Transforming Criticism into Wishes: A Recipe for Successful Conflict

TRANSFORMING CRITICISM INTO WISHES: A RECIPE FOR SUCCESSFUL CONFLICT

Kyle Benson

In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy, proposes that people are better built for war than love. Sometimes it seems that way.

We say, “Stop being so sad,” instead of, “I wish you would tell me what’s making you sad.”

Or, “You’re always neglecting me!” instead of, “I feel really lonely and need your attention.”

Criticism is Destructive

The problem with expressing needs in a negative way is it comes off like criticism. Despite what some people say, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism triggers a person to become defensive and protect themselves from an attack, which blocks the resolution of a conflict.

Read more

3 Tips for Handling Conflicts About Money

3 TIPS FOR HANDLING CONFLICTS ABOUT MONEY

Rich Nicastro

Richard Nicastro Georgetown TX Psychologist

If you’ve struggled with these issues, it may or may not be comforting to know that the most common causes of conflict within marriages and intimate relationships are sex and money. For many people, they’re understandably immediately concerned with how their own lives are playing out. For many others, they still have that immediate concern, but they also can take solace from the fact that they’re not alone and that their struggles are not unusual.

Regardless of where you stand on the comfort-little comfort spectrum, it is true that when couples have lasting or recurring fights, power struggles about money frequently tops the list.

No couple is impervious to arguing over finances

Read more

How to Talk to Your Spouse

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE

Aaron & April Jacob

Have you ever found yourself wondering how it is that the person you used to call, text and spend every waking moment with seems to have disappeared from your life? You are like two ships passing in the night. He works late, you leave early.

You never notice when he slips into bed at night, and you hardly see each other in the course of a week. You never have meals together, rarely text each other, and hardly ever have real conversations since your conversations on the phone always seem to go like this,

“Hey hun, did you pick up my dress from the dry cleaners?” “Yes. How was your day?” “Fine. Yours?!” “Good.” “K, well, gotta run, just getting to the store now. Love ya.” “Bye.”

Or perhaps you and your spouse have more time together than ever before, and the kids are grown and gone, but you two seem to just exist in the same space without every really talking much about anything significant.

Read more

9 Questions that will Invite More Peace into Your Marriage

9 QUESTIONS THAT WILL INVITE MORE PEACE INTO YOUR MARRIAGE

Bethany Bartholomew

It’s a troubled world out there. But it doesn’t have to be troubled in your home. You and your spouse can create peace in your marriage with this one simple thing—humility.

But that word can be kind of vague, and it doesn’t always sound very fun. So what does it mean to be humble? C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying,

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

And what’s a good way to put that into practice? Here’s one easy way to work on humility and bring peace into your home: ask questions.

Read more

One question to instantly kickstart your communication

ONE QUESTION TO INSTANTLY KICKSTART YOUR COMMUNICATION
Tony & Alisa Dilorenzo

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt this way before…

“l feel distant from my spouse.”
“I try to get my husband to open up, but instead he just shuts down.”
“My wife just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. l feel like we’re a million miles apart.
“I don’t know if I love him/her anymore.”

We know we NEED to communicate with our spouse but here’s the problem…

Read more

5 Easy Ways to Make Sex More Intimate and Romantic

intimate sex

5 EASY WAYS TO MAKE SEX MORE INTIMATE AND ROMANTIC

Kyle Benson

Sex can be an uncomfortable topic for couples. Many of us feel embarrassed about our bodies or have been sexually rejected at some point. Not to mention our culture and life experiences which have created feelings of sexual shame, making romantic and intimate sex a scary endeavor to even talk about.

In an online study of 70,000 people in 24 countries, researchers found couples who have a great sex life make sex a priority rather than the last item of a long to-do list. They create space for intimacy and connection. These couples talk about sex and put the relationship first, despite the demands of work and kids. They discover sexual pleasure through a variety of methods, not just intercourse.

Sexually satisfied couples are emotionally attuned to each other inside and outside of the bedroom. The key to long-term happiness then, sexually and otherwise, is for both partners to support and value their friendship. Below are five steps to make sex more romantic in your relationship.

Read more

How Smartphones Destroy Relationships

There are clearly many upsides to social media and always having the ability to stay connected to people through your smartphone. But what is the impact to face to face communication and the people around us? New data shows that our smartphones could be destroying crucial relationships in our lives.

One Simple Tool to Help You Communicate with Your Spouse

ONE SIMPLE TOOL TO HELP YOU COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Aaron & April Jacob

“He never takes me on dates.”

Michelle was talking to her sister on the phone, frustrated, and in despair. She was feeling a bit lonely and forgotten in her marriage, and she didn’t know what to do.

Her sister Mia, older and wiser, asked her a few questions to try to understand Michelle’s thoughts and feelings better.

“Why do you want Mark to take you on dates?” Mia asked.

Read more

9 Short Poems On Love And Heartbreak That Will Soothe Your Soul

9 SHORT POEMS ON LOVE AND HEARTBREAK THAT WILL SOOTHE YOUR SOUL

 

More than saying it out loud, sometimes it is better to put our feelings into words for it beautifully encapsulates it, be it the feeling of falling in love, being in love or dealing with a heart break. Don’t agree with me?

Here are a few short poems on love and heart break which will prove you wrong and soothe your soul:

1. This poem illustrates the void felt after a separation.

Read more

The 6 Commandments of Vulnerable Communication

THE 6 COMMANDMENTS OF VULNERABLE COMMUNICATION

Kyle Benson

Our worries can emotionally hijack our brains. They can entirely consume our thoughts in an endless vacuum of fear.

Opening yourself up, exposing who you are and what you need can be scary in our  society. We were raised to be quiet; to not be too loud or crazy. We are expected to not draw attention to ourselves, to act like everyone else.

For men like me, that required stuffing our feelings deep down inside and plastering a mask on our face that says to the world, “I’m really happy.” Underneath that stuffing, the plaster is hardened to protect the world from seeing the frustration, confusion and feelings of neglect.

The other day I was asked, “should I bring up every issue from my past relationships right away?” For some of us, this is only a trashcan full of baggage. For others, it’s a landfill of anxiety the size of Texas.

Read more

%d bloggers like this: