STOP TRYING TO FIX YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS, CONNECT WITH THEM INSTEAD
One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”
Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard. How did it feel to be seen as you were?
The last letter in Dr. Gottman’s ATTUNE model is E and it stands for Empathy. Brené Brown describes empathy beautifully in this brief animated video.
Empathy is the willingness to feel with your partner. To understand their inner world.
DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN A ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP? HERE’S WHAT A THERAPIST RECOMMENDS
The good news is, if you’re currently in one, there’s hope.
There’s a specific moment in “500 days of Summer” when you FINALLY realize the thing you’ve tried to deny the entire movie. It’s the moment when Tom goes to Summer’s party with high expectations of restoring their relationship. And then he sees it: her ring. The engagement ring that did not come from him.
That’s when you realize this has been a one-sided relationship all along.
Some of us hate that movie. Maybe it’s because it goes against our idealistic senses of what a chick-flic should be. But it’s also possibly too close to home. Each of us can relate to having a one-sided relationship, whether friend or lover.
Ever wondered why a relationship that was seemingly going smoothly then takes a bad turn?
The reasons why partners drift apart is no brain teaser at all as they differ in various relationships but there are some reasons that cut across most relationships. The drifting apart might take some time to unfold but what is important is to tackle the issues before it is too late.
Here are the five most common reasons couples drift apart and what you can do to avoid or, as the case may be, correct these issues in your own relationship.
As you change your status from fiancé and fiancée to husband and wife there are so many things to expect as you settle into marriage.
Marriage they say is not a bed of roses as there surely will be ups and downs. For you to take the first step by exchanging vows then you are surely in for the ride. You need to know that every marriage you admire is because the two parties work towards it.
Take note of ‘work’ because it demands continuous effort. Marriage remains a major milestone regardless of how long you have known each other.
Paying attention is half the battle but you both need to do it.
I knew that my marriage was floundering but I didn’t know how to fix it. Fifteen years in, enough of what we’d once had was so eroded that there wasn’t any real way of retrieving it. I think both of us were just sick and tired of the arguing, the relationship, and each other.
Some years ago, a wise therapist named Susan whose practice was mainly devoted to couples’ counseling confided a sad truth as we talked about whether joint therapy with my then-husband would work. She shook her head and then continued: “The reality is that it’s relatively rare that the counseling works because people wait too long. Therapy is usually seen as a last-ditch effort to salvage the marriage, and it’s not always agreed to in good faith either. A husband or wife may simply accede because he or she wants to be seen as ‘having tried everything.’ By the time they book an appointment with me, the marriage has been failing for years. And it’s just too late. For those couples, my office is just a stop and a parking lot away from the divorce lawyer’s.”
HOW TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONS WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED AROUND YOU
The pressure to get married can be overwhelming and the emotions when you’re the last one standing even more so. Here’s how to cope!
We get to a certain age when many of our close friends are tying the knot and amidst all the excitement and preparations of your friend’s wedding, certain sore hearts are inevitable. This is a phase each one of us will go through where the feelings of being stuck and left out are prominent. Here’s how to deal with the emotions that inevitably arise when all your friends are getting married around you.
11 THINGS YOU NEED TO FEEL SECURE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Do you feel secure in your relationship? If your answer is yes, there’s nothing like it, but if you are struggling to find an answer, you’ve come to the right place. We often fall in love because we are attracted to someone, but a long-term relationship needs to survive the very real demands of living together. Hence, it’s important to know what things you need to feel secure about in a relationship and that’s exactly where we come in. Read on and find out.
1. Don’t Compare Your Partner To Your Ex
Remember what happened when Ross compared Rachel with the woman he slept with? They broke up and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t compare your partner with any of your exes. Different people have different approaches towards life and comparing them is just not fair.
9 MINDFUL WAYS TO REMAIN CALM WHEN OTHERS ARE ANGRY
When someone upsets us, this is often because they aren’t behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave. The frustration, then, stems not from their behavior but from how their behavior differs from our fantasy. Let’s not get carried away. Calmness is a superpower.
Over the past decade, there’s a way of being I’ve gradually been cultivating in myself—I’ve been taming my tendency to get angry and argue with people when their behavior doesn’t match my expectations.
As human beings, we all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes our relationships up the most. We all get frustrated when things don’t play out the way we expect them to, and people don’t behave like they’re “supposed” to. We expect our spouses and children to act a certain way, our friends to be kind and agreeable, strangers to be less difficult, and so on and so forth.