10 “NOTES TO SELF” THAT WILL STOP YOU FROM TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY
Let’s start off with a simple question:
Why do we always take things so personally?
There are admittedly quite a few viable and valid answers to consider. But, the one Angel and I have found to be most common through a decade of one-on-one coaching with our course students and live event attendees is the tendency we all have of putting ourselves at the center, and seeing everything—every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us on a personal level. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.
WHY ARE YOU RUSHING TO GET MARRIED?
Better single and slaying than married and miserable.
I’ll be the first to categorically state that weddings are beautiful and marriages can be sweet.
Having documented so many weddings and having seen the intensity of the joy on couples’ faces at ceremonies, this much can not be denied.
To beautify a wedding is easy. All you need do is pay a good event planner and that’s settled.
To have a beautiful marriage is however a different thing entirely, and you definitely can’t pay anyone to sweeten your marital union.
No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone, once the seal of marriage is stamped on that relationship, something changes.
HOW TO DEAL WITH EMOTIONS WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GETTING MARRIED AROUND YOU
The pressure to get married can be overwhelming and the emotions when you’re the last one standing even more so. Here’s how to cope!
We get to a certain age when many of our close friends are tying the knot and amidst all the excitement and preparations of your friend’s wedding, certain sore hearts are inevitable. This is a phase each one of us will go through where the feelings of being stuck and left out are prominent. Here’s how to deal with the emotions that inevitably arise when all your friends are getting married around you.
Your best friend might be getting married and that will mean the start of a new phase in life for you as well. You will undergo a strange mixture of emotions and lifestyle changes too.
It is pretty normal to feel that way, do not feel guilty about it!
WE ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN AND CALLING IT LOVE!
When I was growing up, one of the worst insults that could be hurled at a child (or his parents) was that he was a spoiled brat. It was a remark that wasn’t used very often, but when it was, it stung. No one wanted to hear the perception that a child was spoiled.
Now, we hardly hear the remark or observation, but maybe it’s because so many children are spoiled. Has the use of the stinging remark decreased as the problem increased?
Out of curiosity, I looked up the meaning of “spoil.” It means “to harm the character of a child by being too lenient or indulgent.”
24 SIGNS OF A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON
Highly sensitive people often “feel too much” and “feel too deep”.
Are you a highly sensitive person? Do you know someone in your personal or professional life who may be highly sensitive? High sensitivity can be defined as acute physical, mental, and emotional responses to external (social, environmental) or internal (intra-personal) stimuli. A highly sensitive person may be an introvert, an extrovert, or a combination of both.
Although there are many positive attributes to being a sensitive person (such as greater ability to listen and affirm, greater empathy and intuitiveness, better understanding of others’ wants and needs, etc.), in this writing we will focus on aspects of high sensitivity which adversely affect one’s health, happiness and success, and often complicate relationships. Below are twenty-four signs of a highly sensitive person, with excerpts from my books: “Are You Highly Sensitive? How to Gain Immunity, Peace, and Self-Mastery(link is external)” and “How to Communicate Effectively with Highly Sensitive People(link is external)” These traits are organized into three major categories: Sensitivity About Oneself, Sensitivity About Others, and Sensitivity About One’s Environment.
5 MYTHS ABOUT DEPRESSION WE NEED TO SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY
So long as misconceptions about mental illness persist, so too will stigma.
Depression, like art, can never be adequately described in words alone, though Andrew Solomon(link is external) comes close in his memoir Noonday Demon. In it, he writes:
I felt as though I had a physical need, of impossible urgency and discomfort, from which there was no release—as though I were constantly vomiting but had no mouth. My vision began to close. It was like trying to watch TV through terrible static, where you can’t distinguish faces, where nothing has edges. The air, too, seemed thick and resistant, as though it were full of mushed-up bread.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH HEALTHY COUPLES
David and Constantino Khalaf
Building a healthy marriage, like building and maintaining a home, means having a lot of tools in your toolbox to make repairs. The more tools you have, the better equipped you are to fix something that goes wrong in the relationship. But how do we gain these tools when relationship repair doesn’t come naturally to us? For us, we’ve gained a wealth of wisdom by observing other healthy couples in our lives.
Research suggests that couples who are friends with other couples have better marriages. We’ve found this to be true among our diverse group of coupled friends. Because we got married in our late 30s, we have many friends our age who have been married a long time, some as much as 20 years. We love chatting with them about our varying paths to relationships, sharing the challenges we’ve faced and the ways we’ve navigated them. Each of us has a dynamic that is uniquely ours, which allows us to learn from each other by talking about how we handle conflict, romance, and intentionality within our marriages.
Accepting Each Other’s Influence
We’re friends with one couple that excels at expressing opinions and navigating disagreement. When we were driving with them once, they disagreed on the route to take to our destination. With friendly voices, both of them expressed their opinions and their reasons for wanting to go their respective ways. After a few minutes of discussion, one of them readily yielded and the decision was made with no hurt feelings.
20 TRUE STORIES OF HEARTBREAK AND RESILIENCE THAT WILL MAKE YOU THINK, SMILE AND CRY
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
The wisest, most loving, and well-rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have been shattered by heartbreak. Yes, life creates the greatest humans by breaking them first. Their destruction into pieces allows them to be fine-tuned and reconstructed into a masterpiece. Truly, it’s the painstaking journey of falling apart and coming back together that fills their hearts and minds with a level of compassion, understanding, and deep loving wisdom that can’t possibly be acquired any other way.
Angel and I have worked with hundreds of these incredible people over the past decade, both online and offline, through various forms of coaching, side projects, and our live annual conferences. In many cases they came to us feeling stuck and lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them a resilient upper hand in this crazy world. Honestly, many of these people are now our biggest heroes. Over the years they have given us as much, if not more, than we have given them. And they continue to be our greatest source of inspiration on a daily basis.
16 TINY STORIES OF REGRET THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU LIVE
Ten years from now, it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way.
Deep down you know this already, right?
Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are easily distracted and derailed by the insignificant.
You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.
8 PROFOUND LESSONS INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS TEACH US
Our intimate relationships teach us more than about the hearts of the ones we love. They teach us about ourselves. There is no greater people growing machine than that of love.
Our culture often views love as some fuzzy thing that gets passed around and makes you feel warm inside. But as all of us know, this happens only part of the time. The other part is full of anxiety, confusion, and frustration.
Having problems in our relationships are inevitable. Even our soulmates cause issues sometimes. According to John Gottman, couples disagree on unsolvable never-ending issues 69% of the time.