18 Ways to Have High Self-Esteem and Start Winning at Life

18 WAYS TO HAVE HIGH SELF-ESTEEM AND START WINNING AT LIFE

Tiffany Grace Reyes

It’s normal to feel down once in a while, but constant negativity isn’t healthy. Use these tips to have high self-esteem and feel better about yourself.

Having low self-esteem can have a significant impact on virtually every aspect of your life, including your job, relationships, and your mental and physical health. However, the secret to have high self-esteem is not so hard to figure out.

High self-esteem comes from developing a positive self-worth and outlook. This is something you have to proactively build within yourself. There are many ways you can build your own self-esteem little by little. What’s important is that you stay consistent, but not beat yourself up for failing once in a while.

Tips to have high self-esteem

If you suffer from low self-esteem, try to make it a priority in your life to foster positive feelings about yourself. Starting with some of these tips for high self-esteem can be helpful.

#1 Have a vision. Form an image of yourself as the confident, self-assured person you want to be. Often, it all just starts with your mindset. If you believe you can be a confident person with high self-esteem, that’s exactly how you will begin to come off to others as well.

#2 Set realistic goals. It’s not enough that you have dreams and aspirations. You have to set realistic goals that you know you can achieve within a specified timeframe. Practice writing down clear and actionable goals for the day, and don’t forget to set long-term goals, too. This gives you a target to hit, and boy does it feel good when you can actually cross those items off of your list!

#3 Have a plan and follow through. Now that you have goals, the next step is to draw yourself a roadmap for how you will achieve those goals. Planning helps you keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. Otherwise, you may wander off, become sidetracked, or lose your motivation.

#4 Think about yourself in a positive light. Be positive about yourself and the world around you. Don’t dwell on the bad things that are happening or worry about the unpleasant things that could happen. Focus on the here and now and appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you lack.

#5 Appreciate yourself. If you want to have high self-esteem, make it a habit to give yourself that figurative pat on the back on a regular basis. Even spending just a few moments every day to appreciate yourself can make a huge difference to your mood and to your self-esteem. Think about the people you’ve helped that day, what you’ve accomplished, and the other things that you can thank yourself for.

#6 Silence your inner critic. That voice inside your head that says you’re not good enough can be loud and persistent at times, especially for those who have low self-esteem. Guess what—you don’t need that in your life. Stop putting yourself down, and if there’s one inner voice you should listen to, it’s that one that says, “You’re great and you can do great things!”

#7 Say no to comparisons. Avoid comparing yourself to others. You will always find someone who is better or worse than you, but it’s not a healthy habit for your self-esteem to constantly compare. Celebrate what makes you unique and just look straight ahead with your goals in mind.

#8 Perfection is a myth. Doing things well is highly commendable. However, try to avoid striving for perfection. It is an impossible goal to accomplish. Instead, if you want to have high self-esteem, focus on giving your best in every situation and every task. Also, celebrate your imperfections, as those are what make you unique.

#9 Exercise and be active. Exercise can do wonders to your body, mind, and self-esteem. It releases feel-good endorphins to your brain. Furthermore, it keeps you fit so you feel good about yourself inside and out.

#10 Everyone makes mistakes. Even with the best of intentions, people still make mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up whenever you commit them. Just learn from it and move on. If an apology is in order, be genuine, but don’t let anyone beat you up over mistakes that you take responsibility for.

#11 Focus on what you can change. Stop stressing over the things that you can’t control. Instead, focus on what you can change. Do your best to make your situation better, and believe in yourself and your capabilities.

#12 Make peace with what you can’t change. Now, as for the things that are beyond your control, it is best to make peace with them. There’s no use worrying about these things. Don’t waste your time and energy obsessing over anything that’s clearly beyond your control. Instead, focus your energy on making a positive impact in your life and the lives of others.

#13 Do things that you enjoy doing. Those who do the things that they love and enjoy are happier than those who just go through their days doing something they dislike. So if you’re given the choice, spend your time doing what you love to do.

