IT’S OKAY TO GO TO BED ANGRY
David and Constantino Khalaf
As much as we both dislike conflict, we seem to have an uncanny ability to get into fights at the most inconvenient times. Take, for example, the fight about money we started minutes before a group of friends came over to our house. Or the fight about being late we had in the car on the way to church, which also turned into an argument about money. And of course there are all the times we’ve argued late at night when all we really wanted to do was to go to bed. So we did.
Over the years, we’ve learned to ignore the advice we’ve heard at almost every wedding we’ve been to, including our own: We go to bed angry.
The Gottman Institute has disproved the myth that you shouldn’t let the sun set on your anger. At the Love Lab, couples were interrupted in the middle of an argument and asked to read magazines for 30 minutes. When they resumed the conversation, they had physiologically calmed down, which allowed them to communicate rationally and respectfully. Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, taking a break when we feel ourselves getting overwhelmed during a fight has been helpful, even if that means sleeping on it.
PATIENCE, KINDNESS AND CONSIDERATION
A 40-year-old man visited his old father who could no longer see very well. As both of them sat in front of his house chatting, a dove flew in and perched on the window.
The old man asked his son, “Is that a dove that perched on the window?”
The son replied, “Yes, dad.”
After a short while, he asked the son the same question a second time and got the same answer.
THE LION INSIDE A MAN DOES NOT EAT WOMEN
At one time a newly married young man was shouting at his 20-year-old wife. His father called him inside and said to him, “We only shout at people our threats can give fear but not the same to a woman especially the one you call your wife. The way you are shouting, you are giving away your power and she is the one you are giving it to. Your threats make her stronger.”
Most men believe that a woman is subdued when she is being threatened, but that’s a lie. Nothing is further from the truth!
Let us not be blind and still feel we have our eyes wide open. Why is it that the moment a man starts having sex, even with a 15-year-old little girl, his partner stops fearing him? If she was used to running away to hide when she saw him before then, that would stop. I will tell you something about women we have never believed.
HOW TO FORGIVE SOMEONE: 15 POSITIVE WAYS TO UNBURDEN YOUR MIND
Dr. Carol Morgan
We’ve all been there… someone did something bad to us, and we’re mad. Steaming mad! But here’s how to forgive someone who has hurt you.
For some reason, forgiveness seems to be one of the most difficult things for a human being to do. It’s almost like people think that if they hold on to the resentment and dwell in the negativity, that somehow it will undo the past. Well, let me tell you what you already know… it won’t. If you really want to hold on to your sanity, you need to know how to forgive someone.
As Buddha once said, “Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” While that might sound ridiculous, think about it for a second. It’s true! What good does it do to hold on to the anger? You might think it’s doing some good like punishing the other person, but trust me, it’s not.
HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS WHO’VE HURT YOU AND WHY YOU SHOULD
Over the last few weeks we’ve talked about staying positive as a way of not only improving your relationship, but your overall life as well. There are many benefits to remaining positive, even when times get unbearably tough. If you haven’t already, it’d be a good idea to read a few of our last posts.
But there are times when it doesn’t matter how positive you stay, you’re going to get down. A lot of the times this can happen because someone close to you has harmed or hurt you. We don’t mean physically harm you here, that’s another topic altogether. But if you feel like you’ve been wronged by someone, it can be difficult to get back to that positive state of mind.
That’s where the importance of forgiveness comes in.
7 GUIDELINES TO HELP COUPLES MANAGE CONFLICT
Terms for engagement when addressing discord
When you form a romantic relationship, you do so with unique personalities shaped by your past. Based on previous relationships, each of you have developed ideas about how a loved one should respond to your needs, desires, and expectations.
When developing a bond, you also have well-established habits. This includes the way you manage anger when a partner appears to threaten or ignore your needs, desires, and expectations. It’s then not surprising that even the most loving relationships at times involves conflict and anger. This is especially challenging when one or both of you are prone to anger.
Sharing a commitment to value and work on preserving the relationship is key for constructively managing conflict. This isn’t always easy to remember in the throes of discord. It can, at times, be extremely challenging to be respectful and attentive with both your needs and those of your partner. This is especially the case when they seem to conflict with each other. Such conflict most frequently occurs with regard to money, sex, work, parenting, and housework.
5 THINGS MEN SAY TO AN ANGRY WOMAN THAT MAKE HER ANGRIER
Don’t say you were never told.
It can take a lot to get a woman angry but when you do get her angry, it’s wise to carefully think about the next words that will be coming out of your mouth.
Since every woman will respond differently to what their man says when they are angry, maybe learning what not to say can help when in such a situation.
5 RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE
Paying attention is half the battle but you both need to do it.
I knew that my marriage was floundering but I didn’t know how to fix it. Fifteen years in, enough of what we’d once had was so eroded that there wasn’t any real way of retrieving it. I think both of us were just sick and tired of the arguing, the relationship, and each other.
Some years ago, a wise
therapist named Susan whose practice was mainly devoted to couples’ counseling
confided a sad truth as we talked about whether joint therapy
with my then-husband would work. She shook her head and then continued: “The reality is that it’s relatively rare that the counseling works because people wait too long. Therapy is usually seen as a last-ditch effort to salvage the marriage, and it’s not always agreed to in good faith
either. A husband or wife may simply accede because he or she wants to be seen as ‘having tried everything.’ By the time they book an appointment with me, the marriage has been failing for years. And it’s just too late. For those couples, my office is just a stop and a parking lot away from the divorce