These 4 behaviors ruin marriages in less than 6 years (and what to do instead)

THESE 4 BEHAVIORS RUIN MARRIAGES IN LESS THAN 6 YEARS (AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD)

Kyle Benson

There are four toxic behaviors that harm all relationships. They are toxic because they take away the emotional safety required for emotional connection and conflict resolution.

Dr. Gottman calls these four behaviors the Four Horsemen. Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the New Testament, they symbolize the end of time for a relationship.

When these four behaviors become a habitual way of communicating problems, they end a relationship within 6 years, according to Dr. Gottman’s research.

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Divorce Rates Around the World: A Love Story

DIVORCE RATES AROUND THE WORLD: A LOVE STORY

Bella DePaulo

What do we know about the rates of divorce all around the world, and how they have been changing over time? Thanks to a recently published study, we now know a whole lot more than we did before.

University of California at Irvine sociologists Cheng-Tong Lir Wang and Evan Schofer analyzed nearly four decades of divorce data (1970-2008) from 84 countries around the world. They looked at changes in rates of divorce over time and different rates of divorce in different places. Their report, “Coming out of the penumbras: World culture and cross-national variation in divorce rates,” was published in the December 2018 issue of Social Forces.

The approach that psychologists use to understand whether someone is likely to divorce is to look at individual life experiences and choices, such as a person’s education, employment, income, and the age at which they marry. The sociologists Wang and Schofer were interested in societal factors that might be relevant to rates of divorce, such as a nation’s level of economic development and the proportion of their women who are in the workforce. They also wanted to learn about global norms and values, such as the belief in human rights and gender equality, and whether they had anything to do with rates of divorce.

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Major causes of domestic violence in Nigeria

MAJOR CAUSES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN NIGERIA

Here are the leading causes of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE in Nigeria and most countries. The problem is quite widespread so it is better to know the main reasons, and maybe this will help to avoid such anathema at home.

Major causes of domestic violence in Nigeria

The list of domestic violence causes

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Should You Confess to Cheating on Your Partner?

confess to cheating

SHOULD YOU CONFESS TO CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER?

Team LovePanky

At times, we’re all faced with life altering questions and we’re lost for answers. If you ever find yourself cheating, should you confess to cheating on your partner?

Making up your mind on whether to confess or not is one of the most disturbing phases in a relationship.

Well, of course, so is getting into an affair in the first place.

But let’s not pretend like we’re all angels here.

Having an affair is inevitable, and it can happen even to the most loyal of partners.

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The Real Cost of Divorce

THE REAL COST OF DIVORCE

Written by: seouser

Marriage can be difficult. Sometimes you may feel like you’re at your wits end and the relationship can’t be saved.

But are you aware of the real costs of getting divorce? It’s far beyond just money.

Check out the infographic we put together below about different stats related to divorce in Canada and the United States.

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R is for Repair

R IS FOR REPAIR

Zach Brittle

Repair is easily my favorite concept in the entire Gottman encyclopedia. Typically, we think of repair in terms of what we have to do to a car or a washing machine or a botched haircut. As in, it’s broken, it needs repair. But in relational terms, repair is less about fixing what is broken and more about getting back on track.

What is a repair attempt?

Masters of relationships repair early and often. And they have lots of strategies for how to repair. Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” The reason I love the concept so much is because of that word “any.” It leaves a ton of room for creativity. And because every relationship is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can actually be a unique game that belongs to just the two of you.

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The Real Cost of Divorce

THE REAL COST OF DIVORCE

Seouser

Marriage can be difficult. Sometimes you may feel like you’re at your wits end and the relationship can’t be saved.

But are you aware of the real costs of getting divorce. It’s far beyond just money.

Check out the infographic we put together below about different stats related to divorce in Canada and the United States. If you’d like to share on your blog/website, copy the embed code near the bottom of this page.

You’ll notice from the stats and figures presented below that it’s important partners experiencing a rough patch – no matter how tough it may seem – at least try marriage and couples counselling. It can save a lot. And it’s highly effective.

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The Top 20 Reasons for Divorce that Most Couples Overlook

reasons for divorce

THE TOP 20 REASONS FOR DIVORCE THAT MOST COUPLES OVERLOOK

Elizabeth Arthur

Divorce doesn’t happen by accident. It builds up slowly when people overlook the things that matter most. Read the top reasons for divorce here.

Divorce isn’t a bubble that’s ready to burst.

Most people assume that a divorce is a shocker, something that comes right out of the blue when it is least expected.

Perhaps, to family and friends, that may be the case.

But to the couple involved, it’s something they would have seen all along.

Most of us make the grave error of taking the things that matter most for granted.

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Marriage and the Story of Alice in Wonderland

Image result for picture of alice in wonderland

MARRIAGE AND THE STORY OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND

As the story goes, Alice sees a very unusual rabbit go down a hole, and she jumps in with two feet. She has no idea what this journey is going to be and Wonderland isn’t really all that great of a place.

There are scary things, challenging things, and things that are also interesting and fascinating. It’s an adventure, and Alice doesn’t know what’s in store for her, but she jumps in anyway.

Alice doesn’t hesitate or think maybe a better rabbit will come along tomorrow.

She doesn’t look back and doesn’t question the adventure she’s chosen.

That’s commitment, and that exactly is the kind of spirit every couple should nurture in their marriage on a daily basis. Marriage will then be a blissful experience despite all the hiccups.

Manage Conflict

MANAGE CONFLICT

Karen Bridbord

The fifth level of the Sound Relationship Workplace is Manage Conflict. There is so much to be said about the process of conflict management amongst colleagues. In this article, I would like to focus on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Identified by Dr. Gottman in his research with couples to predict divorce with over 90% accuracy, the Four Horsemen can be present in workplace relationships as well — very much undermining productivity if not actively managed. In essence, the Four Horsemen are detrimental to an office environment and work culture.

Think about a recent conflict that you had with a colleague. Did you address it directly? If so, what was the process by which it was discussed? Did you both feel heard and understood by the other? If not, did the conflict get ignored?  Did it fester? How did you speak about your differences? Was there any criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling involved?

Dr. Gottman has utilized his research findings to differentiate the Masters of relationships from the Disasters. In particular, he found that the Disasters were different from the Masters in how they talked to one another during conflict. During a conflict discussion, the Masters had a ratio of 5:1 positive interactions to negative interactions, while the Disasters had a ratio of 0.8:1.

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