R IS FOR REPAIR
Repair is easily my favorite concept in the entire Gottman encyclopedia. Typically, we think of repair in terms of what we have to do to a car or a washing machine or a botched haircut. As in, it’s broken, it needs repair. But in relational terms, repair is less about fixing what is broken and more about getting back on track.
What is a repair attempt?
Masters of relationships repair early and often. And they have lots of strategies for how to repair. Gottman describes a repair attempt as “any statement or action — silly or otherwise — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.” The reason I love the concept so much is because of that word “any.” It leaves a ton of room for creativity. And because every relationship is different, finding the repair strategies that work for you can actually be a unique game that belongs to just the two of you.
Please every parent and guardian should teach their children and wards, especially toddlers, very early about ‘PANTS’ rules. Times have changed and the world has become a very sick and pathetic place to live. There are many paedophiles and rapists out there. Be careful, and note that everyone is a suspect here.
We must prayerfully protect our children by arming them with the right information:
P – Private parts are private. Nobody is permitted to touch them.
A – Always remember that your body is yours and yours only.
ARE YOU MEETING YOUR CHILD’S OR TEEN’S MOST CRUCIAL NEED?
Love alone is not enough for raising an emotionally healthy child.
As a psychologist for the past 23 years I’ve worked with well over two thousand children, teens, and their parents. Parents usually contact me to help their child with defiant behavior, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, school struggles, substance abuseconcerns, amongst other struggles.
In all my years practicing, I’ve had very few children tell me that their parents do not lovethem. This is a very good thing, Most parents pride themselves, with good reason, that their children know that they feel deeply loved by them.
I value the concept of love and the treasure all that comes from giving and receiving love. I certainly love my own children very much. But when it comes to the complexities of parenting, love is not enough!
10 QUESTIONS HAPPY COUPLES ARE CONSTANTLY ASKING ONE ANOTHER
Ah, relationship beginnings. The stream of non-stop texting, the late-night conversations that will make you starry-eyed even into the next morning. Then time passes, you get married, life gets crazy, and you fall into the rut of talking about who’s picking up the dry cleaning or what you’re having for dinner tonight. Your daily conversations went from loving talk to logistical talk.
Newlyweds vow that this will never be them. But too many couples become emotionally disconnected and they never saw it coming.
This doesn’t have to be your story. When I was writing my book, First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love, it became clear that couples who managed to feel connected did things differently. They were deliberate about maintaining and engaging real dialogue with each other (sorry, conversations about the dishwasher don’t count). Notably, their methods didn’t involve grand displays of affection or an inordinate amount of time. In fact, the little things often pack more punch than the few, infrequent grand gestures.
5 PIECES OF GARBAGE YOU SHOULD THROW OUT OF YOUR LIFE
We all have something that is smearing our view of life. Here are 5 pieces of garbage you need to stop hoarding.
It seems like everyone is in a race to be the best — the best parent, the best spouse, the best neighbor, the best PTA president. To become the best, people often lose sight of the things that really matter. Unfortunately, I’ve even seen this in my own life. As my husband worked toward a law degree, I pushed forward, day after day, trying my best to be a supportive wife — the best homemaker, the best mom, the best neighbor, etc. But I often found myself burned out and discouraged. At times, I just couldn’t do it.
This shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to become consumed by the need to be the best in every aspect of life, and neither should you. As I contemplated what I needed to change, I realized I was carrying garbage. I was holding on to habits and thoughts that were tearing me down. I needed to throw things out and never look back again.
10 HARD THINGS TO START DOING FOR YOURSELF
In 1911, two explorers, Amundsen and Scott, embarked on a race against each other to become the first known human being to set foot upon the southernmost point of Earth. It was the age of Antarctic exploration, as the South Pole represented one of the last uncharted areas in the world. Amundsen wished to plant the Norwegian flag there on behalf of his country, while Scott hoped to stake his claim for England.
The journey there and back from their base camps was about 1,400 miles, which is roughly equivalent to a round-trip hike from New York City to Chicago. Both men would be traveling the same exact distance on foot through extremely cold and harsh weather conditions. And both men were equally equipped with experience, supplies, and a supporting team of fellow explorers. But what wasn’t certain is how each of them would approach the inevitable challenges they faced on the road ahead.
As it turned out, Amundsen and Scott took entirely different approaches to the very same challenges.
10 SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE YOUR WIFE HAPPY
Show love to your wife every day. Love doesn’t mean five-star restaurants or tropical island getaways. It’s the simple things that matter most.
While dream vacations and life milestones are important, it’s the simple things you do that make your wife happy. Show love and respect to your bride every day, and remind her why you were the best choice she’s ever made. Here are 10 basic tips for showing every day love. Remember: Happy wife, happy life.
Introduce her with a compliment
Saying something like “I’d like you to meet my beautiful wife,” or “Here’s my better half” goes farther than you may realize. Publicly recognizing her as your cherished partner validates that you love her.
WHAT SUPPORTING YOUR SPOUSE LOOKS LIKE
One of our absolute favorite compliments that we’ve ever heard one spouse give to another comes from a story of a couple that had been married nearly 67 years. One evening when this couple was in their old age, they were sitting together and the wife leaned over to the husband and gently said, “You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”
What an incredible compliment! One that we’re all trying to live up to.
One of the most wonderful parts of being married is having a companion to share the experiences of life with. Having someone by your side to laugh with, cry with, and work with, who loves you for who you are… quirks and all! Having someone by your side who will cheer you on and push you to be your best self. Having someone by your side who you can share everything with without feeling judged. Having someone to hold you, love you, support you, and care for you. In short, one of the most wonderful parts of being married is having someone at your side who gives you wings to fly.
Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it!? Don’t we all want a spouse who gives us wings to fly?
DEAR SON, WHAT I WISH YOU KNEW ABOUT PORN
Many people believe pornography is harmless. But here are some important things one dad wishes his son knew.
You have your own smart phone, and you have access to the family computer, too. I realize you know how to use these devices more than I do. I also realize that if you want to know anything, it’s not hard for you just to Google it and find thousands of websites that will tell you about anything you want. But there are just some things that Google can’t tell you; like whether Stephanie in your second period really likes you or not. It also can’t tell you whether you should try out for the soccer team or the swim team.
Another thing that Google can’t tell you about is pornography. I realize in this information age that you have probably already seen pornography (or at least have had friends show you). I also realize that, despite my best efforts, I can’t shelter you from the Internet. And no matter how hard you try not to, you’ll probably come across pornography, anyway.