#14 Do something you’re good at. It’s not enough that you’re doing what you love. You should also do something that you know you’re good at so you have a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. This reinforces your strengths and abilities because you can see for yourself that you are highly productive, your efforts are going somewhere, and you can see the results.

#15 Celebrate your triumphs, however small. All great things start from small beginnings and taking baby steps. So don’t be afraid if your triumphs don’t seem to make much of an impact. You are working your way towards your goal, and those little things can add up in no time.

#16 Help others. It’s always fulfilling to be of service to others. Being there for others, even just to brighten up their day with a sincere smile, is enough to put you in a good mood and make you stand a little taller. If nothing good is happening in your life, then be the good thing to happen to others.

#17 Be around supportive people. Birds of the same feather flock together. So if you want to keep your self-esteem up, be around those who have high self-esteem, too. Furthermore, be in the constant company of people who give you constructive criticism and support.

#18 Avoid those who put you down. Avoid negative people like the plague if you want to have high self-esteem. They are energy vampires who will also try to bring you down. Even the people with the highest, healthiest self-esteem can find themselves drained when around negative people.Self-esteem comes from self-determination and self-discipline. Mind your thoughts and interactions with others and the world around you. The more power you have over yourself to think the right thoughts and take the right steps, the more self-esteem you’ll have. And the higher self-esteem you have, the better the quality of life you will live.

5 Things to Do When Life Makes No Sense

5 THINGS TO DO WHEN LIFE MAKES NO SENSE

Randy Carlson

Joseph’s life, told in Genesis, is a reminder that life can be really tough and can make no sense at times. Yet, he chose to be intentional, and even had the insight to see that what his brothers had meant for evil and harm to him, God intended for good to save many people.

Joseph was dropped into the pit, taken into captivity, mistreated, wrongfully accused, put into prison, neglected and left there to die. He had every reason to think life made no sense. Joseph was intentional, even when life made no sense. When he was in prison, he was very intentional with his life. After many long and difficult opportunities, the tables turned and his brothers who had sold him into slavery came to him to ask for help.

With his brothers standing in front of him and fearful for their lives, Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?” (Note that powerful statement.) He said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” That’s Intentional Living!

This is the point when many people reject God because it just doesn’t make any sense. But Joseph was intentional in five ways that I think are important for us to consider.Don’t get stuck.

  • Don’t get stuck.

Joseph made the decision of how he was going to live his life. He chose to trust God in the pit, in front of Potiphar’s wife and while in jail. No matter what he faced, he refused to become stuck.

  • Honor your family, even if they don’t honor you.

His brothers kicked Joseph squarely in the teeth, and he honored them. He had every reason to follow the principles of boundaries. He could have said, “I’m putting boundaries in place, and you go starve where you are.” Yet, he opened his heart and his life and cared for them.

In our family relationships, it’s easy sometimes to write people off as the people who have hurt us. We need to have boundaries in place, but we need to still have a sense of honor, care and concern for people, including those who may have wronged us.

  • Forgive.

Forgiveness is hard to do when we’ve been in stuck moments in life where it’s easy for us to blame others for things that have happened. But Joseph was willing to truly forgive.

  • Accept there is a bigger plan at work in your life.

We often see life through little lenses, and if we study scripture, we can understand we are part of something much bigger. God loves us, but He has a plan in place that I’m a piece of and you’re a piece of. As we understand we are playing a part God has for us, that allows us to get above it, and not see everything through our own lens.

The Bible says, “For all things work together for good to those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Joseph had good things come out of this, because he was called according to God’s purpose. He was right in the place where God wanted him to be. Many times, bad things happen to us, because we have messed up.

When life makes no sense, you have to ask the question, “Does it make no sense because I put myself here, or does God have something bigger and better going on than I don’t quite understand? Am I in the middle of His purpose?” When we’re in the middle of God’s purpose, then life can start to make sense even when it does not on the outside.

  • Act.

Joseph not only forgave his brothers, but then he acted. He took care of his brothers and their families. That’s taking what we say we believe and acting on it every day.

