sex could be purely platonic, but if talking about this friendship with your partner makes you feel awkward, or if you try to hide a few details now and then, chances are, you’ll falling for this friend emotionally.

Cheating emotionally and your love life

As exciting and refreshing as spending time with your new best friend could feel, if you ever start to feel like you’re craving to be with this friend or if you spend a lot of time smiling to yourself and recollecting fond memories of the friendly special times,  you need to look into the mirror and confront yourself.

You do realize you’re emotionally falling for someone else, don’t you?

The 10 bad things emotional cheating will bring into your life

You can live a secret life where you dress up to impress your *friend* or have hushed conversations with them after your partner’s asleep. But at some point in time, you need to ask yourself if you even realize what you’re doing.

It’s easy to be selfish when you’re having fun. But try to keep in mind these 10 things that emotional cheating can bring into your life. And at times, there may never be a happy ending in sight too.

#1 You’ll start to lead two lives. Having an emotional affair will force you to live two lives. On one hand, you’ll try to focus on your own lover. And on the other hand, you’ll try extremely hard to spend a lot of time with your friend.

And as your partner and your friend probably don’t know each other, you’ll have to make time for both of them. And almost all the time, you’ll leave one of them feeling hurt.

#2 You lose focus at work. When you get infatuated by someone, you can’t help but spend all day dreaming about them or replaying visions of the happy moments both of you have had together. And because of this, cheating emotionally on your partner can affect your work life in two ways.

Firstly, you’ll spend a lot of time chatting with your friend and ignoring your work because it’s the only time you get away from your partner. And secondly, you can’t daydream at home because your partner’s around all the time, so you spend a big part of your office hours whiling away your time fantasizing about this friend.

#3 You start to take your partner for granted. When you get addicted to someone new, you can’t help but push the one you already love just a little further away from your heart. Your partner won’t understand why you’re neglecting them all of a sudden.

And for the first time in a long time, you’ll start to test your partner and expect them to pamper you and treat you better even though you’re not reciprocating the same behavior. In your mind, you’re trying to compare your lover and your friend to see who’s a better wooer of you.

#4 A lot of petty fights. When you start cheating emotionally, petty fights in your love life will be inevitable. Your partner will hate your behavior because they can’t understand you and your subtle secrecy anymore. And they’ll think you’ve changed because you’re not giving enough back into the relationship to ensure its happiness.

#5 Your life will stop moving ahead. You’ll forget about all your goals or ambitions that you’ve worked on for so long. Your life will be put on hold and you’ll start to live in a fantasy world where your friend pops into your happy fantasies all the time.

Nothing else would matter to you other than thinking of ways to be with this friend. You’ll be completely smitten by this friend of yours and you’ll spend a lot of time plotting ways to spend more time with them. But since you spend a lot of time convincing yourself that both of you are just friends, you won’t even realize how much you’re messing your own life up.

#6 You’ll be frustrated. You’re neither here nor there. You’re in a relationship with one person where you’re happy, but you’re addicted to someone else who makes you happier. You can’t name the relationship you have with this special friend and that annoys you and confuses you. And somewhere deep inside, as much as you want it, you know you can’t have them both.

#7 You’ll destroy your existing romance. This is inevitable when you cheat emotionally in love. Even if your partner is a perfect lover, you’d start to convince yourself that your partner’s neglect and indifference towards you is the reason behind why you’re falling for someone else emotionally.

You’ll plot, ponder and create flaws in your partner just to give a reason for your attraction towards your friend. And these flaws you create in your mind about your own partner will never ever go away. After all, when you pick a flaw in someone, you’ll never be able to see them in the same happy light again.

#8 Your priorities change overnight. You may think you’ve not changed, but all of a sudden, your partner would start to feel like a stranger who doesn’t understand you anymore. You’d get annoyed with your partner and their behavior all the time. You may even intentionally pick fights with your lover to give yourself more space so you can get consoled by your special friend.

#9 Guilt wouldn’t give you any peace of mind. When you’re cheating emotionally, you’ll feel guilty for what you’re doing. But at the same time, you’ll helplessly be drawn deeper into the web of emotional infidelity, and that makes you feel guiltier for having mixed feelings for two people at the same time. And to shove the guilt under the carpet, you’ll start distancing yourself from your own partner emotionally.

#10 You’ll become a liar. You may believe that honesty truly matters in a perfect relationship. But when you realize you’re getting emotionally attracted to someone else, you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells all the time, trying to conceal your real feelings about this friend to your partner.

You may avoid talking about your friend altogether, you may lie about why you have to stay back at work, or you may make excuses and lie to your partner just to meet this friend over a weekend. But all said and done, you’ll turn into a compulsive liar who’s lies will only get bigger with time.

Emotional cheating, as exciting as it may seem now, will only hurt you over time. After all, once you cross that thin line of emotional infidelity, there’s no way you can come out of it without a painful scar.

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