3 TIPS FOR HANDLING CONFLICTS ABOUT MONEY
If you’ve struggled with these issues, it may or may not be comforting to know that the most common causes of conflict within marriages and intimate relationships are sex and money. For many people, they’re understandably immediately concerned with how their own lives are playing out. For many others, they still have that immediate concern, but they also can take solace from the fact that they’re not alone and that their struggles are not unusual.
Regardless of where you stand on the comfort-little comfort spectrum, it is true that when couples have lasting or recurring fights, power struggles about money frequently tops the list.
No couple is impervious to arguing over finances
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE UNTOLD STORY OF ENGR. CHINYERE SYLVIA AKALEME (NEE IGBO)
The menace of Domestic Violence in Nigeria and its implications on the families of the victims
LATE ENGR. SYLVIA CHINYERE AKALEME
Unfortunately for Sylvia, or Chinyere as she was fondly called by family and close friends, she did not live to tell her own story. She was cut down in her prime by her husband, OBINNA AKALEME, the man she loved till death did them part. She died on the day she was due to give birth after a series of miscarriages in her husband’s house.
10 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS OUT OF REACH
Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
That’s the super-short version of my advice for those moments when nothing seems to be going as planned—when everything you want seems out of reach.
Yes, just be right where you are, with an open mind.
Let go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and sincerely appreciate it for everything that it is.
Easier said than done of course, especially when tragedy strikes. And although Angel and I have coped and grown through our fair share of real tragedies, let’s be honest about something: 98% of the time we create tragedy in our lives out of fairly minor incidents. Something doesn’t go exactly as planned, but rather than learn from the experience, we freak out about it and let stress become us.
THE #1 THING COUPLES FIGHT ABOUT BASED ON 40 YEARS OF RESEARCH
Do you know Angelina Jolie?
She’s that beautiful actor who adopts Asian babies, and married the world’s most gorgeous man. They even had their own movie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Well, I’ve never met her. She sounds like a deadly assassin with a secret identity.
But I do know Christina.
Like Angelina, Christina is an admirable and beautiful woman. She also happened to marry a beautiful man named Brad.
When they first met, he was something different. Mesmerizing. Passionate. But now there is a huge space between them, and it keeps getting bigger.
BE ANGRY—SIN NOT
“In your anger do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV)
I recall teaching a group where I said that it was okay to be angry. One lady was absolutely amazed. She told me that she had been taught all her life that Christians never get angry. So she had reasoned in her mind: “Christians never get angry. I’m always angry. Therefore I can never be a Christian!”
That night she was freed from 20 years of anguish and received assurance of her salvation. She was indeed a Christian because she had received Jesus as her Savior.
THE HABIT OF CRITICISM IS POISONOUS TO ANY RELATIONSHIP
No one wants to stay in a relationship that makes them feel more judged than admired. Yet, it’s too common for couples to see the other person as the problem.
And since the other partner is the problem, the only solution is for them to change…right?
- If only she would stop criticizing you and start appreciating all of the things you do to help out with the family, things would get better.
- If only he would give more attention to the house and kids, you wouldn’t have to nag him with what needs to get done.
It’s hurtful to be on the receiving end of criticism, and it feels even worse to feel like you have to nag your partner because your requests are being ignored.
7 THINGS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE MUST AGREE ON BEFORE HAVING KIDS
Make sure you tackle these tough parenting decisions before the baby comes. You’ll be glad you did.
Approaching parenthood for the first time is both an exciting and scary time in life. You can’t wait to welcome your own junior miss or mister into the world and raise them, but you’re also scared you might make some bad parenting decisions along the way.
You can help calm some fears if you realize that parenthood starts long before labor. It’s best to make these seven important parenting decisions together well before your little bundle of joy is born.
MARRIED LOVE IS WAY BETTER THAN NEW LOVE
New love is flaunted on sit-com’s, in popular books and movies, and among the celebrities we read about in magazines. Be careful to not get caught up longing for “new love,” when deep and lasting love is sitting right next to you on the couch.
For those who feel like “new love” is flirting with them, we have some news for you: married love is WAY better than new love! Yes, married love is what “happily ever afters,” are made of.
New love. We all know what it feels like. Butterflies. Day dreams. A slight obsession with some new person. Feelings that take us back to our high school days.
A MARRIED COUPLES GUIDE TO COMPLAINING
My wife Tami felt angry. “All you do after you get home from work and eat dinner is sit on the couch. Why can’t we talk, or take a walk together, or do both?”
Couples will always have complaints about each other. Unfortunately, instead of expressing their complaints, they resort to criticizing each other. Unchecked criticism leads to contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Dr. John Gottman calls these the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and when couples fall prey to the Four Horsemen, it can lead to divorce.
Tami’s criticism provoked me to defend myself. We were almost three years into our marriage, and hadn’t yet learned how to effectively air our complaints about each other.
HOW TO HANDLE ANGER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Anger can be processed by going on a run, practicing yoga, or mindfully engaging in deep breathing. While these are all great tactics, what happens when your anger is directed at your partner in the heat of the moment?
Anger can overwhelm even the most self-reflective and self-aware person. When you are flooded, your pulse races and your limbic system takes over, making rational thought almost impossible.
It’s important to understand that anger is often a red herring which covers up more vulnerable feelings such as embarrassment, sadness, and hopelessness.