Whatever you are going through, we love you and want the best for you. The decisions you make are going to make a difference. What you do next will impact what happens next. That’s why there is so much power in doing the next right one thing. I pray you will choose to be obedient to what scripture teaches and submit to the fact that God may have something going on that is bigger than you can imagine.

Practice Intentional Love

PRACTICE INTENTIONAL LOVE

Intentional Living

The world is in a race to the bottom. Living a Christian life is not easy. Those who are in the church, “Christian couples,” statistically are not all that much different than those outside the church when it comes to divorce and unfaithfulness. That’s a real indictment. We wonder why we are impotent in our church, in our faith and in our communities. But the truth is that many are just not living it. That’s why this intentional living message is so desperately needed in the Christian mind and heart today.

1 Corinthians 13 is often referred to as The Love Chapter, and it gives us a glimpse of what intentional love is from God’s perspective. Verses 2 and 3 say, And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

When you discover that negative feelings toward your spouse are building up… When you become disappointed with your spouse and their behavior… that’s the time to focus on intentional love. Intentional love figures out what will please Christ in each situation and then does that very thing.

Intentional Love says:

  • I’m not only going to think of my own interests but the interest of the other person.
  • I will be patient.
  • I choose to be kind and long-suffering.
  • I will practice all of the fruit of the spirit.
  • I’m determined to do the things that the scripture teaches me to do.
  • I will change my head, my heart and my hands.

Again, I said the Christian life isn’t easy. And choosing to respond with intentional love is difficult. Does that mean your spouse is going to change? Does it mean your marriage will be great and you’re never going to experience divorce? Not necessarily. Intentional love is not about trying to change your spouse. Your decision should be because that’s what the Bible teaches you to do, and it pleases Christ.

Wherever you are in your desire for a successful marriage, I pray you will practice intentional love.

Intentional ONE THING Challenge

If you could do ONE THING and know that it would make a significant, lasting, possibly life-changing difference in your life, would you do it? Dr. Carlson shares the power of ONE THING and why you should get started doing your ONE THING today.

Tell Us

How do you practice intentional love in your marriage? We’d love to hear your stories. Post your comments below.

10 Little Things You Should Start Making Time for Again

10 LITTLE THINGS YOU SHOULD START MAKING TIME FOR AGAIN

Angel Chernoff

This is a new day.  A new beginning.  And things will change.

This morning I was jogging along a nature path near my home when a woman I had just passed began screaming for help.  I turned around to see that her husband had fallen to the ground and appeared to be unconscious.  I ran over and checked his pulse.  He had one, but he was barely breathing.  The woman called 911 on her mobile phone while I performed CPR on her husband.  Somehow, miraculously, I got him in a more stabilized state before the paramedics arrived.  And although I have no idea how this couple’s story will end, I’m optimistically hopeful.

Now I’m sitting here reflecting on the whole incident, and especially on the words the woman repeated over and over through heavy tears as I was attending to her husband:  “It’s not his time.  Oh please, it’s not his time!”

Her words keep echoing in my mind, reminding me that life is fragile and fleeting, and that I need to start allocating my time properly again.  Life has been extremely busy lately, and certain things have fallen by the wayside.  But enough is enough!  It’s time to revive and resume the positive daily rituals that best serve my well-being and my relationships.  And I hope YOU will join me.

