MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK!!!
Dr. D.K. Olukoya
Many years ago I interpreted the saying “Marriage is not for small boys” to mean small boys in terms of age, until I visited a female mentor that has been in marriage for 47 years.
I asked her, “So what is the secret of your over 47 successful years in marriage?”
Beaming with smiles, she retorted, “My son, the expectations you bring into marriage will spell either its doom or success. I married my husband without expectations of enjoying his money or him buying cars for me but, with time, my patience, hard work and God-fearing attitude yielded results of getting cars, houses, taking care of our children and all that.
7 STEPS TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART
“Breaking Up Is Hard To Do” is not just a hit song from the 1960s, it is a fact. Anyone who has gone through a break up knows that a broken heart can be difficult to mend. This universal emotional response to the sudden, unexpected or unwanted loss of love is often characterized by an intense longing, hurt and/or desire for an ex or unrequited love. And it can hurt like hell. For some, it feels like their whole world is caving in on them. And in many cases, because the pain is so great and the path to mending it seems so daunting, people avoid healing their broken heart. This avoidance can lead to many unwanted side effects including but not limited to greater internal conflict, complicated emotional responses, withdrawal and difficulty in future relationships.
So, how do you heal a broken heart? Here are a few tips I have picked up in my training, clinical experiences and late night calls with girlfriends and family members.
Take Your Time
10 REASONS YOU MAY BE STUCK IN AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP
Stephen J Betchen
A fear of change often prevents people from ending a destructive relationship.
Goethe wrote: “Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow.” A client—who was in a miserable and unworkable relationship—decided to stay and suffer rather than make a change. His reasoning was, “I’d rather live with the devil I know than the devil I don’t know.” In response I asked him: “How do you know you will end up with another devil?” He said, “Why take a chance.” This individual’s stance is all too common. Most people seek psychotherapy to ease their pain but are reluctant to exert the effort required to do so. These individuals weigh the of price of change unfavorably against the gain it may bring. Because clinicians cannot offer any guarantee of success people are reluctant to risk their status no matter how dysfunctional. To shed some light on this issue, I offer 10 reasons people often remain stuck in an unhappy or destructive relationship:
1. To avoid anxiety. When we make a change, we usually experience at least a modicum of anxiety about our future. Self-doubt may flood us: Am I making a big mistake? Will I miss my old life? While there is rarely a guarantee that all will end well, our dynamic will most likely remain the same or worsen if we do nothing.
PARENTS NEED TO AGREE ON HOW TO RAISE THEIR CHILDREN
Rob Pascale & Lou Primavera
In an earlier article, “Married with Kids,” we talked about how the introduction of children into the home can wreak havoc on some marriages. These problems often result from work overload—their lives are no longer just about managing the house, or jobs, or making each other happy. The responsibilities that are dumped on new parents can mean that both, but especially wives (since they shoulder most of the burden), are perpetually stressed
, exhausted, and pushed to their limits.
For those who are hit particularly hard, their relationship can suffer not just because of less time devoted to each other. When under chronic stress, there’s a strong possibility that partners will at times let their emotions get the better of them and they will then take their frustrations out on each other. There may also be disappointments that derive from unmet expectations. Expectations have a lot to do with adjusting to parenthood, and the more partners are off with regard to how they thought things would be, the greater is the likelihood of resentments and conflicts.
Problems can also result from differences in parenting philosophies. In some marriages, one parent may prefer to take a relaxed attitude while the other may want to institute more structure and rules for the child to follow. When parents bump heads on how to raise their children, not only do they give themselves reasons to argue, but they also work against the interests of the child. Sometimes in these situations one parent may try to gain the child as an ally against the other parent. The child may then feel forced to take sides with one parent or the other, or become confused as to what they’re supposed to do. The parent who loses that power struggle can feel alienated from the family, and may resent their partner or the children.
THESE 4 BEHAVIORS RUIN MARRIAGES IN LESS THAN 6 YEARS (AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD)
There are four toxic behaviors that harm all relationships. They are toxic because they take away the emotional safety required for emotional connection and conflict resolution.
Dr. Gottman calls these four behaviors the Four Horsemen. Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the New Testament, they symbolize the end of time for a relationship.
When these four behaviors become a habitual way of communicating problems, they end a relationship within 6 years, according to Dr. Gottman’s research.
12 SIGNS IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO LET GO
The renowned psychologist Carl Rogers noted that people are often unhappy because of a lack of congruence in their lives, which is another way of saying momentary complexity blinds us to the simple solutions of life. For Rogers, simply sitting with a patient and having them talk through their problems, without the therapist leading them or making judgments or giving advice, was the best way for them to let go of their problems. Rogers determined that when you give a person a safe and supportive space to think through things, they tend to do so more effectively.
Right now, I want to give you a safe and supportive space to think, so you can let go of any extra baggage that’s been weighing you down. Try this: pause for a second to notice what’s going on in your body. Are your jaw muscles clenched? Are your shoulders or neck tightened? Do you notice a part of your body holding on to tension—perhaps tension fueled by something you’re subconsciously worried about?
Most of us are holding tension in our bodies and stress in our minds, whether we realize it or not.
JEALOUS BOYFRIEND – 10 WAYS TO MAKE HIM NOT-SO-JEALOUS
Having a hard time dealing with a jealous boyfriend? If you’re sure your boyfriend is a keeper, here are 10 steps to change him from jealous to not-so-jealous.
Dealing with a jealous boyfriend is rather difficult.
And it’s actually a lot easier to just walk away from the relationship in the first place, instead of constantly having to remind him how much you love him.
But on the other hand, you may be misinterpreting his insecurity as jealousy.
And it’s not easy to tell the difference.
THE HARDEST THING YOU NEED TO REMEMBER WHEN EVERYTHING GOES WRONG
In our office, there’s a framed entry from Marc’s grandmother’s journal, dated September 16, 1977. It reads:
“Today I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed. But in a strange way, I feel like the lucky one. Until now I have had no health problems. I’m a sixty-nine-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins. Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds. None of these patients could be a day older than seventeen.”
This journal entry is displayed in our office because it continues to remind us that there is always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad we have it, we must wake up each day thankful for our lives, because someone, somewhere is desperately fighting for theirs.
NEW RELATIONSHIP ADVICE TO HAVE A PERFECT START
Have you just found yourself in a new relationship? Learn what matters in love right from the start using these new relationship advice and tips.
There’s nothing more exciting than a new relationship in love.
A new relationship brings with it a hope for good things and adds a bit of mystery that intrigues you to learn more.
As pee-inducing as a new relationship may be, you have to take it slow and play by the rules if you want to have a good relationship that can blossom over time into a perfect one.