TRANSFORMING CRITICISM INTO WISHES: A RECIPE FOR SUCCESSFUL CONFLICT
In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy, proposes that people are better built for war than love. Sometimes it seems that way.
We say, “Stop being so sad,” instead of, “I wish you would tell me what’s making you sad.”
Or, “You’re always neglecting me!” instead of, “I feel really lonely and need your attention.”
Criticism is Destructive
The problem with expressing needs in a negative way is it comes off like criticism. Despite what some people say, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism triggers a person to become defensive and protect themselves from an attack, which blocks the resolution of a conflict.
3 TIPS FOR HANDLING CONFLICTS ABOUT MONEY
If you’ve struggled with these issues, it may or may not be comforting to know that the most common causes of conflict within marriages and intimate relationships are sex and money. For many people, they’re understandably immediately concerned with how their own lives are playing out. For many others, they still have that immediate concern, but they also can take solace from the fact that they’re not alone and that their struggles are not unusual.
Regardless of where you stand on the comfort-little comfort spectrum, it is true that when couples have lasting or recurring fights, power struggles about money frequently tops the list.
No couple is impervious to arguing over finances
9 QUESTIONS THAT WILL INVITE MORE PEACE INTO YOUR MARRIAGE
It’s a troubled world out there. But it doesn’t have to be troubled in your home. You and your spouse can create peace in your marriage with this one simple thing—humility.
But that word can be kind of vague, and it doesn’t always sound very fun. So what does it mean to be humble? C.S. Lewis is quoted as saying,
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”
And what’s a good way to put that into practice? Here’s one easy way to work on humility and bring peace into your home: ask questions.
ONE QUESTION TO INSTANTLY KICKSTART YOUR COMMUNICATION
Tony & Alisa Dilorenzo
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt this way before…
“l feel distant from my spouse.”
“I try to get my husband to open up, but instead he just shuts down.”
“My wife just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. l feel like we’re a million miles apart.
“I don’t know if I love him/her anymore.”
We know we NEED to communicate with our spouse but here’s the problem…
There are clearly many upsides to social media and always having the ability to stay connected to people through your smartphone. But what is the impact to face to face communication and the people around us? New data shows that our smartphones could be destroying crucial relationships in our lives.
9 SHORT POEMS ON LOVE AND HEARTBREAK THAT WILL SOOTHE YOUR SOUL
More than saying it out loud, sometimes it is better to put our feelings into words for it beautifully encapsulates it, be it the feeling of falling in love, being in love or dealing with a heart break. Don’t agree with me?
Here are a few short poems on love and heart break which will prove you wrong and soothe your soul:
1. This poem illustrates the void felt after a separation.
THE 6 COMMANDMENTS OF VULNERABLE COMMUNICATION
Our worries can emotionally hijack our brains. They can entirely consume our thoughts in an endless vacuum of fear.
Opening yourself up, exposing who you are and what you need can be scary in our society. We were raised to be quiet; to not be too loud or crazy. We are expected to not draw attention to ourselves, to act like everyone else.
For men like me, that required stuffing our feelings deep down inside and plastering a mask on our face that says to the world, “I’m really happy.” Underneath that stuffing, the plaster is hardened to protect the world from seeing the frustration, confusion and feelings of neglect.
The other day I was asked, “should I bring up every issue from my past relationships right away?” For some of us, this is only a trashcan full of baggage. For others, it’s a landfill of anxiety the size of Texas.