Think about it…

  1. It’s time to start taking better care of yourself again. – You are like a building with stained-glass windows.  You always shimmer and shine when the sun is out, but when darkness sets in your true magnificence is revealed only if there is light shining from within you.  It’s your duty, and yours alone, to keep your inner light shining bright.  So learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.  Loving yourself does not mean being selfish, or disregarding others.  Rather, it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart and mind—a guest worthy of extra care.  Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it.  Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.  That’s a great way to start.
  2. It’s time to start indulging in your passions and hobbies again.– Do fall in love, not always with a person, but with an aim, an ambition, a passion.  If you lost everything but your mind, heart and health, what would be your reason to wake up every morning with a smile?  There’s definitely a fire burning inside you.  It’s your job to find it and keep it lit.  As we grow older, with all of our responsibilities, our passions and hobbies often seem like an indulgence.  They shouldn’t be.  They should be a requirement.  Even if you can only dedicated 20 minutes a day to something you love, DO IT.  No excuses, no regrets.
  3. It’s time to start spreading joy again. – BE the change you want to see.  Love fearlessly and without limits.  No act of love or kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.  The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion, compassion, humor, generosity, and kindness, and using these tools to improve the lives of those around you.  Smile, and help others smile too.  If you don’t have the power or strength to write someone’s happiness, then try to help them remove their sadness instead.  And don’t let the numbers overwhelm you.  You can’t help everyone.  Focus on assisting one person at a time, and start with the one closest to you.
  4. It’s time to start up quality conversations with loved ones again. – Death is a real challenge.  It tells us not to waste time.  It tells us to make time right now to tell each other that we love each other.  It tells us to stop texting and tweeting every second and actually open the floodgates to real, long, heartfelt conversations with the people we love.  Relationships flourish when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other.  To be fully heard by someone, in raw form, and be adored anyhow, is what true love is.  Making time for these deep connections and conversations is worth it.  (Marc and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)
  5. It’s time to start listening to others (without judgment) again.– Be selective in your battles.  Let go a bit and just listen and smile.  Most of the time being peaceful and compassionate is far better than being right.  So keep in mind that wisdom is not just knowing when to stand up and speak, but when to sit down quietly and listen.  It’s about knowing that your ears will never get you in trouble, and will always give you a chance to learn something new.
  6. It’s time to start enjoying peaceful downtime again. – You deserve quiet moments away from the daily hustle, in which no problems are confronted, no solutions are explored, and no demands are being made of your time.  Schedule time every day to not be busy.  At least twice a day, withdraw yourself from the sources of stress that refuse to withdraw from you.  Do so for a few minutes and simply be and breathe.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.
  7. It’s time to start reading good books again. – Books are truly the perfect entertainment: no advertisements, no batteries, hours of delight and education, and no cost with a library card.  What you have to ask yourself is: Why not carry a book around for those inevitable gaps of wasteful waiting time—five minutes here and ten minutes there.  Bring that dead time back to life.  And remember, it is what you read and learn when you don’t have to that determines what you will be capable of when you have no other choice.
  8. It’s time to start cooking real, wholesome food again. – Your body is a temple.  You are what you eat.  So do not eat processed food, fast food, and all the filth the big processed food companies try to pass off as “healthy.”  Most foods that you don’t have to prepare manually statically cause sickness, cancer, and disease.  Do they taste good?  Sure.  It’s all well-seasoned, pre-packaged poison.  This is why so many people are sick—mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually—because of being hooked to the taste of poison, instead of being hooked on the truth and to real foods that heal and provide you with good health and wellness.  (Read Super Immunity.)
  9. It’s time to start allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes again. – The greatest mistake many of us make is living in constant fear that we will make one.  Life is just too short to berate yourself for making mistakes.  After all, mistakes in life are as certain as sunsets and detours.  So why exert energy avoiding the unavoidable?  The truth is you aren’t really free until you give yourself the freedom to make mistakes.  So liberate yourself!  Cut yourself some slack.  Shift your energy from protecting yourself from failure to squeezing more life out of every one of your days.
  10. It’s time to start celebrating the small victories of each day again. – Sure, not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day.  Notice these things and celebrate them.  Train your mind to see what’s right.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life heavily depends on the quality of your thoughts.

The floor is yours…

Truth be told, the most important decision you will ever make is what you do with the time that is given to you.  Let every day be a part of a dream you can touch.  Let every day contain love you can feel.  Let every day be a great example of a life truly lived.

Leave a comment below and let us know…

What do you need to start making time for again?

