HOW TO FORGIVE SOMEONE: 15 POSITIVE WAYS TO UNBURDEN YOUR MIND
Dr. Carol Morgan
We’ve all been there… someone did something bad to us, and we’re mad. Steaming mad! But here’s how to forgive someone who has hurt you.
For some reason, forgiveness seems to be one of the most difficult things for a human being to do. It’s almost like people think that if they hold on to the resentment and dwell in the negativity, that somehow it will undo the past. Well, let me tell you what you already know… it won’t. If you really want to hold on to your sanity, you need to know how to forgive someone.
As Buddha once said, “Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” While that might sound ridiculous, think about it for a second. It’s true! What good does it do to hold on to the anger? You might think it’s doing some good like punishing the other person, but trust me, it’s not.
7 GUIDELINES TO HELP COUPLES MANAGE CONFLICT
Terms for engagement when addressing discord
When you form a romantic relationship, you do so with unique personalities shaped by your past. Based on previous relationships, each of you have developed ideas about how a loved one should respond to your needs, desires, and expectations.
When developing a bond, you also have well-established habits. This includes the way you manage anger when a partner appears to threaten or ignore your needs, desires, and expectations. It’s then not surprising that even the most loving relationships at times involves conflict and anger. This is especially challenging when one or both of you are prone to anger.
Sharing a commitment to value and work on preserving the relationship is key for constructively managing conflict. This isn’t always easy to remember in the throes of discord. It can, at times, be extremely challenging to be respectful and attentive with both your needs and those of your partner. This is especially the case when they seem to conflict with each other. Such conflict most frequently occurs with regard to money, sex, work, parenting, and housework.
MARRIED WITH KIDS
Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera
Parenthood is a true test of a marriage.
Nothing disrupts a warm and loving relationship like kids. While some may argue that children add to a marriage, the reality is most will go through a decline after the first child is born. But regardless of whether the marriage gets worse, stays the same, or in rare cases actually improves, there’s no denying it will be different.
Parenthood is such a radical departure from how couples had lived together before that it’s almost impossible to be prepared for it. Daily life is likely to take a turn for the chaotic, and many will feel stressed out and out of control. Couples can become more reactionary and arguments can become more intense because they’re both overburdened.
How well couples adjust to children can depend on a lot of factors. One has to do with how they cope with a changing personal definition. When we become parents, we are forced to adopt a new role. In most situations, when faced with a new role, we don’t immediately take it on. We change how we define ourselves gradually as we gain experience and get used to this role. In parenthood, the new role is thrust upon a couple literally from one day to the next, and they have no choice but to adjust.
5 WAYS REOCCURRING RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT CAN ENHANCE YOUR MARRIAGE
Lasting love is a lifelong road trip.
For Casey and Taylor it felt this way.
At the start of their journey, they found themselves head-over-heels in love. Spending time together felt natural and effortless. Their relationship was the equivalent of driving a exhilarating convertible along the California coast.
As days turned into months, the honeymoon feeling faded. Taylor and Casey found each other a little more annoying. As months turned into years, they had disagreements that made them want to stop talking:
IMPROVING YOUR MARRIAGE
Understanding the process of change is an important step
Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D.
Couples who have chronic problems or feel their marriage is beyond repair can make it better. While for some this might seem impossible, relationships can change. To fix some unhappy marriages, we may need to change how we behave, how we think about our partner, or what we believe a marriage is supposed to be like, and these are things we can personally control.
It requires a lot of work to establish better patterns in your relationship, yet it isn’t just the work. It’s also important to understand how change actually occurs. Here we are referring to being aware of what’s realistic and possible. When people try to change, they usually keep track of their success by monitoring the behavior or emotion they want to change. For instance, people who want to overcome depression might note how often they feel depressed and whether or not it’s happening less frequently. If their depressive episodes decline, they judge themselves as having made progress. However, if their depression returns, they will think they’ve relapsed. Some may then conclude that they’ve made no progress at all, or worse, that they’ve failed.
This is an example of all or none, or dichotomous thinking. It’s a very unrealistic view of how change actually takes place, and can work against achieving our goal of improvement. We might think that we’ve failed, and that may lead us to give up trying. We can also come away with a sense of powerlessness, thinking things cannot be changed or that we don’t have what it takes to make changes, and so we are destined to live with the sorry state of our marriage forever.
THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin
Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.
By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:
WHY A WOMAN NEEDS TO BE PRAYERFUL
In Luke 7, Jesus observed a huge funeral procession in Nain. The entire town was present. He observed the young men and women weeping. He observed the pastors and apostles weeping. He observed the elders weeping. He observed the fathers weeping. He observed the children weeping. He observed the sadness on people’s faces.
Nothing seemed to move Him, until HE SAW THE MOTHER. The Bible says He had compassion when He saw her and immediately raised her boy from the dead. (Luke 7:12-15). It was the cry of a mother that moved the Heart of God.
Still today, Mothers who cry before the Lord for their families, for their marriages, for their homes, move the Heart of God. When MOTHERS stop praying, their families (especially their children) perish. Satan gets a foothold and starts to destroy the home, yet when they return to their rightful place as the anchor of the home, demonic strongholds get demolished.