HOW TO END SCREEN TIME WITHOUT A STRUGGLE
Do you ever struggle with getting your kids off the screen? Does it often end in tears (both theirs and yours)? Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning.
“Five more minutes, then it’s dinner!” I’d yell from the kitchen.
This statement would either be ignored or grunted at.
Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together.
THE GREATER GIFT CAME LATER
My husband was seriously injured at work in August 2002. He was unable to work for about six months. Much of his income is from overtime and his disability pay did not equal even 25 percent of the income we count on. We have five children and this was a massive loss of income for our family. It became necessary for me to work a second full-time job.
Most days I went to my teaching job at 7:00 a.m., went to my second job as a cashier at a local retail store at 4:00 p.m., and dragged myself home around midnight, knowing I had to do the same thing the next day. I still had to do lesson planning and somehow squeeze in family time. I worked seven days a week, and was rarely home. My youngest child, seven years old at the time, missed me so much that he started carrying a picture of me to school in his pocket.
Until then, I’d been very active in my church. But I became too busy for most of my church life and missed many meetings. Word spread about our situation, and I received many calls with words of encouragement and emotional support from fellow church members.
ARE YOU MEETING YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S MOST CRUCIAL NEED?
Love alone is not enough for raising an emotionally healthy child.
As a psychologist for the past 23 years I’ve worked with well over two thousand children, teens, and their parents. Parents usually contact me to help their child with defiant behavior, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, school struggles, substance abuseconcerns, amongst other struggles.
In all my years practicing, I’ve had very few children tell me that their parents do not lovethem. This is a very good thing, Most parents pride themselves, with good reason, that their children know that they feel deeply loved by them.
I value the concept of love and the treasure all that comes from giving and receiving love. I certainly love my own children very much. But when it comes to the complexities of parenting, love is not enough!
30 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR KID INSTEAD OF “HOW WAS YOUR DAY?”
When I picked my son up from his first day of 4th grade, my usual (enthusiastically delivered) question of “how was your day?” was met with his usual (indifferently delivered) “fine.”
Come on! It’s the first day, for crying out loud! Give me something to work with, would you, kid?
The second day, my same question was answered, “well, no one was a jerk.”
That’s good…I guess.
5 WAYS MILLENNIALS ARE CHANGING PARENTING FOREVER
Millennial parents, the cohort born between 1980 and 2000 of which there are an estimated 22 million in the U.S., are astutely tailoring their parenting style to the needs of their family while challenging traditional societal norms.
Shaped by an era dominated by post 9/11 security concerns, international conflicts, and a massive global recession, millennials have channelled a climate of uncertainty into a commitment to providing their kids with the best possible childhood.
Here are five ways millennial parents are changing parenthood forever.
DEAR HUSBAND: I’M NOT THE PERSON YOU MARRIED
I am sorry.
I’m sorry that you’ve been neglected for the last four-and-a-half years. I’m sorry that your needs are secondary. I assure you, you are still one of my top priorities – you just aren’t on the top of the list anymore.
I know that you have needs, wants, dreams, and desires. When I tell you that I want to be the one you lean on, I mean it. I know you are tired of my excuses of being tired, having a headache, or am already snoring when you snuggle up next to me. Trust me, I wish I had the energy I had five years ago. Hell, I wish I had the energy I had two weeks ago when I washed, folded, and actually put away all 10 loads of laundry. Of course, you didn’t see that because I was letting you get some much needed sleep.
MENTALLY STRONG KIDS HAVE PARENTS WHO REFUSE TO DO THESE 13 THINGS
Raising a mentally strong kid doesn’t mean he won’t cry when he’s sad or that he won’t fail sometimes. Mental strength won’t make your child immune to hardship – but it also won’t cause him to suppress his emotions.
In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Mental strength is what helps kids bounce back from setbacks. It gives them the strength to keep going, even when they’re plagued with self-doubt. A strong mental muscle is the key to helping kids reach their greatest potential in life.
But raising a mentally strong kid requires parents to avoid the common yet unhealthy parenting practices that rob kids of mental strength. In my book, “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do”, I identify 13 things to avoid if you want to raise a mentally strong kid equipped to tackle life’s toughest challenges:
BREADWINNING MOTHERS CARRY THE MENTAL LOAD AT HOME
Angela Anagnost Repke
Mothers everywhere are increasingly the breadwinners. This title looks great on paper, but with it our “mental load” gets only heavier. When my son was first born I, too, fit that role. I would wake up, feed my baby, take him to his grandparent’s, teach all day, pick up my son, and then do all of the evening stuff at home. My weekends were filled with grading papers, cleaning, meal-prep, and one squeezed-in activity with family or friends.
Sleeping was difficult. My head would rest on the pillow, but the to-do list piled up like a stack of books, keeping my eyelids open. I never felt caught-up. After reading some recent research, turns out, I wasn’t alone in accumulating this “mental load.”
The research was conducted by Business Wire and proved that when women are the breadwinners, we take on more responsibilities outside of work compared to their husbands. Yes, on top of bringing home more money, they truly did it all: cleaning, cooking, paying bills, and the planning all of the extracurriculars. All of this is known as the “mental load.”
PARENTING: AN UNHAPPY MOTHER SHARES HER SORROW
I got married at the age of 24 to my husband who was a medical practitioner just like me. We both focused on our careers. We were both successful in all we did except in the parenting of our own flesh and blood.
We had two children. Kunle was the first and Tola the second. Kunle was a very inquisitive boy and asked questions on everything. He was even nicknamed The Examiner. His father and I got so tired of his constant questions that we started locking up the door to our bedroom once we came back from work. How I wish I knew better! How I wish I read those posts of yours then!
By the time Kunle was four years old he was much more intelligent than his colleagues, and he was so lively too. You would never have a dull moment with him. He loved his sister so much and we were always proud of him. His father and I were so sure Kunle was also going to become a medical doctor just as we were.
WE ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN AND CALLING IT LOVE!
When I was growing up, one of the worst insults that could be hurled at a child (or his parents) was that he was a spoiled brat. It was a remark that wasn’t used very often, but when it was, it stung. No one wanted to hear the perception that a child was spoiled.
Now, we hardly hear the remark or observation, but maybe it’s because so many children are spoiled. Has the use of the stinging remark decreased as the problem increased?
Out of curiosity, I looked up the meaning of “spoil.” It means “to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent.”