2 Things You Must Give Up to Move Forward Today

2 THINGS YOU MUST GIVE UP TO MOVE FORWARD TODAY

Angel Chernoff

Let me share a 60-second story and two important life lessons with you…

Recently, Marc and I received a thank you email from a Think Better, Live Better attendee named Kevin (we’re writing about him today with his consent). He said our conference helped him and his wife Laura maintain a positive, intentional mindset as they struggled and grew through one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Certain sections of his email nearly moved me to tears:

“As I mentioned to you at this year’s Think Better, Live Better conference, after injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with Laura’s parents, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of strep throat, I was stuck in a tragic mental and emotional rut for far too long. And I was sitting on the front porch feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when my old college buddy called me crying and said, ‘Mel-Mel-Mellisa, my baby girl just died in a car wreck.’ And suddenly I felt like the lucky one.”

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Don’t Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

DON’T BE AFRAID TO DO THESE 10 HARD THINGS FOR YOURSELF

Marc Chernoff

Don't Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
―Mae West

This morning a close neighborhood friend, Alison, passed away far too early.  While Angel and I have spent most of the day grieving, I’ve also spent this past hour thinking about the fact that our lives are often much shorter than we expect, and that we need to do some pretty darn hard things to maximize our very limited time.  Alison strongly believed in doing the hard yet necessary things in life—we talked about this topic on several occasions, and she never backed down from a challenge.  So today, I want to reflect on this with you.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you absolutely need to do hard things to be happy in the long run.  Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life.  They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty promises and one filled with more possibility and progress.

You know this is true, so…

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13 Down-to-Earth Ways to Express Your Love Without Words

how to express your love

13 DOWN-TO-EARTH WAYS TO EXPRESS YOUR LOVE WITHOUT WORDS

Paul Timothy Mangay

Saying “I love you” is a monumental step. But can you express it without saying it outright? Here are 13 ways to express your love without using words.

In this day and age, the profession of love has taken the form of a narcissistic attention-grabber. You might have seen at least one of the countless viral videos featuring flash mob wedding proposals, or elaborately-staged skits for some dude to confess his feelings for a girl he has liked since elementary school. Nowadays, it seems romanticism screams to be heard and will, at times, demand an audience to be appreciated.

Taking a different approach

While large gestures are considered sweet, because our standards for affection require leaving cheeks blushed and hearts racing, you don’t really need a film production company or a gang of agreeable buddies to make your love known.

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R is for Repair

R IS FOR REPAIR

Zach Brittle

Repair is easily my favorite concept in the entire Gottman encyclopedia. Typically, we think of repair in terms of what we have to do to a car or a washing machine or a botched haircut. As in, it’s broken, it needs repair. But in relational terms, repair is less about fixing what is broken and more about getting back on track.

What is a repair attempt?

Masters of relationships repair early and often. And they have lots of strategies for how to repair. Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” The reason I love the concept so much is because of that word “any.” It leaves a ton of room for creativity. And because every relationship is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can actually be a unique game that belongs to just the two of you.

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‘PANTS’ Rules

Image result for Picture of a lady's underwear

‘PANTS’ RULES

Please every parent and guardian should teach their children and wards, especially toddlers, very early about ‘PANTS’ rules. Times have changed and the world has become a very sick and pathetic place to live. There are many paedophiles and rapists out there. Be careful, and note that everyone is a suspect here.

We must prayerfully protect our children by arming them with the right information:

PANTS

P – Private parts are private. Nobody is permitted to touch them.

A – Always remember that your body is yours and yours only.

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Are You Meeting Your Child’s or Teen’s Most Crucial Need?

ARE YOU MEETING YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S MOST CRUCIAL NEED?

Jeffrey Bernstein

Love alone is not enough for raising an emotionally healthy child.

As a psychologist for the past 23 years I’ve worked with well over two thousand children, teens, and their parents. Parents usually contact me to help their child with defiant behavior, anxiety, depressionself-esteem issues, school struggles, substance abuseconcerns, amongst other struggles.

In all my years practicing, I’ve had very few children tell me that their parents do not lovethem. This is a very good thing, Most parents pride themselves, with good reason, that their children know that they feel deeply loved by them.

I value the concept of love and the treasure all that comes from giving and receiving love. I certainly love my own children very much. But when it comes to the complexities of parenting, love is not enough!

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