The Top 20 Reasons for Divorce that Most Couples Overlook

reasons for divorce

THE TOP 20 REASONS FOR DIVORCE THAT MOST COUPLES OVERLOOK

Elizabeth Arthur

Divorce doesn’t happen by accident. It builds up slowly when people overlook the things that matter most. Read the top reasons for divorce here.

Divorce isn’t a bubble that’s ready to burst.

Most people assume that a divorce is a shocker, something that comes right out of the blue when it is least expected.

Perhaps, to family and friends, that may be the case.

But to the couple involved, it’s something they would have seen all along.

Most of us make the grave error of taking the things that matter most for granted.

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Marriage and the Story of Alice in Wonderland

Image result for picture of alice in wonderland

MARRIAGE AND THE STORY OF ALICE IN WONDERLAND

As the story goes, Alice sees a very unusual rabbit go down a hole, and she jumps in with two feet. She has no idea what this journey is going to be and Wonderland isn’t really all that great of a place.

There are scary things, challenging things, and things that are also interesting and fascinating. It’s an adventure, and Alice doesn’t know what’s in store for her, but she jumps in anyway.

Alice doesn’t hesitate or think maybe a better rabbit will come along tomorrow.

She doesn’t look back and doesn’t question the adventure she’s chosen.

That’s commitment, and that exactly is the kind of spirit every couple should nurture in their marriage on a daily basis. Marriage will then be a blissful experience despite all the hiccups.

Manage Conflict

MANAGE CONFLICT

Karen Bridbord

The fifth level of the Sound Relationship Workplace is Manage Conflict. There is so much to be said about the process of conflict management amongst colleagues. In this article, I would like to focus on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Identified by Dr. Gottman in his research with couples to predict divorce with over 90% accuracy, the Four Horsemen can be present in workplace relationships as well — very much undermining productivity if not actively managed. In essence, the Four Horsemen are detrimental to an office environment and work culture.

Think about a recent conflict that you had with a colleague. Did you address it directly? If so, what was the process by which it was discussed? Did you both feel heard and understood by the other? If not, did the conflict get ignored?  Did it fester? How did you speak about your differences? Was there any criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling involved?

Dr. Gottman has utilized his research findings to differentiate the Masters of relationships from the Disasters. In particular, he found that the Disasters were different from the Masters in how they talked to one another during conflict. During a conflict discussion, the Masters had a ratio of 5:1 positive interactions to negative interactions, while the Disasters had a ratio of 0.8:1.

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4 Marriage Myths That Cause Divorce​​

4 MARRIAGE MYTHS THAT CAUSE DIVORCE

Kyle Benson

As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t. It’s “common knowledge” that marriage kills sex, right?

Wrong.

What you believe about your relationship determines the relationship you end up with, and some of these common beliefs can be toxic. They lead couples down the wrong path, or worse, convince them that their marriage is hopelessly going to go up in flames.

These myths ruin countless healthy relationships just because a couple believes there is something fundamentally wrong about it.

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When is it time to say “This relationship is over”?

WHEN IS IT TIME TO SAY “THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER”?

Michele Gruenhage

Frequently people come into my office unsure about whether their relationship is worth saving or if it is beyond repair.  As couples tell me the story of their relationship I hear them describe the ways they each feel hurt, lonely, and discouraged.  Sometimes couples come in soon after they recognize they need support in communicating with each other in better ways. They haven’t had much conflict and they feel terrible about the things they recently said to each other in the heat of the moment.

More often, however, couples have been coping with their painful dynamics for years, and their level of discouragement is high, and their hope is low.  They have ingrained patterns of fighting – yelling, screaming, name-calling, and/or silence. The Four Horsemen are running rampant. They feel embarrassed and worried about how all of the fighting is affecting their kids.  Maybe there has been an emotional or sexual affair. Maybe one or both partners struggle with addiction – gambling, pornography, drugs, and/or alcohol.

I often ask clients “Why do you stay in this relationship?”  Or “What is your commitment to working on this relationship?”.  These are some of the answers I hear regularly:

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The Death of Love Isn’t Natural: The 7 Steps to Separation

Separation

THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION

Kyle Benson

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin


Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.

By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:

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5 Reasons why partners drift apart

what is love?

5 REASONS WHY PARTNERS DRIFT APART

Mayowa Durojaye

Ever wondered why a relationship that was seemingly going smoothly then takes a bad turn?

The reasons why partners drift apart is no brain teaser at all as they differ in various relationships but there are some reasons that cut across most relationships. The drifting apart might take some time to unfold but what is important is to tackle the issues before it is too late.

Here are the five most common reasons couples drift apart and what you can do to avoid or, as the case may be, correct these issues in your own relationship.

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Why are you rushing to get married?

Have you given it enough thought before saying 'I do'?

WHY ARE YOU RUSHING TO GET MARRIED?

Better single and slaying than married and miserable.

Ayoola Adetayo

I’ll be the first to categorically state that weddings are beautiful and marriages can be sweet.

Having documented so many weddings and having seen the intensity of the joy on couples’ faces at ceremonies, this much can not be denied.

To beautify a wedding is easy. All you need do is pay a good event planner and that’s settled.

To have a beautiful marriage is however a different thing entirely, and you definitely can’t pay anyone to sweeten your marital union.

No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, once the seal of marriage is stamped on that relationship, something changes.

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The Death of Love Isn’t Natural: The 7 Steps to Separation

Separation

THE DEATH OF LOVE ISN’T NATURAL: THE 7 STEPS TO SEPARATION

Kyle Benson

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source, it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds, it dies of weariness, of witherings, or tarnishings, but never a natural death.” – Anais Nin


Marriages rarely end overnight. They tend to unravel over time, in ways that are now fairly predictable thanks to research by Dr. John Gottman. In 1986 Dr. Gottman and his colleagues built a Love Lab to learn the secrets of lasting love and understand why love dies.

By studying couples for over 40 years, Dr. Gottman could predict with a 90% accuracy which marriage would fail, and which would succeed. These are the factors he found most often contribute to the dissolution of a marriage:

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Should You Tell Your Partner You Cheated?

Africa Studio/Shutterstock

SHOULD YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER YOU CHEATED?

Robert Weiss

Will telling the truth help or hurt your relationship?

I’m going to say this up front: I am not a fan of lying and keeping secrets in an intimate relationship. If you are looking for someone to tell you that after you cheat you should probably just keep things quiet for the sake of your relationship and your partner’s well-being, because learning that you cheated would be painful for her/him, look elsewhere. Before you do, though, you should know that the glue that holds healthy and enjoyable long-term relationships together is not sex, money, or even the kids. It’s trust. When you violate your partner’s trust, you violate your relationship — even if you’re just keeping secrets as opposed to actually lying (although in my opinion, keeping secrets is just another form of lying).

Consider the definition of infidelity that I use in my recently published book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating:

“Infidelity (cheating) is the breaking of trust that occurs when you deliberately keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.”

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