5 REASONS WHY PARTNERS DRIFT APART
Ever wondered why a relationship that was seemingly going smoothly then takes a bad turn?
The reasons why partners drift apart is no brain teaser at all as they differ in various relationships but there are some reasons that cut across most relationships. The drifting apart might take some time to unfold but what is important is to tackle the issues before it is too late.
Here are the five most common reasons couples drift apart and what you can do to avoid or, as the case may be, correct these issues in your own relationship.
WHY ARE YOU RUSHING TO GET MARRIED?
Better single and slaying than married and miserable.
I’ll be the first to categorically state that weddings are beautiful and marriages can be sweet.
Having documented so many weddings and having seen the intensity of the joy on couples’ faces at ceremonies, this much can not be denied.
To beautify a wedding is easy. All you need do is pay a good event planner and that’s settled.
To have a beautiful marriage is however a different thing entirely, and you definitely can’t pay anyone to sweeten your marital union.
No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, once the seal of marriage is stamped on that relationship, something changes.
THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin
Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.
By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:
SHOULD YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER YOU CHEATED?
Will telling the truth help or hurt your relationship?
I’m going to say this up front: I am not a fan of lying and keeping secrets in an intimate relationship. If you are looking for someone to tell you that after you cheat you should probably just keep things quiet for the sake of your relationship and your partner’s well-being, because learning that you cheated would be painful for her/him, look elsewhere. Before you do, though, you should know that the glue that holds healthy and enjoyable long-term relationships together is not sex, money, or even the kids. It’s trust. When you violate your partner’s trust, you violate your relationship — even if you’re just keeping secrets as opposed to actually lying (although in my opinion, keeping secrets is just another form of lying).
Consider the definition of infidelity that I use in my recently published book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating:
“Infidelity (cheating) is the breaking of trust that occurs when you deliberately keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.”
JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE LONELY, DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE READY
Real, Yes—Reality, Not Necessarily!
The divorce rate—as high as it is—isn’t an accurate barometer of the failure of romantic relationships because the vast majority of them end without there ever having been a formal marriage. That makes it virtually impossible to even guestimate what the relationship failure rate really is.
There are many reasons that fledgling relationships don’t take full flight and never make it to that happy sunset 50 or 60 years later. And, like most things we write about in this space, there’s a direct correlation to grief and to recovery from loss. This is especially true when the recovery component is missing.
The absence of recovery sustains the divorce and break-up rate at painfully high levels. Painful because every break-up produces grief, even if there’s some relief at the ending with the cessation of bickering and other recurring problems. But without recovery, the unfinished emotional business left behind becomes the breeding ground for subsequent relationship failures.
3 SIGNS THAT YOU’RE STUCK IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP
How to know when it’s time to go.
Kelly Campbell Ph.D.
It’s difficult to admit that a relationship that started out great and with so much promise has turned into something bad. When we enter a relationship, we’re often wearing rose-colored glasses, focusing on all our partner’s good qualities and ignoring their faults. That’s why our family and friends are typically better at predicting the outcome of our relationships than we are.
Here are three signs that it might be time to end a relationship:
5 SITUATIONS WHERE A DIVORCE IS JUSTIFIED BEFORE GOD
There are many reasons why someone can seek divorce without violating sacred vows made before God.
My greatest wish for couples who are facing problems in their relationship is that they are able to resolve their differences and be happy together. Unfortunately, not all marital problems are so easily conquered.
I often receive messages from readers who explain their serious and devastating problems in their marriage. I always strive to help them identify the problem, suggest ways to treat their wounds and help them rescue their love. Some situations, however, require immediate action. There are many people who need the courage to escape from their toxic relationships as soon as possible.
THE STRANGE REASON BREAKING UP SUCKS
A man will cut your knee cap off and feed it to sharks, but he’ll leave you intact as a human being. He won’t affect who you are. Women. Women are not-so-violent. So they won’t cut you, but they will shit inside of inside your heart, leave it there and then go paint their toenails.
They’ll paint them red, of course. Of all colors, F’ing red.
The color of your broken heart.
There always comes that awkward time when someone doesn’t love you as much as you love them. It’s like being left out of the foursquare box in elementary school. Here’s a picture, because you probably forgot what the game was after the Foursquare App came out:
FAILED MARRIAGE AND RECOVERY
Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32 NIV)
As I have said before, in working with divorced people over the years I have found that far too many divorcees are adept at primarily blaming their partner for the failure of their marriage. Most fail to see what they contributed to the breakup. I once did too.
Before marriage, many of us prayed that we would find the right partner when what we needed to pray was that we would be the right person. As much as many hate the following statement: we are as sick as the people we are attracted to—especially romantically. For those who want a more positive statement we could put it this way: we are as healthy as the people we are attracted to. In other words, if we want to have a healthy and mature marriage, we need to be a healthy and mature person.
THE 9 MOST OVERLOOKED THREATS TO A MARRIAGE
Dr. Kelly Flanagan
I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not…
Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It’s like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn’t create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he’s the one who gets caught, so he’s sent off to the principal’s office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist’s office.